The room was quite big, enough to accomodate all the machines, dozens of fruit baskets and care packages from their friends, the younger's panda plushies, and both their lives; Kris had practically moved there too because he can't stand the thought of being in their home alone, without Zitao.

Most of the things in there were white; the walls were white, the sheets and linens were white, the pile blankets were white, the pillows and the cases were white. The table was white; the vase was white, filled with white lilies too. 

 

It's Zitao's favorite color.

 

So the sight of a tall, black haired man gazing out the window on a white chair by the window looks so noticable between the sea of white.

Fine lines of wrinkles filled his face, concentrating around his forehead. His eyes showed nothing, but the multiple deep sighs that had escaped his lips for the past ten minutes had showed everything; fatigue, sadness, frustration, and disappointment.

Yes, Kris is disappointed. He had failed to protect Zitao. That was his only job, his only promise to himself.

He stared beneath their room, where the hospital garden is. People who had been allowed to go there are the ones who usually had made improvements; survived their surgeries, able to walk again, able to smile again. He snorted.

Kris had forgotten when was the last time they smile together.

But he remembered all this like it all happened yesterday; Zitao's whimpers of pain, his muffled scream trying to subdue the raging chest pains and headache, the sight of his dead pale face that's contrast to their wooden flooring at home when Kris came home from work to find him fainted on the floor with cold body.

He observed other's faces down there, and he felt like stabbing their faces one by one with military knife. What kind of people laughs like that when other suffers? How is it fair that they get to be healthy again and not his Zitao? Where did they go wrong?

 

Behind him was a constant beep, annoying yet crucial.

 

On the bed was a man younger than Kris, looking tired and fragile, sleeping away inside layers of blankets. The machine placed by the wall was beeping in rhyme with his steady breathing. 

It was slow and faint. But it's still there. Kris had woken up multiple times in different nights to make sure that it's still there.

Zitao no longer could breathe on his own. He needed the machines to help him.

 

The taller turned to the window again, squinting his eyes towards the view outside the window; a habit he developed as he thought it helped him concentrate. 

He begged for Time. Constantly, he begged for the seconds, the minutes, and the hours. He tricked Time before. And he's begging for more. He needed more Time with Zitao. And he knows Zitao too.

But more than anything that is indefinite, he knew for sure that Time would come eventually and claim what was his. But he was not ready. Not now.

So he begged for Time again, and again. He begged restlessly until he could no longer keep track of how many times he did.

 

As always, Kris noticed whenever there's something different. Difference gives him hope that maybe his wish would be granted, again. Today, something is different. The steady breathing behind him changed, signing that Zitao is up, something that hasn't happened in a long time. He's usually only up for his morning meds, to greet Kris good morning and chat for a little before his pain and medications claim him back to the land of unconsciousness.

 

"Ge.." called Tao between his mask, his eyes fluttered open. Kris had almost forgotten how captivating Zitao's eyes are.

 

Kris raised and moved his chair to the bedside where it was placed hours ago, careful not to touch the various machines. He tilted his head and leaned in so he can hear Tao better, waiting for the younger to continue.

 

"Do.. You think we could... Celebrate... My birthday?"

 

Kris leaned back, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

 

"Of course, why--" then he caught the gaze in younger's eyes. He didn't ask if a celebration could be done, he was asking if he would still be able to.

 

Kris scooped Tao's hand in his, careful not to shift the IV needle.

 

"Do you want to, baby?" he asked softly, running his other hand on Tao's forehead. His skin is no longer as warm, even after hours being inside the blankets. It's not news, Zitao had been like this since his illness got the greater of him, but Kris had always hope for him to be well again, for everything to come back to normal. It's impossible, but Kris wanted both of them to have somthing to soothe them through all this, to make it easier and his empty hope somehow does.

