Slowly, Jaejoong entered the small cozy house but all he could feel was a shiver going down his spine. A sense of nostalgia hit him, the smell of the house all too familiar to him. The small stain of coffee near the loveseat, the way the painting to his left was slightly slanted, the way the magazines where scattered on the table messily. Everything was left the way it

was.

 

Taking a seat on the small couch in front of the t.v. , he slowly stared to his right, feeling lonely. A small smile adorned his face. This was where they always sat, where they shared there mornings with kisses and laughter.

 

-0-0-0-

 

“Good morning, Jaejoong,”

 

Jaejoong yawned, rubbing his doe eyes as he landed tiredly next to the slightly more built man. Snuggling into his side, he happily sighed.

 

“Morning, Yunho-ah” The said man smiled lovingly at him, before wrapping his arms around him. Kissing his head, he held a cup of coffee, with a slight vanilla aroma to Jaejoong.

 

“What do you want to do today, Jae?” Yunho asked, taking his own cup to his bow shaped lips.

 

“Before we do anything, how about a morning kiss, Yunnie?”

 

Yunho couldn’t say no to the pouting angel, kissing him softly on the lips.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Deciding he couldn’t stay on the couch for much longer, Jaejoong got up and slowly made his way towards the kitchen, his sanctuary. Lightly touching the dusted counters, he made way to the stove and to the table for two. The table cloth still white with specks of dust, the napkin stand filled with napkins, and the salt and pepper shakers next to each other.

 

Jaejoong slowly made his way to the island, where the stove was once again. Yet this time, with shaking hands he touched it. Smiling bitterly once more, he couldn’t help to remember how stingy Yunho was.

 

-0-0-0-

 

“Yunho, again?!” Jaejoong said with a threat in his tone.

 

Yunho looked up innocently at Jaejoong, who was glaring at Yunho with a spatula in one hand and the other, a plate of jjappchae.

 

“Baby, you know I hate mushrooms and carrots. Yuck, carrots!” Yunho scrunched up his nose at the thought of the orange thing with a green top.

 

Sighing, Jaejoong pinched his nose, this time Jaejoong was the one who couldn’t deny Yunho of his wishes.

 

“Fine! But only this once!” And with that, Jaejoong removed the said ‘yucky vegetables’, as Yunho kissed him once again in thanks.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Feeling as if he could throw up any second, Jaejoong decided to leave, but once more, the hallway to his right compelled him to go down it. It was as if it called him to once again, feel the pain of what he lost. Of who he lost. His whole body was numb, hands cold as ice, as he walked the halls of the once bright home. Slowly, he spotted right next to the master bedroom was the bathroom. Jaejoong once more decided, he wasn’t ready to face it just yet, entered the restroom the once shared.

 

The bathroom was a simple one, accompanied with a shower and bathtub, a toilet to the right with a sink in between the two. He stared at the tub for a while and made way to the sink.

 

Jaejoong looked at himself for a moment, only to find glazed eyes filled with pain and a soon emptiness. Looking away from his reflection, he studied the cup and toothbrush holder, where it once held two toothbrushes. When it was just the two of them.

 

-0-0-0-

 

“Jaejoong, say ‘ah’” Yunho instructed as he pushed a toothbrush filled with toothpaste into Jaejoong’s mouth.

 

And Jaejoong did the same, both of them brushing each other’s teeth.

 

Giggling, Jaejoong pulled away from the toothbrush inside his mouth, and pulled back Yunho’s, only to softly peck Yunho’s nose before running out of the bathroom, into the hallway, and away from Yunho’s calls of revenge.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Finally, Jaejoong exited the bathroom, only to find himself in front of the master bedroom, their shared bedroom. Shaking, he opened the door, his palms sweating. Gasping, he felt a rush of pain bloom in his chest as he looked at the neat bed. Everything was exactly how he left it. The navy sheets neat, filled with dust as of now, the brown drawers still held the pictures, the left over change, the closet door slightly ajar, as the day he decided he had to leave too.

