Yuri walked on the streets of Seoul before entering her car. A dull, pale face was playing; something that has come naturally to her for the past months. She used to be the cheerful type but that trait of her has faded along with the summer breeze. She wasn’t depressed… but she wasn’t happy either.

 

 

Her black wavy hair that blew playfully with the wind; fixing her black trench coat before unlocking her car door. She sat comfortably on her seat and gripped firmly on her stirring wheel; looking at the car parked in front of hers… deep in thought.

 

 

She exhaled heavily before stepping on her pedal; trying to let out a soft yet bitter smile.

 

 

“Yuri-ah!” She heard a familiar, high pitched voice calling her from outside the car.

 

 

Her eyes widened with a slightly shocked expression; momentarily forgetting how to breathe. She looked through her window to the left, discovering the blonde girl she loved so much standing beside her car.

 

 

“Pabo… let me in.” Jessica demanded lightly as she knocked twice on Yuri’s car window.

 

 

Yuri rolled down her window as she glued her eyes at her loved one.

 

 

“You shouldn’t be here…” Yuri spoke coldly.

 

 

Jessica chuckled softly at her lover’s statement.

 

 

“I know…” She finally answered.

 

 

That statement surprisingly hypnotized Yuri; leaving her to stare deeper into the blonde girl’s eyes.

 

 

“Get in…” Yuri finally spoke after returning to her normal, dull self.

 

 

Jessica grinned before going around the car to sit next to her girlfriend but Yuri stopped her midway.

 

 

“Sit at the back.” Yuri demanded.

 

 

Jessica pouted at her before obeying her lover’s command. She went back and opened the car door at the back and sat behind Yuri’s seat.

 

 

Yuri started to drive as she noticed Jessica sitting comfortably at the back feeling her loved one’s chin resting on the corner of her seat; and somehow she enjoyed the moment.

 

 

“Yul…” Jessica spoke softly.

 

 

“Yeah?” Yuri answered sounding like she was lacking with interest.

 

 

“Why have you been so cold to me lately?” Jessica asked while she placed her pink lips on Yuri’s cheek; giving her small butterfly kisses.

 

 

Yuri loved the tingle that it gave her but she had to act strong, she had to look dull, she had to act like Jessica’s actions weren’t giving much impact on her like before.

 

 

Jessica noticed Yuri’s lack of response so she tried to add more contact with Yuri.

 

 

She softly bit Yuri’s cheek and felt the other girl breathing sharply and nervously.

 

 

“Seobang… Answer me…” Jessica was able to mutter the words while her teeth still made contact with Yuri’s cheek.

 

 

“I’m sure you know why…” Yuri finally answered as she pulled her face away from Jessica’s reach; causing the older girl to bite on her cheek a bit harder before letting go.

 

 

“Your reason is invalid, Yul.” Jessica smirked playfully as she rested her back on her own seat before crossing her arms.

 

 

“You shouldn’t be here.” Yuri answered a bit stronger than the last time she spoke that sentence.

 

 

“But I want to be here… with you.” Jessica pouted childishly.

 

 

Tears slowly clouded Yuri’s vision as she tried her best to hold it back.

 

 

“I love you, Yul…” Jessica whispered on Yuri’s ear that made a tear escape the younger girl’s eye.

 

 

“That’s it. Get out.” Yuri demanded harshly before parking the car at the nearest sidewalk.

 

 

“You’re gonna get rid of me just like that?” Jessica asked snobbishly as she looked at her lover through the rear view mirror.

 

 

“You know it’s for the best… Now get out.” Yuri demanded once again.

 

 

“I’ll be back, Yul. You know that.” Jessica teased before stepping out of Yuri’s vehicle.

 

 

More tears escaped Yuri’s eyes as she held her strong expression together.

 

 

--

 

 

“Yul, what do you think of the new choreography. You know that we need your opinion on this.” Hyoyeon asked that snapped Yuri’s thoughts.