 

Zitao inhaled sharply as a lump found its way to his throat, making it difficult for him to voice his answer. The elder's expression had given him the answer, even before Zitao asked in the first place. They had always understand each other even without words. He knew his Kris would not refuse him. Kris, his Kris. He had always been feeling blessed and grateful to have him in this life, even though then he found out that it would be a short one. But he's happy. He's happy to have Kris by his side and he would give anything to stay with him forever. In his every waking moments, Zitao had begged for Time. He had begged for Time to slow down, because he's losing it and he can't get it back. It hurts, but he does realize it. Time is coming for him. When it does, Zitao could not refuse but to let go. But how could he leave Kris? His love, his life, his everything. So Zitao begged, and begged. He needed more Time, he said. He needed Time to slow down, because he wanted to have his happiness with Kris, he begged.

A hot tear escaped his eye. He nodded faintly, confirming his wish. His birthdays had always been his favorite, especially since Kris came into his life. It's like somehow Kris managed to become twice the miracle he already is each year, on that day.

 

"So you shall," Kris smiled, wiped Zitao's tear with his thumb. Who is he to refuse his angel?

 

"...Really?" Zitao sighed, the pressure on his head returned and he knew he would fell asleep again in a minute. He stared at the elder, trying to capture all his features and take them into his dreams, he wanted to be with Kris even there.

 

"Yes", Kris nodded, smiling softly as he continued to Zitao's forehead calmly.

 

A weak but wide smile appeared behind the transparent oxygen mask. Zitao was excited. His birthday is tomorrow.

 

"What do you want for your birthday? I would get you anything", Kris asked with excitement, the little amount that still left inside him since Zitao was admitted and practically sentenced to death. He wished his excitement would prevent the younger from falling asleep again for a moment. He needed reassurance that Zitao indeed, is still alive somewhere and talking to him, not sleeping away under the influence of chemicals and immobile.

 

"Silly..." Tao whispered as he let out a silent, breathless chuckle. It's tiring for him to breathe, let alone to laugh, but he wanted to keep Kris' excitement for a little longer, for he would take it away with him when he drifted away again. Trying to ignore his throbbing headache, Zitao smiled widely as Kris chuckled with him too. Zitao stared when the elder kissed his now boney hand slowly, softly and tenderly, in such loving way; the same way he had always kissed him since the first time.    

 

Kris smiled softly as his eye met Zitao's, pressing his lips on the younger's knuckles, silently asking him to continue.

 

Zitao shifted his gaze to the window. Water droplets stain the glass. More appeared silently as some trickled down. The sky was grey. It was perfect, and beautiful. It reminds him of the days he spent on Kris' lap, inside their plush blanket at home, sitting together sipping tea and munching biscuits Zitao made from scratch.

 

"I.... Want to go... To the... Beach... With you..." he continued, finally managed to give more than a word response even though his chest rose heavily with every syllable.

 

Kris leaned closer and pressed a kiss on Zitao's temple. There is no way they would let Zitao go out of the hospital in his condition. Zitao's cardiologist, the notoriously strict Dr. Kim Joonmyeon would never allow that. But Zitao wanted to go to the beach and Kris knew, and he knew that Zitao knew too, that the younger might not be able to anymore if its not now. He needed to go around the situation. All the machines would not even fit the ambulance, and don't even think about fitting it in his SUV. He listened to Zitao's labor breath, then suddenly he got an idea. 

 

He kissed Tao's hand again, tracing the limp fingertips with his lips, before squeezing it softly.

 

"Anything for you, love..", he smiled, even though his eyes could not lie. He's in pain. He is, when Zitao is. He knew that Zitao is trying hard to stay with him, he is killing himself to be able to stay awake and be with him. He caught the tremble of Zitao's lids and he whispered an "it's okay,". Kris continued to whisper softly, until Zitao finally close his eyes with another sigh.

 

Kris kissed Tao's temple again, just before the younger fell into another slumber.

 

 

-

 

 

"You want me to what?" Joonmyeon asked the tall man in front of him. He heard what Kris said, every word, but he needed to make sure he was not dreaming. Is this man crazy or what?

"Be with him tonight. I need to go to the beach," Kris said as he wears his jacket, zipping it up to his neck.

