Author’s Note: Inspired by an old manga.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time is like the wind.

It lifts the light and leaves the heavy.

--Domenico Cieri Estrada

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo jolted up awake to the sound of his alarm clock.

He lazily crawled over to the other side of the bed before turning it off. Kyungsoo opened an eye to find out what time it was—which was unnecessary because his alarm always set off at five o’clock in the morning. He grunted softly to himself and buried his head deeper into the pillow, wishing he didn’t have go to work.

Wait, his mind spoke. You met Jongdae last night and last night was Friday.

Kyungsoo inwardly cheered knowing that it was Saturday and closed his eyes in attempt to resume his sleep.

Fifteen minutes later, the doe eyed male was walking into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Even in holidays, he would never be able to enjoy the day off by waking up late. First, it was because he always got up early in the morning. And second, he always forgot to deactivate his daily alarm the day before.

Kyungsoo opened one of the cabinets and took out his mug. He frowned slightly to himself when he saw his one and only mug cracked a bit. “Oh no,” Kyungsoo mumbled. It had always been his favorite mug—which was weird, Jongdae commented, because he didn’t have any other mug to compare with. Kyungsoo defended himself by saying that there was no use for him to buy more mugs or glasses or plates for that matter because he lived alone.

“You’ll never get a boyfriend,” Jongdae once mumbled and shook his head at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo only stuck out his tongue playfully as a response.

He didn’t care because he didn’t want to have a boyfriend.

At least, not at the moment.

Kyungsoo sat in silence on the dining chair and rested his cheek on his fist. A minute later, he got up and decided that he would take a run around the block. Kyungsoo quickly changed into something comfortable for running and went out. He met Jonghyun, his neighbour on his way out, looking quite tired but still gave him a smile anyway. Jonghyun worked in a club as a DJ and his work required him to stay up until morning everyday.

“Have a nice jog, Kyungsoo-yah,” Jonghyun said. He flashed him a peace sign with his fingers as he waited for the elevator.

“Thanks, hyung, have a nice rest,” Kyungsoo replied cheerfully and waved a hand at the older male. He was about to step out of the place when he had the urge to check his mails. When he got home last night, he was too tired to think of anything else so he headed straight to his room. Kyungsoo spent a few more minutes standing in front of the mailboxes and flipped the envelopes absently. Most of them were bill, but the last one wasn’t. The male blinked in curiosity before putting the other envelopes aside.

It was a reunion invitation.

His high school reunion, to be exact.

Kyungsoo brought the invitation to his mouth, pressing it slightly as he gave it a thought.

How many years have passed since we graduated...?

Will everyone come...?

His mind flew to few specific persons when he thought of ‘everyone’ and grimaced.

He didn’t want to meet them.

Kyungsoo was snapped out of his reverie when the elevator made a sound. He heard Jonghyun exclaiming a ‘finally’ and he quickly shoved his bills back into the mailbox, deciding that he would take them later. Kyungsoo tried not to think about it and headed to the entrance.

He tossed the invitation to the nearest trash can and started jogging.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday was supposed to be a rest day for him because it was the only day where he could sleep all day and became unproductive and spent his time in front of the television.

It was only Saturday because Sunday would be a busy day where he cleaned everything and he wouldn’t be able to rest.

Which was probably why Kyungsoo almost slammed the door the moment he saw Jongdae standing in front of his door with a wide, innocent grin.

“Waitttt—“

Jongdae managed to place his hand on the door so Kyungsoo wouldn’t be able to close it.

Kyungsoo sighed. “Why are you here...?”

“Because it’s Saturday night and I want to spend it with my best friend?”

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Spill it.”

Jongdae puffed his cheeks. It was always hard to fool Kyungsoo. “Because Zitao is mean and he’s going with Sehun to find a birthday present for Luhan and he said it’s bff time and I cannot come along and he—“

“Okay, okay,” Kyungsoo groaned and stepped aside. “Come in.”

“Come in—what?”

“...come in, Jongdae-yah, or I’ll lock this door and you won’t see me until next week.”

“No, no, I cannot come in! It’s Saturday night. We should go somewhere!”

“But we just went to the restaurant last night—“

“I want to hang out at the coffee shop,” Jongdae whined and stared at Kyungsoo with his best puppy eyes. “I want to drink latte with cheese cake or brownies and I want to surf the internet using free wi-fi—“

Kyungsoo raised his hand in defeat. “Fine. Let me grab my coat.”

Jongdae ed his fist silently into the air when Kyungsoo wasn’t looking. However, the latter knew exactly what he did without even have to look and he rolled his eyes.

“...tell me again why you’re my best friend?”

“Because I’m so talkative unlike Junmyeon, and you love me,” Jongdae cheekily said. Kyungsoo’s hand stopped in mid air when he about to reach his jacket, feeling his heart skipped a beat at the name. “Speaking of Junmyeon, did you receive the reunion invitation?”

Kyungsoo shook his head casually. “No.”

Jongdae gave him a vindictive look.

Kyungsoo exhaled deeply through his nose. If it was hard to fool him, then it was actually harder to lie to Jongdae. “...I tossed it away.”

“What? Why?” Jongdae half whined. “Don’t you want to meet our old friends?”

“I’m just—“ Kyungsoo turned off the television and motioned Jongdae to follow him as he stepped outside his apartment to lock the door. Beside him, Jongdae pouted. “It’s just—for me, reunion is a big thing, you know?”

“It is? It’s just meeting your old friends. Who knows, you might feel something and willing to crawl out of your ‘single’ cave. Oohh, I’m sure Chanyeol is still extremely handsome! I can try setting him up with you!”

“...he’s married to Baekhyun last summer, right?”