 

Weak in the legs, he moved to make his way onto the bed he once shared with the man he still loved so dearly. He smoothed out the side where Yunho laid, where he held Jaejoong so close, so lovingly, and so carefully, as if afraid he’ll break, where he use to whisper ‘I love you’ to him every night in his ears, as if to reassure him that he’s his everything.

 

-0-0-0-

“Jaejoong-ah,” Yunho called softly, holding Jaejoong to his chest.

 

“Mmm,” Jaejoong mumbled, half asleep. Chuckling, he kissed the top of Jaejoong’s head.

 

“I love you, you know that?” he whispered in his soft raven hair.

 

Looking up, Jaejoong smiled softly with tired eyes.

 

“I love you, too Yunho-ah. More than anything, “

 

Smiling back, Yunho asked, “ More than the stars, the moons, the heavens, Jaejoong?

 

“More than anything, Yunho. How about you Yunho? You love me more than the stars, the moons, the heavens?”

 

Tightening his hold, he smiled into Jaejoong’s neck, snuggling it before answering, “ More than anything, Jaejoong.”

 

After all, that was their thing. They only needed each other.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Freezing, Jaejoong felt a trickling down his face. With shaking hands he slowly reached up, only to feel his own tears. He swept them away, only to be welcomed with more. And soon enough, Jaejoong was sobbing, loud cries, and shoulders shaking, as he shuddered in agony. The feeling of losing everything you have was painful and Jaejoong had learned it the hard way.

 

The house wasn’t only filled with those memories of happiness; they were also filled with hurt, pain, and anger.

 

Looking down, he could faintly make out a skid in the brown wood flooring. Hiccuping softly, he stared at it, the images running through his mind.

 

-0-0-0-

 

“What are you talking about Jae?” Yunho asked tiredly, bags marring his almond eyes. Dragging a hand through his hair, he stared as Jaejoong looked at him, his eyes piercing with pain and jealousy.

 

“ I’m talking about, how you’re never here! You’re always with her! Why? I don’t care if it’s for work! I’m the one you should be with, not her Yunho!”

 

“Jae! You told me you trusted me! Why bring this up now! , Jaejoong, I’m tired. I just want to sleep please!” Yunho yelled back.

 

“ Yunho, why don’t you ever-“ But before he could finish, Yunho grabbed his jacket.

 

“Where are you going?!” Jaejoong yelled following Yunho to the front door.

 

“ I’m going to Ara’s, like you said, I’m always with her right? Now why not, again?” He said, clearly pissed. It wasn’t as if he wanted to hurt Jaejoong, but it also hurt Yunho to know that Jaejoong didn’t trust him.

 

-0-0-0-

 

It was his fault that Yunho left that night, and it was his fault that their relationship started to fall apart, one seam at a time. Jaejoong remembered the next day when Yunho returned, that he wasn’t the man that Jaejoong remembered, but he erased that thought. And slowly, just as Jaejoong remembered, Yunho drifted away from him. There were even times Yunho would bring Ara over for dinner, where Jaejoong had to wear a fake smile.

 

Quickly, Jaejoong left the bedroom, the memories too overflowing.

 

Entering the bathroom once more, he splashed his face with water. Looking over at the bathtub, he remembered the pain he endured as he sat down on the ledge of the bathtub. 

 

-0-0-0-

 

This was the 7^th night that Yunho wasn’t home, and Jaejoong couldn’t figure out why. But only one name came to his mind, Go Ara. He was always with her, always talking about her, with sparkly wide eyes, ones that Jaejoong remembered would only be for him.

 

Turning on the shower, he entered it, fully clothed, not caring. He needed a distraction. A distraction from what Yunho was doing, where Yunho was at, who Yunho was with and what Yunho was doing. He didn’t want to think of anything.

 

Curling into a fetal position, Jaejoong held his head closely to himself, as he tried to reassure himself that Yunho wasn’t like that. That Yunho would never betray him, of his love, of his trust, of his life.

 

But everything was futile.

 

Yunho wouldn’t hold him as tightly, wouldn’t kiss him as lovingly, and he doesn’t tell him he loves him anymore.

