Have you ever fallen in love? Have you ever really fallen in love?

“No.”

I thought so.

“…”

What?

“What’s your point? Why’re you telling me all this?”

Because, one day, I don’t know when exactly, but you will find yourself in a situation much like this. A situation where – what’s it called? – You find yourself falling in love at first sight.

“Bah, love at first sight is for fairy tales. They don’t happen in real life.”

Oh, but life is much like a fairy tale. Just not the shiny, sparkly ones that you see on television where everyone has a happy ending. That’s rubbish. We all turn to foam some day, and it happens to more people than we’d like to admit. But it happens anyway. Maybe then, you’ll be sensible and throw away the fairy tale. Because more often than not, these tales end in a mess of tears and broken promises washed away by the foam of dead memories.

“You make love sound terrible.”

Perhaps, Sehun. But if it stops you from wanting that fairy tale, than I guess it helps.



“You’re wrong.”

Oh?

“You’re definitely wrong. Love isn’t like the warped stories that you talked of. It’s wonderful. It’s like drinking bubbly pink champagne that leaves you all buzzed and fuzzy inside.”

Who did you meet?

“A real charming person. Goes by the name of Kai. He’s really cute. Tanned skin, toned arms, and that smile… He said that he really really liked me. And that I’m special. No one has ever made him feel this way before.”

And you believe him?

“Are you trying to make me upset? Are you saying that he’s lying?”

I’m just being objective, Sehun. There’s no need to be upset. I wish that you wouldn’t get so agitated.

“Fine.”



“I’ll prove you wrong, you’ll see.”

Oh, Sehun, it’ll never work out the way you want it to. Love is a finicky thing, it’ll never go exactly the way you wish it would.

“Stop it. Stop. Please stop. Poisoning my mind with doubts.”

There’s always the possibility that things…

“Why’re you so eager for us to break apart, anyway? What’s it to you?”

No-nothing, Sehun. I just don’t want you to get hurt.

“Well you’re disturbing me now, the way that you’re talking. We’re happy together. Why can’t you just congratulate me and get over it?”

So you think you’re in love?

“Of course! What do you think that I have been feeling all this while?”

Mere infatuation. Mindless happiness caused by temporary highs off this new… friend of yours.

“Kai is my boyfriend. He’s not just my friend alone. I can’t take this anymore. Your negativity is getting to me. I’ll see you in a few days time, Luhan.”



Are you sure?

“I – I don’t know. He didn’t pick up my calls, and he’s been acting strangely, always saying that he’s been busy. He turned down my offer of going to see the latest dance concert in town. This is crazy! He loves dance even more than I do, why in the world is he saying that he doesn’t have enough time for these kind of things anymore?”

Maybe he’s just saying that he doesn’t have enough time for you anymore.



We all disappear into foam one day. After the initial high, there’s always the hangover. The reality check. The days when nothing matters anymore but the dull pain that slowly consumes us, turning the colours of the rainbow greyer and greyer.

That day, for Sehun, had recently arrived. The weeks of checking your phone for calls or texts that never comes. The days spent wondering what you have done wrong. The hours spent mulling over every single conversation you had, picking at the littlest things and killing yourself slowly over every innocent reason.

The disease that is love. I’ve been stricken by it. I’ve been through all the stages of it. Sometimes, love makes you cruel, but then you beat yourself up over it afterwards. Because why would you want to make him cry? After a while, you turn numb, and you succumb to the mentality of not wanting to care anymore. That’s when your heart hardens into lumps of salt, stinging whoever wants to come near.

When it’s all over, you give up on yourself, and you curse yourself for being a stupid fool. For letting someone play with your heart. And you try to get rid of your lost love by tossing your heart away into the ocean, where no one can ever find it again. You watch yourself turn into sea foam; salt dissolved in water and washed up on the beach.

And you try and try and try to be who you were before. But it’s too late. Because some part of you is missing; turned into foam.

Like I said, we all die some day; lost at sea, forbidden memories and phantom wishes mixed with the pain of bygone days and lost chances.

For me, it was a long time ago, maybe three years back, when I first set my eyes on a boy a few years younger than I was. I still remember the day as if it were yesterday. Of course I do. It was the beginning of my death. Do you want to hear it?

It started like this:

“Hello, my name is Luhan.”

“And mine’s Sehun,” he said, extending a hand towards me with a smile on his face.