The train travelled at a slow speed, the conductor taking his midday nap and not watching the speed. Donghae took his usual spot on top of his blue car, sitting cross-legged and letting the slight breeze muss his brown hair. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, relaxing the sore muscles in his body from all the cleaning he had done the previous night. One of the tigers had taken it upon herself to rip the tulle from all of the dancers’ tutus to shreds and proceeded to cause a riot among the other animals. It had taken him nearly six hours to clean it all up and have everything spotless.

Nights like those made him rethink his choice of taking the first job he’d seen. Sure, he’d been given a place to sleep and decent food to eat, but the way he was treated by the other circus folk outweighed the good. They all looked down on him and treated him like he was a useless speck of dirt on their colorful outfits. Some had the decency to be humans and befriended him, but that circle of people was limited to the clowns. Not that he minded, at this point he would’ve made friends with the parrot. At least she could hold a conversation without insulting him.

Donghae sighed and opened his eyes, scanning the landscape flying passed him. Flashes of greens and browns told him they were in the middle of a forest somewhere. Probably headed north, if his memory served him right. He continued his brief moment of relaxation, letting the wind and chirping birds be his calming background music. That only lasted for a few minutes longer until Donghae saw clumsy movement a few train cars ahead of him. Donghae squinted, trying to see better, before his eyes widened in shock. The red and black car belonged to none other than the weekend ringmaster, but the person climbing out of it was definitely not the lanky man.

He watched silently as the figure finally made it on top of the car and stood idly, just letting the wind blow long, light brown locks around their face. Donghae knew he recognized that hair and silhouette somewhere, but just couldn’t put his finger on it. Curiosity struck him like a brick and now he just had to find out who it was. He crawled from the top of his car to the next ones carefully, minding the gap between them. Finally, he reached the car behind the person and came to the realization that this stranger was Casaria.

Casaria was oblivious to Donghae’s presence behind him as he stood unmoving. He had just barely managed to escape the ringmaster after a night of physical and mental torture. He shivered at the thought of those memories and pushed them to the back of his mind. The less he thought about it, the less it would leave him feeling disgusted and ashamed of himself. Casaria walked closer to the edge of the car, making sure not to make any heavy footsteps or the weekend ringmaster would hear him and bring him back in for another round.

The train continued to chug down the railroad tracks, gaining speed quickly as the conductor had come back from his break. The sound of a blaring train horn startled both Casaria and Donghae, the latter letting out a very manly yelp. Casaria whipped his head around and stared at the roust-about in horror. The train horn blasted again as the aerial made a move to climb down the ladder on the side of the car.

“Wait!” Donghae called, reaching his hand out and climbing onto the same car as Casaria. “Let me help you!”

Just as he reached Casaria, the train jerked to a sudden stop. The aerial’s widened even more as he lost his footing on the edge of the car, flailing his arms in an attempt to regain his balance. It was to no avail as he felt himself fall off the side, closing his eyes and bracing himself for pain. I’m free, he thought, finally. It was a bitter sweet accident. Casaria felt like he had been falling for hours. The wind still whipped at his hair, but the sounds of someone calling his name was definitely out of place and…were his feet on the ground?

“Are you alright?” Donghae asked in a panicky voice. He held Casaria close to his chest tightly; making sure the aerial wouldn’t fall again.

Casaria opened his eyes and pulled away from him in a flurry of limbs. He stood in the middle of the car, searching for an escape, large brown eyes blinking back tears. Casaria knew the ringmaster had to have heard all of that and was waiting down below to punish him.

“Hey, hey, hey. Don’t cry. It’s alright.” Donghae assured, coming closer to the aerial, “You’re fine. Everything’s fine.”

Donghae reached out a hesitant hand and wiped away a stray tear on Casaria’s face, pulling back when the aerial turned his head away. Casaria backed away from him, afraid that Donghae would expect compensation for saving him. Donghae grabbed his arm and pulled him close again, eliciting a wave of panic to come over him. The aerial tried to push Donghae away, punch him, kick him, anything to get him off, but Donghae grasped his wrists and held them tightly until Casaria stopped moving.

“Calm down.” He said gently, “You were going to fall over the edge again. You need to be careful, Casaria. That could’ve resulted in the loss of the best aerial in the world.”  Donghae smiled softly and released Casaria’s wrists when he thought the aerial wouldn’t attack him again.