 

Jaejoong knew, he knew he was slowly losing Yunho, and it was all his fault.

 

Crying, he clutched himself tighter. He knew the day he’ll lose Yunho for good was close.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Turning back into the hallway, he made his way into the kitchen. Grabbing a glass from the cabinet, he filled it with water, and gulped it down his dry throat.

He stared at the table in front of him, a table for two, yet the night he truly lost Yunho, it was a table for three.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Tonight was suppose to be a special night. A night where it was only Yunho and Jaejoong. Yunho had been gone on a business trip for a week, in Tokyo, and tonight was when he returned.

 

Giddily, Jaejoong set up the table, placing the delicious food on the table. He made all of Yunho’s favorite dishes; Kimchi Jiggae, Jjappchae with no vegetables, Kalbitang, and bolgogi.

 

Jaejoong heard the door jiggle open, just in time for dinner, Jaejoong thought.

 

Excitedly, Jaejoong almost ran to the living room but stopped to see that it wasn’t only Yunho who had arrived but also Go Ara. Jaejoong smiled, but it was forced as he took Yunho’s briefcase, asking them the enter.

 

“Im sorry for intruding, Jaejoong-shi “ Ara said sheepishly. But all Jaejoong could do was smile, he didn’t trust his words.

 

“You guys go sit down, I’ll go get an extra chair, “ he said, getting out of the kitchen and away from them.

 

How could Yunho do that? Sighing, Jaejoong didn’t want to ruin the event. He grabbed a chair and walked into the kitchen, the table for two. Just before he entered he saw something that didn’t just break his heart, but shattered it.

 

Yunho held onto Ara’s slim waist, her arms on his chest.

 

“Do you really love him, Yunho?” she asked, tracing a circle on his chest.

 

Yunho smiled down at her, the smile original reserved for Jaejoong exclusively.

 

“No, I don’t. I love you, Ara. Jaejoong and I are nothing,”

Jaejoong stood frozen as the two shared a kiss so intimate. He froze at the words that came from Yunho’s mouth. So Yunho not only loved Ara, but his relationship with the him was nothing?

 

Jaejoong was nothing to him.

 

The two separated and Jaejoong entered, a mask on his face. He laughed that night, but underneath it all, he was in his own personal hell.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Deciding, it was time to leave, he once again entered the living room. It was all too familiar to him, him leaving once again and in pain. But this time with only the memories of his past. Just like the night he had left.

 

-0-0-0-

 

Jaejoong couldn’t take it any longer. The pain, the longing, the coldness of Yunho. There were times where Yunho did hold him, but he didn’t feel one ounce of love from him. It was just to him.

 

Slipping out of Yunho’s hold, he made way to get his bag and a letter on the night stand, saying, ‘Yunho’. The letter wrote:

 

Yunho,

 

If you’re reading this now, then I must be gone. But I bet you’re happy right? That I’m not in the way of you and Ara. That you can freely love her. It’s amazing, you know? That I’ve just recently found out, that you love her. I always thought that you could only love me, but I guess the change of heart. Hopefully, I’ll be able to love like you. But know this, I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed. Disappointed that I couldn’t make myself enough for you, that I wasn’t what you needed nor wanted. I’m glad you love her, because she can finally give you want you’ve always wanted. A family. Somehow, I knew this day would come, yet I prayed to God every night, that it wouldn’t be so soon. But at least you’ll get what you always wanted. You’ll get a family, you’ll get to be a dad, caring for his children, watching them grow. I’ll be what you wanted. I wondered how long I’ll be able to be the second most important person to you, but I’m too weak. So I’ll be nothing. I’ll be nothing but a distant memory that you wish to perish. But even after that, one thing won’t change.

 

That I love you, Jung Yunho.  More than the stars, the moon, and the Heavens.

 

I love you.

 

                                           

                                                        Kim Jaejoong

 

 

Jaejoong quietly left, everything that reminded Yunho of him, was now gone, his clothes, his belongings, but not his heart. That was one thing he couldn’t take back, the love he gave Yunho, and the pain that Yunho had given him. His heart, he had already given it to Yunho, but it seems as if it wouldn’t listen and comeback to him.

