Luhan knew his life was headed on a highway to hell when he got a house call responding to his advertisement (who knew that placing ads in the newspapers costs more than ten cups of his regular coffee at his favourite cafe?) for a roommate to share his fancy apartment in Apgujeong. Strapped for money no thanks to a bad investment, Luhan realized that he needed to stop pretending to be an investor the same way his friend Kris thought he was drawing abstract art when it was clear to everyone else that it was no better than a 3-year-old’s scribbles.

That was when Luhan gave up what he thought was the most exciting job (Kris snorted and said that it was just gambling) in the world and settled down for writing.

He insisted on many things, and when it came to writing, no exceptions were made. He saw to it that he wrote at most a paragraph a day (slow but steady wins the race, Yixing would mumble to himself as he tried to find a post-it that reminded him of what needed to be done that day) and when it was done, Luhan would shift his focus to online shopping (coupled with an urge to check the stocks, followed by which he would pinch himself for even thinking about it).

That afternoon, Luhan hammered furiously at his keyboard, spilling out tear-jerking worthy liners when he heard a timid knock on the door. Cursing the visitor for not using a doorbell when it was just there, Luhan grumpily opened the door to a nervous young man who was fidgeting at his doorstep. He had on a high school uniform, identifying him as a student from a famous school in Seoul.

“Are you...” the young man checked the ballpoint-scribbled words on his sweaty palm and read out slowly, “Lu? Lu Han?”

“It’s Mr Luhan to you.” The older man clucked, clearly annoyed that his baby face had caused a misunderstanding once again. “I’m a 90-liner.”

“Oh!” The young man was clearly taken aback by surprise at this strange twist of events. He touched his own face unknowingly, and Luhan couldn’t help but mentally remark that he was rather good-looking, with sharp and refined facial features (only overshadowed by his own face). Cautiously, he looked around behind the young man, his eyes trained to spot certain estrogen-fuelled, high-pitched homo sapiens he couldn’t believe were 99% biologically similar to him after being chased by them immediately after he got off his flight from Beijing.

The young man followed his gaze and turned around to scan his surroundings, before giving Luhan the okay.

“Don’t worry, I’ve shaken off the last one already - I think. By the way, I’m Oh Sehun.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, my surname is Oh.”

“Oh.”

Luhan cocked his eyebrow at Sehun, “And then? Surely you haven’t come all the way here just to knock on my door when there’s a doorbell right there?”

Sehun took a full second to remember why he was even standing there, and stuck his hand out into Luhan’s chest.


“I saw your advertisement in the newspapers for a roommate and I’m here to take up the offer. I’ve got cash, I’m perfectly sane and I like pizza!” He frowned when Luhan just stared back at him blankly and rejected his offer for a handshake, and for a moment there Luhan wondered whether he should kick Sehun out of the door and pretend that he never did open the door for a potential customer, before he spotted his postbox that was bursting with mail - the glaring bank logo printed on more than one of the envelopes.

“You’re in - but first, treat your landlord to pizza.”

And that was when, Luhan reckoned, he knew that it was going to be crash and burn for him.
 

The doorbell rang exactly one hour later as Luhan was wondering whether to give his main character cancer or make her a victim of a vicious murder, and he thanked the heavens for someone who had enough common sense to use the doorbell.

“Pizza delivery!”

“Oh Sehun, get the door!”

It was followed by a shuffling of feet on the wooden floor, before Sehun yelled back, “Hyung, can’t! I’m struggling to put my school books on the shelf!”

“Yah who said I was your hyung already? And it’s my pizza out there at the door, so you better go get it! I’m not getting out of my seat!”

Luhan grimaced as he turned back to the computer screen, still agonizing over whether the main character should just disappear and never return to save him all that trouble. He hated the sappy main character but Kris had once told him that female readers would love all these cheesy melodrama wrapped in a genre called chick-lit, while adding on that a handsome author of such stories would be the perfect fantasy package, and he was convinced that for the money he might as well just go all the way.

He nearly forgot about the visitor at the door for a moment until he heard the pizza delivery man screech.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’M SORRY PLEASE JUST TAKE YOUR PIZZA YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO PAY!”

“Ooh, free pizza!” Luhan grinned and dashed out of his room to see what was going on, leaving the main character in the midst of standing at the train platform, only to see Sehun glaring at the figure of a man who was running to his motorcycle in a bid to run away.

