I couldn't take it. I couldn't see him wasting his life away with another person.

               Because he belonged to me. Jung Pilkyo belonged to me.

               "Hyesung, are you ready for your big day?" It was Dongwan who had posed such an ignorant question. I wanted to wrap my fingers around his neck and force him to take his words back.

               His big day? Why did he make it sound like it was something positive? Something that deserved happiness?

               "I don't know. I'm so nervous." He had such a wide smile on his face, that fool. He made sure that our eyes never met although I was glowering at him with every ounce of my blackened soul. How dare he.

               He was going to die by my bare hands.

               "I can't believe you're getting married!" This time it was Minwoo who had spoken. "You're the first one of us. It's so surreal."

               "I know right. I can't believe it, too," Hyesung replied. I really wanted to wipe the stupid grin off his face.

               How dare he pretend to be happy with her. In front of me. How dare he.

               I was consumed with anger and spite. I wanted to leave them, my idiotic friends who were all overjoyed by something so... disgusting.

               Why... Why couldn't I be happy with them?

               "It's tomorrow. Gosh, I don't think I even have the performance memorized," Andy muttered, his face flushed. They all laughed at how cute our maknae was, taking their turn to pat his shoulder in comfort.

               Everyone except for me.

               "Best man! I'm thrilled!" Jinnie cried, making me flinch. He gave the soon-to-be groom a tight hug. "Hyung, you'll be an amazing husband, I just know it!"

               "Thanks, Choongjae," he replied jauntily. "A husband... Wow..."

               The five of them stood in silence, admiring the title that sounded so foreign.

               A husband? I snorted. Yeah right.

               Hyesung would never be a husband. No, not even for the most beautiful woman in the world.

               Because he was mine.

               "Do you think you'll be happy?" I was shocked when I heard the words coming out of my own mouth. When had I willed myself to talk to the fool?

               We locked eyes. Something sad passed through his eyes.

               Did he pity me?

               "Yes. I think I'll be very happy."

               I stared at him in disbelief. Did he just really say--

               "Eric!" he called as I turned my back on my closest friends and ran out.

               My heart was pounding with every step as I searched for some escape. There was no way... Hyesung was mine... He wasn't allowed to be happy with anyone else except me...

               "Eric!" he shouted behind me. When I slowed my pace, I felt my wrist being grabbed from behind.

               "Eric! What the hell is wrong with you?" he questioned angrily.

               My eyes widened as they threatened to pour. "What's wrong with me? Are you really asking me that, Hyesung?"

               "What?" he spat in irritation. "Yes, I'm really asking you that. I don't know what's up with you!"

               "You're... You're getting married," I stuttered.

               "Yes, I am," he stated and stared at me with his arms crossed. The fury in his eyes evaporated when tears began to run down my cheeks. "Eric... Oh, my god, Eric... What's the matter?"

               I didn't understand either. I just knew that the moment I had learned of the news, something had snapped inside me. In the end, I was the one being completely unreasonable, the one totally insane. Of course, I should be happy for him. He was my best friend... I knew he deserved happiness more than anyone else in the world.

               Yet I was bitter. Somewhere deep inside my heart, I was mourning because I couldn't believe that this was happening.

               My Hyesung. My Pilkyo. My everything.

              "Don't..." I whispered. I couldn't control what I was saying anymore. He watched me in horror.

               "What?" he asked, incredulous.

               "Don't," I repeated, more clearly this time. "Don't..."

               "Don't what?" Hyesung pressed softly. "Are you asking me not to get married?"

               "Don't... Don't leave me..."

               The expression on his face was indescribable. His mouth twisted into a frown, his eyes beyond tragic, his cheeks pale and lacking their usual blush. He looked ghastly.

               "What?" was all he said. I bit down on my lip until I tasted the bitterness of my blood.

               He was happy. He had been genuinely happy about getting married, about starting a new family.

               And I had been the one to take that happiness away from him.

               "I'm sorry... Forget that I said anything..." I quickly muttered and turned away from him. Now that my senses had returned, I couldn't believe what I had just done. I knew the deathly face of his would be forever imprinted in my mind.

               How... How could I say that to Hyesung?

               "Eric..." I heard him whisper lowly. "You still haven't... moved on?"

               The blood in my veins froze. I felt like something sharp had pierced into my heart.

               "You... have?"

               There was silence. He didn't answer nor did I have the energy to speak.

               What we had... Did he really let go?

               Why couldn't I? Why did I still live in the past?

               Why did I still love him the way I did back then?

               And why did it hurt so much to see that he had stopped loving me back?

               "Eric... I can't..." he finally spoke. The tears rained, blurring my vision. "I love her..."

               Love? He loved her?

