I had cancer, I couldn’t help that I had it; it ran in my family.  I had a fiancé, called Jiyong that was supportive...sometimes; he got frustrated that I lost my hair due to chemotherapy. He said he couldn’t have with me unless I wore my wig, because he got turned off when I didn’t have it on.

He proposed to me right before I was diagnosed with cancer, he was supportive at first, so supportive, but as soon as I started to lose my hair and lose weight, his support faltered. He stopped having with me for months after my hair started to fall out. Something in my soul wasn’t right; he then confessed to me on my birthday that he’d been cheating on me, he seemed just as upset as I was, so I forgave him.

A couple times I went to church with just a scarf on my head, to let my scalp have a breather, and all the neighbours stopped and stared, it made me feel so bad about myself that I didn’t go out like that again. Jiyong didn’t do anything to stop them, or comfort me; he just walked off and let me walk up the church aisle by myself.

The priest noticed and said a prayer for me during the service and to me to keep praying.

When we went to the doctors to see if there were any other solutions to my hair loss, he said that there wasn’t and that it wasn’t my fault that my hair was falling out, he said it was the side effect of the chemo.

Jiyong started to treat my bad after that, especially since I’d started to lose a lot of weight, making me look malnourished. He didn’t help me when I threw up at night, he didn’t look after me when I got sick and because I was tired all the time I didn’t want to have , so he said that he’d go find elsewhere, it also made it hard because we wanted a baby, and the treatment made me less fertile.

Occasionally my friends would come over and see how he treated me, the advised me to leave him, I said that I had tried and that I couldn’t because I loved him too much.

Even with treatment I wasn’t getting any better, and Jiyong seemed like he wanted to call the wedding off, not because I wasn’t getting better, but because I wasn’t pretty anymore.

I thought he loved me no matter what. What happened to for better or for worse? In sickness and in health?

I didn’t last very long after that, I had no-one but my family keeping the faith, but that wasn’t enough, I didn’t have faith from the one person I wanted it from the most, and with that, I lost the will to live.

Jiyong was more upset with my death than I thought, he fell on his knees and he bawled his eyes out, he had regretted how he had treated me while I was going through chemo.

I left him a CD, on it had a song that I sung him before I died.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_GX3FdtEcI

Somethin' that you must know (Mmm...)
There's somethin' that you must know (I've been waitin' on you)
It's somethin' that you must know (Come on in)
It's somethin' that you must know (And stay for a while)

There is somethin' that you must know (Can I talk to you)
There is somethin' that you must know (Say what's on my mind)
Here is somethin' that you must know (Ooh, boy)
I'mma tell ya, I'mma tell ya, I'mma tell ya (Ooh, listen to me)

There's somethin' in my soul ain't right
I can't sleep at night
Wonderin' when the change gon come
I'm feelin' that I'm not the only one

Tell me when I turn you off
Doctor say it's not my fault
All the neighbours stop and stare
My pastor says to stay in prayer

It will rain (Oh...ho...)
There'll be pain (Only for a little while)
Trouble will come (Yeah, they will)
Understand (Ooh...)

Count it on joy (You gotta count)
Mornin' will come (After the rain)
The sun will shine (Yeah, yeah)
Keep your head high (Mmm, uh-huh)

I can't believe the way you talk
Seems you wanna call it off
Friends see you treatin' me like dirt
What happened to "Better or for worse"

I need answers (Can you tell me)
Too much pressure (Too, too much, too bad)
I don't understand you (Oh...whoa...whoa...)
Do I really miss you (Said it will)

It will rain (Yeah, yeah)
There'll be pain (But only for a little while)
Trouble will come (Oh, yeah...yeah...)
Understand (Count it on)

Count it on joy (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
Mornin' will come (After the darkness)
The sun will shine (Sun will shine)
Keep your head high (Yeah)

Oh, I've tried (Tried to leave you)
But, I (Boy, I love you)
I can't let go (Seems I can't let go)
Oh...whoa...
Oh...oh...oh...whoa...

I don't ever wanna lose my baby
But this pain just drives me crazy
Feels like I'm goin' insane
But I gotta be strong 'cause it will rain

It will rain (Sometimes there will be pain)
There'll be pain (Sometimes troubles will come)
Trouble will come (Oh...well, you gotta)
Understand (Oh, count it on joy)

Count it on joy (Oh...yeah)
Mornin' will come (After the rain)
The sun will shine (So keep your head up)
Keep your head high ('cause God will take care of you)

It will rain (Oh, yes, He will)
There'll be pain (Sometimes there will be pain)
Trouble will come (Oh...whoa...ho...)
Understand (Count it on joy)

Count it on joy (Oh...ho...)
Mornin' will come (After the rain it will)
The sun will shine (The sun will shine)
Keep your head high (Ooh...ooh...ooh...)

It will rain

“Live on and live strong. Start over and start better. Get better and get sronger. Stopping and grieving won’t bring me back. I’ll always be watching over you. I love you Jiyong.”

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ANOTHER ONESHOT! IT'S LIKE IT'S ONESHOT DAY!

Anyway, hoped you like it!

Much love <3