I’m your eternal Peter Pan, your man who has stopped in time

Peter Pan by EXO

[1]

Kim Jongin is wide awake. He checks his clock and everything seems to stop in time, literally, as he watches the time flash in neon green in the pitch black darkness.

“0330.”

He tries to steady his breathing (breathe in, breathe out - that’s right) and falls back on his comfortable mattress. He needs to sleep peacefully just for once in order to break out of this habit. To add on, Junmyun has been breathing down his neck about looking like he wants to die when he is supposed to look his best 24/7, which is not exactly a perk of being a supermodel, unlike what Chanyeol claims to be ‘the best job in the world’ - then again, Chanyeol will think any job is cooler than his which comprises of grumpy customers who take half an hour just to decide if they want to upsize their meal.

And then there’s Baekhyun, who literally yells at him to get more sleep because he looks terrible in his photographs, and Byun Baekhyun will not allow his photographs to be anything less than perfect (being an acclaimed photographer probably means that he’s allowed to be demanding but Jongin reserves judgment on that). Kyungsoo doesn’t help either - he just shrugs, keeps track of Jongin’s schedules, and hands him the occasional vitamin pill (Jongin isn’t sure what Vitamin C can do for him since it doesn’t magically pay off the sleep debt, but Kyungsoo just keeps shrugging and staring at him with those huge eyes of his) which Jongin chews on in between photoshoots.

Jongin stares at the ceiling and attempts to count sheep as he lets his eyelids fall and visualizes sheep leaping one after another over a wooden fence.

1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep.

The sheep start fading into a swirl of white and black as he finds himself sleeping. At least, he thinks he’s sleeping.

Or maybe it’s just him brainwashing himself as he looks at the darkness - at the interior of his very own eyelids.

 [2]

Kim Jongin is wide awake. He checks his clock and everything seems to stop in time, literally, as he watches the time flash in neon green in the pitch black darkness.

“0330.”

He cannot believe it. It’s the 30th time this has happened (yes he’s been counting and marking the days on the calendar just to be sure). It’s been a month since -

Jongin breaks out into cold sweat and decides that there is no way he can fall asleep again, not when his mind is in a mess and all he craves for is fresh air. He finds himself fumbling in his trench coat for his car keys, and throwing on a thin sweater before plopping into his new, fancy sports car. Junmyun had been nagging (since when has he not anyway) about his old car being “too old, too slow, and too unglamorous for Kim Jongin”, so he got a new car paid by his modelling agency and voila, he’s now speeding down the road at 190mph like it’s nobody’s business.

He thinks it is nobody’s business anyway - there is no one on the deathly quiet streets. He likes the feeling of newfound freedom as everything whizzes past (he knows he’s the one whizzing past, but he’s allowed to fantasize, right?). Streetlamps become blurs of fireballs shooting through the air, buildings nothing more than lego bricks, and he - he is speeding through all his worries, his troubles. It is as though he is leaving himself and his past behind as he swerves at roundabouts, honks at the traffic lights just for fun, and lets his laughter ring in the air as he pretends to be Peter Pan who stays forever young in Neverland.

Tonight, he will stay forever young.

[3]

“An orange sports car was found at the bottom of the Han River last night at approximately 3AM plus, after a tip-off from a frightened bystander who witnessed it losing control and being flung into the river after smashing a lampost nearby. The car has since been hauled up from the water, and the driver pronounced dead on the spot from drowning. The driver is believed to be in his early 20s, although his face is unrecognizable as of now due to the injuries and bloating from being submerged underwater for too long. The police are seeking more eyewitnesses -”

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

Kyungsoo switches off the television and turns to look at Junmyun, who has his face buried in his hands.  

“I told you Sehun’s death wasn’t something he forgot easily -”

“Shut up.”

“You told him to forget about Sehun and get back to work the next day.”

“You don’t know a single thing about what I told Jongin.”

“Oh yes I do. Did he tell you that he wakes up at 0330 every night because he cannot forget how Sehun died in a car accident at that time just one month ago?”

“Sehun’s death had nothing to do with Jongin. And what is this about waking up at 0330 every night? Do you think this is a -”

“You see,” Kyungsoo stands up and flings his employee’s pass back to Junmyun, “the only thing you know about Kim Jongin is that he is worth squeezing money out of. And now that your piggy bank is smashed, I believe my job here is over too. Good day, and maybe the police will call you up later to identify his body.”

[4]

There were late nights where both of them would lie on the grass in Jongin’s garden and identify stars in the night sky; early mornings where both of them would throw eggs at each other during an attempt to make scrambled eggs for breakfast, and mid-afternoons where both of them would just laze around on the sofa watching re-runs on the television.

Jongin had never known anyone who knew him better, and Sehun would never have imagined that there was someone on earth who could look past his good looks (and poker face). Their relationship was unclear even to the both of them - not that it mattered to them anyway. The only thing they desired was each other’s company, be it on a cold Saturday morning or warm Wednesday afternoon. They didn’t need words to express anything, they knew each other inside out. Sehun always made Jongin’s coffee a little more creamy, and Jongin made sure that the milk he bought only had 8g of fat the way Sehun liked it

It could have been friendship at its best, at its finest, and sometimes Jongin would tease Sehun about how long they had been friends for. Sehun had seen Kyungsoo looking at them enviously sometimes when he went to find Jongin at his photoshoot to give him support, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what that huge-eyed guy was thinking.

Until the day that Sehun became nothing more but a butterfly that flitted away, Jongin had always thought that this guy with a lisp would never leave him.

Junmyun had refused to let Jongin slip into depression by cramming him with more work, but he would never forget how he watched as the taxi that Sehun was in crash into a fire hydrant right before his eyes that very night. Jongin was not to blame (drunk taxi drivers were not unheard of) but he wished he had kept Sehun just a little longer. Take the next taxi. Take the subway. Or even take his own bicycle. (and why did his car choose to break down just the day before -)

He never forgot how the smashed black watch on Sehun’s wrist that had flung out next to the damned fire hydrant flashed 0330 in neon green.

From then on, 0330 had never been just four numbers to him again.

[5]

“You claim that you know who this body belongs to?”

“Yes, yes I do.”

“Do you recognize any of his belongings?”

The police officers watched intently as they took out a plastic bag.

“Yes sirs. I can’t say much about the car keys, but I can ascertain that the watch is his.”

“How so?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes remain fixated on the black watch.

“The time is stuck at 0330.”