1.

Bros Before Hoes
'Dude, what the , no fair you can't just-' Woohyun cried, glaring at the tv screen, throwing the controls up in frustration.
 
'What, win? Don't be such a sore loser,' Hoya said with a grin, reaching out for the bowl of MSG-orange chips.
 
'You cheated,' Woohyun decided, as Hoya stuffed way too many chips in his mouth.
 
'Did not,' he mumbled, bits flying out of his mouth and making a passing Sunggyu wrinkle his nose. 
 
'I'm not cleaning up after you,' was all he said and Hoya made a muffled attempt to speak before deciding to swallow first.
 
'You never clean, hyung,' he said, and Sunggyu shrugged.
 
'Just saying.' He pulled open the fridge and stared inside listlessly before letting it swing shut and grabbing his wallet and keys from the fruit bowl, glancing at Hoya and Woohyun suspiciously and checking inside his wallet. 'I'm going out,' he announced, shuffling towards the door. 'For food. Don't completely destroy the apartment, I live here too.'
 
'Mmmhmm,' Hoya replied distractedly, him and Woohyun slapping each other's hands away from the chip bowl in an attempt to claim dominance.
 
It was really no surprise when Sunggyu came back to a floor littered with chips, and Hoya and Woohyun complaining about elbows and knees knocked against the floor, both covered in orange powder.
 
The wrestling match had long been forgotten and Sunggyu could only stare in mild horror at the two of them lying sprawled on the floor, watching some banal cartoon, before deciding he was going to go hide in his room once more.
 
'I still want a rematch,' Woohyun said idly, picking up a chip from the floor and popping it in his mouth. 
 
'Sour grapes,' Hoya replied, throwing another chip in Woohyun's general direction.
 
--
 
'Why did we agree to this again?' Hoya groaned, flopping back against the wall of the local grocery store, wincing as the rough wall scraped against his .
 
'I think you were the one who made the bet in the first place, I don't know why you had to include me in it,' Woohyun replied, rubbing his arms quickly as a chill wind brushed passed them.
 
'Why would I agree to something as stupid as this? It was obviously you who got us into this situation,' Hoya replied.
 
'Oh really.'
 
'It's the only possible explanation.'
 
'They're your friends.'
 
'You introduced me to Sungyeol, he's your roommate...'
 
A pause and Hoya grinned smugly as Woohyun tried to think of a counterpoint.
 
Some titters alerted them to company, and Hoya whirled around to see a group of girls, most of them peering at them in interest, but a couple looking rather scandalised to see the two of them loitering around in their boxers.
 
Woohyun leaned against the wall and grinned his trademark 'suave' grin at the girls. 'Hey ladies.'
 
Hoya pinned him with a Look. 'Seriously?'
 
Woohyun preened as he got a couple giggles. 'You're just jealous,' he said airily.
 
Hoya allowed his eyes to trail over Woohyun's figure, definitely not lingering on his abs, before dragging his eyes back up to his face. 'You have penguins on your boxers,' he replied, his face deadpan. 
 
Woohyun glanced down at Hoya's boxers. 'And yours are covered in pitchers of beer and the word '' in giant letters. I wonder who's making the better impression.'
 
'You gave me these boxers,' Hoya replied.
 
'And I'm so touched you wear them,' Woohyun replied instantly, his words laced with a thin layer of sarcasm.
 
Hoya felt his only recourse was to punch Woohyun in the shoulder, and inwardly delighted at the yelp his friend let out. 
 
The night ended with an 'oh !' and them hightailing it, bolting around corners until they wound up collapsing at Woohyun's res, unaware of the fact they hadn't really been chased.
 
'I bet you Sungyeol was the one who called the police on us,' Woohyun panted, his chest heaving.
 
He winced when Hoya whacked his calf. 'No betting,' Hoya managed, 'That's what got us into this in the first place.'
 
Woohyun wedged himself up on his elbows, grinning down at Hoya at the bottom of the bed. 'Let's apple pie his bed.'
 
('Do I even want to know why you have Vaseline anyway?'
 
'I can't actually remem- oh .'
 
