It’s not quite what you’d expect, given the exterior to be cold and sometimes unfriendly; a sweet voice that soothes the every crease on your forehead, that warms the every muscles of your heart would never fit with such a face that screams malice. But that doesn’t bother Wonshik at all. In fact, when the CEO calls his name out, Wonshik fought really hard to contain his excitement. Because for him, even if he didn’t make it for the final line-up, he’d be happy enough to know that he could at least hear more of the latter’s voice that he had come to love.

Although Taekwoon isn’t the same -- appearance wise -- anymore, it doesn’t bother Wonshik at all. Behind the exterior, is the warm-hearted man he loved, and loves. Whatever he has done to his face will not mask away his sincerity in whatever he does. Although Wonshik doesn’t quite understand why he would go to the extent of reconstructing his face, he doesn’t bug him about it – not that it’s entirely true that he has fought all the desire to ask him why because he loved Taekwoon’s old features (Wonshik thinks he was already perfect, and see no reason why he would change them, so he’s constantly frustrated that what once was dear to him, is lost), but Wonshik just let the question roll to the back of his mind because he respects whatever reason Taekwoon had, and stays quiet whenever the rest of them bring up praises to his new nose, or chin.

He still remembers it vividly, the day Taekwoon steps into the dorm with bandages on his face. Wonshik had thought he had fallen from the steps or was beaten up by a gang but whatever the cause was, he was worried; worried sick to the bone.

Then the rest greeted him and surrounded him as if he’s a piece of artefact in a museum, and Wonshik was eventually pushed away from the commotion. It was then that he realised what Taekwoon had done – it was all but what he had wished for.

Most of the times however, he will quietly walk away from the group and sulk in his room – Taekwoon had always been talking to him, and only him. He cannot deny that he yearns for that to stay the same, but who is he to control who Taekwoon talks to? He would have praised his looks, even before all this, and would have chanted words like “beautiful”, and “handsome” in the same sentence over and over again, but he couldn’t.

It would be weird then, since they were nothing more than just fellow trainees. Wonshik thought that he’d take it slow, but obviously he seems to be losing the battle. Day by day, he strays away from Taekwoon, because things have changed. Taekwoon is more confident now, and he doesn’t need his help with the communications. So why bother? He should at least be happy for him.

But his silence did not go unnoticed.

It isn’t that they aren’t close – Wonshik isn’t someone who chooses his companies and leaves some out while he has fun, and Taekwoon is his best buddy in the group, but inviting Taekwoon to any of their night-out dinners is a challenging task. Not only does he struggle with the thin line of awkwardness, but his heart would so violently attack and his body just goes limp, and he’ll stagger, and mumble, and then he panics, and ends up running away instead, leaving Taekwoon irritated and alone in the dorm.

He’d up a lie, telling the members that Taekwoon is tired and not interested, leaving a pang of guilt lingering in his heart. But occasionally, he’ll leave earlier than the rest with a packet of food or desserts, with a scribbly “I’m sorry” written on them, and then he’ll leave them next to Taekwoon before scurrying into his room.

The strange feeling was never so strong to the point where his mind would just be an empty brick wall. But it’s now different, and stronger, and he admits that he has fallen too deep into the mysterious wonders of love. 

He knows his subtlety is failing, but he’s sure Taekwoon doesn’t realise anything – which, in all honesty, is entirely bull.

No doubt, even before they were a part of MyDol, Taekwoon has always gone to Wonshik for a friendly conversation because he feels comfortable. It is very common for a typical Scorpio to have trust issues. But Wonshik, he’s an exception. He doesn’t blabber like Hakyeon, nor is he annoying like Jaehwan. Wonshik isn’t such a flower boy like Hongbin as well, and he doesn’t have to fiddle with his hair and fingers unlike times where he talks to Hongbin, because seriously, that boy gets him too self-conscious, it drives him mad.