“Ah, darn. I guess I’ll try to find another candidate. So does it mean we’re going?”

Kyungsoo grimaced and shoved the keys into his pocket. “It’s easy for you because everyone loves you, Jongdae-yah.”

“Yeah, but everyone loved you and Junmyeon more.”

Kyungsoo was stunned on his track at the remark and Jongdae gave him a firm yet knowing look. The name suddenly brought memories—lots and lots of memories. Kyungsoo’s heart was filled with the sudden outburst of longing and regret and he said nothing in return.

“Look,” Jongdae sighed. “You never told me why you stopped talking to Junmyeon, and I don’t mind. I don’t want to ask unless you’re ready to tell me. But...a few years have passed, Kyungsoo-yah, and I’m sure... I’m sure he wants to talk to you, too.”

“I can’t,” Kyungsoo whispered. “It’s not his fault. It’s mine.”

“Then apologize,” Jongdae half scolded. “Apologize and make up, Kyungsoo-yah. Did he do something awful that it couldn’t be forgiven?”

“Stop,” Kyungsoo choked and closed his eyes in distress. “Stop, Jongdae-yah. Stop...”

Jongdae palmed a hand on his mouth, realizing that he had gone too far. He took a deep breath before stepping closer to Kyungsoo and hugged him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

Kyungsoo nodded sadly. “Okay...”

Jongdae pulled away and patted his shoulder calmly.

“Come on, let’s go and have that coffee.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The awkward situation soon melted because Jongdae was always full of laugh and Kyungsoo was grateful for that.

The topic of Junmyeon was forgotten and Kyungsoo found himself chuckling in amusement because Jongdae talked and commented at people too much. (“Look at his shoes!” “Dammit, can’t he choose another color instead of that?” “Who would want to order that?”) There were also couples holding hands and flirted with each other on their tables and Jongdae snorted. For him, Zitao was forever perfect and even when they weren’t together, Jongdae was just too madly in love to not talk about his Chinese boyfriend.

When Jongdae spotted a tall guy with the same hair color as Zitao, it was when he finally couldn’t take it anymore and excused himself to go outside and call him. Kyungsoo chuckled at that because come on, it must have been just a few hours since they last talked. The cheery atmosphere dissipated the moment Jongdae stepped out and Kyungsoo soon consumed by silence. He blankly rapped his fingers on the table, the coffee in front of him was left untouched.

Kyungsoo’s mind drifted back to a certain person Jongdae mentioned earlier.

Junmyeon.

How is he doing...?

“Kyungsoo...yah?”

Kyungsoo felt a shiver down his spine because he remembered the owner of the soft voice. It was like a magic because the moment he thought about him, the male had just suddenly appeared. Kyungsoo fearfully looked up from his glass and held his breath when he realized it was really, really Junmyeon.

And Junmyeon had gotten even prettier.

Kyungsoo felt defeated instantly—to what, he was unsure, but it was always the same feeling he had since high school. He could only stare at the other male dumbly.

“Kyungsoo-yah,” Junmyeon repeated in disbelief. “Oh my God, it’s really you.”

Kyungsoo swallowed nervously as he looked around. Should he say that he mistook him for someone else? But... Kyungsoo mentally facepalmed and he wished Jongdae would be here right then, because the talkative male would surely able to melt the tension between them. Kyungsoo shifted uncomfortably on his seat and unconsciously, his fingers curled into a loose fist.

“Can I...can I sit down?”

It took him almost a minute—or two?—to finally nod and Junmyeon took the empty seat across him. Neither of them said a word and Junmyeon had his eyes fixed on the half empty glasses on the table. He carefully cleared his throat as a sign that he would start.

“How are you, Kyungsoo-yah?”

“Standard,” Kyungsoo replied quickly. Junmyeon’s expression faltered and Kyungsoo regretted because he had no intention to sound so harsh.

“I—I see,” Junmyeon forced a smile and even so, he still looked beautiful. “Our reunion—“

“I’m not coming.”

“E—eh? Why?”

“I just—I just don’t.”

Junmyeon laced his fingers together and placed them on the table. The situation was worse than he had imagined. Did Kyungsoo really hate him that much...? Junmyeon grimly pursed his lips before clearing his throat to start again.

“He...he might come...”

Kyungsoo’s expression hardened. “Oh.”

Junmyeon opened his mouth again to continue, but he became reluctant at the great dislike chiseled on Kyungsoo’s face. The pretty male pressed a hand on his mouth and he seemed to have a battle with his inner self.

“He—he liked you, you know, Kyungsoo-yah...”

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes.

“And I... I think I realized that, but... I just didn’t want you to know...” Junmyeon bitterly chuckled and braved himself to stare at Kyungsoo. Their eyes met, and his expression was a mixture of guilt and deep sadness.  “I’m sorry, Kyungsoo-yah...”

You’re not at fault.

Kyungsoo shook his head. “Don’t be. It’s all in the past. Besides, he didn’t like me...”

Whatever it was that Junmyeon wanted to say was kept to himself upon seeing Jongdae. Jongdae came back at the wrong moment, but Kyungsoo felt thankful that he did come back (he was sure his friend was nagging a lot at Zitao on the phone and Zitao didn’t have the heart to disconnect the call). The male broke into a grin as he occupied the seat beside Kyungsoo and his eyes were sparkling with happiness. “Junmyeon-hyung! How rare to bump into you here!”

Kyungsoo glared at him. Jongdae was a bad actor. “You set this up.”

“Yeap,” Jongdae nodded shamelessly. “Guilty as charged.”

Kyungsoo was planning a set of revenge of what to do to his friend when a cute male with blond hair came to their table with two glasses in his hands. The stranger sent him and Jongdae a warm smile and they automatically smiled back.

