“You are an idiot.” Tao told him which had Sehun rolling his eyes because this wasn’t the first time Tao told him that and it probably won’t be the last time. “When are you going to stop pushing people away?”

“I am not pushing anyone away…I don’t want to lead anyone on when I – “

“Nope, stop there.” Tao wagged a finger at Sehun. “You can fool everyone in the world but not me. You like her and you only break up with her because she told you that she wanted more from you.”

“I like being alone, okay?” Sehun huffed in annoyance at his best friend. “I can’t stand anyone clinging to me like 24/7 or anything like that. It is not as if you don’t know me, I just prefer being alone because this way I will never get hurt.”

Tao could only give him a sad smile because this had always been Sehun’s mentality, he wanted to be alone because he was afraid of people leaving him at the end. Even though the both of them were best friend but Tao knew that Sehun had built a wall between the both of them and kept him at arm length. No matter how hard Tao tried, he still couldn’t break that wall.

Sehun lived alone in the dorm and it had always been this way until yesterday night when Suho came over to his room and informed him that a senior will be staying here with him.

“I don’t want anyone staying here with me!” Sehun threw a little tantrum. “Can you please assign him to other room?”

Suho simply patted his shoulders, “I can’t do that since everyone had a roommate except for you but I will try to make a new arrangement in a month time. For now, just tolerate him because he is new.”

Seeing how there wasn’t any way out of it, Sehun nodded.

“I am sorry to disturb.” A boy poked his head in. “I will be in your care for now.”

“I am not exactly happy about having a roommate and all.” Sehun told the boy bluntly. “As long as you don’t disturb me then we will be fine.”

The boy gave him a blurred look as he processed what Sehun had just told him, however instead of being angry at Sehun, he smiled and began his introduction. “I am Luhan, I come from China as a transfer student.”

“I don’t really care,” Sehun walked away and laid down on his bed to resume his reading, completely ignoring the boy with the too large eyes.

Luhan was nothing but a ball of annoyance to Sehun who had the urge to lock the boy out of the room. He stood too close, leaned too near and simply disregarded what Sehun had told him the first night.

Sehun had resorted to kicking him off the bed and not responding to him whenever he talked but it was to no avail because Luhan could have a conversation by himself. It made Sehun uncomfortable as he didn’t like people touching him so casually, touches could be addictive.

Seeing how Luhan wouldn’t go away, Sehun had been staying late at the library to study or simply read anything remotely interesting to pass his time. It was a good strategy because by the time he went back, Luhan would already be fast asleep.

Nope, nothing was changing in his world. He was still alone and he didn’t need anyone.

“I heard you have a new roommate,” Tao wriggled his eyebrows suggestively. “I heard it is a cute boy who –“

“- is nothing but annoyance.” Sehun cut him off. “Please do not mention him in front of me.”

“Sehun,” Tao said his name tenderly and Sehun knew that his best friend would be going into the topic he hated the most. “I told you that you can’t push people away, why not give the boy a chance and get to know him?”

“Having you as my friend is enough.” Sehun told him stubbornly. “I don’t need anyone else.”

“I am your only friend if you realise that. We don’t even meet that often.” Tao pointed out. “Tell me what will happen if I leave you one fine day?”

Sehun muttered it so quietly that Tao had to strain his ear to catch what he said. “I will be fine because I am used to being alone.”

“Sehun!” Luhan barrelled into his arms after stepping into their shared room. “I got bubble tea, do you want to try some?”

“No thanks,” Sehun pushed Luhan away from him. “I brushed my teeth.”

“Just one sip? Please? Just one tiny sip?” Luhan made his eyes as big as possible to beseech him to take a sip from the straw in front of his face. “It will be nice.”

Sehun sighed before taking a sip from the straw because if he didn’t do this, he foresee a sleepless night with his roommate wailing like a dying whale.

“Is it nice?”

“It is fine.” Sehun told him and went to the toilet to brush his teeth for the second time. True to his word, Luhan didn’t bother him at all.

It was only when the lights went off did Luhan whisper what he had been holding in. “We just had an indirect kiss.”

Sehun took his pillow and threw it at the guy.

“Are you Luhan?” Someone with a piercing glare asked him as he stepped out of the lecture room. “Are you Sehun’s roommate?”

“That would be me.” Luhan pointed to himself. “Don’t tell me that you are his boyfriend and you are here to tell me to stay away from him because I am not going to do so! I am determined to become friend with that roommate of mine!”

“I am not that guy’s boyfriend. I am his best friend.” Tao told Luhan while trying to hold in his laughter. He knew why Sehun was having a hard time with his roommate now. “Don’t worry, I am not going to stop you from being his friend.”

