“You look like a ert for a second there.”

Hyukjae raised his gaze from Sungmin’s hips as he realized that he already stopped dancing and now talking to him. 

“I do not!” he defended, he sprawl over the floor; stretching his limbs. 

Sungmin rolled his eyes.

“I can see you from the mirror”, Sungmin stated with a matter-of-fact tone. He sat down beside Hyukjae, not missing his chance to kick Hyukjae’s waistㅡ earning a groan of pain from him.

“You’re even drooling.” Sungmin teased, he watches Hyukjae sat up quickly while rubbing his sides. He could see panic on his face as he wipes the corner of his mouth. 

After knowing that Sungmin was just messing up with him, he threw a glare towards his best friend.

"Abusive."

Sungmin smirked, “Idiot.”


Yes, best friend.  Someone you can argue with and insult without worrying about offending them.  Someone whose always available to listen to your issues in life. Someone who doesn’t always do everything you want to, but instead tries to construct you.  Someone who builds you up when you’re feeling down.  Someone who you can trust with your innermost secrets without judging you. Someone who you can find comfort that is just right for you.

And he found it in Sungmin.


-



There was nothing special about their first encounter. Hyukjae was busy practicing his new dance routine. His instructor mentioned something about a new kid that might be his new practice partner in dancing. Since he self proclaimed that he is the best dancer in the company, he wants to perfect his moves. He wants to impress the new kid.

And he didn’t fail.

That time, he felt like someone was watching him. As he finishes his last move, he took a glance at his right, towards the door. There, he saw a kid that seems like same age as him. He was staring at Hyukjaeㅡ he supposed, wide eyes and mouth forming an ‘o’. The kid was wearing a blue shirt and faded loose jeans, clothes that was a trend back then. 

With a smirk, Hyukjae walked to the corner of the practice room where the CD player rests and repeat the previous song; dancing to it again. 


They didn’t click immediately, contrary what everyone thought. They are total opposites, and everyone knows that opposites don’t match together. Hyukjae, from Sungmin’s point of view is a very sensitive yet jolly person. He laughs at the simplest things; He has a gummy smile that is brighter than the sun. He likes everyone, and wants to be everyone’s friend. He loves dancing like it’s his life. He often see him at 2 AM in the morning, practicing a routine that Sungmin think was already perfected by him, a hardworking person indeed. He is also a deep person; things people usually ignore matters to him. 

And Sungmin is Sungmin. 


He saw Hyukjae one morning at the emergency exit of the company.

Sungmin uses emergency exits instead of elevator, not that he likes it, but to keep him fit. 

Hyukjae was crouching on one corner, mumbling incoherent words. Sungmin think he looks like an idiot. To feed his curiosity, he lean at door as he watch Hyukjae with pure amusement.

Not too long, Hyukjae sat up and stomp his right foot; disappointment can be seen clearly on his face as he walks away. 

Sungmin just watched him. 

Looking back at Hyukjae’s previous spot, he saw a hamster and a piece of bread; big as his fist.

“Idiot.” He mumbled as he made his way towards the hamster.

He pat the hamster’s head, “Is he trying to choke you?” 

Not waiting for the responseㅡ not that he is waiting, he divided the bread into pieces and continued feeding it. 


-


“Ha! You’re stalking me!” Hyukjae exclaimed, goofy smile is evident on his face as he closes his eyes, reminiscing the 13 years worth of memories.

Sungmin flicked his forehead as he lay closer to the younger one, almost cuddling his side; ignoring Hyukjae’s last statement.

There is a comfortable silence for a moment.

“Remember when we officially became friends?” Hyukjae asked, breaking the silence. He smiled when the memories flooded.

Sungmin closes his eyes, “Is there such a thing as ‘official’ friends? Aren’t we supposed to feel it?”

“Did you?” 


-


“Ah Hyung! There you are!” 

Sungmin was leaning against the railings of the rooftop, enjoying the scenery of the city. The door to the rooftop opened, and Sungmin winced at the loud voice that interrupted the silence he was enjoying.  

Sungmin turned his head and see Hyukjae leaning against the door for support, shirt full of sweat and gasping for air.

“What?” Sungmin replied, rather coldly and he wants to smack himself because damn can’t you be a little nicer?

“There’s a vacant practice room in the second floor, and I’m here to ask if you want to practice with me?” Hyukjae replied nervously.

He turned his head again towards the scenery.

“Do you think… Do you think we will make it?” Sungmin asked back, ignoring Hyukjae’s offer.

The younger only gave him a funny look and Sungmin rolled his eyes, “Nevermind.”

Sungmin turned towards the door, walking, and passing Hyukjae. 

“I think we will...” 

Sungmin look at Hyukjae expectantly, waiting for a proper answer to his question.

The younger grinned, oh how Sungmin hates that grin, sometimes.

“…because we are awesome.”

Sungmin resist himself from smacking the hell out of that boy.

“Idiot.”


Years of hardwork, the company announced that they will debut two groups soon. One of the groups includes Sungmin and Hyukjae together with another trainee (which is Hyukjae’s close friend), Junsu.