               The way he had once loved... me?

               "I have to get married," he pressed, ripping the remains of my heart. I didn't want to hear anymore. I couldn't... I would rather die than listen...

               "I understand," I answered, my voice so much calmer than I was. "But... I don't think I'll be able to make it to the wedding..."

               "Eric, I..." he started then seemed to think the better of it. "I... understand."

               "I'm sorry," I said. Then I ran. I ran as fast as I could out of the building, away from him, away from the one I still loved with all of my heart.

               And he didn't stop me.

***

               I saw him, his hair pushed back, his tuxedo hugging his perfect white skin. He was beautiful, he was smiling. He was everything I wanted. And he was everything I couldn't have.

               Because there was someone else, dressed in a beautiful wedding gown next to him, returning his smile. She would be the one to love him for the rest of his life. He would be hers...

               And never mine again.

               I awoke with a start, cold sweat dropping down my brow. I reached out for the glass of water beside my bed to quench the burning thirst in my throat.

               I really hated myself. I really did.

               Even in my dreams, he was there. It had been a good thing to miss his wedding. I wouldn't have been able to control myself. Who knows how stupidity could have possessed me if I had attended? At least I wasn't there to ruin the precious moment for him.

               I searched my desk for my digital clock, glowing red. 4:05 pm.

               I rubbed my temples in frustration as the thoughts came flooding in. Would the couple be saying their vows now? I couldn't remember how weddings were usually scheduled. Would Andy be performing now? Or were they already finished?

               Should I... go to the after party? I could just flash my face and make sure he understood that I was okay... That I really wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn't with me...

               But who was I trying to kid? I didn't want him to be happy. Not with her. Not with anyone else.

               Damn, I was a terrible person. A rotten being to the core.

               I let my feet drag me into the kitchen. My stomach growled, but I didn't have much of an appetite. I searched the fridge for a bottle of beer and sat down in front of my television.

               Would the event be covered by the news? Well, of course it would be... He was Shinhwa's main vocal after all...

               Stupid Shin Hyesung... Stupid, stupid Jung Pilkyo...

               I really hated him. A person who could stop loving me. When I couldn't forget anything about him, even after a decade had passed.

               As I drank in front of the black screen, I reminisced about our old romance. How our youthful selves had attempted to cook breakfast. How I had presented him with a hundred roses on his birthday. How he had massaged my feet until I had fallen asleep, only to dream about him. How we had snuck out from our dorm to date in secret. How we had kissed so passionately until we were both out of breath.

               How people around us had found out. How they had advised us to stay apart. How we had mutually broken up. How I had always loved him even after that. How I had always believed that we would be together again.

               How foolish I had been all this time. How... How pitiful and stupid...

               The bitter tears ran down. Now Jung Pilkyo would never be mine. He would never, ever press his lips to mine.

               him. everyone. them all.

               I raised the bottle only to find it empty. When had I drank it all? My mind was beginning to crumble to a fuzzy mess, but I was still not satisfied. I needed more alcohol... I could not go through this sober...

               That's when I heard the doorbell ring. I thought I had imagined it and ignored it.

               Then it rang again.

               Who the hell would visit now? I thought. I got up and stumbled my way to the door.

               It didn't cross my blurred mind to check the intruder's identity before opening the entrance.

               "You!" I cried loudly, pointing with a trembling finger.

               Was I still dreaming?

               "Eric..." he said. His voice sounded terrible and raspy as if he had caught a cold. His hair was untidy, so unlike his usual self. The bow of his suit was crooked and there was dirt sullying his attire.

               I ran my hand over his face to make sure he was really there. I traced his tall nose, his cheekbones, his soft lips.

               "You're really here," I concluded, finally realizing it was true.

               Jung Pilkyo was really here. In front of me.

               "Eric..." he called my name again. I saw the tears that made his beautiful eyes glossy.

               "What happened? Why are you here?" I questioned. "What... about the wedding?"

               "I..." he hesitated before answering. "I... couldn't go through with it..."

               "W-Why?"

               Hyesung looked deep into my eyes, tears trickling down his perfect face. "I thought we were done. I thought... that it was over between us..."

               I stared at him as he struggled to find the right words. He sighed.

               "It was always you, Junghyuk. It was always you."

               A smile slowly consumed my lips.

               "I... I love you, Pilkyo. I never stopped loving you."

               "Neither did I. Neither did I..."

               My arms wrapped around him, the one I treasured with the depths of my heart. Finally, we were together again. He pulled on my hair as he kissed me. It felt exactly the same as all those years ago.

               Except this time, it would not be fleeting. I wouldn't let other people dictate our relationship. Nothing would hinder us ever again.

               This time I would never let him go.