*Flashback*

The guy with the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.. the guy that I love.. his lifeless body is laying inside of this coffin that my trembling knees lean aginst. I grabbed his hand. The hands that were once warm.. and soft.. the hands that use to hold mine are now cold. The stiffness of them sent waves of chills crashing into every single part of me. I kneeled against his coffin clenching the other half of the girly necklace we both share, my fingers moving over the ‘friends’ engraved in it. I ran my hand through his black hair my attention focused on the necklace around his neck, my eyes traced over the ‘best’ one last time. I kept thinking about how much you deserved to live.. I kept thinking about how I wish it was me instead of you. My hand remained where it was was. His hands were cold.. but I thought.. I thought if I held them long enough maybe I could feel the warmth of them again.. but I.. I never did.

-End of flashback-

My eyes shot open and my body gasped for air. My entangled body was drenched in sweat. Yesterday.. I thought I wasn’t going to see you.. but like usual.. you invaded my dreams..you always know the second my mind starts to drift from you.. because.. because you always make sure it doesn’t.

My body was aching as it felt the familiar anxiety corsing through it. The sweat that dripped into the cuts along my wrist stung and the pinkish flesh around them began to swell. The pain made me hiss slightly as I slowly moved my finger over the cuts, tracing the outline of them. You thought they were pretty.. you thought the carvings on your flesh looked pretty and you use to admire them.. but when I look at them.. they just ing disgust me.

I swallowed two pills and laid my head back against the pillow. Shutting my eyes, waiting to feel the calming essence of the capsules as they dissolve in my body. I smirked once I felt the familiar warmth inside my stomach and I slowly sat up. I heard the loud noise of my phones vibrations against the table and I looked over. My eyes looked at the name displayed on the screen and my hand quickly hovered over the key pad. I opened the message,

“annyeong! eat something good for breakfast, arasso?^^”

Dongwoo.. my only friend..

I smiled slightly. I still don’t know why you continue to talk to me Dongwoo.. I wonder if you know how happy it makes me? I wonder.. if you know.. about everything. My wobbly legs slowly stood me up and I slowly changed. The fabric of the shirt as it lightly brushed against my swollen skin sent a stinging tingle shooting up my arm. It was a pain that made me hiss even though I was all to familiar with it. I walked down to the kitchen. I didn’t really eat so I didn’t really have anything to make. I opened the fridge and my eyes scanned over my options, there is milk, grapes, more milk, chicken, kimchi, more milk.. why do I have so much milk? I sighed as I grabbed one of the containers of milk. I reached my hand above to one of the cabinets above the counter and grabbed a box of cereal.

***

The same stretched hallways. The same beige tile layering the floors. The same damn faces glaring at me. The same person haunting me. Today I took a different way to avoid the staircase. It was longer, but I didn’t want to be played with by your illusion, I couldn’t bare it. When I walked into class Dongwoo was already there. He was talking to that guy who once had a football. I don’t know his name, I don’t know any of their names.. but they all knew mine. I lowered my head, I didn’t want him to notice me because I didn’t want to bother him.. but my body ran into a desk and the guy looked up from his and Dongwoos conversation. He frowned at me, Dongwoo noticed his reaction and turned his head, “Hoya Hyung! annyeong!” The guy that was once talking to Dongwoo turned his body away and remained quiet while Dongwoo faced me with same smile. Your not embarrassed by me? I still don’t understand.. why you treat me like everyone else. I smiled slightly, I felt bad as that guy gave Dongwoo the cold shoulder when I came around. I thought it would bother Dongwoo.. but his expression never changes.. it’s always the same smile.. followed by the same laugh.

***

Dongwoo and I walked into the loud cafeteria. There was a small group of people glaring at me. They pointed at me and laughed, one of them was looking at me up and down before yelling things at me. They were the usual words that I get spitted on me, ‘freak’, ‘I should die’, ‘ugly’.. all of those words were carved within me. I ate them, every single word.. I was forced to.. and now my body is used to it.

Dongwoo looked over at them and back at me, and before I can say something I felt a tug on my sweater and Dongwoo grabbed my wrist as he pulled me out of the cafeteria. “kaja!” he said as he looked behind his shoulder over at me. His foot steps started to quicken and then after awhile we were both running.. running down the hall and running out of the entrance doors. His hand tightened around my wrist and I bit my lip as his fingers squeezed the swelling on my skin. My mind didn’t even register the pain, it only focused on the smile forming on my face as we ran. We ran far enough that the school looked like a small spec in the far distance.. and I smiled at the spec.. I smiled because it was as if he knew.. I smiled because it was as if I leaving my memories of him in that small spec far off in the distance. We ran until we found a bus stop. Dongwoo released his grasp and sunk his body onto the bench. We were both panting and out of breath but we were both laughing.

“Ahh,” he said as he leaned his head back, “Hoya-ssi.. have you ever.. just wanted to run away?”

Even though he still had a smile on his face his expression was a little more serious. It was the first time I have ever seen him like that. I wonder is it because of me? Am I becoming a burden? is he growing embarrassed of me?

Have I ever wanted to run away? I have nowhere to run to. I’ve lived long enough in my head that I’m now trapped. No matter if I run, I end up in the same spot. Running is useless for me.. especially since I’m.. running from myself...

I didn’t say anything, I just nodded my head. I heard the sound of the buses loud muffled engine as it approached and Dongwoo stood up. I followed him as he walked to the very back of the bus. He melted his body next to mine in the seat. I looked out the window as I talked, “Where are we going?” “I don’t know.” He said before bursting his laugh. I smiled as i continued to stare out the window.

***

-Dongwoos POV~

Hearing those names getting thrown at him.. I wanted to do something, but I didn’t know what to do. On the outside, his stance remained still as if.. it had no effect on him.. but looking at his eyes I can feel every emotion he was feeling and I had to do something.. so I did the only thing I thought of doing.. I don’t know if it was the right thing to do.. but I just didn’t want him to.. to endure that.

He hides his emotions well on the exterior.. but what he feels internally.. leaks out of his eyes. I feel like.. he doesn’t know how to act anymore.. about people.. and around himself.. I feel like he probably hasn’t had to think how to act around anyone for awhile so he forgot how.. and when he tries he gets a little goofy and awkward.. and that goofy, nervous and awkward side.. that’s him. That’s the side of him.. that I like so much..

He’s starting to talk more.. but when he is silent.. I wonder what he thinks about. I wonder all that he has endured. I wonder what pain he has hidden inside of him.

***

Hoyas POV~

Cheongjun.. The more time I spend with him.. the more it feels like you are beside me. I start to get happy because when he laughs.. I could hear your beautiful haunting laughter.. this feeling is bitter sweet.. Cheongjun.. will you ever forgive me?

I felt a slight pressure against my shoulder and I looked down only to see Dongwoo leaning his head against me. “Ah This is fun!” I nod my head, “I didn’t know it could feel this good.. not knowing where you’re going..” Dongwoo looked up at me when I said this. He looked around before looking back at me, “sometimes.. going with no destination.. is the most fun.” I wonder what is lying ahead for me.. For so long I’ve been imprisoned, only thinking of my past.. until you came.. Dongwoo.. now I am suddenly.. suddenly wanting to think of the future.

"Dongwoo-ssi.." My voice was low and sounded a little offbeat, I tried my hardest to match each tone as I continued, "Why do you.. talk to me?"  I feel like the question sounded blurted out.. I thought he would get some what offended by the question.. but his expression never faded as he continued looking up at me, "because I  like you."

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hoping it was okay, hoping you enjoyed this chapter. :3