It starts with a kiss on the small tower of this so high slide, the biggest one they had seen so far and Luhan is the first to rush there and tug Yixing along.

Luhan had been the one pressing his small lips to Yixing’s cheek.

Luhan had been the one.

---

“Yixing!” Luhan says in a yap as he stares down at the letter on his hands. Yixing turns away from his desk and his eyes go wide with apprehension.

“What? Luhan you’re scaring me!”

“Yixing…”

“What? What does it say?” His small voice becomes high pitched and he gets up from his chair.

“I’m going to college!!” Luhan throws his arms in the air in victory letting the letter fly to the ground and Yixing mimics him and they hug.

It tightens until they both can’t feel anything else besides the other against them. Their euphoria dies down and Luhan buries his face on the crook of Yixing’s neck. He can feel the younger shifting.

“Luhan…you can let go now.”

But Luhan only hugs harder and lets in a deep breath to memorize Yixing one last time. He needs this.

“Luhan…”

The older pulls away eventually and tries not to look too expectant.

Yixing smiles with that easy dimple marking his cheek like it had always done.

“You don’t seem sad.” Luhan says.

“This is a good thing…I shouldn’t be sad about it.”

“I’m going away Yixing.”

“I know.”

“Then be sad.” Luhan knows he’s sounding childish but for once he wished Yixing wouldn’t just smile away and pretend to be strong because although Luhan himself doesn’t cry that easily he shows his emotions the best way he can.

“If I get sad I’ll cry, you know that…” Yixing turns his face away and starts to jab at his desk with his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Then cry…”

Yixing doesn’t say anything and simply stares at his desk. There’s a tear threating to roll down but he leaves the room before Luhan can see it and wipes it the moment he’s outside.

---

In high school they share everything.

Luhan is the only one that brings lunch while Yixing either forgets to bring it or his mother forgets to make him one so he basically never has food for lunch. Luhan parts his sandwich in two and gives a half to Yixing.

They were the only two chinese kids in their school and things can get…lonely. They only had each other. Yixing only had Luhan.

---

“You look miserable.”

Luhan looks up.

“Oh it’s you.” 

“Yeah sorry it’s just me and my ugly face.”

Luhan can’t even laugh at Jongin’s wittiness. His chest feels shallow.

“I’m sorry, I just have a lot in my mind.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m going to college.” He tells with a weak smile.

“That’s good.” Jongin’s voice is light.

“In china.”

“Oh. Oh…”

“Yeah…”

“I’ll miss you.”

Luhan laughs bitterly.

“Wasn’t I supposed to say that?” Jongin asks cautiously.

“I just wished someone else had said that…”

“Yixing?”

Luhan keeps quiet.

“You know…I’m the embodiment of failure when it comes to socialization but I take time to watch and my eyes catch things…”

Luhan side eyes him in question. Most times Jongin has the worse way of putting his thoughts into words, it gets ridiculous.

“And…just…” He pats Luhan’s knee. “Don’t leave regretting…okay?”

Luhan looks at him and he just smiles awkwardly and Luhan wonders when had ever ineloquent baby Jongin become so wise.

---

Yixing.

Zhang Yixing is the name of his one and only friend. Only best friend. When he first learned this Luhan’s small tongue liked to play with the words of his name and repeat it until it made no sense. And Yixing didn’t mind.

Yixing was a lively child, cute and sneaky too but Luhan beat him to it. Luhan was restless…just constantly moving and jumping and playing and he would steal the brightness of the sun or the vivid colors of the grass with his loveliness.

Yixing felt hopeless.

---

“I want to do something with you.” Luhan says as he watches Yixing make his bed.

“You already do everything with me Lu.”

“Before I leave. I want…I want a proper goodbye.”

Yixing looks at him.

“This isn’t goodbye Lu.”

“Shut up.” Luhan swallows the lump inside his throat. “Talking to you over the phone isn’t the same and if you say that to me one more time I might strangle you.”

Yixing’s dimple surfaces.

“Okay…what do you have in mind then?”

“I don’t know…it’s summer let’s just travel…anywhere…” Luhan falls on his bed and reclines against his pillows and tries to imagine the beach.

“That’s vague.”

“I’m vague, deal with it.” He sounds pissed he knows and he can tell by Yixing’s tone that he doesn’t like it.

“I’ve always dealt with you.”

“We’ll go to the beach.” Luhan says then much softer.

“We’ll go to the beach.” Yixing repeats and Luhan hates it because Yixing is supposed to be snarky and make remarks about Luhan’s incapacity of tanning or about how he can’t swim and make a joke about drowning…something, anything…

Luhan hates this.

Silence hurts a whole lot more than words made of stone.

---

When Luhan kisses him a second time they’re in middle school. Over the years Yixing had become shier and more sheltered upon himself but Luhan kept his brightness on full and making acquaintances wasn’t hard for him.

Yixing grew jealous.

If Luhan were to be a planet Yixing would be his moon.