So when Wonshik starts to quiet down, and avoids him, he can’t help but feel betrayed and lonely. Was it a bad idea after all? For the only reason he did it, was to at least get someone’s attention – and it did, the rest of the members couldn’t stop talking about how he looks better with his nose reconstructed, and his chin smaller. He was desperate for someone to appreciate, but he realised he wouldn’t get it unless he stands out – appearance wise. That insecurity has grown with him, accompanying him through thick and thin, and he thought he’ll finally let it go, but he was wrong.

Taekwoon has contemplated going for plastic surgery for years but why now? That question would constantly bother him. Even though he knew the reason, he wishes not to be reminded. Who knew that one man could get him to make such a rash decision?

This was for him after all. Instead of fighting and winning, his insecurities grew stronger as the days go by with Wonshik avoiding him.

Still, amidst the negativity, Wonshik’s lustful glances did not go unnoticed as well.

And it wasn’t as if Wonshik was any less subtle with the way he expresses his feelings, so when the two of them were left to help their youngest to improve his moves, unnecessary touches created sparks that only Wonshik could feel, and Sanghyuk to see – and take that as a cue to leave them alone.

As usual, Taekwoon would be pissed off with the new member running off, but he doesn’t say anything. The heavy silence, mingled with heavy pants and humid air, makes it uncomfortable for Wonshik to even breathe. For once (always, when they’re left alone, they’d jump straight into a conversation but now, Wonshik just clamps his mouth shut), he doesn’t know how to break the ice that has reformed.

Finally, after a long and piercing silence, Taekwoon speaks.

“Drink up,” Taekwoon hands him a bottle, his bottle -- with the opening wet (Wonshik gasps because that might just be Taekwoon’s saliva, and they’re obviously indirectly kissing. But who drinks and leaves their saliva dripping?) -- and Wonshik happily accepts, with fingers coiling around Taekwoon’s to receive the bottle. He sighed with relief mentally (at least Taekwoon still talks to him).

 And he drinks up with content.

“You think I didn’t notice?” and Taekwoon has his eyes closed, face contort in pure disgust as he wipes the droplets of spurted saliva with a towel. “That’s how you treat someone you like?” Taekwoon’s voice is soft and alluring, as if he’s teasing the younger. But Wonshik stays silent.

He thought he’d gone unnoticed; No one else knew, and the last person he wants to never know of his secret, is actually revealing it all to him, as if secrets were to be sprawled across the floor and be joked about.

But Taekwoon finds it cute, the way Wonshik reacts, and he quickly tugs at his wrist because Wonshik was about to runaway again, and he’s not going to let him go this time.

Because there weren’t ay cameras around, he isn’t so shy. Boldly, he speaks the truth, “You like me, right? Why runaway?”

Taekwoon wasn’t making fun of him; he was being sincere – and desperate too, maybe. There has not been a single one to appreciate him throughout the years he had lived, but when Wonshik does things Taekwoon thinks would never have happened to him, he feels as if his heart started beating again. He’s tired of waiting and chasing with false hopes.

“Do you like it?” was the first question Taekwoon wondered, and has been dying to ask. For the past few months, right after he had gone for plastic surgery, Wonshik has been behaving quite strangely around him. He admits insecurities were the cause of it all, but he feels even more depressed if someone were to fall in love with him after his face is reconstructed. Yes, he did it so that he could get the most attention from Wonshik, but he can’t help but feel slightly disappointed that Wonshik would be the type to go for looks. What if there are people with better looks than him, and natural? Someone like Hongbin perhaps? What will he do then? He’d do anything, even if it takes him more surgeries but –

“Like what, hyung?” Wonshik asked, confusion evident in his features as his brows furrowed.

“Do you like it? Do you like my face now?” Taekwoon’s voice increased slightly, desperation became his adrenaline rush. But Wonshik just stood there. He wanted to nod, and shake his head because he liked it, but he also liked his features before this.