 

As he walked into the living room, he stared at everything one last time, the coffee stain near the love seat, the crooked painting, and the scattered magazines on the table. He knew he needed to leave, he wanted Yunho to be happy, and if he isn’t happy with him, than at least he’ll be happy with out him.

 

Turning away from the house that held all his dreams and happiness for the last 5 years, he walked away from it all. From the pain, the agony, the need for love, and from his life, his love, and his happiness.

 

He’s done with it all.

 

-0-0-0-

 

But he truly wasn’t. Not a day went by where he wished he was back here. Had it not been for Yoochun, his best friend, his soulmate, who was there for him when he needed him the most, than he wouldn’t have had the courage to comeback. He had stayed with Yoochun in Paris for two years, and he had asked Jaejoong to go back to Korea for closure. But all Jaejoong could feel as of now was pain.

 

Sliding down the wall, his knees too weak to hold him up anymore, and his heavy heart weighing him down even more.

 

The quiet house rang loudly through his ears and all he could think about was being alone once again.

 

“, I’m really alone aren’t I?” he laughed dryly.

 

The door silently opened, but Jaejoong was too lost in his thoughts to notice. A man, tall and tan, a mole on his upper lift to the left, and small eyes, widened at the site of the fallen angel, broken and left to dwell in pain.  

 

“J-Jaejooong?” The man whispered out, the taboo name he hadn’t said in so long.

 

Jaejoong scrambled to his feet, the wall supported his body. Why was he here? Yoochun had said this place was abandoned, the only reason why he had comeback. Looking down, his silky raven hair covering his eyes, as Jaejoong couldn’t meet the eyes of the man he still loves so dearly.

 

“Sorry for intruding,” Jaejoong mumbled, trying quickly to leave the house. There was no point in him here anymore. He couldn’t feel the closure. Clutching his jacket, he tried to walk around Yunho, but failed as Yunho held onto his wrist.

 

“Jaejoong…” Yunho called out, the name on his tongue bitters with his guilt how he hurt the man. There was no doubt he still loved him, more than Ara, more than anything, and especially more than his life.

 

“Please let go, please, “ Jaejoong pleaded. He could feel the tears in his eyes, begging for release, a reason to make Yunho feel guiltier.

 

“No, I’m not letting you go again. Not when I have you here with me again. No, I can’t Jaejoong, I just can’t,” Yunho said, his own tears betraying him as he pulled Jaejoong towards him. Jaejoong struggled, but it was useless. Yunho had always been the stronger of the two.

 

Jaejoong finally looked up at Yunho. He was still the handsome man that Jaejoong fell in love with. The way his eyes slightly slanted, his nose tall, and his lips in a bow shape.

 

“Why are you always so selfish Yunho! Why?! I gave you wanted, you got it! What more could you possible want!” Jaejoong screamed, his eyes begging desperately as Yunho could only shake his head, pulling Jaejoong even closer, holding him closely.

 

“Do you know what today is Jaejoong?” Yunho whisper, but Jaejoong couldn’t hear him. He tried to pry himself out of Yunho’s grip, but failing. His senses were full of Yunho; how Yunho held Jaejoong, how he still smelled of musk and sweet lemon, and how his hair fell so perfectly to the left; how he always ran his fingers through it.

 

“Today was the day you left me. Ironic you comeback don’t you think?”

 

Those words caused Jaejoong to freeze. Was it today? Was it really?

 

“I never stopped thinking Jaejoong-ah. I never stopped wishing, praying that you’ll comeback, that you’ll be in my arms once again.” Yunho buried his face in Jaejoong’s neck, take a deep breath of the scent he missed so much.

 

Jaejoong’s hand fell limply to his sides, tears running down his face.

 

“Why are you so selfish?” Was all he could whisper. There was so much he wished to say but those were the only words he could offer.