“That was embarrassing,” Luhan fiddled his fingers. “For that embarrassing outburst, I will treat you to coffee so please forget about it?”

Tao pretended to ponder for a little while, “Deal.”

Luhan placed Tao’s order in front of him before taking a seat, “So what do you want to talk about?”

“Well, this is about Sehun so –“

“I-Please don’t tell me anything about him because I want him to tell me on his own or rather I want to discover for myself what kind of person Oh Sehun is.” Luhan interrupted.

“What do you see in Sehun?” Tao asked curiously.

“I don’t know either.” Luhan answered honestly. “When I see him, I see this child that craved love but pushed everyone aside because he was afraid of holding to anyone for too long. He was vulnerable but he didn’t show it and I just wanted to tell him that he will be fine.”

“You are good.” Tao told him. “Really good.”

“It is not me,” Luhan confessed. “Sehun is too obvious, he thought he could fool everyone but really, he is only fooling himself.”

“Please go out with me!” A girl bowed. “I really like you so please go out with me.”

Sehun ran his fingers through his hair, “I am fine with going out with you but you do know that this is purely a relation –“

“I know, I am not supposed to be clingy or anything. I am fine with that as long as you go out with me. ” The girl told him. “I am Jiyeon by the way.”

“Where do you want to go after school today?” Sehun asked as the girl looked up and beamed at him.

As usual, he broke up with her because she was getting clingy like all his other girlfriends. He simply didn’t understand them, he had made it clear that they shouldn’t expect anything out of their relationship so why did those girls think that they could be the one to change him?

Didn’t they know that he could walk away from any of them without a backward glance even if they were crying? They should have known but Sehun felt a little bad to this girl because he had used her to see if he could still walked away without a backward glance.

Apparently, he still could. His world hadn’t change and Sehun wanted to keep it that way.

It was a night like any other when he heard Sehun shouting all of a sudden, Luhan quickly threw his blanket to the side and went to Sehun’s bed. The poor guy was sweating so much and his hand seem to be reaching out for something.

“Sehun.” Luhan shook him gently but it didn’t break him out of whatever nightmare he was having. “Sehun!”

Sehun sat up with a start as he looked around before burying his face in his hand. “I am sorry, please go back to sleep. I will be fine.”

Luhan sighed because Sehun didn’t look fine at all so he pushed the guy to the side despite Sehun’s protests. He made himself comfortable on Sehun’s bed before turning to face the guy and patted his pillow to tell him to lie down.

“I am not going anyway so sleep.” Luhan told him as he took Sehun’s hand and held it before falling asleep.

Sehun looked at their hands, this was the first time someone held his hand after he had a nightmare. It was a foreign feeling but it didn't feel so bad though.

Their relationship changed a little after that night, they weren’t blossom buddies or anything like that. Sehun was simply more responsive to Luhan but he still kept Luhan at arm length because touching was still a no go especially excessive touching.

“You look happy.” Tao commented. “Is it Luhan?”

“Why would you think that it is him?” Sehun asked defensively.

“Well, you only have me and Luhan as your friends and I don’t make you look like that so it has to be Luhan.” Tao deducted.

“He is weird.” Sehun said simply. “But he is entertaining to a certain extent.”

“God forbid the day that Sehun finally found himself getting attached to someone!” Tao said dramatically which had Sehun sitting up straight.

“I am not attached to him or anything like that!” Sehun retorted because he couldn’t afford to get attach to someone.

“Keep telling yourself that.” Tao said to him and resumed his studies while leaving Sehun to sort out his thoughts.

“Suho, is it possible to change Luhan’s room now?” Sehun went to the dorm manager’s office. “I don’t want to continue staying with him.”

“Why?” Suho asked curiously. “I thought both of you are getting alone fine?”

“We-I don’t like him so please change his room now.” Sehun told him.

“I can do that for you since someone had moved out recently.” Suho looked through the room arrangement list.

Sehun heaved out a sigh of relieve. Unbeknownst to him, Luhan was watching at the side.

Sehun knew something was up when he stepped through the door because Luhan wasn’t smiling at him and the light wasn’t on. He switched the light on and saw Luhan at his bed, hugging one of his many stuffed dolls.

“Oh Sehun, you are the worst.” Luhan threw one of his stuffed toys at him. “You are absolutly the worst! I feel like an idiot now because I shouldn’t have expect too much from you! God! I am so stupid!”

Sehun walked over to Luhan, all the while, trying his best to dodge the incoming stuffed toys. He grabbed both of Luhan’s wrists to stop him from throwing another stuffed toys, what he didn’t expect was the tears on Luhan’s face.