Wonshik steps back when Taekwoon stands up abruptly, hands clenching tightly on his arms.

“I’ll change it again, for you, until you’re fully satisfied with how I look. Okay?” His face is so close as he vents out (the loudest he has ever heard him speak), he could feel his hot breath on his face; he could see Taekwoon’s desperation burning in his eyes, and Wonshik finally realised what he had missed out, even when it was all there for him to see – Jung Taekwoon, the man that he loves, loves him too. He was ecstatic for a moment, but seeing how desperate Taekwoon was to be loved by someone made him feel terrible that he didn’t muster the courage to confess earlier and prevent his insecurities from torturing his soul.

“No,” Wonshik answered in a whisper, truthfully, because looks don’t matter, do they? Anyway, he fell in love with his voice first, and then him as a whole. Wonshik pulls him in embrace. Tightly, he hugs him and gently caresses his head too console the older man. “Please, hyung, no more…”

Taekwoon is strict about his pride, but this was too much for him. He started sobbing as he hides his face on the crook of Wonshik’s neck, his fists clenches tightly onto his shirt. He feels his knees weakened, but Wonshik was strong to help him stand.

“I love your voice, I love you. I love how you looked then, hyung. But looks… they don’t matter to me. I love you just being you… sincerely.”

Taekwoon feels relieved to the point where he couldn’t hold it in any longer, and cried. As he cries harder, Wonshik’s embrace feels tighter and tighter. “Please don’t cry, hyung,” 

“I was worried,” Taekwoon whispered amidst his sobs. “I was worried you wouldn’t like me for how I looked then,” Wonshik felt as if the whole is crashing on his shoulders. He felt sorry, and bad that he wasn’t there to help him. What’s sad and unavoidable is that society is the eternal judgement to one’s life, and it’s horrible that Taekwoon had to be the victim.

But what’s done is done.

“Hyung, I’ve always liked you for who you are, please don’t ever change that,”

Sanghyuk feels terrible for eavesdropping, however, he couldn’t stop the grin stretching on his face. They are seated in the meeting room to discuss their debut with their CEO.

Wonshik has his fingers intertwined with Taekwoon’s, under the table, with the CEO completely oblivious to it but not Sanghyuk, he knows – oh he knows way too much and too well for a minor. When the CEO turns around and stands up to collect some stuff, he flashes his grin to them, and gave Wonshik a ‘thumbs up’.

Taekwoon was quite surprised, but he doesn’t shy away (although his cheeks were obviously burning with embarrassment.) because he wants to show it off. Wonshik though, manages to send a kick, much to Sanghyuk’s dismay. “Ah!”

“Are you alright, Sanghyuk?” the CEO asked as he returns with the documents. Sanghyuk only nodded, and sends Wonshik another cheeky grin before he pushes himself away and laughs. The rest were confused, so is the CEO, but they shrug it off thinking they were just playing their little games, and bonding.

“Thank you,” Taekwoon whispers almost inaudible, but Wonshik heard him. He clenches his hand tighter in response, and secretly flashed a gentle smile. They share a silent nod, and goes back to listening attentively to the discussion.

A meeting like this should be serious – they’re discussing their future, why would it not? But Wonshik can’t erase the pleased smile on his face, because the future seems so clear and bright, he isn’t afraid of any obstacles getting in his way. 

Ah, I seem to have made Leo seem rather... psychotic. /kills self/ It was quite challenging to write this, honestly. I had to rephrase a lot so it won't be too confusing, sigh. I hope I didn't bore you! It's wordy, sorry! This issue has been bugging me quite a while, about insecurities, people's desperation to be appreciated and reconstructing their faces for it. Having insecurities is really y, so I hope people try to understand others who have insecurities that they need to overcome because it might lead to bullying and whatnot. Don't joke about people's appearance, you might kill them emotionally. Just want to get the message across, though this story might not be strong enough for it :)

Alright, anyway, thanks for reading! :D