“Yixing,” Junmyeon said awkwardly and straightened on his seat. “These—these are my...friends...”

“Hello,” Yixing nodded politely at them. He jerked a thumb to the direction of an empty table. “I’ll wait for you there?”

“Y—yeah, I’ll be right back.”

Yixing nodded kindly as if to say that he could take all the time he needed and walked away.

Jongdae waited until the blond haired male reached another table and leaned closer to Junmyeon. “Is he your boyfriend?”

Junmyeon looked a bit startled at his question and his line of sight unconsciously went back to Yixing. But something about his stare seemed off. Junmyeon had a normal expression, a really normal one in fact. Kyungsoo noticed that his face wasn’t glowing like Jongdae everytime Zitao was mentioned. On second thought, Kyungsoo pondered. Jongdae wasn’t normal, so maybe they couldn’t be compared.

“...yeah...he’s...he’s really nice.”

“Where did you two meet?”

“Ah...a friend of a friend...”

“How long has it been...?”

Junmyeon looked hesitant. “Second week...?”

“Hm,” Jongdae frowned disapprovingly.

“What’s—what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just... I’ve always thought you and Yifan would make a great couple,” Jongdae stated and nodded thoughtfully to himself. “Yeah. You and Yifan.”

“Yifan...?” Junmyeon blinked. “That...tall male? The captain of the basketball club?”

“Yeap. He had this huge crush on you, hyung, but you never noticed him.”

“He—he did...?” Junmyeon trailed off and he stared at Kyungsoo. Their eye contact only lasted for five seconds and Junmyeon was the first one to look away. “I...I think I’ll go now.”

Jongdae casually waved a hand. “Okay. It’s not nice to make your boyfriend wait, anyway.”

Junmyeon smiled awkwardly at his words. He looked like he was about to say something but then he stood up. After waving back, Junmyeon turned around to approach Yixing.

Jongdae didn’t talk much after that. A lot of things swam through Kyungsoo’s mind and he didn’t know since when he had been spacing out. The doe eyes male gasped when Jongdae shoved his glass into his hand.

“Finish your drink, Kyungsoo-yah. We’re going home.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

All of Kyungsoo’s plans to retaliate vanished to an unknown place when Jongdae bade him goodbye.

“I think I’m going to set Junmyeon and Yifan up at the reunion. He’s definitely unhappy with that Yixing guy,” was the last thing he said before grinning and waving a hand as he walked to the opposite direction.

Kyungsoo didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye, but Jongdae kept on walking farther and farther until he disappeared from his vision.

Jongdae was right.

Junmyeon looked unhappy.

He wasn’t sure if it was because of the relationship he had with Yixing, or was it because of something else. Even so, Junmyeon was definitely prettier and it was a fact. Kyungsoo felt slightly jealous at that. Even when they were in high school, Junmyeon was always a level higher than him. His looks, his financial status, his rank...

But their friendship was genuine.

Kyungsoo honestly felt like crying because he knew he missed Junmyeon too much. Sure, he wanted to scold Jongdae badly for setting the unexpected meeting with Junmyeon, but he felt grateful at the same time, because at least he knew Junmyeon was doing alright. Besides, it was him who stopped talking to the other male and not the other way around...

Where did we go wrong...?

Kyungsoo was too occupied with his thoughts that he almost bumped into someone. He managed to halt right on time and splutter an apology. But the male—he was probably just a high school kid—didn’t look like he care at all and kept on walking. Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows and he was about to shrug it off, but something about the boy seemed familiar...

Too familiar.

Unconsciously, he turned around and followed the boy to the opposite direction. He knew that jacket. He knew that backpack. He knew the way he walked.

It was himself.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo called out in uncertainty. But how could...? Or maybe the boy just happened to have the same outfit with him...? “Hey!”

All of a sudden, the boy paused and turned around to face him.

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened at the view of himself and the boy disappeared into thin air. His presence was replaced by a blinding light and extremely loud car horn, followed by a terrifying sound of screeching tires.

Jongin.

Kyungsoo felt a huge amount of excruciating pain and his heart came to a stop.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

By the time Kyungsoo blinked his eyes open, it was already morning.

He lazily draped an arm to reach for the alarm clock by the nightstand, but his hand touched empty air instead. Kyungsoo blinked his eyes open and gasped. He wasn’t in his room. He wasn’t on his bed.

The male quickly pulled himself up as he looked around. Due to the sudden movement, his head ached badly and Kyungsoo rubbed his forehead to soothe the pain.

What happened...?

It was then that Kyungsoo realized he was still on the street. He glanced at the empty road in confusion. What was he doing there...? Wasn’t there a car running his way last night...? But the street was empty and there was no glass shards whatsoever, indicating that there was no accident. But it didn’t look like it was the same place... Kyungsoo’s frown deepened and narrowed his eyes. The place was awfully familiar.

Kyungsoo decided to start walking. The place was familiar, indeed. He had a feeling that if he turned left, there was going to be a flower shop in the corner. Kyungsoo followed his instinct to turn left and smiled to himself. The male threw his gaze across the street, to the laundromat where he used to go if his mother had midnight shifts and she didn’t have the time to wash the clothes. Kyungsoo chuckled as he spun around in glee.

Of course it was familiar. The environment was just a few blocks from his home. It had been years since he last came home...

He deadpanned.

How did he get from the city to here? His parents’ home and his apartment wasn’t that far, but it took at least an hour to get there. Did he wander too far when he followed the boy last night—but no, it couldn’t be... He was certain they didn’t walk that far.

“Soojung-ah, wait!”

Kyungsoo jolted out of his trance and looked over his shoulder.

