“Go be with your boyfriend, I’m sure he wants to see you,” N tells me with a smirk on his pink tinted lips.

“Yeah, yeah… I will,” I respond with.

I turn away from him as he pats my hair, groaning in protest as I swing the door open to Taekwoon’s office. He looks me over and greets me with a smirk before pressing his pen against his lips.

I pull the door closed to give us some privacy, hoping Ken wouldn’t come barging in at any point soon. When I make it across his office, I plant myself behind him and before he has the time to turn around, I wrap my arms around him, burying my face into his back.

I feel oddly comforted by his presence, and part of me hopes we won’t have to talk about my ‘meltdown’ earlier but I know I have to be honest with him… even though it was still new to me.

He doesn’t stiffen at my touch but only lifts his arms in surprise, turn his head half way round to stare at me.

“What’s up?” he asks with sincerity, “How was training?”

I feel water prickle at my eyes but I fight it off as I smirk in response.

“Hand to hand was alright… Generally, everything was alright.”

I pause, hoping he picks up on the hint to inquire further into the subject. Our eyes meet and he pauses, puffing his cheeks the exhale a long breath. He lays his hands on top of mine before continuing in a soft voice.

“Generally…?”

I decide that letting myself ramble is the best option at this point, making sure to sum up the entire situation so he could understand.

“Well… I might have had a bit of an emotional breakdown and decided the safety of a table was the best option for me and both N and Ken just happened to see it too.”

His eyes widen at my words, “Why?”

“There was a gun-”

His brows furrow slightly and he grunts in what seems like frustration.

“Why was there a gun? You guys were only supposed to work on hand-to-hand combat.”

I shrug, “He wanted to show me some weapons… So I fired it, but then it ended up on the floor because I couldn’t get something out of my head.”

I feel my heart begin to race as he finally forces himself around to face me, grabbing my face between his hands to make sure I was looking at him.

This is what was hard… I’m scared of getting too close.

“What is that?”

I try to pull my face away from him but struggle against his strong, yet soft touch.

“Taylor… What is it?”

I see the worry in his eyes and do my best to avert his gaze as I continue speaking.

“I kept thinking of it… The day those soldiers came. The sound of guns… Holding it. It was just too much for me, I guess.”

I feel nerves churn my stomach and I let my eyes close, rather than staying connected with his.

“But I need to get over it-”

He pinches my cheeks softly and I open my eyes to look at him as he stares down at me in protest.

“You don’t have to bury it… don’t pretend its fine when it’s not.”

I sigh, my lips pursing in disappointment as I nod in response.

“I just think it’ll take a while to move past it… Honestly, I’m not sure if guns are ever going to be my forte,” I confess, smirking sadly.

He nods in understanding but there is a strange expression that seems to cross his handsome features.

“I never used to like them either, but after sometime I got used to them and now they’re kind of my go to weapon of choice.”

I raise my eyebrows, feeling awkward at my words. I chuckle a bit, hoping he doesn’t think I’m insulting them.

“Well, this is awkward.”

He smirks at me and gives a nod, following my slightly elated emotion.

“Well, just keep up with training and maybe you’ll get used to it. Maybe you just need someone else to train you,” he tells me, the smirk still on his face.

I nod, agreeing with his words and as I try to think of someone I trust I immediately have a familiar face pop into mind.

“Like Daehyun?” I ask with a cat like smile, “Because he was really skilled at a lot of different things.”

His face freezes and he slowly pulls his hands from my cheeks, dropping them to my forearms and squeezing them in an almost awkward way.

I tilt my head to the side curiously, trying to read the stone like expression on his face.

“Not at deflecting a punch,” he seethes.

I arch my eyebrows at his words, understanding that he was now angry and as he continues to pull his hands away from me I try to retort with my honest opinion on the situation.

“In all honesty, that wasn’t exactly fair.”

I know it comes across as rude, but part of me feels the need to stick up for him since he wasn’t here to do so himself.

I hear Taekwoon half grunt and sigh, “You should go eat.”

I part my lips to ask if he’s coming but he’s quickly turning round to face the papers that lay on the table and a pang of pain makes its way through my being. I pull my hands away from him and cross my arms over my chest, looking over his broad shoulders as we stand in silence for a moment.

“I’ll come to your room later,” I mumble between tight lips.

“Don’t bother… I have a lot of work to do, so I’m just going to stay in here tonight. Get some rest after you eat.”

There’s finality to his words… No options or bargaining and I feel a great deal of pain as I try to think of something to say, although I feel ultimately lost as I nod.

“Okay… I’ll be in my room later then, just in case.”

He nods at my answer and I find myself leaving his office very quickly, tears stinging my eyes as I trudge through the doorway.

How am I supposed to know it’s not even okay to mention him…? How was it even possible when I still wanted to be good friends with him?

I sniffle once before moving up the stairs, quietly making my way to the dining hall where I would have to pretend the day actually went well.

… I really know how to screw things up, don’t I?

I shake my head in disappointment before sauntering into the room that is crowded with various people. I can’t help it when I put minimal amounts of food on my plate, only taking a cup of water with me to a seat across from Hyuk who was seated next to Ravi.

I let my fork drag across my food and blend in with the chatty people at the table and try to think through the situation I was in.

Was that what he wanted? He wants me to ignore him? But how am I supposed to ignore someone I care about… especially when I had slept with them.

I know Daehyun is important to me, and so is Taekwoon… and I couldn’t see myself just not speaking to either of them.

“Taylor?” a masculine voice asks, “Are you going to eat that?”