Casaria ducked his head and looked away from the roust-about as Donghae continued, “There now. See, you’re fine, no need to freak out. Are you hungry? I was just about to go back down to my car to have a snack. Why don’t you come with me?”

The aerial shook his head and looked down at the red and black car before looking at Donghae and shaking his head again.

“I see.” Donghae frowned, “Well, you can stay here and I can bring you something back really quick?”

Casaria shook his head again.

“Can you talk?” Donghae asked, puzzled as to why Casaria refused to speak to him. “I don’t mean that in a rude way, I’m just curious.”

Casaria nodded and looked down at the car again before putting his finger to his lips.

“You’re not allowed to talk?”

A head shake. He repeated the action again, this time pointing to Donghae.

“You’re not allowed to talk…to me?”

Casaria nodded his head shyly, looking up at Donghae with puppy eyes that melted the roust-about’s heart.

“That’s fine. I understand. At least you’re not doing it by choice like everyone else here.” Donghae sighed sadly before looking to Casaria again, “I saw you watching me the other day. I didn’t mind, you know. You’re welcome to come watch me play anytime, Casaria.”

He nodded again, the corners of his plush lips turning up the slightest bit.

“Will you let me help you down at least?”

Casaria assented and let Donghae assist him down the ladder. The roust-about opened the car door and stuck out his arm for the aerial to use as balance. After making sure he made it inside the car safely, Donghae began to turn around until he heard a soft voice call him quietly. He turned around, face a mask of bewilderment.

“Thank you…Donghae.” Casaria said almost inaudibly and closed the door quickly.

Donghae stayed where he was, blinking profusely until his heart and head came back from cloud nine. Casaria had just said his name.

*

Donghae had expected Casaria to avoid him the next few days. He expected to see the aerial twisting downwards on his silks and running away anytime the roust-about appeared. He expected Casaria to be slinking around the circus grounds in an attempt to stay away from him. He even expected to see Casaria, once again, glued to the side of the weekday ringmaster.

What Donghae didn’t expect, however, was for Casaria to actually take up his offer of watching him play the calliope.

He had been absorbed into playing the instrument, fingers sliding back and forth on the keys gingerly, when he’d heard the car door slide open. Donghae paused in his playing and looked up at the intruder, his face going from surprise to welcoming in a matter of seconds.

“Hello Casaria,” He waved the aerial in, “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Casaria shrugged and looked around timidly, pulling at the ends of his grey sleeves. Donghae smiled at the sight, most of the circus walked around in tight fitting, revealing clothes, but Casaria opted for grey sweats. His long hair framed his face, cascading down the sides, a little messy in some areas, but flawless none the less. He had a small, purple bruise on the side of his cheek, but the roust-about waved it off as an injury from practicing. Donghae signalled for him to sit down on a piano bench and watched the aerial hesitantly walk towards it.

He sat up straight and rigidly, crossing and uncrossing his legs nervously. Donghae chuckled under his breath; Casaria was too cute for his own good.

“Do you have any requests?” Donghae asked, leaning onto the side of the calliope, “I can play almost anything.”

Casaria shook his head, biting the edge of his lip. He continued to look around, jumping whenever someone walked past the car outside.

“Then I’ll just play you one of my favourites. There’s no need to be nervous, by the way. Nobody comes in here.”

Yeah, that makes me feel ten times better, Casaria thought, gives you even more reason to take advantage of me.

Casaria wasn’t even sure why he’d come in the first place. He knew the roust-about most likely only wanted to use him for his own sick reasons, just like the weekend ringmaster. Donghae would probably use the fact that he’d saved him as bribery or something. Casaria mentally berated himself for being so dumb and falling for Donghae’s handsome face and kind demeanour. It was always the nice ones that did the worst damage. He knew that from experience.

Before he could hightail it out of the car, Donghae began to play again, slightly startling Casaria. A slow, soft tune came from the pipes of the calliope, crescendoing and coming back down in different spots. Casaria relaxed a little as the song progressed, swaying along with it and watching Donghae with wondrous eyes. The roust-about played with passion and finesse, actually taking pride in his ability and care of the instrument. There weren’t many people like that around these days. He refused to let himself get attached though. Someone like Donghae could only bring him more pain and he didn’t need that.

The song finished on a soft note and Donghae looked up to see Casaria’s reaction. The aerial had a glazed over look in his eyes, the edges of his mouth turned up in an awkward smile.

