It’s a hazy morning when he wakes up. The sound of rain trickling down the pipes, hitting the window pane and his roof is there to greet him.

He hauled his body out of bed, and onto the floor to search for the shirt he had stripped off himself sometime last night. It was cold, and the morning chill lingered over his skin. He would never complain though, because he loved this weather. It was this weather where his favourite memories come from - memories of her body, exchanging heat with his as they wrapped themselves under the thin sheets, of her lips on his collarbone, her hair, smelling of apricots that reminded him of summer tickling his nose, of her fingers, tracing hearts and words on his body.

He opens the door of his room, and he remembers why he likes the door close. It looks chaotic, clothes, rubbish and empty bottles littered all over the floor. It was like the room itself had overnight allowed the wind to enter, blowing everything out of place. Of course it wasn’t though – it was Eunkwang and his entourage, Eunkwang and his friends making themselves right at home – in his home. He scratches his head and groans in frustration, the hangover getting to him. Ugh, he grunts, later – He tells himself, get to it later.

As he staggers towards the kitchen, body in desperate need of water, of coffee, and breakfast, he stops by his desk where the red box sat - taunting him, teasing him. He was sure he had put this away, hidden it so that no one could find it. How did it get here? Did they…? He holds his breath and swoops it off the desk, opens the lid and breathes a sigh of relief when he found it still, ring and diamond sitting snugly in the box. He closes the box before slipping it back into the drawer which is should’ve originally been. He doesn’t think twice about it. Later, I’ll get to it later.

He turns around and walks into the kitchen, pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee, or whatever it was that Eunkwang had made him before he left.

‘Thanks for the party…’ the note read on the pot ‘I’ll send over someone to clean up the mess’

Or do it yourself…

He walks over to the couch and stretches his fingers towards the answer machine, the one that had been flashing continuously for the past five minutes; calling to him, begging for him to listen.

“Lee Minhyuk, you’re book is amazing, how you wrote this I don’t even know… Call me back as soon as you get this!”

“Minhyukie! I know you’re probably really angry at me, don’t worry, I’ll clean up the place for you by tonight…”

“Seobang!”

His heart stops “Joohee” he exclaims

“You forgot didn’t you? Did you stay up late with Eunkwang last night? Is that why? Is he your girlfriend or am I?”

Eunkwang? Girlfriend? That would be a curse than a blessing.

“I’m waiting for you in our usual coffee spot, don’t know why I came early, you’re always late”

He stifles a chuckle and it fades slowly as he holds onto his heart, waiting for the next few words.

“I’ll be waiting so come quickly! I’m hungry ~ I love you… lots – babo.”

He grabs his cup of coffee, curling his fingers around it to absorb all the warmth he can before he leaves the comfort of his house. Slipping out of his slippers, he takes a few steps out of on the balcony, high up away from the ground, disconnected from the rest of the world.

He lets the rain pour and wash over him, soaking his body to the bone. Wisps of steam escaping from his lips as he breathed, laying down on the cold, wet tiles. He closes his eyes and instantly he feels the weight of another on him, warm and comforting as she embraced him, brushing away the specks of rain from his face with her thumb and drawing over his lips before placing her own on his. He feels her fingers lace with his, drawing them under his shirt as she places it over his heart. There’s a weight that he feels, so heavy it makes it hard for him to breathe as she presses her hand and his hand across his chest.

When he opens his eyes he sees nothing but grey skies, and water droplets that fill his eyes, mixing with his tears. He sits up and he’s alone.

Alone - he has been for a while now.

Minhyuk grimaces, his body is soaked but he doesn’t feel it as much as he did before – the coldness. It’s numbing, and comforting at least much more comforting than the pain he felt in his chest. He coughs, gasps and beats it three times, hoping to feel it – to feel something.

He sighs and glances, shaking his head when the sound of a car driving by pulls him out of his reverie. “Later” he smirks “I’ll remember you later” he tells the hazy figure sitting across from him.

Except all he does is sit, words betraying how he truly felt. Staring at the hazy figure that sat across from him, smiling so serenely, speaking to him in such a hushed voice; a distant voice. He closes his eyes and slowly climbs to his feet, grabbing onto the balcony as he tries to regain his consciousness.

The cup of coffee is overflowing, but so are the tears in his eyes. Minhyuk stares at the ground and contemplates. He wonders if it would hurt less.

He takes a deep breath, and he feels her again, fingers lacing with his, her head pressed against his back.

“Do you want me to?”

There’s no reply.

Minhyuk stares at the ground again.

Minhyuk contemplates.

He closes his eyes.

All he sees is darkness.

All he feels is the cold.

All he feels is loneliness.

 

But I Remember you and my peace is lost.