I blink in surprise before glancing at the food on my plate, shaking my head in response.

“I guess I’m not all that hungry today,” I tell Hyuk, pushing the plate to him and encouraging him to eat my leftovers.

Ravi stares at me with an almost frustrated expression before I stand up from the table and make my way from the room.

As I come through the doorway, N is surprised when he bumps into me.

I give him a half smile before trying to turn away to my room, yet Ravi calls my name to halt my footstep’s.

They both stare at me, N taking on that of concerned expression before nodding Ravi off who comes forward.

“Taylor, you need to eat, especially since you started training,” is the first thing Ravi says when he comes to stand beside me.

I sigh through tight lips and cross my arms, my eyes falling up at him from underneath my hair.

“I’m just not in the mood for eating, okay?”

He parts his lips before speaking, “What’s wrong?”

I don’t know how to express my worries and concerns… Surely Ravi doesn’t want to know of my escapades and love problems.

“Just Taekwoon… but I’ll deal. Go back to what you were doing.”

I turn away but his hand is quick to land on my shoulder and halt my movement.

“Actually, I need a favour… Can I sleep in your room tonight?” Ravi asks quietly.

I furrow my brows before answering, “I guess so… but why?”

“N… N needs the room for the night.”

“Why?”

“He’s busy.”

I shrug my shoulders, “With what?”

Ravi’s cheeks redden and his words are quietly whispered under his breath, “More like with who…”

My mouth opens in disgust about hearing my older brother ing in a room a few doors away from mine. Yet, who am I to judge considering my own situation…

“Yeah, sure,” I let him know, turning round to stalk to my room.

I hear his footsteps behind me and as I turn the door handle of my room he breathes an awkward sigh.

“What is it, Ravi?” I ask with a small smile.

“Well, am I going to be kicked out if Leo comes?”

I freeze, my skin having goose bumps suddenly crawling over them as I eye him.

“I doubt it.”

I frown and as Ravi closes the door, I find myself flopping onto the bottom bunk of the bed.

“Okay, so what’s bothering you?”

He seats himself on the stool beside my bed and his hands find themselves behind his head as he leans backward and waits for my story on what’s troubling me.

“I…” I breathe, not knowing what to say to someone who I considered family as I thought about both Daehyun and Taekwoon.

I’ll just leave out some of the details…

“Come on little one, what’s on your mind?” Ravi insists.

“Taekwoon… Leo, he’s mad at me and I don’t know what to do to change it.”

Ravi sighs, “There has to be more to it than that. He doesn’t exactly stay mad for absolutely no reason.”

My eyes bore into the bunk above me and I can’t help but smile to myself as I think about the dark haired boy who I couldn’t make my mind up about entirely.

“There is-“

“Okay, so what would that be?” Ravi further enquires.

“It’s just that… Taekwoon,” I stumble on my words before finally confessing, “He doesn’t like Daehyun. Well, I shouldn’t say that – he doesn’t like me being around him, and all I did was say I would like to train with him because he’s my friend and I trust him wholeheartedly.”

I tilt my head and let my eyes land on him as I wait for him to respond.

“There’s definitely a reason for him to be pissed… Hell, I’m surprised he hasn’t killed the kid yet.”

I grimace at his words, “I don’t want Daehyun to get hurt.”

Ravi lets his eyes roll slightly before his brow quirks up in surprise.

“Taylor, it’s pretty obvious that that kid has a thing for you so you can understand why Leo is angry and trying to be possessive, especially when you suggest training with him.”

I pull my eyes away from him and stare into the same spot from before.

“Ravi, I care about him and I want to be around him… Of course Taekwoon is important to me. But Daehyun-”

Ravi interrupts me.

“Taylor, just spend your time with Leo. That kid has a death wish for even trying.”

I start to become angry as Ravi mumbles under his breath about him and I can’t help myself when I speak up.

“Well, I can’t help it. ‘That kid’ is important to me, especially since we spent that time together in Central City. I can’t just ignore him. And why don’t you use his real name, instead of just brushing him off.”

“I don’t like the fact he’s trying so hard when it’s obvious you like Leo, who I also care about. Taylor-”

I interrupt him this time as I shoot up in my spot on the bed, furrowing my brow as I stare at him.

“I can’t just forget him nor do I want to. He was my first time and I want to remember that with a smile, not a grimace.”

I part my lips as the room becomes eerily quiet at my words and my expression softens while the other person in the room takes on one of gloom.

“Your first time for what?” he seethes.

I glance down before pushing a few strands of hair behind my ear, my skin becoming hot as I try to answer his question.

I try to convince myself to just walk away from the conversation but if I care about the young man in question, shouldn’t I be able to defend him, even if we weren’t in a relationship?

“My first time having . It was with Daehyun while we were in Central City.”

“Does Leo know?”

I sigh, “He knows something happened… he just doesn’t know what exactly.”

“No wonder he’s pissed… Do you like him?”

“Yeah, he’s my friend. I-”

“No, Taylor, do you like him?”

Ravi has brought his hands from behind his head and crossed them over his chest and instead of gloom and frustration, he seems concerned.

I want to say no, but part of me feel’s angry if I were to answer that way.

“I don’t know,” I confess, trying my best to answer the question.

Ravi sighs, “Well, maybe you should think about that before you and Leo move anymore forward in your relationship.”

He stands up and pats the top of my head giving me an ‘older brother’ look before pulling himself onto the top bunk.

I fall backwards onto the bed as Ravi tells me goodnight, and as I try to sleep, my mind becomes fuzzy with both images of Taekwoon and Daehyun.

What have I gotten myself into?