“Did you like it?” Donghae asked, moving to where Casaria sat.

Casaria blinked a few times, coming out of his thoughts, before nodding timidly and edging away from Donghae.

“I’m surprised you came. I didn’t think you’d actually come and watch me, especially since you’ve been avoiding me all week.” He hadn’t meant for it to come out so sad and accusing, but it was too late to retract it.

Casaria’s face scrunched up at Donghae’s forlorn voice before he shrugged, leaning away from the too close roust-about. He was too near for comfort and Casaria could feel that encroaching fear steadily taking over his mind. Donghae had been about to say something else, but the aerial artist took the chance to leave the train car and a very confused Donghae.

*

After Casaria had left, Donghae gathered the puddle of a besotted mess he was and ran to Sungmin’s pink car. He had forgotten to knock and walked in on a nearly Sungmin getting ready for that night’s show. The clown screamed and threw a big red shoe at Donghae’s head before running behind his folding screen, yelling profanities and accusations of the roust-about being an absolute ert. Hyukjae had let himself in after hearing all the noise, sitting on Sungmin’s fluffy bed next to a very bouncy Donghae.

The roust-about didn’t wait for Sungmin to finish changing as he excitedly relayed what had just happened moments earlier. He took moments in between to describe just how beautiful he found Casaria only to be scolded by Sungmin or Hyukjae for getting off topic.

“Wait wait wait. You’re saying Casaria actually went to see you play?” Hyukjae clapped him on the back, “Good job!”

“That…that really doesn’t seem like him.” Sungmin blinked in surprise from his vanity.

“Maybe you don’t know him as well as you think you do.” Donghae shrugged, still obsessing over the previous day’s events.

“Oh and you do?” Sungmin arched a brow at him, “Did he say anything?”

“Not a word. He used body movement and all that.”

“What?!” the clown paused in the application of his makeup, “Donghae, if you lay a hand on him, I will not hesitate to chop it off.”

“I didn’t! I swear I didn’t!” Donghae raised his hands up in surrender, “I just played a couple of songs on the calliope for him. He’s so gorgeous, you guys. His eyes, oh my god, I could just die thinking of them. So big and brown, like a deer. Everything about him is perfect.” The roust-about sighed dreamily.

“Seems like someone’s got his head in the clouds.” Hyukjae laughed. Donghae snorted at the lame analogy.

“Donghae, I hate to break it to you, but it’s probably for the best if you don’t hang around with him anymore.” Sungmin powdered his nose, making sure the white makeup didn’t look too shiny.

“Why not?” Donghae pouted.

“Cas isn’t allowed to talk to you –“

“Or anyone, really!” Hyukjae added.

“Yes, anyways, if the ringmasters find out he met with you all by himself, he could get in trouble.”

Donghae nodded absentmindedly, not really paying Sungmin any heed. His mind was focused on the ethereal being that was Casaria. He thought about going to watch him practice secretly, but thought better of it. That’d only creep him out and the last thing Donghae wanted was to make Casaria uncomfortable.

*

They continued on like that for a few days. Casaria taking his spot at the piano bench, watching Donghae play different instruments, letting him ask a few questions and answering almost none then running off when things became too much for him. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to Donghae and let him into his small social circle, there were just too many things at stake here. His job, his life. Donghae’s job, Donghae’s life. Things Casaria just wasn’t willing to risk.

“Do you want to learn how to play? It’s not too difficult.” Donghae offered one day, feeling slightly braver.

It took a while for Casaria to answer. He weighed the positives and the negatives. Donghae could just be using it as an excuse to get him closer or he could just be genuinely nice and want to teach him. He decided to give Donghae the benefit of the doubt and nodded his head with a small smile. He didn’t exactly trust the roust-about just yet, but at this point, he could tell that Donghae didn’t really mean any harm.

“Alright, you just place your finger here,” Donghae grabbed Casaria’s hand and placed a slim finger on said key, “and push down.”

Casaria did as he was told and jumped back at the steam coming out of the top of the calliope’s pipes. The roust-about laughed at his reaction and Casaria flushed a bright pink, stepping away from the huge instrument.

Still laughing, Donghae pulled him back to the calliope, “Let’s try that again.”

He stood behind Casaria and grabbed the aerial’s spidery hands, placing them delicately on different keys. His heart raced at the close proximity and a blush similar to Casaria’s own was now visible on his cheeks. Donghae continued to move Casaria’s fingers across the keys, eventually turning the notes into another slow song.  Casaria had managed to relax his tense stance only a bit, but it was enough for Donghae to notice.