“Being alone…how long can you stay that way? How long can you protect yourself by pushing everyone away?” Luhan asked him softly. “How long can you withstand this loneliness when you have no one to turn to?”

“I am fine – “

“Stop telling me you are fine when you are not because looked yourself in the mirror and you can see that you are not fooling anyone.” Luhan cut him off. “I am so tired of trying to break that wall but you don’t care, do you?”

Say something, say anything.

Sehun told himself but he could say anything at all.

“I am sorry for bothering you all these while, Suho told me that I can move to my new room later on.” Luhan snatched his wrist back. “I hope that you will know that there is more to life and how much you are missing because you kept pushing everyone away.”

Don’t go.

Stay with me.

Look back.

Luhan took his stuffs and walked out without a backward glance.

It was strange when he got back to his room, it was back to the way it was supposed to be but what was this suffocating silence?

He should be happy that Luhan was there any longer however, he was feeling anything but that. Sehun found himself going back to his room late because he didn’t want to stay in there. Something seems to be lacking.

This had been his life and it was the way he liked it so why was theere a constant pang to his heart?

“You are an idiot and moron.” Tao told him. “I can’t believe that you do that to Luhan.”

“He is being too close –‘

“You just push him away then? How does it feel now that you are back to your lonely little world?” Tao asked sarcastically. “Is it fun knowing that you hurt the one person who possibly meant something to you?”

Sehun kept his head on the table and didn’t say anything.

“Know what? Don’t come and find me until you solved this mess with Luhan.” Tao stood up, even though his tone was harsh but his face showed otherwise, he simply wanted Sehun to deal with this on his own.

No one can withstand loneliness, not even Sehun who had claimed that he liked being alone.

It was after a week that Sehun stood at Luhan’s new room, he knocked on the door and a grinning Luhan opened it.

“Oh, it is you.” His smile dropped and Sehun thought that he probably deserved this. “What do you want? I left something behind?”

“Can I go in first?” Sehun asked but Luhan shook his head, he wanted to get this done over with quickly. It hurt too much to see the guy he loved here in front of him and knowing that the guy would never feel the same way towards him.

“You left something behind.” Sehun muttered quietly. “You left me behind when you leave the room.”

“What game are you playing now?” Luhan asked. “You were the one who asked Suho to change my room. I am giving you back the life that you wanted. Why are you saying this kind of things to me now?”

“My parents divorced when I was ten years old, it wasn’t pleasant since both of them had their own families and neither of them wanted me.” Sehun started. “I took turns staying at their house but it was clear that I was the unwanted one so I was alone most of the time. I thought that I am lacking in something and as such they didn’t want me and left me behind. As such, I learnt that if I stayed alone then I probably won’t never get hurt because I am not giving anyone chance to leave me behind again. I also don’t have to give false hope to anyone and I don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectation.”

Sehun took a breath before continuing, “I was able to fool myself into that. I was fine being alone until you came and told me that being alone isn’t fine at all. I hated you for pointing that out to me because I knew that deep down inside, I am afraid. I am riddled with flaws so I pushed away everyone who showed the slightest sign of interest because I wanted to be the one who walked away, I don’t want to be the one left behind again.”

“What are you doing here?” Luhan asked gently, his tone lose that biting edge.

“I am here because I realised that the room is so empty without you in there. I can’t stand the silence and the stillness in the room because you weren’t there to jabber off my ears. I am here because I realised that I am not fooling anyone including myself, I hate being alone because I realised that being with you is so much better.”

“But I will leave you and we might not even last or anything.” Luhan reminded him.

“I rather have you than to do without you.” Sehun told him. “We might not last and things might happened along the way but I am willing to do this because loneliness now scares me, I need you by my side.”

Luhan beamed at him before hugging Sehun, “I am holding you to that.”

“Get a room,” Tao threw his napkin at Sehun and Luhan who was cooing about how handsome each other were. “I am eating here.”

“Please, you are just jealous.” Luhan .

“I want back the Sehun who kept everyone at arm length. I want back the Sehun who only have me as his friend.” Tao complained which led to the both of them laughing and him joining in the laughter.

He gave both of them a smile because he was really happy that Luhan manage to did what he couldn’t. Luhan managed to let Sehun knows that being alone is not an answer and he managed to turn Sehun in to this sappy lovesick fool.

“Stop kissing!” Tao groaned as he stood up and leave the two lovebirds. 

Done with this oneshot, hoping that all of you will like it. Comments are really very much appreciated! See you guys next time (: