Curse of Fate

Amidst the dark, cobblestones of the street, a young, handsome man strode through the otherwise silent afternoon, rain just beginning to fall from the grey, overcast sky. Slowly looking up, he reached for the rainbow umbrella he always carried with him, in accordance to the fact that the weather here could change in an instant.

The gentle thud of glistening raindrops resonated on the colourful fabric of his umbrella. Far away, further than the seven seas, someone would be waiting for him-to take the first step on an endless journey through the deep confines of his mind, for him to brave his fears and dive into an ocean of uncertainty. The umbrella grew heavy in his hand, slowly slipping from his slack grasp and landing with a dull thud on the rain-drenched ground, shutting itself with a final definitive snap. A sudden quick intake of breath and then….

Nothingness. A lonesome dark void of gloominess. Silence except for the hushed whisperings of discordant voices. Empty, except for a single door just barely discernible out across the sea of shadows. Hazy fog blew cooling mist on his bare feet. With slow hesitant steps, he pushed open the heavy cast iron door and stepped through.

And so the journey went on. The family and friends were heart-broken; the loss of their most cherished friend ran deep into their hearts. But none were as devastated as Choi Sulli, often regarded as his closest confident. She had often listened as he had ranted on and on about the unfairness of the cruel world. She had been there when he had first had his heart-broken by a merciless female. She had always been at his side, even when she herself was in difficult situations. In a way, they had been the perfect pair, working to support each other in times of need. However, Sulli had kept one devastating secret to herself all these years.
 

She had loved him. All her actions were for his wellbeing, but he had been too blind to see it. Even while he had just had his heartbroken by his childhood sweet heart, she had always been there to support him. But all the while, it seemed that he had only viewed her as a close friend, nothing more. Perhaps fate had never wished for them to be together.

However, she had believed the contrary; that their future together was written in the stars. Maybe, that was why when news had come of his death, she had refused to believe it. Refused to accept the fact that her fantasy had been destroyed. Contemplating what had actually gone wrong, Sulli sought refuge in her memories, the sunlit days which were filled with happiness. Enjoying those warm summer days with all her friends beside her and hearing his loud booming voice, which rolled across the waves of the sea, like thunder.

She had no memory of ever making the short journey to their childhood escape, a secluded corner of a cliff overlooking the stormy water of the sea. Looking out across the setting sun and the marvellous array of pink and orange rays which spread out across the horizon like a spilled glass of juice, she wished that he had been here to share the moment with her. Thinking about their possible future together and all the things that they could have done together, she realised her stupidity and naivety. What if she had said something earlier? What if she had not taken everything for granted? What if all he had been waiting for was her to say something? These questions and more swam through her grief-stricken mind, intruding on all other thoughts.

Perhaps, he had thought of her in the same way that she had. Maybe they could have had time together as more than friends. Why was life so unfair? Reflecting on the all the conversations they had had together, one in particular stood out in her memory. She had just finished her extra-curricular course exploring the possibilities of the future, dystopias and utopias. (Ironically, her secret definition of a dystopia had been a future without him) Recalling the exact words which he had spoken, she sighed at their truthfulness. “It is human nature. Why is it that there is no such thing as a Utopia, where everything is perfect? Simply because we, as humans, would not allow it.”

With the sky darkening, she decided that there was no hope left for her in the world. Steeling herself and taking a deep breath, she slowly stood up and made her way to the edge. Taking her final look at the world through her wet eyes, she took a breath and prepared to jump onto the foaming teeth of the rocks below.

Waking up with cool linen sheets wrapped around her fragile body, Sulli glanced at the whitewashed walls of the ward. It was empty and looked as if all the colour in the ward had been out with a vacuum, leaving only the divides between her and the next patient. With no memory of what had happened after she had tried to jump, she settled for trying to escape from the sheets which seemed to be suffocating her. She soon found that the merest movement sent sharp jolts of pain coursing through every cell of her being. She had no idea how long she had been there for and for how long she would still have to stay there. She could have lain there for hours, or minutes, or even days, but there was no way she could tell. She had no appetite to stomach anything, even the sight of the jug of water on her bedside table made her feel sick.

Eternity seemed to have passed before anyone decided to come visit her. When the door was pulled open, scraping against the hard tiled floor, she had not seen another human for so long; even a doctor would be welcome company. And tears flowed like rain from her hazel eyes as she was told that she would forever be scarred on her long legs. Her legs had been severely cut by the sharp rocks as she had plunged into the icy water. Short of amputation, doctors had no choice but to keep the scars there, like horrific battle scars that had cost so much to receive.

She had never wanted to sustain a lasting injury to any part of her body, but fate seemed to have turned against her these past few days. She needed to forget. Forget the destruction that cancer had brought to not only his life, but hers as well.

The funeral only brought more heartbreak. Having just being released from the hospital ward, she was deemed unfit to walk, however with some protesting, she was allowed to walk with assistance. But upon being told the finer details of his death, she again succumbed to grief. The umbrella that had lain next to his body was one that she had given him just the past year.

After spending another few days in the hospital, she had decided to slowly build back the foundations of her fallen life. A few years had passed since then. Every so often, Sulli would run her fingers along the raised edge of the ugly scars that ran from her calf down to her foot and remember the heartbreak that she had felt. 

She had found a new home in a different city. The memories were too painful to even remain in the same place where they had been created. Also, she had started a new university course. With respect to her past life before she had moved, she decided to take up psychology, instead of continuing with science and medicine, in the hopes that she might be able to use her experiences for good, and to help people who had the misfortune to have a similar issue in their lives.

Oftentimes, there were occasions when she had to excuse herself from the class before emotions got the better of her and she nearly broke down in front of the class. One such instance was the class where they were discussing depression and why people would possibly turn suicidal. As much as she had tried to distance herself from her unfortunate past, this was one time when the edges blurred around what she wanted to forget and what memories the course was making her relive.

However, these distractions aside, she went on to become one of the most influential psychologists in the country, often giving talks to those who were not the people who they once were. Even though she employed many methods of bringing these people back to their past happiness, there were only ever two occasions where she divulged her experiences from her past, effectively shocking the audience with the heartfelt emotion she brought to her every lecture.    

As difficult as it seemed, she finally found someone she could be happy with. Someone who understood her more than she understood herself; someone she could spend the rest of her life with.

But he would always be in her heart, the one who fate had cruelly stolen from her life, before she had even a chance to explain what she felt.