 

 

She was thinking about her encounter with Jessica earlier today. She couldn’t get her lover out of her head. How she loved the way Jessica played with her cheek seductively; it all just helped her fall into a depressing state.

 

 

“I think it’s fine.” Yuri answered; losing interest once again.

 

 

Yuri’s other members shared worried looks with Yuri’s attitude; they knew where this originated from and they wanted to help her for the past few months but Yuri won’t let them.

 

 

“If you don’t mind, I have to go. It’s been a really busy day for me.” Yuri spoke before leaving the girls; not even bothering to listen to what her other members had to say.

 

 

Yuri walked on the empty and silent hallway before hearing the same familiar voice calling out her name.

 

 

“Seobang!” Jessica called out.

 

 

Yuri looked over her shoulder to gaze at the girl approaching by her side.

 

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to join the group meeting, what did you discuss about?” Jessica asked enthusiastically as she panted from running to Yuri’s side.

 

 

Yuri gave her a sarcastic look before answering her question.

 

 

“Do you really think that you were needed in the meeting?”

 

 

“Of course I was, Yul!” Jessica giggled.

 

 

“Look, Jessica… Just stop, please.” Yuri demanded.

 

 

“I told you, Yuri… I wanna be with you.” Jessica spoke sweetly before wrapping her arms around the taller girl’s neck.

 

 

Yuri shrugged off Jessica’s touch and continued walking; increasing the speed of her pace.

 

 

“Yul! Wait for me!” The older girl shouted; trying to catch up to her.

 

 

--

 

 

Jessica sat on her previous seat as Yuri drove around Seoul to a certain destination. The car was filled with silence and Jessica didn’t attempt to disturb her. Yuri on the other hand, was still trying to her best to not make any sudden contact with Jessica. She knew that she can’t get close to her anymore, and that fact killed her every single day.

 

 

“Where are we going?” Jessica asked the question innocently.

 

 

“I think you know where we’re going…” Yuri spoke, not even glancing at Jessica.

 

 

It took a few moments for Jessica to contemplate what Yuri was trying to say until she finally realized what she was talking about.

 

 

“Oooh! Again? Haven’t you been there too much for the week already?” Jessica tilted her head in confusion.

 

 

Yuri looked at her through the rear view mirror; expressing a look that conveyed seriousness.

 

 

She kept silent during the whole drive until they finally reached their destination.

 

 

“We’re here…” Yuri spoke.

 

 

Jessica kept her silence as Yuri unfastened her seatbelt and stepped out of her car.

 

 

“Aren’t you coming with me?” Yuri looked at her from outside that caught Jessica’s attention.

 

 

It didn’t take long ‘till both of them were finally together outside of the vehicle.

 

 

“You know that we have to walk to get to where we’re going.” Yuri reminded as her feet finally reached the green grass.

 

 

“Yeah…” Jessica answered.

 

 

Both of them walked with a huge distance between them; leaving the older girl far behind the other.

 

 

“Yul!” Jessica broke the silence that caused the other to turn around.

 

 

Jessica giggled for a moment after seeing her lover’s cute, curious expression.

 

 

“Stop walking too fast and stay by my side…” Jessica grinned as she reached her arm out for Yuri to hold.

 

 

Yuri looked at Jessica’s hand as her face fell to a depressing expression. She looked back into Jessica’s eyes before answering the older girl.

 

 

“No…” Yuri spoke harshly before walking again to their destination.

 

 

Jessica slowly lowered her arm and followed Yuri again silently.

 

 

Yuri finally stood still with her head bowed down; continuing to deface Jessica.

 

 

“Yul, stop ignoring me, please. Stop pushing me away… I love you, Pabo.” Jessica spoke softly trying to please the younger girl.

 

 

Yuri clenched her fist as tears suddenly poured down her cheeks; not answering Jessica.

 

 

“Why have you been so cold to me lately? I thought you’re my Seobang… I thought you love me more than anything.” Jessica spoke again.

 

 

Yuri finally lifted her head and looked over her shoulder to expose her tearstained face to Jessica.

