Fixated on the cars outside, I don’t realise when Noona comes back with drinks in her hand. She pushes one of the beer bottles towards me and nudges me with her foot (well more like kicks me) under the table to take it.

“So what did you want to meet me here for, Junho-yah?”

Because I wanted to see you. I push that answer away and shrug, “Just thought you could use a break. I haven’t seen you in a while.”

She just chuckles and I smile unknowingly. It’s been too long since I’ve spent time with her like this. I’ve missed it. Ever since Jay confessed, something in her has changed. For better or worse, I’m still trying to figure that out. When she’s with Jay, she’s always smiling and it always strikes a chord in me. I hate it. It may sound selfish, but I want to be the one that makes her smile like that.

I know it’s not right to do what I’m doing - calling Noona out in the middle of the night, using a stupid excuse just to see her, but I can’t help it. I would be lying if I said I felt guilty in doing so, but...I don’t. Besides, Jay would kill me if he knew the truth, although I’m pretty certain he already knows.

“I haven’t been here in so long; I didn’t think Mrs Lee would recognise me.”

“No one can forget a face like yours,” I mumble under my breath.

“Hm?” She looks at me with those confused, doe-like eyes of hers.

“Uh...nothing.” I take a swing at the beer bottle in front of me. “I heard about you and Jay-hyung,” I hesitate to get the last part out, “congrats.”

She lets out a soft laugh and hits my arm, “Aye Junho-yah, nothing to congratulate me for,” she tries to say casually, but I don’t miss the blush creeping on her cheeks. I take another sip out of the bottle to try and forget the constant panging at the bottom of my heart.

“No, you and Jay-hyung are good together.” As much as I hate to admit, that much is true.

:::

Digging my spoon into the white and blue cardboard cup, I take a scoop of the chocolate ice cream. The entrance bell sounds and I look up to see a female, who seems oddly familiar, walk through the doors. She walks up to the counter and orders something, passing over a few thousand won bills. The cashier passes her some change and the same cardboard cup I have in my hands. She bows and walks past me, taking the booth across mine. She sits down and her gaze is met with my own. Reflexively, I look down at the table.

“Wooyoung?” Her voice reaches me and I look up, reluctantly.

“Been a while hasn’t it?” I say casually, shooting her a smile.

She nods and replies, still sitting at the table across mine, “Three years, give or take.”

“Shouldn’t you be in the States?” I try to keep any emotion out of my voice.

She nods again and hums a reply, not really answering my question. I wasn’t expecting to see her so soon- no, ever actually. After leaving like that, no explanation, hardly a goodbye, it hurt. Not that I had any romantic feelings towards her, she is- well was, my friend. That was before she packed up and left.

I didn’t hear from her since then. My friends had asked me if I ever heard back from her, supposedly because I was the closest to her of the seven of us guys. I didn’t know what to say so I lied. I said yes - that she contacted me at least every two weeks, checking up on our group, asking me how things were, stuff like that. That shut them up long enough to stop pestering me about her. Granted, they thought we were “together”. It wasn’t like we didn’t clear that up with them. We did...well, I did anyway.

“Then, what brings you back to Seoul?”

“Just, you know,” she takes a scoop of ice cream, “in town.” And still with the vague replies. She still carries that same aura around her, and I wonder if she is still as strict and cold as she was when she left.

“You know it wasn’t your fault I left. It was my choice, Wooyoung.” Her comment catches me off guard and I look up, her gaze holds onto mine longer than necessary. She still sees right through me.

I repress a sigh and shoot her another smile. “I know it was, Mai.” I know.

:::

Closing my eyes, I lean back on the park bench and take in the night spring air. Although it is the middle of the night, and I should be in my apartment where my roommate is probably wondering where I’ve gotten to, I needed to take a breather. After everything that has happened over the past few months, I just needed to be alone.

“Hey.”

Or not.

“I was surprised when you called me out this late,” she pauses, “well, you just calling surprised me enough. I thought you didn’t want to talk to me again.” I hear the forced smile in her voice.

“That was you.” I reply rather bluntly. My roommate’s vocabulary is really rubbing off on me.

“Huh?”

I open my eyes and turn my head to face her. “You were the one that didn’t want to talk me ever again, remember?”

“Oh.” She simply replies, her face reads of realisation.

“Sorry.”

She just shakes her head and smiles. I don’t know what it is, but I always feel guilty around her. I always end up doing something that I’ll probably regret later, or saying something that’ll probably come back and bite me. The stupid thing is, I always end up doing such things in front of her. And you know what the worst thing is? I always end up running back to her because of what I do.

“So, what was it you called me for, Taecyeon-ssi?” And her voice always makes me forget.

“Fuu,” I sit up and turn towards her, one arm resting along the back of the bench, one leg on the space of bench between us, “after all we’ve been through, still with the formalities.” I shoot her a smile and she just giggles quietly.

“Bad habit. Sorry.”

For some reason, I never believed her when she said that. “Bad habit” seemed to be a constant excuse she used, especially with me.

“I just needed someone to talk to.” I turn my attention back to the starless night sky.

“Why couldn’t you talk to your gir-”

“Roommate?” I cut her off. She nods and I shrug. “I don’t want to bother her.” Lies.