“Yah Oh Sehun -”

“What.”

Luhan nearly died of a heart attack when he saw the younger boy’s poker face and unsmiling eyes shooting death glares at him.

“Yah yah yah why are you glaring at me like that...and what have you done to the delivery man? Hey, where’s the pizza! Didn’t he say you could take it for free??”

“Whatever.”

Sehun knocked Luhan in the shoulder and went back to his room as though nothing had happened, and all Luhan could think of was that he had brought hell upon himself.
 

“Get out. I haven’t forgiven you for the pizza. My pizza.”

“I’m really sorry, I really am!”

Luhan wondered if this boy was even okay in the head. One hour ago he had been looking like he wanted to murder anything that breathed, and now he was begging for Luhan to forgive him like his life depended on it.

“Just - just leave me alone to grieve for my pizza. Everything hurts right now.”

The older man waved Sehun away and tried his best to ignore his pitiful whimpers, until Sehun quipped, “How about this, I’ll cook dinner for you!”

That caught Luhan’s attention. “And what can you cook, young man? Ramyun?”

“Well...I could always try cooking jajangmyeon for you.”

“Try? TRY?” Luhan was on the verge of seething as he grabbed Sehun by the collar and shook him back and forth. “I don’t want you to just try, I want food! FOOD. REAL FOOD.”

“Okay okay I will cook jajangmyeon for you!” Sehun yelled and Luhan immediately let go of his collar, causing the younger guy to collapse on the sofa, trying to catch his breath. “Just don’t blame me if I burn your kitchen down!”

“What? By the way, what were you glaring at the pizza delivery man for?”

“He looked like one of my sasaeng fans from thirty-five days back.”
 

“God damn it SEHUN GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN RIGHT NOW WHAT THE -”

Luhan found himself choking on thick black smoke the moment his main character finally died on the train tracks, and he rushed into the kitchen to find out what Sehun was up to.

“I’m so sorry hyung oh my god I think something might explode soon HYUNG LEAVE IT TO ME I CAN DO THIS!”

“Oh Sehun I clearly remember telling you to cook jajangmyeon USING NOODLES IN A POT AND NOT IN THE AIR!”

“Now that you mention it, the smoke does look like a mess of jajangmyeon - "

Letting out a groan of despair, Luhan swatted his way through the smoke and pulled on what he believed to be Sehun’s hand (the boy later pointed out that he could have been pulling his leg but Luhan was too distraught to laugh) and yanked the boy out of the kitchen. At other times, Luhan might have laughed at the black soot covering Sehun’s face and taken a photo of it to upload on his SNS, but Sehun truly looked so upset about not successfully cooking the jajangmyeon that Luhan let this one slide.

“You,” Luhan jabbed his finger into Sehun’s chest, “are not stepping into my kitchen from now on. No buts, no more offers of pizza, just stay away from anything in my life regarding food. That’s right, the fridge included.”

“Sehun, if you don’t get that girl to go away within the next thirty seconds, you’re out of this house and by that time no one can save you from the treacherous fangirls.”

“Hyung, you tell this girl to go away!” Sehun cried as the girl at the doorstep bit on his arm, before pestering him for a signature again.

“Oppa, I just want a signature from you! I want to sell it to my friends, please please please?”

“How did you even know I was staying here? You creep!”

So annoyed was Luhan by the fact that he couldn’t buy his official TVXQ merchandise because he used up his paycheck, that he marched up to the fangirl and started yelling swear words in Chinese, leaving both the girl and Sehun puzzled.

“Did you actually understand that?”

“Nope.” Both the girl and Sehun shook their heads.

“Actually,” the girl looked at Luhan with a discerning eye, “you’re cuter than Sehun oppa! He’s so yesterday. I could advertise you to the girls instead... how about 10 000 won for one signature?”

Luhan’s jaw dropped, and all that was running through his mind was how he wanted to be standing on a train platform right there and then.

The older man usually had no problems falling into deep sleep, but that night was an exception. Whenever he was about to dream of his No.1 bestseller and the money that would roll in, he would hear sobs coming from the room next to him. It eventually annoyed him so much that he stormed over, only to find Sehun curled up in the blankets and crying himself to sleep.

“Sehun?” Luhan’s voice was considerably softer and gentler than before, but it did not comfort the boy.