It can’t be—

“No way!” Soojung scolded. “Do you want us to be late, Oppa? Is that what you want??”

“B—but it was you who spent a long time to get dressed!”

Soojung laughed evilly. “I lost track of time whenever I talked to Jessica-unnie! And why did you even wait for me? You know I always run to school!”

“Because we’re neighbours, duh. If you’re not my neighbour and you’re not my childhood friend, I would’ve left you since a long time ago!”

Kyungsoo froze on his track as Soojung ran past him and the boy behind her grunted before trying to catch up with her. They didn’t seem to acknowledge his presence. Kyungsoo felt his entired body weakened.

“Come on, Kyungsoo-oppa!” She squealed too happily for a person who was going to be late.

‘Kyungsoo’ groaned. “Wait for me, Soojung-ah!”

Kyungsoo gasped weakly at the view before him. Both of them ran farther with Soojung laughing and ‘Kyungsoo’ grunting before disappearing into a corner. He immediately dropped to his knees and his hands couldn’t stop trembling.

“Soojung-ah,” he whispered and burst out crying. Kyungsoo brought his hands into his face as he sobbed. Tears unwillingly streamed down his face and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. The sadness was too overwhelming.

Because in his real life, Soojung was dead.

She was always smiling and she had a bubbly personality. Her death was inevitable. They said she was tired and sleepy when she crossed the street and she didn’t see the red light. Kyungsoo didn’t know if he was trembling with fear or relief for being able to see Soojung once again. The male finally stopped crying after a while and he tried to grab a hold of himself. He was confused.

What is happening?

Kyungsoo wiped his tears with the back of his hand and helplessly looked around. He thought he must be in some kind of a dream and it was a bad dream and he needed to wake up soon. Kyungsoo pinched the inner part of his arm as hard as he could and hissed. The pain was too damn real.

But nothing happened.

Maybe he should bang his head against the wall?

Kyungsoo took a long moment to stare at the wall in front of him and hesitated.

...maybe not.

He sighed and glanced at his watch to know what time it was. It had stopped working—must be from the damage...? Kyungsoo scratched the back of his neck and took a deep breath to calm down. Judging from the argument between his young self and Soojung, it must be morning and school was about to start soon.

Come on, think. What to do...?

There must be a reason why he was here. Maybe...maybe it was his subconsciousness. Maybe he was dying and he wanted to make everything right and—

Kyungsoo gasped abruptly.

There was Soojung and there was his young self. Then that meant...

Junmyeon and him...are there...?

Kyungsoo wasted no time upon the realization and sprinted all the way to his high school. Strangely, no one seemed to care about him running on the street like a ghost had been chasing him. He made it to the said place in a record time and breathlessly leaned against the school gate. Kyungsoo hated running, but Soojung made him run (forcefully so if he might add) every single day just because she liked to see him sweat.

There were students walking everywhere and Kyungsoo held his breath for a moment.

Would they recognize him?

But just like Soojung and the other people earlier, no one seemed to give a damn about him. Kyungsoo raised a hand in uncertainty to a junior and waved it in front of her face, but the junior didn’t even blink. He stared at his hand.

They couldn’t see him.

Am I...a ghost?

Kyungsoo deliberately stepped in front of another student and she walked through him like he was just some kind of thin air. The doe eyed male gulped. Fear was starting to rise within him and he went panicked and felt like screaming when suddenly—

“Good morning, Kyungsoo-yah.”

Kyungsoo literally froze at the calm, gentle tone. He remembered that voice. He remembered the owner of the voice. He remembered the owner of the voice was also the person he longed for every day. Kyungsoo slowly turned around and when he saw his high school self smiling shyly to the tanned skin male, he choked.

“Good morning, Jongin-ah...”

Kim Jongin.

Kyungsoo pressed a hand on his mouth because it had been a long time since he last saw Jongin. His lips were trembling and again, he felt like crying because other than Junmyeon, Jongin was the person he avoided the most and was probably his number one reason to not want to come to the reunion.

Because he was the person who made Kyungsoo didn’t want to date anyone else.

“Ah,” Jongin said. “Good morning to you, hyung.”

Junmyeon suddenly appeared beside young Kyungsoo and his pale cheeks turned several shades of red at the casual greeting.

“G—good morning, Jongin-ah...”

The three of them soon engaged in a chitchat of weather and homework as they headed to the class.

Kyungsoo’s mouth went dry.

It was like reliving the nightmare once again.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo and Junmyeon’s friendship was genuine.

Until Jongin came along.

Kyungsoo liked Jongin too much, but he was never brave enough to admit it, simply because he didn’t want to lose the tanned skin male. So he kept it to himself and it was more than enough to have Jongin beside him.

It hurt because he couldn’t have him to himself.

Moreover, because Junmyeon liked Jongin too.

Compared to Kyungsoo, it was obvious that Junmyeon had a thing for the younger male. The way his cheeks blushed whenever Jongin talked to him and the way he stammered nervously everytime Jongin asked him something showed the fact. And Junmyeon was cute. Compared to him, Junmyeon was cuter and softer and kinder and smarter and fairer and everything.

Kyungsoo felt like he would never win from Junmyeon.

So he willingly stepped back.

Whenever they were walking together, Kyungsoo then would slow down his pace so that Jongin and Junmyeon were side by side and he was behind them. Whenever Jongin asked for his help, he would somehow make it so that it could be Junmyeon instead of him. He was trying too hard, because Junmyeon was perfect for him and he wasn’t and they would make a great couple—

Kyungsoo felt pathetic.

He couldn’t help but feeling stupid at his young self, sacrificing the chances he had for Junmyeon. Kyungsoo did nothing but to observe young Kyungsoo and his pathetic acts to feel better. He was torturing himself, but he would always smile because Junmyeon was happy and his best friend’s happiness meant a lot to him.