'...Hi, Sungyeol.'
 
'... You guys are hanging out in your underwear with a tub of Vaseline. Oh, I am so telling everyone I know about this.'
 
'YOU MAY BE TALLER THAN US BUT WE'RE STRONGER THAN YOU!'
 
'LET ME GO YOU HOOLIGANS- SERIOUSLY? VASELINE UP MY NOSE? THAT'S DISGUSTING, YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!'
 
'Did you really have to stick my finger up his nose?'
 
'Well, I wasn't going to stick my finger up his nose.'
 
'I hate you, Nam.'
 
'You love me.'
 
'No, I actually hate you.'
 
'I hate you both. Get off me.')
 
--
 
Hoya absently reached for the black wifebeater lying on the bench, but when he picked it up, Woohyun was attached to the other side. 
 
'What are you doing?' Woohyun asked, giving him a strange look.
 
'Getting... changed?' Hoya answered.
 
'This is clearly my shirt,' Woohyun said, tugging the wifebeater over towards him.
 
'Um, no,' Hoya replied, tugging it over his way.
 
'Um, yes,' Woohyun countered, pulling back slightly harder.
 
'UM, NO.' Hoya's voice got a little louder, bounding off the walls of the changing room.
 
'UM, YES.' Woohyun matched his volume.
 
'UM, NO.'
 
'STOP SAYING UM, YOU SOUND RETARDED.'
 
'YOU WERE SAYING IT TOO.'
 
'ONLY BECAUSE YOU WERE.'
 
There was a ripping sound as the material gave way under their tug of war and they looked down at the shirt- still in one piece, but not really appropriate for wearing.
 
'Nice job, ,' Woohyun huffed, scowling up at him.
 
Hoya made a face at him and glanced to the side, his mouth forming a circle. 'Oh wait, here's mine,' he said, bending over to yank it out his bag. 
 
'I TOLD YOU WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME.'
 
'Because you're normally wrong,' Hoya said with a grin, canines glinting as he pulled his identical shirt on.
 
Woohyun let out a strangled sound and punched Hoya as hard as he could before huffing again. 'Whatever. You owe me a shirt. I'll just go shirtless today.' 
 
Hoya found his focus was a little off during that day's gym session.
 
For the life of him, he couldn't figure out why, though.
 
--
 
They were way past the legal limit when body shots were suggested, and Hoya couldn't for the life of him figure how they'd come up (he blamed Sungyeol. He blamed Sungyeol for everything. Unless it was Woohyun's fault. But this time, he was pretty sure it was Sungyeol because-)
 
'Are you serious right now?' Woohyun demanded of his roommate who was grinning at them wickedly.
 
Sungyeol shrugged. 'You guys are so close, it won't make it weird,' he replied. 
 
'He has a point,' Hoya found himself saying. 'Like, I really don't give a .'
 
Woohyun fixed him with a slightly squinty face. 'Okay. Fine.'
 
Sungyeol blinked. 'That was. Easier than I thought it would be.'
 
So then Hoya was running his tongue along Woohyun's collarbone and thinking it tasted rather salty and then mentally hitting himself because of course it was salty; he was off salt and then downing the tequila shot without looking Woohyun in the eyes, because he had felt how tense Woohyun had been.
 
'My turn,' he heard Woohyun say and the salt was already being dabbed on where his shoulder and neck met before he had time to say more than 'what?'
 
Woohyun's fingers were uncharacteristically soft on his shoulders and there was a puff of air on his neck that sent an odd sort of shiver racing through his skin and then Woohyun's lips and tongue were on his skin and ohmygodwhatthe because the smallest of noises curled up out of his throat and heat raced up and down his spine and then he was staring at Woohyun's Adam's apple bobbing as he downed his shot and grabbing himself another shot to distract himself.
 
Then Hoya can say for certain, swear to god, he has no idea how it happened, but next thing he knew they were at his apartment (normal) and on his bed (fairly normal after nights of heavy drinking) and Woohyun's lips were on his (not normal so not normal abort abort ab- oh that feels good) and tongues were sliding against each other and hands sliding along bodies and Hoya's hard oh god and Woohyun shifted under him, just slightly, just enough for his thigh to graze Hoya's and with that Hoya's off Woohyun, off the bed, hands running through his hair and heart hammering in his chest because there's no way Woohyun didn't feel that oh god.
 