"You know you can't. Zitao immune system was way too low. He needed each and every single one of those machines to help him. I can't let you take him out of that room," Joonmyeon said sternly even though knew exactly why Kris wanted to go to the beach. He understood that Zitao's birthday is coming up but he cannot risk it. He wanted to keep Zitao alive way past his birthday for crying outloud.

"You didn't hear me right. I needed to go. Zitao stays," Kris replied calmly. He knew exactly that Joonmyeon is panicking inside, building up arguments to reason with him. But he doesn't need to, because he understands and he has a plan.

"What?" Joonmyeon frowned, not comprehending the situation.

"He couldn't go to the beach. So I would bring the beach to him," Kris said as a matter of factly, smiling towards the confused cardiologist.

"How?" the other asked again. It hasn't make any sense to Joonmyeon.

Kris grinned, "I have my ways,"

"Fine," Joonmyeon admitted defeat. Anything to make the couple happy in their remaining Time. He picked up a white folder marked 'Mr. Huang Zi Tao' from his desk and sighed, "Don't go too long.." he waved the folder in front of Kris, "He's already pushing it." 

 

Zitao's predicted time was weeks ago.

 

"I won't. I am planning on coming back before midnight so we can celebrate by then.." Kris smiled softly.

Joonmyeon put the folder back on his desk, then stared at his friend, "Kris.."

"Stay with him, okay?" Kris cut him, not wanting to hear anything anymore. He had enough of people giving their sympathies and reminders, now he just needed someone to help him.

Joonmyeon sighed again, not entirely sure about the plan.

"Joon.." Kris pleaded, staring at the other hoping that he would understand. Kris just wanted to make Zitao smile again, before Time comes.

"Sure," he answered, assuring Kris that he would stay with Zitao.

Kris grinned again before going around Joonmyeon's desk and throw his arms around the smaller figure, hugging the cardiologist.

"Thank you. I'll be going to see Zitao then I'll be on my way. Please come and stay with him when I left,"

"By midnight, Kris. Don't be late," Joonmyeon reminded him. It wasn't that he didn't want to company Tao. It’s that he wasn't sure how long Tao could wait.

 

Kris nodded, he knew.

Secretly, he begged for Time again, for the countless times that day.

 

 

-

 

 

"Yi Fan... You were not... Here when... I woke up.." Zitao whispered between his ragged breaths, as he saw Kris entered his room again. He had been sleeping a lot, and it makes him felt like he's floating in between dreams and reality. Kris was the last person he saw before he fell asleep, and the first he met when he woke up. To see him when he does wake up, is the thing that makes him sure that he is still alive. That Zitao still have Kris and that Kris is still with Zitao. He could not deny the slight panic that crawled up his spine when he woke up to an empty room.                                        

The elder approached his bedside. He took Zitao's hand in his before leaning in to kissing Zitao's temple. A routine. To let him know that he's still there.

 

"I know.. I'm sorry Taozi.. I was talking to Joonmyeon.." Kris said, fixing Zitao's blanket.

 

"So.... Can we... Go?" Zitao whispered again, his voice laced with hope, even though he already know what's coming.

 

"I'm so sorry baby.." Kris said. He hated to disappoint Zitao. He could do it to himself, but not to him.

 

Zitao blinked blankly. So at the end he doesn't get to have his birthday. It's okay, he tried to assure himself. It would be alright, he said. But his face, even weak and tired, still could not hide his true feelings. And just like he always does, Kris knows what Zitao is thinking.

 

He continued, "But I promise you, I'm still getting you a present, just like you asked,"

 

Zitao tilted his head slightly, as far as his headache allow him. He moved his finger in Kris' hand, scratching the elder's palm lightly, wanting him to explain more.

"It's a surprise," Kris said with a smirk, reading Zitao's mind.

 

Zitao smiled.

Kris smiled back. He loved Zitao's smile like he loved everything about him.

 

"Ge..." Zitao said faintly.

 

"Yes?" Kris moved closer to Tao so he could hear better.

 

"I'm... Sleepy again...." he gave out long exhale. This headache is really annoying. He could not escape it, no matter how much medications he took. And he hated the fact that the more meds he take, the weaker he gets. That means less time to actually talk and see Kris.