The announcement motivated them to not twice, but thrice harder. They dance until they can’t feel their bodies anymore, they sing until they feel like their throats will rip open. That is until the company decided to pull out Junsu from their group and transfer him to the other group that will debut soon. The group created for the three of them dissolves like it never existed. 

Hyukjae is an optimistic person. A believer. He was hurt, he cried. But after that, he start training again, fixing his flawsㅡ hoping he’ll get another chance.

But Sungmin is not Hyukjae.

Sungmin can’t take rejections ㅡ he can’t accept the fact that the chance he has slipped from his grasps. Therefore, he stopped attending practices and focused on his studies instead. Something that his parents wants. He pretty much accepted the fact that this is it, stop living in a dream that will never be a reality.

Until weeks later, Hyukjae showed up on his doorstep. He was wearing a goofy smile againㅡ if it wasn’t for the situation, Sungmin will find very attractive.

Sungmin narrowed his eyes, “What are you doing here?”

Putting his hands on his pocket, Hyukjae walked slowly closer to Sungmin. Making sure not to step in his personal space. “I miss you.” Hyukjae glanced nervously to Sungmin before he continue, “Practice room seems so empty without you.”

Sungmin snorts and rolled his eyes. Hyukjae is being ridiculous. 

Because for Sungmin, he is as good as a wall. You won’t even feel his presence in a room without searching for it. 

But.

For Hyukjae, Sungmin isn’t like that.

According to Hyukjae’s point of view, Sungmin is a ray of sunshine despite of his personality. He doesn’t have friends, not because he doesn’t like people, but because he’s afraid that they would hurt him. There is just one thing that Hyukjae knows about Sungmin. He’s not fakeㅡ he hates fake people. 


“I would rather be alone than be with bunch of people who aren’t true to themselves. “ Sungmin said one night when Hyukjae asked him if he is an anti-social or has a social anxiety disorder. Hyukjae only look at him weirdly and before he could say something, Sungmin gathered his stuffsㅡ prepared to leave. Taking a one last glance to Hyukjae, “How can they be real to other people if they’re lying to themselves?”


“Yeah keep talking, like I would believe that.” Sungmin retorted, leaning on the door frame and crossing his arms against his chest.

Hyukjae stops for awhile. 

The goofy smile was replaced by all seriousness and sweat and twiddling of thumbs.

Hesitation can be seen. 

And Sungmin is not stupid not to see it.

Sungmin rolled his eyes, “If you’re planning to persuade me to go back on that smelly practice room again then you’re just wasting your time.”

Sungmin turned his heels and was about to close the door.

But Hyukjae was fast. Oh the advantages of being skinny as . He was able to slip half of his body on the small gap of the door.

“What theㅡ”

“Hyung, please.” Hyukjae pleaded, Cutting; blocking inappropriate words coming out from Sungmin’s mouth. 

Sungmin was about to say a hateful come back but was able to stop himself when he saw tears on the younger one’s eyes. 

No. He can’t be a softy right now.

“Damn it, Hyukjae!” He look at Sungmin with wide eyes, shocked at his choices of words. He heard itㅡ disappointment, betrayal, and pain in his words. 

Sungmin continues as the tears starting to build in his eyes, “I am not going to make it. Iㅡ I’m not as great as everyone else. I can’t dance like you, I can’t sing like them!” Sungmin felt his throat tightens in every word. 

“I can’tㅡ” he stopped as he feel Hyukjae’s arms around him. He can feel the younger’s body shakes and he can feel his shirt getting wet from Hyukjae’s tears.

“You are talented Hyung! You can do things that normal people can’t! Youㅡ You’re special! Believe me, we can make it as long as we are together. We are in this together right?”Hyukjae’s arms tighten around him. Sungmin closed his eyes, trying very hard not to reciprocate the hug. 

With a sigh, he detached himself from the hug and push Hyukjae slowly.

“I don’t know, Hyukjae. I don’t know.” 

He want to make himself believe that he didn’t see the broken hearted face of the younger before closing the door.


-


“But you came back right.”

“You have this kind of power to make people guilty with that looks of yours.”

Hyukjae laughed, head throwing back and Sungmin smiled at the sound of his laughter.


-


It’s true though.

After that day, that last image of Hyukjae hunted him for days. He tried to ignore the pang of guilt he felt inside but he can’t, he just can’t. Whenever he closes his eyes, that image kept coming back. It feels like he just killed someone.

Hyukjae died a little bit. He lost his focus and stopped hanging out with his co-trainees. He never felt like this before, a feeling of lonesomenessㅡ it’s foreign to him. 

“Lee Hyukjae! Focus!” his instructor yelled for the nth time, getting frustrated at Hyukjae’s actions. He kept doing the wrong steps and his body became so much stiff. Something that Hyukjae never does.

Step forward and turn.

Hyukjae stumbled.

The instructor shakes his head and stopped the music, at the same time, Hyukjae stopped on his tracks and stares at his instructorㅡ panting.

“Call me when you already know how to take this seriously.” With that, his instructor left the room.

Hyukjae groaned in frustration and stared and glared at his reflection on the mirror. 


“Just when I thought you’re the best dancer I’ve ever seen.”


Hyukjae’s eyes widened. He look at the reflection of the door through the mirror and there, Sungmin was leaning on the door; an arrogant smirk dancing on his lips.