“Go away! I don’t want you to know I’m like this.”

“I’m already here, you might as well just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m sorry, hyung. I feel so useless and burdensome right now...actually no, as usual...”

Luhan rubbed his eyes and subsequently his temples. He was terrible at dealing with people’s emotional breakdowns and had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to say to make Sehun feel better.

“Hey, you’re not totally useless. You erm didn’t burn the whole pot of jajangmyeon, you uh nearly got free pizza for me, you kind of helped the fangirl out there by signing for her after being bitten all over...yeah.”

Sehun just bawled even louder, and Luhan wondered if whatever he told Sehun was he trying to comfort and convince himself into letting this troublemaker into his house.
 

Luhan forgot everything in his deep sleep, until he felt a violent earthquake under him and he widened his eyes, only to stare back at Sehun who was grinning at him.

“Good morning hyung!”

“You idiot! My alarm hasn’t even rung yet! I only slept for 2 hours?!”

“It’s 6AM, deer of the dawn!” Sehun chirped happily as he dragged Luhan out of the bed and pushed him towards the kitchen. “I need to go to school!”

“And so?” Luhan raised his eyebrow. “What’s it got to do with me? And how did you know my name means deer of the dawn?”

“I searched it up! And anyway, you said yesterday that I wasn’t to step into your kitchen anymore, so you’ll have to make breakfast for me! I want pancakes with butter please!” Sehun smiled innocently, and Luhan was about to retort, until he remembered what happened last night and shuddered.

“Okay okay I get it. You sit down there in the dining room, touch nothing and wait for breakfast. If you cry, or anything explodes, or the doorbell rings with another violent fangirl waiting for you OR for me, you go to the convenience store and grab your own breakfast from now on.”

“At least you’re not kicking me out!” Sehun chuckled and Luhan paused momentarily, wondering why he didn’t threaten Sehun with that instead.

All Luhan feels now is emptiness. Kris calls it ‘an emotional void’, but really, all Luhan knows is that it’s nothing.

“You knew he had problems. The doctors said he was never once emotionally stable until he met you. You were there for him. You don’t have to blame yourself for it.” Kris tosses Luhan a can of Coke, but all Luhan wants is beer. Kris has never truly understood Luhan, but then again, neither has he truly understood the boy who knocked on his door one year ago.

“Then who do I blame - Sehun himself?” Luhan scoffs.

“You idiot.”

“Yeah, I am one. Shouldn’t have let him into my house - my freaking life - that day, then maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here crying like no one’s business.” Luhan chokes back a sob and turns to Kris with tears in his eyes, “Do you know that Sehun, that idiot, he knocked on my door when there was a doorbell? That he offered to buy me pizza and then he scared the delivery man away? That he nearly burned my kitchen down by cooking jajangmyeon? That he attracted weird fangirls that bite into my house? That he cried by himself at night thinking that I couldn’t hear and that I wouldn’t know? That he wakes me up every single day at 6AM -”

Luhan finds himself unable to continue, and Kris ruffles his hair to get him to stop rambling on about Sehun for a while.

“Sehun would have never wanted to see you like this.”

“THEN WHY DID HE HAVE TO COMMIT SUICIDE?!” Luhan yells and punches Kris in the chest. “He promised me that he would talk through things with me. He promised that he would never cry without me knowing. He promised so many things, Kris! I kept all my promises to him, but did he?”

“He always thought you were stronger, Luhan. Sehun was never capable of being the stronger one.”

“How am I strong when I cry like this for him? How?” The baby-faced man looks like he has aged considerably, and it hurts Kris to see his best friend so tired after a long battle with Sehun to fight his demons.

“But till the very end, aren’t you proud of Sehun? Aren’t you proud of him for fighting so hard even though the battle is lost? You know how bad it was at the end, where Sehun couldn’t even remember who he was anymore. But he always remembered who you were, Luhan. And admit it, you never regretted meeting and loving him. He brought out the best in you and you know it, so don’t lie and say that no part of this was good. That would be doing injustice to the one year you had together, and to Sehun too. Oh, and if this cheers you up at all, Sehun told me something three months back but he told me never to tell you.”

Luhan just stares at Kris, and the taller male has a small smile on his face.

“He was your ultimate fanboy ever since he saw you buying pizza.”