 

Chuckling bitterly, Yunho nodded. “ You’re right, I am selfish. I pushed you away to be with a woman who didn’t hold one single candle towards you, yet I wanted more than I could have. “

 

“But Jaejoong, please believe me! Not one day has gone by that I haven’t wished that I didn’t wrong you, that I hurt you to the point you couldn’t stand me, I’m sorry Jaejoong. I’m so sorry. Won’t you comeback, Jae? Won’t you?, “ He said desperately, pushing Jaejoong away, only to hold his face carefully.

 

Jaejoong shook his head slowly, his face marring with pain and disbelief.

 

“What makes you think, that for even one moment I would run back to you, Yunho? You had your choice to be by me, with me. But you’ve ruined it, Yunho. You’ve ruined it” He whispered.

 

“Than why! Tell me, why! Why are you here? Huh, tell me Jaejoong, what are you doing in this house, that you wished to do nothing more of? Don’t you dare say that it’s for closure cause I know damn well that’s bull. , Jaejoong tell me!” Yunho cried, looking into Jaejoong’s eyes desperately, wanting an answer. He didn’t want to believe what Jaejoong had said. No, not at all.

 

Jaejoong stopped. Was what Yunho said was true? Wasn’t he suppose to be away from this man? Yes, he was here for closure, but all he felt was a wound open more deeply and the blood spilling even more than before.

 

Yunho stepped closer to the man he loved once and loves again even more. He reached up with a shaky hand, to the angel’s smooth face, Jaejoong’s eyes unfocused. Leaning in slowly, hesitantly, he pressed a kiss to Jaejoong’s slightly chapped lips.

 

Jaejoong looked up in shock, but before he could comprehend anything else, Yunho kissed him once more, but this time a bit harder. Jaejoong couldn’t help but melt in his arms. He could never refuse Yunho of anything, and here was once more, giving himself to the mercy of Yunho.

 

His lips danced with Yunho’s, a dance so familiar, yet so foreign to both of them. Pulling away, Yunho held Jaejoong securely, afraid that Jaejoong would pull away and run. He place his forehead onto Jaejoong’s, both breathing heavily.

 

“Please, Jaejoong. I beg you, come back to me. I won’t betray you anymore. I’ll listen to everything you say. Just, stay with me. I need you so much. I’m being selfish once more, and I hope you’ll allow it. So please, stay with me, love. I love you so much,” Yunho begged and cried. He didn’t want Jaejoong to leave him once more. Not now.

 

Jaejoong looked into the eyes of the man he loves. There was sincerity and desperation. And once more, he would fall to Yunho’s every wish.

 

Yunho waited, wanting to hear Jaejoong’s reply, hoping it would be what he wanted to here. He stared at the man, his raven hair styled to the left, eyes still wide, yet it wasn’t filled with joy but pain. His plump lips, surround with little to no wrinkles, a sign that he hasn’t smile the beautiful smile much. His high nose, still so cute yet red from crying. He couldn’t believe he had deceived this beautiful man.

 

“I love you, too Yunho-ah. More than anything,” He whispered, his eyes still on Yunho. Yunho smiled a grin, tears still falling.

 

“More than the stars, the moon, and the heavens, Jaejoong?” He asked, holding Jaejoong, closely. Jaejoong rested his arms on Yunho’s shoulders.

 

“More than anything. How about you Yunho-ah? Do you love me more than the stars, the moon, and the heavens?” He asked back, lips close to his love, eyes twinkling, and a curve of his lips he hasn’t felt in two years.

 

“More than anything, my Jaejoong-ah. More than anything,”

 

And with those words, Jaejoong tightened his arms around Yunho’s neck, holder him closer, taking in the familiar scent, and the soft lips he missed so dearly.

The kissed was filled with, love, yearning, happiness, and promise. A promise that was willed to be fulfilled and an eternity of their time together.

 

Maybe they were meant for forever.

 

But all Jaejoong and Yunho knew was they only needed each other, more than the stars, the moon, and the heavens from above.

 

 

------------------

 

lol this is so long. Hope you guys enjoyed this and please comment!

 

Thanks!