[The March -Lights & Motion]

The city lights penetrated through window blinds. It was the only light I have. My light, my precious light has gone through with the wind. They took her away and I let them. I made my only light leave.

The only thing that kept me alive, the only thing that made me feel loved, cared- She’s gone.

I lay flat on my bed, staring outside my window; I see different lights and huge crowd of people walking in different direction. The streets are full of lights, but why do people still bump into each other, even if they can see clearly, even if there’s light? Think of it, there’s the moon, the car lights, and our phone lights! Why?!? Why do we still bump into each other?

The cars, why do we still have car accidents when the car its own have multiple lights? It has front lights, back lights, and the streets they drive through have lights too! But why? Why are we so careless? So ignorant?

Why do we ignore lights? Why?

A mocking chuckle left my fry mouth. You’re terribly in no position to ask that, Myungsoo- Says my conscience. Oh, right, I ignored my light too. How foolish of me. I let my light leave. Because I was thinking of something else, because I was too preoccupied, because I was too sure that she wouldn’t leave.

You’re such an idiot, Myungsoo.

Tears stained my cheeks and my pillow. The floor is filled with used clothes and food. I’m a mess. My hair’s been like this for a month, my eyes are droopy and red, my face is thinner and pale, stubbles are forming on my chin, my lips are chapped and dry, and the bags under my eyes has grown bigger and darker.

I’m a mess. My light, come back to me.

But I can’t turn back time. She will never come back. I will be alone for the rest of my life. Alone and unloved.

I’m so stupid.

Of all the things I had received, she’s the best, she’s irreplaceable. But what did I do? I hurt her, wound her and even dabbed salt on it. I’m a monster. I’m selfish and ignorant.

I remember our wedding day. Her parents did not come, as expected, but we’re all happy. Everyone celebrated with us; they gave us gifts, gave us their blessings and were happy for us. It was such a happy memory.

I’m a lucky man. To think that my bride picked me over the riches her parents can give her. She picked a penniless me, can you believe that?

More tears ran down from my eyes as our wedding day played on my head like it was just yesterday. She was the most beautiful bride in the whole wide world. All the crews who assisted us in our wedding stopped what they’re doing and stared at her as she walked down the aisle.

I remember all the pair of envious eyes who glared at me. Every guy wanted her, every zillion dollar heir’s wanted her, but she chose me. The penniless orphan, Kim Myungsoo.

I’m a lucky man; a lucky brainless man.

Then I remember our days together as man and wife. We wake up together, make breakfast together, eat together, find work together, go home together, watch the TV together, and sleep together… Together, we were always together.

I remember the smile she gave me whenever we wake up. “Good morning, Mr. Kim.” She’ll whispered and nuzzle her head on my neck. I’ll wrap my hands around her tiny waist and whisper on her ear. “Good morning, Mrs. Kim.”

I remember the days where we just wanted to spend the whole day together, doing nothing. We’ll cuddle in front of the tv and watch chick flicks. She’ll reach out for popcorn and will feed it to me.  “Mr. Kim, ahhhhhh~” Then, she’ll smile happily as I joyfully munch on the popcorn. “Mrs. Kim, ahhh~”

I remember the day when we tried cooking for ramen. “Hey! Don’t put too much water!!” She’ll shout at me and whine. She’ll take the pot from me and does it on her own way. Then, she’ll ban me from touching any kitchen utensils. “No touching!” I’ll laugh at her childishness and playfully holds the ladle she’s holding. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

I remember when we went to go job hunting together. She skips around the street while I tried to follow her at the back. She happily points at all of the wanted sign on every shop we encountered. “Baby! look! They’re looking for a cashier!” “Myungsoo!! They need a waitress!!” “Myungsoo! Myungsoo!”

We had so much happy memories together…… But I messed up.

 More and more tears fell as our happy memories invaded my mind. Sobs left my mouth as dreamland takes me away from reality. And there, I saw her, smiling at me. I need her, I want her back.

I swear to God, I’ll protect her, love her and live my life for her. Only Her. 

As I told you before, this is a crappy experiment of mine. 

P.S THIS IS NOT A FLUFFY-HAPPY-ENDING-WITH-RAINBOWS-AND-UNICORNS FIC. JUST A WARNING.