 

"It's okay, baby.. You can sleep.." Kris ran his fingers through Zitao's hair.

 

"With... You.." the younger continued, his eyes half lidded.

 

Kris smiled as he climbed Zitao's bed, slipping one arm under the younger's figure, letting him snuggle on his chest. Kris circle his other arm around Zitao, securing him close.

 

"You smell.... Good..." Tao whispered. Kris could sense tha happiness that lace his voice.

 

"Thank you. You too.." Kris kissed the top of Tao's head. He could still smell the kiwi shampoo had Tao always used, although it was weeks ago since the last time the younger used it. Zitao had no more strength to even stay awake, let alone to wash his hair.

 

"Baby, I will be going later to fetch your present, okay? It may take a while, though. Wait for me, okay? I will come and find you.."

 

There was a long pause.

 

Kris would have thought Tao had fallen asleep if not for the small nod against his chest.

 

"I love you....." Zitao whispered in response.

 

"I love you too, Taozi.." Kris smiled, his hands softly ran on Zitao's arm to comfort him.  

 

"Ge....." Tao sighed as he closed his eyes again, his body delicate against Kris'.

 

Kris hummed and waited for Tao to continue but from the silence that followed, the younger must have fallen asleep again. Kris smiled, caressing Tao's hair again.

A tear escaped his eyes this time. 

He had forbid himself from crying for too long.

Kris glanced at the monitor beside the bed. It was constant, since a while ago. Kris had stopped counting. He tightened his embrace around Zitao, as if trying to free him from pain, trying to keep him stay.

But he knew it would not happen. Empty hopes. That's what keeps him alive.

 

"Hold on, Taozi.. I will come and find you..." he whispered against Tao's ear.

 

This time he wished for Time to stop for a while.

 

 

-

 

 

Kris glanced at the transparent jar beside him on the front seat. He was on his way to Zitao's favorite beach. Kris bought him a beachside villa on the same beach a year ago. The younger had only got the chance to visit once, but on that only visit Zitao was so happy. They were happy. And yes, that time, Zitao smiled, the same smile that's tattooed permanently on the back of Kris' head.

It was a long drive, and the weather was not improving. It was still dark and cloudy, rain fell on the car windows.

Tao loved rain, and Kris loved how Tao loved rain. He also loved how when he drove with Zitao, time seemed to be too short. He's enjoying being together with him in one minute, just the two of them, and they would arrive the next, and Kris had to share Zitao with other people.

Now that he's driving alone, it was awfully long.

 

It was nearly 10 when he reached the beach on the evening. He brought the jar with him and took off his shoes. When Zitao was here, the younger was too excited to even remember to do so. Kris smiled on the memory. Zitao jumped straight to the shore that day with full clothes, pulling Kris with him. Kris walked and kneeled, then scooped some sand into the jar. Then he continued to the shore where he added some shells, and let some water flow in. He waited for a couple of seconds before he closed the jar, lifting it towards the dark sky.

There. Zitao's present is ready.

 

He glanced at his wrist and realized that he barely got two hours before midnight.

Why does it seem like Time is always playing with him?

 

He paid one last glance at the ocean before retreating back to his car.

 

 

-

 

 

The way back was difficult to go through. The weather somehow got worsened and there were no other vehicle with him on the road. He feels more than alone now, and he just wanted to get through with the drive and get back to Zitao. Kris squinted his eyes, trying to see better.

This time it doesn't help. It was just like someone throws buckets and buckets of water to the front glass, making it so hard for him to see anything.

He finally recognized where he was and signaled for the turn. He was turning the steering wheel carefully when a screech of brake reached his ear and before he could register what's happening a blinding light appeared from the corner of the turn. In reflex, he reached and clutched the jar between his fingers as he felt his car turned wildly, the deafening crash roared in the dark night. Kris felt like being thrown off his seat, the safety belt is the only thing keeping him in place. He felt something fell on his face, probrably shattered pieces of his window glass, and something heavy he couldn't see pressed his legs, followed by a sound of something breaking, probably his bones. He is trapped, upside down between the seat and the airbag. He couldn't breathe.

Then he heard it.

Something trickles down. By God, he wished it's water, that its the rain instead of his own blood, or worse, the leaking gas. 

 

After a long time in his life, Kris is afraid, and hopeless.

 

'Wait... I have to go to him before midnight...Time, hold on a second....'

‘Time, turn back…'

'Please'

 

 

'Zitao, Happy birthday...'

 

 

 

 

'Zitao....'

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

Zitao's eyes fluttered open for the fourth time that day. Just like Kris said, it's unusual. Joonmyeon stood up, pressing his stomach against Zitao's bed.

 

"Ge...." Zitao called, barely audible.

 

"Hey Tao.. Its hyung.." Joonmyeon answered, caressing Tao's cheek.

 

"Hyung... Ge..." Zitao requested between his breath.

 

Joonmyeon glanced to the clock on the wall, to realize that it was past midnight. He knew instantly, something happened and Kris would not show up again.

 

"Kris is getting your present. He will be back soon.." Joonmyeon tried to lie.

 

Zitao blinked slowly, trying hard to keep his eyes open.

 

"Happy birthday, Zitao.." Joonmyeon started tearing up. He knew Zitao knew, somehow. The couple had always had a wicked connection.

 

Zitao smiled faintly, looking into Joonmyeon's teary eyes.

 

"I have..... to find him...." Zitao mouthed silently, glancing at the Time. Is he mocking them? Is he happy? Well, he won. 

 

Joonmyeon laughed bitterly, knowing exactly what Zitao meant. Tears now streamed down his cheeks and his voice was trembling as he replied, "That wouldn't stop me to try and revive you,"

 

If there's something Joonmyeon hated the most, it was Time. And now the Time has come.

Joonmyeon kissed Tao's forehead as the younger smiled again. Zitao mouthed a thank you and closed his eyes for one last time.

 

 

 

 

 

The machine stopped beeping.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Kris blinked.

 

He was back at the beach, their villa behind him.

 

The weather was nice and warm.

The sun wasn’t setting.

It was just rising.

 

He glanced left and right. Was he dreaming? Is this a dream? Or was he just awaken from a dream? He ran his hand through his hair, squinting again. What is happening?

 

Then he noticed. A figure appeared from far left side, walking towards him. He watched as the other walked closer and closer, and smiled when he recognized him.

 

'I thought I told you to wait for me,' Kris said as Zitao reached the spot where he was sitting on the warm sand.

 

This time Zitao remembered to take off his shoes. Kris smiled.

 

Tao sat beside him, throwing the shoes in his hand away carelessly, clutching Kris’ arm. He is with Kris. His Kris.

 

'I was waiting, but you didn't come to find me. So I came and found you instead.." he smiled. It doesn’t hurt him to speak anymore. It doesn’t hurt him to breathe anymore.

 

Kris chuckled.

 

They watched the waves crash in front of them. It was peaceful. There's no annoying beeping voice. There's no rain. It's just the two of them. Warm and safe.

 

Kris sat straight when he realized something. Zitao raised his eyebrows in confusion as he watched the elder searched around the sand. Just then, Kris found it.

 

'Happy birthday, Taozi..' Kris handed to Zitao the transparent jar.

 

'Ah!' Zitao received it, then brought it towards the sun. He loved it.

 

'Thank you Yifan.. This is the best birthday present..' Tao said, clutching the jar in his chest, leaning on Kris' shoulder. He smiled wider as he listen to Yifan's laugh.

 

'I'm glad you liked it,"

 

Zitao looked up and shot a smile Yifan fell head over heels with, 'I love you, ge..' he said.

 

'I love you too, my angel', Kris replied before connecting their lips together.

 

 

 

 

 

Time finally granted them their last wish.

Time listened to their plea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Edited the story without changing the storyline and content. I hope you still like it. Can never separate Taoris!! <3

Spazz with me on twitter @huangjangeun or on tumblr meisdecanandra.tumblr.com find me I love to make friends!

 

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