 

 

“Because you’re not the real Jessica…” Yuri sobered.

 

 

Yuri moved a little to show Jessica a tombstone with her name written on it.

 

 

“You’re not real. You’re just a figment of my imagination.” Yuri added.

 

 

Jessica stepped a bit closer to sit in front of her very own tombstone. She softly moved her fingers to where “Jung Sooyeon” was carved on the grave stone.

 

 

“You’re not supposed to be here, Jessica…” Yuri spoke as she sat beside her.

 

 

“I’m here because you want me to, Yul.”

 

 

“No I don’t!” Yuri defended as she knitted her brows.

 

 

“It’s been eight months since that plane crash, Sica. I have moved on. I finally accepted that you’re officially gone and that you’re never coming back.” Yuri added, maintaining a strong pose.

 

 

“Then why am I here if you’ve truly moved on?” Jessica spoke comfortingly as she cupped Yuri’s cheek with her palm.

 

 

Yuri’s expression weakened as she held back tears to prove Jessica that she was right.

 

 

“If you really moved on… I shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t be hallucinating about me sitting by your side; because in reality, we both know that you’re all alone here in front of my tombstone.” The older girl further explained.

 

 

“You don’t have to push me away to prove to yourself that you could go on without me, Yuri. You’re beat up and broken down… you loved me too much, you know that.” Jessica added.

 

 

Yuri kept her silence as a tear escaped her eyes until she finally pulled Jessica into an embrace.

 

 

“Come back to me…” Yuri cried on Jessica’s shoulder.

 

 

“The first step to moving on is admitting that you have to do it. I’ll always love you, Yuri… you know that.” Jessica spoke softly.

 

 

“Please don’t leave me… even if it’s just for now, please, Sica!” Yuri pleaded.

 

 

“You’ve been acting like a snob since I died and lying to yourself that you’re not affected even though that you are; now that you’ve accepted the pain, you could freely move on.” Jessica added; ignoring Yuri’s request.

 

 

“Please, Sica. Please! Just stay with me! Just for now!” Yuri begged harder.

 

 

Jessica was finally convinced and decided to lay beside her lover for one last time.

 

 

They laid together on the green grass, sharing gazes while Yuri rubbed Jessica’s cheek with her thumb.

 

 

“I love you, Jessica…” Yuri whispered.

 

 

“I love you too, Yuri…”

 

 

--

 

 

“Unnie, unnie… Wake up, it’s late.” Yuri heard the maknae’s voice calling out to her.

 

 

Yuri softly opened her eyes to discover herself lying on the grass while the sky went dark.

 

 

She still lied on the grass in front of her late lover’s grave, alone.

 

 

She sat up as she rubbed her puffy eyes and sniffed a couple of times before looking at Seohyun.

 

 

“Why are you here?” Yuri finally asked.

 

 

“We went home and discovered that you weren’t there. We figured that you would be here at Jessica Unnie’s grave.” Seohyun explained pitifully.

 

 

Jessica… she’s gone. Yuri thought.

 

 

“Let’s go home, Unnie. It looks like it’s going to rain tonight.” Seohyun reminded as she helped Yuri get up from the grass.

 

 

Yuri obeyed the maknae as she was escorted back to their car, discovering that Taeyeon sat at the driver’s seat to get them home.

 

 

Yuri sat alone at the backseat while the rain started to pour outside. She felt lost; she accepted the fact that she was depressed all along but denied it for the past eight months. After Jessica got involved in a plane crash, she acted dull but you couldn’t notice any sort of pain printed on her face. She hid her sadness and acted like she wasn’t really affected when she really was.

 

 

Jessica’s grave became her favorite spot to be alone and went there too much for every week that passed by. In Yuri’s state of reality, Jessica still existed; she hallucinated Jessica’s presence even though she was alone.

 

 

Now that she has overcome the realization that she is hurting, she no longer believed that she could be happy again. Jessica was her source of energy and happiness; without her, she just felt dull and weak.

 

 

I will never be Yuri again now that Jessica is not with me…