Kyungsoo had lost count of days. He didn’t know how long had it had been he was given the chance to look at his young self. Maybe it was the reason why he was there. To realize just how stupid he was and how time was irreversible.

One day, young Kyungsoo was walking with Junmyeon after school and Kyungsoo held his breath. He remembered what would happen next.

“K—Kyungsoo-yah...?”

Young Kyungsoo turned to look at Junmyeon questioningly. “Yes, hyung...?”

“I...” Junmyeon looked unsure and absently kicked a small rock as they walked. “I just want to ask... I mean, do you think...it’s okay for me to confess to Jongin?”

Kyungsoo grimly pressed his lips into a thin line because young Kyungsoo was deeply stabbed in the heart but his expression showed otherwise. Junmyeon looked troubled and embarrassed and young Kyungsoo hated it.

“S—sure, why not?”

Junmyeon beamed at him. “Really? It’s okay...?”

“Yeah. I mean, you’re...you’re pretty. Why won’t he like you?”

Junmyeon pouted. “Pretty is not a measure, Kyungsoo-yah. Well, you’re his close friend...did he ever tell you he like someone...?”

Young Kyungsoo casually shook his head. “No.”

“I—I see,” Junmyeon replied and they were awkward for a moment. “Well, maybe later...much, much later. I’m not sure I will confess, though...”

“You should,” young Kyungsoo said abruptly.

“R—really?”

“Yeah,” his young self added and his eyes got distant as he pondered. “It would make you feel better, no matter what the result is.”

Junmyeon kindly smiled and patted young Kyungsoo’s back. “You’re right. Thank you, Kyungsoo-yah... I’m glad I can talk about this with you...”

Kyungsoo snorted to himself.

If it makes you feel better, why didn’t you confess?

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The following days were filled with young Kyungsoo’s fake smile.

It annoyed Kyungsoo too much that he just felt tired and fed up with himself.

How long had it been since he was there? How much longer did he have to go through this? Was he actually dying and this was his punishment for ignoring Junmyeon?

Kyungsoo groaned and sighed in frustration. He didn’t understand. What should he do so that he would wake up...? He slept, he closed his eyes, but whenever they cracked open, Kyungsoo found himself still drifting in the same place.

Maybe he was cursed.

“See you, Soojung-ah.”

“Un, see you tomorrow, Jinri-unnie.”

Kyungsoo turned around and saw Soojung with her cheerleading uniform had just walked out of the school gate. She had been practicing hard with the team because Yifan and the others—including Jongin—would participate in the upcoming national basketball match and everyone was doing their best to win. The practice must have been draining her soul out because she looked pale and unfocused.

Soojung walked through him and Kyungsoo had gotten used to it because apparently in this world, he was the ghost. He turned around and stared sadly at her.

Poor thing, he absently thought. She must be tired.

Soojung had her long hair tied into a ponytail and she went home without changing clothes. The girl adjusted her backpack and glanced around before walking across the street.

Suddenly, Kyungsoo felt his heart dropping.

Soojung died in her cheerleading uniform.

Oh no.

“Soojung-ah,” Kyungsoo called out in a trembling tone, but of course it came out as a whisper. He should do something to stop her. He should. “Soojung-ah, stop.”

But Soojung didn’t stop at all. She didn’t hear anything as she kept on stalking forward and sometimes yawned widely.

Kyungsoo desperately tried to touch her, but of course it wasn’t successful. He huffed because he was invisible and he half hoped she could sense him.

“Soojung, please,” he cried. “Please, don’t go that way, please, go the other way—“

The girl almost stumbled forward but managed to steady her balance and she sighed tiredly. She slapped her own cheeks softly and shook her head before continuing walking. “Don’t fall asleep, Krystal. Don’t fall asleep,” she muttered to herself.

Kyungsoo wanted to scream in frustration and he ran a few steps ahead of her. He made it to the intersection only to find out that an SUV sped a few miles from them.  The car didn’t look like it would slow down because the light was green. Kyungsoo turned around in horror. If only he could make her realize. If only he could let her know that he was there. If only—

Soojung wiped her sweats away with the back of her hand and she looked pretty ill. She shuffled forward, failed to pay attention that the light was actually red for her.

“No!!” Kyungsoo screamed in exasperation, holding both of his hands as an attempt to stop her. “No, please, no—“

Soojung walked through him and the sound of a car crashing into meat and bones was the next thing he heard.

Everything seemed to happen in a slow motion.

Kyungsoo saw how Soojung’s body flew away from the impact and she fell lifelessly onto the pavement. He screamed and screamed but there was nothing he could do. Soojung lied there with her head bleeding and her shoulders flinched roughly as she gasped for air. Her eyes bulged out like they were about to come out of her sockets.

“No,” he sobbed. “No, Soojung-ah, no...”

He witnessed Soojung gasped her last breath and he screamed painfully.

It’s irreversible, Kyungsoo.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo still memorized everything.

He remembered his young self sobbed hysterically when he found out that Soojung was gone. He remembered crying endlessly at the painful loss and locked himself in his room. He remembered sobbing over her laugh, over her cheerful personality, over her smile, protesting to the Lord above why she had to go in such condition.

Soojung’s death affected him so much that he was unable to gather his strength to move on. She was like a sister to him and losing her meant losing a family member.

Kyungsoo sat in the corner of his bedroom, staring blankly at young Kyungsoo. It had been the third day, so his painful sobbing had subsided. Kyungsoo straightened his back and rubbed his eyes in exhaustion. He didn’t want to stay here anymore...

Young Kyungsoo let out a weak sob.