Hoya shut his eyes tight, his breathing ragged, wishing the night away, until he heard a light snore and thanked God Woohyun falls asleep quickly when drunk.
 
They're woken up the next morning by Sunggyu complaining about miscellaneous things lying on the floor, giving a quick hammer to Hoya's bedroom door, leaving Hoya and Woohyun to slowly groan and grumble their way into wakefulness, feeling like .
 
But one thing still leapt into Hoya's mind and he shot Woohyun a worried glance. 'Do you remember last night?' he asked.
 
Woohyun squinted at him and collapsed his head back onto the pillow. 'Not past the bodyshots,' he replied, his voice husky from sleep. 'Still going to get Sungyeol back for that. Some other time though. Head's too sore now.'
 
Hoya breathed a faint sigh of relief and Woohyun peeked at him again. 'Dude, we're cool, right? Like, no big deal, right?'
 
Hoya nodded. 'Yeah we're cool.'
 
--
 
Except they so weren't.
 
They didn't do anything different, but things just were different, Hoya was sure of it, but Woohyun seemed completely normal, so maybe it was just him.
 
'Okay, what's up with you guys?' Sunggyu asked in frustration a few weeks After (as Hoya had taken to calling it) while Hoya and Woohyun were sitting peacefully on the couch, watching tv.
 
'What do you mean?' Hoya asked.
 
'You're acting almost... civilised. And have been for a while.' Sunggyu eyed them suspiciously.
 
'We are civilised,' Hoya protested, indignation rising in the face of Sunggyu's dead pan response.
 
'I have walked in on you two comparing the gunk you'd dug out of your bellybuttons, how is that civilised?'
 
'It was a science experiment,' Woohyun insisted and Sunggyu stared at them before shaking his head.
 
'You know, I was concerned, but never mind. I actually don't care anymore,' he said, heading towards his room with the bag of chips he'd come to fetch.
 
'So uncaring,' Hoya called after him.
 
'We could be dying, hyung. DYING,' Woohyun joined in, Sunggyu just closing the door in their faces. 
 
The grin Woohyun sent him made Hoya think that maybe he was overreacting- things weren't weird between them, why did he ever think they were? So sometimes his mind wandered when he wasn't focussing on anything and okay so he couldn't forget the feel of Woohyun underneath him (wow, now was so not the time for that train of thought) but that didn't mean things had to change between them. 
 
So he grinned back and decided promptly to go back to normal.
 
--
 
It didn't work.
 
Hoya wasn't quite as awkward as before, but he couldn't go back to the easy comfortableness of Before, not when he knew what Woohyun tasted like, not when Woohyun's soft gasps drifted through his mind in the dead of night and oh how he wished the alcohol had wiped out his memories too, it would have been so much easier.
 
It was now almost exactly a month After and Sungyeol had asked Hoya why he didn't come around as much but then Woohyun always barged into his apartment unannounced so it's not like he could avoid him (not like he wanted to either).
 
At least Hoya could touch Woohyun now without jerking back as if he'd been burned, was able to put a hand on his shoulder to steady himself as they battled for the remote, Hoya crowing in glee when he won, standing on the couch as he held it aloft, Sunggyu looking at him strangely as he wandered through to the front door.
 
Hoya had settled into the couch again, smug grin on his face, when Sunggyu suddenly turned to them.
 
'Wait, hold on, are you guys like, finally dating or something, is that why you're always so far apart whenever I come into the room?' Sunggyu asked, his train of thought logical only to him.
 
The apartment filled with the sound of violent coughing as both Hoya and Woohyun starting choking on thin air, looking at Sunggyu in something akin to complete horror.
 
Sunggyu's eyes made one of their rare appearances as they looked between the two. 'Right. My bad. I'll. See you guys later.'
 
The coughing died down after Sunggyu made his escape, and the room was filled with an awkward silence.
 
