It’s not like it was his fault, she thought as she packed the picture of herself and Sungyeol into her Bag. Nearly everything was ready to leave. “I don’t understand why you have to move just because you will break up with Yeol!”, her best friend shouted angry. She has been a great help trough the whole time the woman has lived in Seoul.

“Yeowoon-ah, I’m really sorry but I can’t stay here. I have to start new… I…”, the woman answered sad. Her face had a broken and tired expression. Tears were resting in the corner of her eyes. Even if she hadn’t shared this flat with her boyfriend, there were too many memories, which would break her heart every day.

“Start new? Without me? Ya! How can you live without me, hu?”, now the other woman had tears in her eyes too. She griped the arm of her best friend and jumped up and down, “how? How? Tell me!” “It’s not like we won’t see each other again, so stop this”, her voice lost volume at the end of the replay and sounded a little cold. Finally all the bags were in her car.

“I’m going to meet Yeollie now… Do I see you later?”“Sure! I’m your shoulder to cry on!”, the woman grinned softly before she left. The time had come to talk to the man she loved. Soon it would be over. Soon she wouldn’t have any rights to call him her boyfriend.

The cold wind was playing with the hair of the woman, as she was waiting at the playground where they had always met. With a lightly squeal the swing moved, only a little to make the woman feel a bit more calm. The dark of the night made her comfortable as well. Hidden and lost, that was how the woman felt. She dropped her head and leaned against the chain. Why wasn’t he here yet? A sight came over her lips as she closed her eyes. She remembered one time, when she was here with Sungyeol in the past.

He was standing on the slide and looked around. This playground was part of a closed School. It was always empty and the perfect place to let your inner child out. “Jagiya! What do I get if I slide down on my feet?”, his voice sounded active and his face was covered in a big smile.

“Bruises if you fall down!”, she replayed amused. “I won’t fall!”, he slide down but not without nearly falling, then he rushed over to his love, who was sitting on her favourite swing. He placed himself on the one next to her and smirked. “I didn’t fall! What is my reward? “, his voice was childish as always and made the woman’s heart beat fast.

“No bruises?”, her head dropped to the side as she looked curios at him. His hair moved with the breeze and made him look even more adorable! “_____, you are uncreative!”, he pouted like a choding. “Ok, you will get a duck toy in purple with light blue bunnies on it!”, her answer sounded as the one of a choding as well.

Her head faced to the front she smirked before she shortly got lost in her thoughts. “Ya! Jagiya! I want that toy! Give it to me!”, his playful voice brought her back. “What?”, she turned around to confirm if he was serious as her lips touched his. Yeol was leaning to her and she could feel his happy smile while vanishing in the kiss. As he broke the sweet kiss, his eyes were full of love. “Thanks for the reward!” There was this childish smile again she had been fallen in love with. “Idiot!”, she mumbled smiling too.

A single tear ran down her face, as she remembered this time. She would never forget this time together with him and she regrets nothing. That moment her phone started to ring. “Yeoboseyo?”, she answered the phone without checking who it was, actually she knew it anyway.

“____, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, the voice fast replayed. “You will be late… Right?”, her voice asked not even surprised.”We’re behind with our schedule… I won’t make it tonight… I’m sorry! I really am! But tomorrow-“, he sounded as if he was in a hurry but sad too. She interrupted him: “Tomorrow I will be gone…” Her voice broke down.

“What? _____, what are you talking about?”, the normally choding like guy was really worried now. Silently tears slide down her face. “Yeollie? When did you stop calling me Jagiya?”, she asked with a hurt smirk. “What? I didn’t stop… I-” “103 days ago… Not that it would matter…”, she gave the answer herself.

“Jagiya, please what is going on? I didn’t realise that I didn’t called you Jagiya…”, now it was his voice that cracked. He was afraid, sad and hurt. Not to know what was going on was not something he liked. The normally happy, childish and loud guy went quiet, waiting for the bad news he already waited for. Just a little hope was burning in his chest, that his girlfriend made a cruel joke.

“Yeol…”, she sniffled and wiped the tears away, “you know that I love you… But I’m getting weaker. My heart is hurting and I can’t stop it. It’s hard you know?” “Please! Don’t-“, he was nearly shouting and tears started to drop from his eyes. He knew what would come, his heart was already aching. “I’m sorry, I really am”, she used the words he said a little while ago, “you remember the time when you were on tour last year? I was waiting bravely. When you had to give fan service, I always supported you and never acted jealous. I knew it was all not real.”

“Nothing changed!”, he yelled. The woman could hear his sniffle, she could hear that he was fighting with tears too. Her eyes went up into the night sky. “That’s the point. It’s nothing you have done or not! It’s all my fault. I’m weaker than I ever thought. My heart starts to see bad things in everything. The fact of realising you didn’t call me Jagiya for 103 day is a good example. Who is as crazy as to count something irrelevant like this? Hu?”, she laughed sad.

“We can see each other less than before, that’s not your fault too! But I just can’t take it anymore. It isn’t that I stopped loving you, it’s that I love you too much. Does this make any sense?”, the question was not really one. “___, please let us talk face to face! I can’t let you go! I love you! I will do everything!”, now he was at his end. His voice was broken and hurt the heart of the woman. She hated herself for making him cry. She had promised to never hurt him and that she wanted to support him with all she got. But know he was unhappy because of her, just because she was too weak to be the girlfriend of an Idol.

”Ya! Yeollie! Don’t cry because I will be gone! I won’t cry! Please promise me to remember me as a good girl, yes? Remember the beautiful days, the precious memories! Maybe I don’t deserve to ask for this but I will. I regret nothing! I just can’t stop loving you! And maybe I never will but you deserve someone better than me”, with her face up to the sky she was trying to hold back her tears but it was not possible. Her heart was aching too much.

The woman felt so weak, weaker than ever before! It was right to end it here! She would turn crazy if not, all the rumours, the distance and the missing was too much to go one with. “Don’t! Don’t be so selfish! What’s about me? Hu? You can’t let me alone!! What’s about my love for you? Is it nothing to think about? ___, you can’t go! You can’t leave me!”, now his punished heart made him angry. He was not able to stay calm. His temper was heating up and he thought it was not fair, not right!

“How can you give up so easily? How can you give up on US?!”, angry he shouted through the phone. “I think you should go back to your schedule, you will get problems if you’re making them wait. The others will be angry. Goodbye Sungyeol, thank you!”, without waiting for a replay the woman hung up and broke down crying hardly. Her breath was heavy and her heart felt torn. She needed some time to get a hold of herself again.

”___, don’t go! At least give him a chance to see you one last time!”, Yeonwoo scold her as a last try to hold her back. “No, it’s better like this!”, the woman griped her best friend in a breath taking hug, “I will call you soon, promise! And remember, don’t tell anyone where I am!” “I don’t know where you go! So how should I tell someone?”, the woman answered angry.

“I will miss you!”, with a sad and heartbreaking smile on her face she entered the car and waved one last time, then the car left. In the back mirror was a reflection of a car stopping and a man jumping out of it. He run behind the leaving woman but it was too late. She didn’t saw him or heard his shouting. The time to say goodbye had passed.

“That’s my new home? Ok, I can do this! New Start!”, the woman just entered her little apartment. It was nothing special, enough to live. She looked out of the window. The view was not that bad and actually it was the best thing about this flat. Her eyes wandered over the city outside. Busan was amazing and hopefully her new home where she would survive.