Kyungsoo tilted his head to a side, trying to remember what happened after this.

Jongin.

His mother wasn’t even able to get him out of the room. She would take his food into his bedroom and left the tray on the table. So when the tanned male showed up in his bedroom, Kyungsoo wasn’t surprised. Young Kyungsoo thought it was his mother so he refused to look up. Jongin took a deep breath and sat on the edge of his bed.

“Kyungsoo-yah,” he called out softly.

Young Kyungsoo slowly appeared from under the cover and his eyes were slightly swollen due to the amount of tears he had shed. He blinked in disbelief. “Jongin-ah...? What—what are you doing here?”

“Are you kidding me?” Jongin gawked. “You’ve been absent for days. How have you been...?”

Young Kyungsoo sighed apologetically and closed his eyes. “Not good...”

Jongin pressed his lips into a thin line. “We’ve been wanting to talk to you, but you rejected our calls—“

“We...?”

“Me and Junmyeon, of course,” Jongin frowned. “Are you alright...?”

Young Kyungsoo seemed unconvinced by his words and he brought himself to a sitting position. He played with the fabric of his blanket and exhaled softly. “...he likes you, you know.”

“Who...?”

“Junmyeon.”

Jongin’s frown deepened. “But he’s not the one I like.”

“He’s—“ young Kyungsoo paused and Kyungsoo mentally cursed himself. “He’s a really nice person. You will get along just fine.”

“He’s not,” Jongin sternly repeated. “The one I like.”

Young Kyungsoo’s eyes were filled with tears. “Please take good care of him—“

Jongin shut him up by kissing his lips. Their lips were pressed awkwardly against each other and the tanned skin male held his hands. Kyungsoo whimpered.

For Jongin, it felt so damn right.

For young Kyungsoo, he couldn’t afford to hurt his best friend. So he pulled away weakly and sobbed.

“Junmyeon,” he breathed sadly. “I can’t...”

Kyungsoo facepalmed. His heart hurt, his head hurt, and he wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

Jongin stared at young Kyungsoo’s face searchingly, but the latter started crying and in the end, he only pulled him into a tight embrace. They stayed like that for a while and Kyungsoo never forgot how he felt when he was in the taller male’s arms.

How stupid he was for letting go.

“I’m leaving this week,” Jongin whispered against his hair. “I’m leaving.”

Young Kyungsoo choked. “...where are you going...?”

“My father is leaving for work to another city. ...I’m not sure if I can go back here. But I can stay...” Jongin carefully broke their hug and stared intensely at young Kyungsoo. “Or at least let me take care of everything first and go back here. But you have to give me a reason to, Kyungsoo-yah. Give me a reason to stay...”

Kyungsoo sobbed to himself, unable to witness this for the second time.

Young Kyungsoo squeezed Jongin’s arm.

“...ask Junmyeon if he can stand a long distance relationship...”

Stupid.

Jongin went home not long after that, feeling utterly brokenhearted. Kyungsoo saw him leaving from his window while young Kyungsoo wailed endlessly under the blanket. He spluttered his young self how stupid he was, but of course the latter didn’t hear it.

It’s your fault, stop crying.

Kyungsoo pressed his head weakly against the cool glass of window.

He wanted to wake up.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Young Kyungsoo stopped talking to Junmyeon because he didn’t want to be in the way.

He wanted his best friend to be happy with Jongin.

Junmyeon sent him a hurtful look because he was obviously ignored but he couldn’t bring himself to step up and confront young Kyungsoo. Both of them were hurt, both of them were tortured, and yet no one between them was brave enough to fix it.

It was finally the day Jongin left.

Kyungsoo saw his young self throwing his phone away. Junmyeon had been calling him for several times already and young Kyungsoo refused to pick up. He knew Junmyeon was there to send him away at the airport with the rest of the basketball club members. Young Kyungsoo was too much of a coward that until the very day he lived, he regretted the day where he didn’t go to the airport and meet Jongin for the last time.

Junmyeon called again and it was still ignored.

Young Kyungsoo drew his feet to his chest and buried his head in his arms.

“Stop calling,” he sobbed. “Just confess to him and leave me alone.”

Kyungsoo grimaced.

For how much longer...will you do this to yourself?

Kyungsoo scanned his old bedroom. In a few months, they would graduate and he would leave soon because the apartment was much closer to the university than his house. In a year, he would stumble upon Jongdae in one of his classes and they would form a friendship. In a few years, he would feel nothing and reject everyone who asked him out. He would feel lonely and pathetic and unconsciously wished there was something he could do.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo started. He didn’t care if he sounded stupid. Besides, he was just talking to his old self. “Stop crying.”

Young Kyungsoo kept on sobbing into his hands and Kyungsoo sighed.

“Why am I here...? Why did you lead me here...?” Kyungsoo asked without expecting an answer. “But then I thought... There must be a reason why I am here. There must be a reason why you showed up that night... At first maybe, just maybe, I thought it was to prevent Soojung’s death. She was precious to us, right?”

Kyungsoo chuckled bitterly to himself.

“Keep on doing this, Kyungsoo. After this, you will stop talking to Junmyeon. You will make friend with Jongdae—who you didn’t know even though you were studying at the same school. You will make friend with him and you will think everyday that he just befriended you because you looked so ing pathetic. And then you will know that he’s Junmyeon’s cousin, but that is another story. And yet, it’s not his fault. You are pathetic.”

He twiddled his fingers and glanced down.

“Ever since I stopped talking to Junmyeon, I...I felt really awful. And every single day, I woke up and I wished I could go back to fix it... I’m tired of waking up to a feeling where I feel worthless and unloved... I want to be able to wake up and find out that I’m still Junmyeon’s best friend... I want to be able to wake up...and—and not regretting the day where I could tell Jongin how I feel but I chose not to...”