“Why don’t you talk to anyone else besides the ringmasters and Sungmin?” Donghae asked curiously, hoping Casaria would be more open to talk and answer questions now.

“Can’t.” Casaria answered shortly, quietly. Maybe he was feeling a little braver too, now that he had Donghae’s arms wrapped around him like a shield.

Donghae was momentarily stunned by the vocal response, having only heard that soft voice once before. He didn’t point it out, fearing that Casaria would be offended or embarrassed if he did.

“They won’t let you?” He frowned. Donghae understood not being allowed to talk to him; he was just the good-for-nothing, dirty roust-about that everyone avoided anyways. But to not be allowed to talk to anyone else? Why was Casaria even taking orders from the ringmasters anyways? The roust-about’s level of curiosity raised twelve levels then, nobody else was being controlled like Casaria was. What exactly was going on here?

Casaria nodded sadly and continued to play the calliope on his own accord.  He had picked up the instrument surprisingly quick, fingers trailing down the calliope’s keys and creating an improvised song. Casaria smiled, a real smile this time though it was still close lipped, leaving Donghae a smitten mess behind him.

“You’re always welcome here, Casaria. Even if I’m not in here, feel free to come and play.” Donghae sidled up to Casaria’s side and played along with him.

They created a masterpiece, something relaxed and sad, that fit their current moods. Casaria’s more so than Donghae’s. The roust-about was sure he’d died and gone to heaven at least sixteen times at this point. Their time together was interrupted by the sound of the car’s door sliding open once again, revealing a very unwelcome guest.

“Casaria, what do you think you’re doing?”

The aerial jumped away from Donghae and the calliope hurriedly, running to stand in front of the weekend ringmaster.

“You know you’re not allowed to speak to the roust-about, Casaria. I’ve told you this before.” The ringmaster grabbed Casaria’s wrist roughly and tugged him to his side.

“He didn’t say a word to me! I was just teaching him how to play.” Donghae defended, moving to take Casaria away from him.

“Really? You expect me to believe that?” The ringmaster gave him a pointed look, pulling the aerial further into him, “You should know better than to be fraternizing with the main acts anyways, Donghae. They have important things to be doing. Come, Cassie, you have some things to do for me.”

Casaria followed along, not that he had much choice with the ringmaster’s iron grip around his thin wrists. There were sure to be bruises there tomorrow. He turned to look at Donghae one last time, frowning at the roust-about’s crest-fallen face. Donghae met his eyes and waved languidly, knowing this would most likely be the last time they would get to be alone together for a long while. Casaria mouthed an apology and turned back to follow the ringmaster to his car.

He knew he was in for a harsher punishment than usual tonight. He just hoped it wouldn’t show and make Donghae feel even worse.

I actually got really nervous about posting this ahaha. Yes, I know it's moving fast but that's just how everything is turning out. I never really planned to make this a super detailed fic that went on for 60 chapters, so most chapters are happening a few days/weeks apart. I just have my fingers crossed that everything turns out okay. If not, at least I tried!

OH! Also, I'll just explain some things since I don't exactly plan on going into the whole process of how the circus works.

• They travel by train, yes. As to how they get to the place where the circus is being held, I imagine they'd use a couple of 18-wheelers.
• The colour scheme of the circus is black, white and red as a homage to The Night Circus. (amazing book btw!)
• The circus members are all rather snooty since they're all high-class performers. All of them are the best of the best.
• There are two ringmasters. The weekday one (Monday through Thursday), who Kyuhyun/Casaria clings to and the weekend (Friday through Sunday) one who, well, you know. They don't have names as of right now (I can't think of any names, but if you have suggestions feel free to leave them!). The weekday ringmaster will be introduced soon.
• A roust-about is kind of like the maintenance man. They handle setting up and dismantling the tents, make sure the grounds for the circus are safe and clean and take care of the animals. (Donghae holds a particularly strong grudge against the tigers.)
• Sungmin and Hyukjae are clowns, yes, but they are also skilled in a lot of other areas which you will find out in the next chapter probably. Why Sungmin is such an unhappy clown, who knows. Maybe he'll get his own side-story one day.

That's all I have for now. I'll probably have more things to add later though!

Thank you for reading and subscribing and commenting! ♥