How does anyone begin to tell the story of their life? Everyone knows how it ends, but no one knows how or where to start. If I choose to start at the beginning, I would have to gather together all the pieces of my world just to watch it fall apart again in the end. To be honest, I'm not ready for the rollercoaster ride of my life again and I just can’t bear to put myself through that again. When I think back to the memories of him, it only pains me. Although, I like to think that whenever I think of him, I wouldn’t be like this, I can’t help but fall apart all over again.

My body and mind is still here but my heart is broken. No, it didn’t just break; it shattered into a million pieces. How can anyone pick up those little pieces and actually make a live and beating heart again? How can anyone put the pieces together again? This wasn’t like a complicating puzzle, this was an impossible one. Just throw it away and find a new one. That would have been the right thing to do, but he couldn’t understand this. But the funny thing is he never tried to fix that thing either or put the pieces together.

I bled trying to fix it by myself. Why did it seem like I was the only one caring, the only one crying, the only one trying, and the only one hurting? He kept giving me hope, hope that he would change, but never once did he come through on his part. After awhile, a person will become tired of waiting, waiting for a change, waiting for him to change. Words and phrases such as I’m sorry, I’ll change, or I love you, started to mean nothing. I use to be able to forgive him when he said I’m sorry. Use to believe him when he said I’ll change. Every time he said I love you, it made my day. But those things don’t affect me anymore and I started to hate those phrases. Don’t say it unless you mean it and if someone says it too much, it starts to become meaningless.

After the relationship ended, I came to realize why he still wanted it. During the whole relationship, I really was the only one who was suffering. When he thought back to our relationship, he thought about all the good times we had together, but I can only remember all the bad memories, from the times we fought to all our broken promises. For some reason, I think my mind has been programmed to only remember the bad things about life. There are times when I think about the past and wonder if I didn’t meet him that day, if I just rejected him from the beginning, would I still feel all this pain? Would I have such bad memories of love? But we can’t change the past and whatever happened already happened.

I’m left here broken and shattered.