Young Kyungsoo flinched.

“I don’t want to avoid my high school friends, I don’t want to have the feeling to not want to go to the reunion because I’m too scared I would meet them... I don’t want to hurt Junmyeon, I don’t want him to be unhappy with that Yixing guy, but I also don’t want to feel unhappy... I don’t want to, please, Kyungsoo, please, just go, go and tell Jongin you like him—“

Kyungsoo painfully cried.

“Tell Jongin you like him so much that it hurts and that you don’t want to lose him, please, PLEASE JUST GO, KYUNGSOO—“

As if his voice was heard, young Kyungsoo straightened on the bed. Kyungsoo stopped screaming and young Kyungsoo whispered Jongin’s name before grabbing his jacket and leaped out of the room.

Kyungsoo gaped before following him quickly. It—it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Young Kyungsoo was supposed to weep and cry until Jongin’s plane took off. Young Kyungsoo hastily climbed into a taxi and the trip to the airport was smooth, as if it was the right thing to do and he was blessed to do so. Young Kyungsoo stumbled out of the vehicle after paying and ran inside without thinking.

He ran and he ran, wishing that it wasn’t too late. Wishing that he would still have a chance to tell Jongin how he felt. After running around in uncertainty, young Kyungsoo finally spotted Junmyeon standing all by himself in front of the check in counter.

“Junmyeon-ah!”

Junmyeon turned around and his eyes widened when young Kyungsoo flew into his arms. “Whoa! Kyungsoo-yah! I thought—I thought you— You didn’t pick up my calls—”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’ll never do that again—“

Kyungsoo, just as breathless as him, felt scared because what if—

Junmyeon’s eyes softened. “At least you’re here now.”

—what if it was too late...?

“Kyungsoo-yah...?”

Both Kyungsoo snapped their heads to the source of the voice. Kyungsoo brought a hand to his mouth, wanting to cry because Jongin was still there. Young Kyungsoo slowly pulled away from Junmyeon and nervously waved his hand.

“H—hi...”

“You came,” Jongin said in disbelief.

“I—“ young Kyungsoo opened his mouth to say something but then he went pale. The male stifled a sob as he gave Junmyeon an apologetic look. What the hell was he thinking, confessing in front of his best friend? “I—I’m sorry—“

“Hey, it’s alright,” Junmyeon’s smile was earnest and he squeezed young Kyungsoo’s shoulder softly. “Go on, tell him how you feel.”

Kyungsoo dropped weakly onto his knees and clutched his chest. He was terribly scared. “Yes. He’s right. Tell him how you feel, Kyungsoo...”

Young Kyungsoo reluctantly stepped closer to Jongin. His fist was on his lips and he seemed unsure of what to do, but when he looked up, his face was filled with determination.

“I’ll wait for you.”

The corner of Jongin’s lips twitched into a smile and he nodded solemnly. He extended a hand to young Kyungsoo and the latter shyly smiled before accepting it.

“Then don’t look at anyone else.”

Young Kyungsoo chuckled in tears. “I won’t, Jongin-ah...”

Jongin sent him a smile before leaning forward to press their lips together. This time, there wasn’t an awkward feeling and it felt so right. Young Kyungsoo felt his chest was flooded with happiness that he almost couldn’t bear it.

His feelings were finally conveyed.

Behind them, Junmyeon stared at the scene with a beautiful smile. There was a bit of sadness, of course, but Kyungsoo’s smile meant a lot to him and he and Jongin deserved to be together. It took the pretty male quite a while to realize someone was staring and he slowly glanced over his shoulder.

It was Yifan.

Kyungsoo saw Yifan approaching Junmyeon while Jongin and his young self were still on a lip lock session, clearly forgetting the fact that they were in public.

The doe eyed male felt extremely tired all of a sudden and he closed his eyes as he fell onto the floor.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

“He’s awake!”

“He’s awake, oh my God, call the doctor!”

“Kyungsoo-yah, can you hear me?”

It almost seemed like forever when Kyungsoo finally managed to gather his strength and crack his eyes opened. He weakly shut them back and felt his entire body aching like he had been running for days. Kyungsoo moaned softly and tried to move, but then he felt needles were injected into his veins and there was a bandage on his forehead.

“Just—just slow down. It’s alright. You’re alright, sweetheart...”

Kyungsoo recognized his mother’s voice instantly. He smiled to her still with his eyes closed. Kyungsoo tried again and was finally able to flutter his eyes open.

The first faces he saw were his parents.

It seemed like ages since they had last met.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to apologize for making them worried, but his throat was still sore. His mother hastily handed him a glass of water and he tiredly sipped from the straw. He cleared his throat to say something again, but then a very handsome tanned skin male came into his view and everything else was forgotten.

It was Kim Jongin.

“Dammit,” Jongin whispered as he brought Kyungsoo’s palm to his lips. “I’m so scared you’re not gonna wake up anymore...”

“J—Jongin-ah?” Kyungsoo cracked his voice when he spoke and coughed. His eyes went very wide like saucers at the fact that Jongin was there, and—and—Jongin was holding his hand. “Y—y—you—“

“Yes?” Jongin frowned worriedly. “You looked like you have just seen a ghost.”

“I—I—“

“Kyungsoo-yah, thank God,” Junmyeon cried as he appeared behind Jongin and it was obvious that he had been crying. The pretty male immediately placed a hand on his arm and he started sobbing. “We—we were so scared—“

“J—Junmyeon??”

“Y—yes?” Junmyeon blinked in tears. “Do I look like a ghost...?”