'Ha,' Hoya gave a laugh that sounded as forced as it was. 'Us, dating, how weird would that-'
 
'I remember,' Woohyun blurted, his eyes shutting and his head falling back onto the couch after the words left his mouth.
 
'What?' Hoya said, staring, thrown off guard by the jump in subject. 
 
Woohyun met his eyes, his face twisted into an apologetic grimace. 'That night with the bodyshots? I lied. I remember everything.'
 
Hoya's eyes widened before he buried his face in his hands with a groan. '. Why didn't you-' He broke off, not sure what he was going to ask.
 
'I figured pretending it never happened was easier. I felt pretty lucky you didn't punch me in the face.' Woohyun's voice was smaller than usual and Hoya looked at him weirdly.
 
'Why would I punch you in the face? I was the one with a hard on.'
 
Woohyun blinked at him. 'I was the one who kissed you.'
 
Hoya let this information sink in. 'Oh,' he said stupidly, 'I didn't know that.'
 
Woohyun winced and opened his mouth, hesitating before the stilted words came tumbling out. 'The thing is- I think I- I just- There's a possibility I might- I sometimes think of you when I whack off.' The words came out in a rush, and Woohyun stared determinedly down at his hands.
 
Hoya's mouth dropped open- that was so not what he was expecting.
 
'But it might be a little more than that.' Woohyun's next words were so quiet Hoya thought he'd imagined them.
 
The silence that surrounded them was thick, and Woohyun eventually looked at Hoya, his eyes widening at Hoya's gape.
 
'Okay, yeah, so, good talk, I'm gonna go now,' Woohyun said hurriedly, halfway to the door before he'd even really finished his sentence, and a spark of panic spurred Hoya into action.
 
'Wait!' He yelped, vaulting over the back of the couch, no specific plan of action in his mind as he grabbed Woohyun's wrist, spinning him around and slamming him against the door and sealing his lips to his.
 
In the few seconds afterwards Hoya thought that he'd somehow made a terrible mistake as Woohyun remained motionless against him, but then his lips started moving and Hoya could breath again (figuratively, he was a little busy otherwise), revelling in the warmth of Woohyun's body underneath his hands and the feel of his fingers gripping Hoya's shoulder (actually, that might be a little painful...) and the taste of Woohyun's lips and tongue and Hoya pushed Woohyun even more solidly against the door, trying to get as close as he possibly could.
 
They broke apart with ragged breaths and saliva strands momentarily linking them together, chests heaving for a multitude of reasons.
 
', that's so much better sober,' Hoya muttered, his forehead against Woohyun's, and Woohyun let out a snort.
 
'Of course it is.'
 
'So. What exactly does this mean?' Hoya ventured after a few more moments of silence and Woohyun gave a little groan.
 
'Later, we'll figure it out later,' he muttered, pressing his lips to Hoya's again in an (effective) attempt to shut him up.
 
--
 
(Nothing changed, really. Except- 
 
'OH FOR 'S SAKES, BEDROOM. I LIVE HERE TOO. DEAR GOD, I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT MUCH OF YOU.'
 
'But hyung, we're hot-'
 
'ANIMALS, YOU'RE ANIMALS. I SAID I WAS OKAY WITH YOU TWO AND I AM BUT, , PLEASE, CONTROL YOURSELVES.)
 
 
 
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Comments

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TheBirdOfHermes
#1
Chapter 1: Not a pairing you run across everyday lol but great story Author-nim
stewchicken91
#2
Chapter 1: Interesting pairing~
Me likey! :3
burdenheart #3
Chapter 1: this was really fun to read! you write well:)
hototheya #4
Chapter 1: Ouch woohyun and hoya they're so retarded it hurts. I love every little stupid fight and trouble they got themselves into. I feel sorry for sunggyu though. It must be stressful to live with those human-form disasters. Haha. This fic gave me good laugh and your writing is so good! Thank you for sharing. I'm so in love with your wooya :3
princehyun
#5
Chapter 1: Ah, very nice oneshot, author-nim! I really liked it and I'm probabyl going to read it now again. Good job! :D