He never said anything until once he caught Luhan giggling away and hugging this kid Yixing barely the name of in the courtyard where Luhan liked to play soccer and it had popped the bubble Yixing was trying so hard to build and convince himself it to be a wall of bricks.

He had yanked Luhan by the arm and fled until they had reached the outside of the school gates. Luhan had pulled back in attempts of freeing himself since Yixing’s grip was too harsh but as he saw it had no avail he just let himself get towed.

Yixing took a while to speak up but before he had mastered the courage to, Luhan had kissed him on the cheek and told him he’d always be his and no one else’s.

---

“I hate the beach.” Yixing says idly staring at his lunch.

“Oh?” Chanyeol doesn’t even have the courtesy to chew his salad before speaking.

“Nothing…” Yixing stabs a cucumber until it dies.

---

The breeze is cooling but the sun is scorching hot and Yixing can feel his skin stretching and screaming for shadow.

Luhan, oblivious, breathes in like he hasn’t breathed in years and for a moment there he feels at peace. He wants to anyway. The atmosphere between the two of them had been so miserable that he wants to do everything in his power to fix it.

So he tugs at Yixing’s arm and links them to drag him out and find a spot to land.

Yixing’s eager to plant the umbrella into the ground and plop himself under it and sleep until forever more. Luhan’s plans collide with his.

“Here.” Luhan practically gives a face full of cream to Yixing who only flinches away in disgust.

“Can’t you wait I get settled?” He sighs as he reattempts to stick the umbrella into the sand.

Luhan retrieves his hand. It’s like he forgot how to deal with Yixing. It’s pissing him off how he’s the one making it worse.

But later Yixing smiles and offers his face so Luhan can put sunscreen on his skin properly.

It’s stupid but Luhan’s heart dances inside his chest. Yixing could do it himself he knows, they both know, but he isn’t opposing or brushing Luhan away and that’s…that’s good.

So Luhan takes longer than he should and maps Yixing's features and body with his hands. He misses this kind of intimacy…he doesn’t want to say goodbye…

“You’re not going to stay under that all day.” Luhan complains as soon as Yixing lies on his towel in the shadow after Luhan had been done covering his body with cream.

“The sun hates me, you know that.”

“You hate the sun.”

“It’s a mutual hateful relationship.”

“Yixing…” Luhan whines and Yixing cracks an eye open to look at his friend. Suddenly he looks like his 7 year old self who would plead Yixing to go play with him on the swings and Yixing feels warm inside.

He gives in and gets a mild sunburn on his shoulder blades.

---

In freshman year there’s this girl. She’s pretty, very much so. Luhan falls under her charm and everything crumbles.

Yixing watches from afar and makes friends with Chanyeol. Chanyeol is tall and he speaks a lot. Just the distraction he needed.

---

His bags are made and he’s ready.

Yixing stares at the ground while holding the door for Luhan to cross it. He avoids Luhan’s eyes altogether all the way to the subway and during the entire ride.

Luhan tries not to cry as he focus on the people coming in and out but suddenly when he feels like he can’t hold it anymore Yixing reaches for his hands and interlaces their fingers.

Luhan looks at him but Yixing is facing the window although the view is merely black. Luhan squeezes his hand impossibly hard.

---

Luhan’s parents came to Korea because they wanted to give Luhan another life style, different from the one they had themselves.

Yixing’s parents came because money was short. It’s still short.

---

Yixing feels out of breath as Luhan hugs him so tightly and whispers.

“Come with me. Please…”

He can’t…

“My parents…Luhan…”

Luhan hugs tighter and lets a grunt of frustration into Yixing’s skin.

“You’re going to miss your flight.” Yixing says but Luhan keeps still. “Luhan…your flight.” It comes out broken.

Luhan pulls away and his eyes are the saddest Yixing has ever seen. The lady from the speaker calls the passengers to the gate.

“I--” Luhan can’t get the words out. He had never been able to. So he acts. He has little to lose. And he needs this.

A soft hand to the cheek and he kisses Yixing’s lips.

People around stare in mild surprise.

Yixing forgets how to breathe. It seems like a dream… only it’s a nightmare…

The lady of the speaker talks again and Luhan deepens the kiss. He needs this…he needs this.

Yixing breaks. And cries. For the first time in a while he allows himself to cry in front of Luhan. He had sworn to himself to never hold the older back but this time…this time it’s just too much.

And he sobs and hiccups and words tumble out of his mouth when Luhan pulls away to wipe his tears.

“I don’t want you to go… Luhan-”

Luhan hugs him. The last call comes from the speaker.

“Please…Luhan…” He whispers but there’s no sound.

---

Why Yixing met Luhan at three on a Friday afternoon is to wonder. Why had their mothers had decided to go to that exact same park, so remote from everything, of all places is to wonder.

And Yixing wonders if…if there’s such a thing as being meant to be.

Is the red invisible string theory really true?

He would only find that out years, years later.

---

Luhan tugs his bag tightly to his chest when the plain takes off. He searches for his m&ms and finds a small folded paper inside near the package.

“I can’t tell you to stay with me…

But I’m missing you.”

oh well at least i practice my english :|