“I—“ Kyungsoo momentarily closed his eyes before snapping them open again. He couldn’t think because his head hurt badly. “Where’s...where’s Yixing...?”

Junmyeon blinked in confusion. “Who...?”

“Yixing. Your boyfriend,” Kyungsoo almost snapped in frustration.

“Who the hell is Yixing??”

A foreign, deep voice echoed in the room and Junmyeon turned pale.

“I swear I don’t know, Yifan. I swear! I don’t know any Yixing!”

Kyungsoo’s jaw dropped involuntarily because Yifan was there. He went for a long sleep and when he woke up, he got Jongin and Junmyeon and Yifan as a present?? Kyungsoo’s throat went dry and he swallowed thickly.

“Where’s...Jongdae?”

“Jongdae?” Junmyeon stared at him in disbelief and this time, he looked genuinely concerned. “You mean, Jongdae from class C...? Our high school friend? My...my cousin? You—you talked to him?”

“Hey,” Jongin interrupted them. “You just woke up and you need to rest more, alright? We’ll talk later when you feel better.”

Kyungsoo weakly nodded and his heart was close to exploding when Jongin kissed his palm and gave him a fond stare.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo spent the next of his days thinking.

His parents went home to rest—now that he was awake, but Jongin never left his side. His mother winked at him and told him that Jongin had been taking care of everything and that they were glad because they could leave him in his hands without feeling worried. Kyungsoo blushed at that and nodded when they bade him goodbye.

Junmyeon and Yifan came everyday to the hospital to check on him, and Kyungsoo realized that they were dating. Jongin and Yifan were away to grab coffee so it was just the two of them in the room.

“Junmyeon-ah?”

“Yes...?”

“How long has it been since you dated Yifan-hyung...?”

Junmyeon batted his eyelashes questioningly at Kyungsoo and put the magazine away. He tapped a finger on his chin as he thought. “Since that day at the airport...?”

“Wow,” Kyungsoo breathed. “It’s that long...?”

Junmyeon shyly nodded. “Yes.”

“So you’re not meeting Yixing...” Kyungsoo said quietly, but it was more to himself than to the other male. “Because Yifan stays by your side...”

Junmyeon frowned slightly. “Who is this Yixing...?”

Kyungsoo shook his head weakly. “No one. And how is...Jongdae?”

“Ah, got himself a boyfriend.”

“Zitao, is it?”

“How did you know?” Junmyeon gave him an astonished stare and Kyungsoo grinned. “Anyway, he hangs out a lot with Zitao’s best friend and his best friend’s boyfriend, Sehun and Luhan, if I’m not mistaken.”

“That is good. He’s happy, right?”

“Hm? I guess he is.”

Kyungsoo sighed and stared at the ceiling. It kind of made sense. He never stopped talking to Junmyeon, so their friendship was still going strong. Jongdae never talked to him because he and Junmyeon were in good term. As for Yixing, Junmyeon never got to meet him because Yifan was always there beside him.

It felt funny.

It was like him confessing to Jongin changed everything.

Was it fate...?

Was he able to change the past...?

“When are you allowed to go home...?”

Kyungsoo snapped out of his thoughts and turned to Junmyeon.

“They said I can go home the day after tomorrow.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo smiled. “Yeah, it is.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo jolted up awake to the sound of his alarm clock.

He lazily crawled over to the other side of the bed to turn it off—

—only to find that he accidentally reached Jongin’s hair.

Kyungsoo cracked his eyes open in horror as Jongin stirred slightly in his sleep. He didn’t dare to move and crossed his fingers, hoping that the tanned skin male wouldn’t wake up. His wish didn’t come true.

“Good morning,” Jongin sleepily mumbled and pulled Kyungsoo closer into his arms. The younger male tucked his chin on Kyungsoo’s head and the latter stiffened. “How are you feeling?”

Kyungsoo felt disbelief and impossible and strange and scared and yet he was in bliss to have Jongin beside him. It had been a few days, but it was still a bit hard for him to accept the fact that they were in a relationship.

“I’m feeling better.”

“Good,” Jongin yawned and pecked Kyungsoo’s forehead. “I’m gonna sleep more since it’s Sunday. Wake me up if you want to go, okay?”

“O—okay...”

Jongin sighed in content and soon fell back into deep slumber within seconds. Kyungsoo stared at the peaceful face and smiled to himself. He raised his hand to caress Jongin’s cheek and bit his lower lip longingly.

“I love you,” Kyungsoo whispered.

The doe eyed male went to the kitchen to make coffee. He opened one of the cabinets and was stunned to find that he had a lot of couple mugs in various sizes and colors. Not only just that, he had quite a number of bowls and plates, too.

Kyungsoo felt like crying.

“Hey,” Jongin back hugged him from behind and Kyungsoo couldn’t hide his tears. “Tell me what’s wrong, baby...you’ve been crying a lot ever since we got back from the hospital.”

Kyungsoo shook his head and he shivered slightly when he felt Jongin’s lips were pressed against the back of his neck. “I’m just happy... I really am...”

Jongin wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist. “I love you, too.”

Kyungsoo chuckled as he turned around and poked Jongin’s nose. “You should’ve been asleep.” Jongin made a face and Kyungsoo playfully pushed the younger male away and prepared the mugs for the coffee. He carefully glanced over his shoulder and spotted Jongin watching the news by the table.

It brought a smile to his face.

I really, really love you.

“Jongin-ah...?”

“Hm?”

“If you...if you can turn back the time, would you change all of this...?”

Jongin narrowed his eyes and threw him a stern gaze.

“Never, Kyungsoo-yah.”

Kyungsoo felt tears were threatening to spill over and he nodded when Jongin pulled him closer.

“Never.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End.