Love.

A word with four alphabets that no one can truly understand.

Is it being caring? Is it protecting your love or is it just a feeling we need to constantly express to your loves ones.

I am not writing this to tell you how to love and define love because love is a mystery that no one will ever understand. Not even my boyfriend, Byun Baek Hyun. SM Entertainment new Hallyu star, EXO-K’s main vocalist, could not understand the real meaning to love.

But he sure does know how to play with one. We have been dating secretly for six months by now and I still could not understand why I agree to date him. Baek Hyun who filled up almost all news every week for girl scandal, why would I want to date such a guy? What if I turned into one of his one-night-stand girl? Don’t get me wrong, I am not sleeping with him; he would not even dare to kiss me. One inch to close and I will smack him like all my rivals in Judo competition. 

Thankfully, despite his bad image, he is still a good boyfriend for me. Well, good as in he never tries to do something bad to me. We never went for a date, except for the first time meeting and exchanging numbers. I truly understand that he is working especially with the new album but can he at least spend time for me? Time is just one thing that I would like to ask from him. He always refuses when I asked him to go for a date. Even when he is on his free time, he will refuse me and excuses that he feels tired because of the schedule. And the next day, a picture of him drinking with some girls in a club will became #1 search.

And this is our story.

***

                “Again?”

                All I can do is mumbling at the news. This time is an actress, Lee Da Hae. Seeing these pictures every day leaves me without any expression. Maybe, I am too used to it or I am hurt too much. Truthfully, it gives me a sting and pain to my heart every time I saw them. Does he really love me? 

To: Hyunnie Oppa~

Oppa, I saw the news. You said you were tired but you went to the club

and got into another scandal?

                With a big sigh, I pressed ‘send’ button on my phone. I think this is really my chance to say what I want to say. Ye Sun had been telling me that I should have break up with him but I never listen. I love him. Not because he is popular, not because he is good looking but I believe I see an angel to him, an angel that had been hiding from anyone else.  Maybe that is why I agree to date him.

                My phone beeps right in the middle of thinking, a ringtone I put for his calls or message. With a heavy move, I nervously open my phone.

                From: Hyunnie Oppa~

I was dragged into it. It’s work. You don’t have to worry. I’ll call you tonight? I’m catching a radio broadcast now. Saranghae~

Of course, what else would he be answering me with? That moment, I feel really stupid. I think I am a one-night-stand with status. Without noticing, my tear drops into the palm of my hand. Am I wrong in judging him?

***

                It was a cold December breeze, my hands and feet were all freezing. I went out to see Ye Sun, my best friend from third grade of elementary. I was dragged by her because she feels bored. So, as a good friend, I agree.

                Ding Dong~

                The bell of the coffee shop rang as I enter the shop. It had been a long time since I went out casually to enjoy coffee with a friend. I went to the cashier and order Caramel Macchiato. It was my favorite. As I was waiting for my order, a man with black sunglasses appears next to me, he was ordering. He was very weird, why would he goes out at midnight wearing a sunglasses, it was not like the moon shine will got your eyes hurt or something. But, whatever.

                “One Caramel Macchiato, please,” he said. “I’m sorry but we just sold our last Caramel Macchiato to that Ahgassi,” the cashier answered. He seemed flustered by the response; it was like he will die if he did not get his Caramel Macchiato.

                “Jeogiyo, would you want to trade your Caramel Macchiato with me? They don’t have any Caramel Macchiato,” he said. Now, I was the one being flustered and my face gone red to me. Is it me or this guy is really charming despite her weirdness?

                “Ne?!”

                And there goes the stupid me answering him with my satoori. He smiled at my stupidity and I just blushed at the sight of him. “J-Jwesong-e-yo, but yes, you can trade with me,” I said.

                “Gamsahamnida, how much for the Caramel Macchiato?” he answered.

                “8000 Won.”

                “Here, you go 6500, 6600, 6800, 7000… Eottohke? I am lacking 1000 Won?”

                “Ne? Eottohkaji?”

                “Uhm, can I borrow it from you first? You can give me your number and I will give you mine.”

                “Ah, gwaenchanayo, you can borrow it from me. Here.”

As I handed my hand phone, I see how beautiful his fingers are. It was wrong for me that I think I might be falling in love with this guy. By the time we handed our hand phone back, Ye Sun called me, “Hae Jin-aaaaa~!”

He leaves directly, like running away. I am not sure why he seemed to cover himself very much, I can’t even see his face well. 

“Hae Jin-a, isn’t that Baek Hyun from EXO-K? He looks like him,” Ye Sun blurted all of a sudden. I couldn’t believe her, so I look at my phone, it was written “Byun Baek Hyun”.

“Ye Sun-a, I think I just meet the wrong person.”

“Ne?” 

***

                Neol manhi gwirohyeoteon jigeuteun akdang, modu mulichyeojun gieoki saengsaengha, geu sunganbuteo neoui mameul eodgo nanun kiseukkaji…

            “Yobuseyo,” lazily. I was just woken from my sleep after I cry for hours because of Oppa’s coldness towards me. Without noticing, I actually answer Oppa’s call in times like this.

            “Haejin-a, sleep?” he said from a distant. He seemed to be in his car heading back to his dorm. I actually sleep until it was eight o’clock in the evening.  Ugh…

            “I just wake up. Oppa, how you doing? Are coming back to dorm?” I asked. I tried to gather all my feelings and wraps it up in front of him. At least, for now.

            “Eung~”

            “Oppa, call me when you got back to dorm then, I need to talk. You have to, okay?”

            “Wae? Did something happen to you?”

            “No, I was just sleeping, what could have happen? Make sure you call me.”

            Tut-tut-tut

            The first time I hang up on him.

***

            “I’m home. Why did you hang up all of a sudden?” It is very funny how I feel that he actually cares for me even in times like this. He makes me an egg that just falls down out of grocery bag. It fell because the customer does not take care of her belongings very well.

            “Oppa, I have something to say but please be honest with me,” I said firmly. “Okay, just say it. I promised to be honest,” he answered.

            “Oppa, do you love me? I mean, really.”

            “Of course, do you doubt me?”

            “Is your members around?”

            “Yes, I am with everyone in the living room right now. We just arrived.”

            “Then, say it to me in front of them.”

            “Michyeoseo?”

            “Fast.”

            “Hae Jin-a, what actually happened to you?”

            “Wae, oppa? Mothae? Oppa, I think you are being too much on me. I can’t take it anymore. I am not someone who wants to be in a relationship with you because I want to wait. Do you notice how patient I had been? Do you know how much girl scandal that I had seen in the news? All I can do is to calm myself down and convinced myself that you love me sincerely, that whatever happened is just a scan…”

            “But it is a scandal.”

            “Hah, Oppa, I think I am done with you. I am wrong to think that you had a good side despite all the scandal you got into. I actually think that you can love me sincerely, and that I am not just a one-night-stand for you. I think I judged you to highly. Let’s just break up.”

***

            It had been one month since our break up. Ye Sun found out about our relationship and ends up getting mad at me because I am not telling her the truth. Although, my pathetic self after break up surely had make her feel bad too. So, she takes initiatives to put me into blind dates.

            And here we are.

            “Annyeonghaseyo, Jeon Jin Ho imnida.”

            Alright, another boring medical graduates that is currently taking steps on becoming a rich doctor. He is tall and good looking but all of them were the same, they do not know how to have fun. Unlike, Baek Hyun Oppa who is always into trouble every day. Okay, I should stop quoting his life.

            While I was enjoying Jin Ho’s boring conversation, I looked into the shop’s pretty cake display that is certainly playing with my senses. I feel like eating all of them. They were all very pretty and colorful. I like colorful cakes. By then, I noticed a man standing like a stone wall staring at Jin Ho and I.

            Baek Hyun Oppa?

            I quickly look away and drown myself in Jin Ho’s boring conversation about how he is a model student in his school. I put a smile on myself, making believe that I enjoy going out with him. Oppa just stared at me in emptiness. He seemed angry.

            Suddenly, I feel someone grabbing my hand and pulled me out of the shop. No, it was not Jin Ho, but Oppa. He takes me out to a park with his car.

***

            I just stared at him.

            I was not talking at all, even on our way to the park.  I did not ask why he takes me here. It was just be a waste of energy for me.

            “What are you doing there?” he asked.

            “It’s none of your business. What right do you have to know? Oppa, you are not my boyfriend anymore,” I answered rudely.

            He takes off his sunglasses. This is the first time I saw him outside without sunglasses. He likes to hide himself from the crowd, he wants to protect his privacy.

            “Ya! What’s wrong with you? Cover them again,” I panicked. I tried to grab his sunglasses and cover his eyes again. He refused my hand. So, I tried to cover it with my bag. He throws my bag away from his face.

            “Oppa! You must’ve been crazy!” Everyone in the park started to stare at us. They recognized Baek Hyun thinking that it will be another scandal. All the time, he was just staring at me, even when I panicked about him getting discovered.

            “Everyone, can you please back off and let me talk to this girl?” he nicely said. The entire crowd went off out of my surprises. I thought people would not miss big opportunities like this. 

            “Mianhae,” he whispers. The smile that he just used to chase the crowd is now gone. His eyes, it shown sad and broken expression. Is it because of me?

            “What are you sorry for, Oppa? I’m really okay.”

            “I have never been in a relationship for a long time.”

            “Mwo?” 

            “Hae Jin-a, I am sorry that I have been a jerk to you. Truthfully, it is not that I don’t want to go out for a date with you but I feel afraid every time you asked me. My last girlfriend died in a car accident while she wants to meet me. That is why I have been wasting my life in night clubs but I love you. I love you that I could die without talking to you but I don’t know how to love you.”

He was stuttering. I can see tears rolling down his face. This is the first I ever feel that he is being sincere to me, not even when he asked me out. I can feel him now.

“Oppa, do you know what? I can teach you how,” I smiled.

I lean towards his face and kiss him in the cheek, and I went whispering to his ear, “First lesson, no one knows how to love or be in love. Babo-ya…”