Why You?
Why You?
It was around 9 PM. You were lying in your comfortable bed, but you still couldn't sleep.
You haven't slept very well since he's grown distant from you. Your once best guy friend, Jung Daehyun.
Lately, you thought about him more often then you thought you'd ever would. Every time you looked at your phone, you would think of him. Not because you kept a picture of his face as your wallpaper, but your phone was once a major connection to him. You texted each other every day for about three months, when you felt your friendship blossoming. And you did not mind his constant messages, because you knew he cared for you.
Even though you didn't want to believe it, your friends would tell you that he had feelings for you, and you were pretty sure of it as well. Daehyun would always walk up to you at school, just to simply talk to you or say something funny. And you enjoyed every minute of his company. He wasn't like most other guys you knew. He was a good listener, laughed at whatever you said that was humorous, and made deep conversations with you every time. Whenever you would pass by his group of friends, he would stop talking to them and then rush over to talk to you.
But you were not allowed to date anybody. Your parents had made a strict rule for you to not have a boyfriend until college, so you could focus on studying and build relationships with your close friends that were girls. You knew your parents wanted the best for you, so throughout your middle school years, you didn't care if you were single. You liked it.
Now that you are a freshman in highschool, many things have changed, but basically for the better. You got to meet more guys, and most of them were just acquaintances except for Jung Daehyun. You both had music class together and met during the music program's annual beginning of the year concert. The next day, you were talking and texting like you knew each other from years way back. You never expected to get close and comfortable with a boy this quickly. Even texting a guy seemed so far away from you. But Daehyun was a person who made you feel comfortable, and you felt confident that he wouldn't judge what you said to him. So you both texted constantly and he would usually be the one to initiate the conversation. It was absolute that he liked you as more than a friend. You didn't know how to feel about this at first. You thought that if you just acted like a good friend to him then he would be thankful for that.
A few weeks later, Daehyun and you would walk to class together, laughing and talking as if he was one of your best female friends that you had known forever. And sometimes, he would almost be tardy to his class just because he wanted to walk with you all the way to your classroom that was far away from his.
Sometimes, people would give you two stares as if to question if you were dating. You were not used to this, so it bothered you a bit, and you even told Daehyun kindly to get to his class so he wouldn't be tardy again, but the real reason was because you didn't want people to get the wrong idea. He wasn't embarrassing to be with, but you felt uneasy with all the glances and stares people gave you guys. Daehyun would walk away after you said those things, but not without a happy good bye and a 'see you later'.
You never thought you'd become this attached to someone. When he wouldn't text back within five minutes, you would wonder if he still was interested in talking to you. If you spent just a little less time at school with him than you were used to, the fear of being forgotten by him would well up within you. In second period biology, in which your class rooms were side by side, it would be hard for you to pay attention because you longed for class to be over so you could see his adorable white toothed smile. If you spotted his light, fluffy brown hair in the multitude of students, your heart would beat about five times faster. You were puzzled because you knew you were not attracted to him in that way, but these emotional feelings never ceased. Still, you denied that you liked him as more than a friend. All you really wanted was a brother and sister relationship, and you were happy with the way things were turning out.
A month later, the time came where you got seriously ill and couldn't go to school for an entire week. But you didn't mind. Daehyun was there to text you and keep you company. He constantly texted, checking up on you and saying that school was boring without you. It made you feel wanted and cared for. Not that you weren't cared for already. You had a stable, loving family and multiple best friends, but it was a different kind of care. It was the care from a boy your age, which was completely new to you but comforting.
When you were well enough to go back to school the following week, you saw Daehyun, and he came up to you with a big grin on his face and embraced you in a warm hug. You're heart fluttered at the contact. You'd never hugged him before because you were too shy. But finally, it happened and you couldn't be any more happier.
Then there was the time where Daehyun seemed a little distant, about a couple weeks after you got sick, he would always be looking around whenever you talked to him, and never directly making eye contact with you like he used to. You knew what was on his mind. You're friend told you another girl liked him alot. And it was believable, as you recently seen them walking to class often. He still walked with you, but it came to the point where he only walked with you if you caught up to him and called out his name. He went out with the girl a couple days later. You knew she was a sweet girl but could be bossy at times. You were confused once again. She told you that she only met him two weeks ago. And you had known him for three months.
'Why that girl over me?' You would constantly say in your head whenever you thought of her and Daehyun.
'She wasn't always nice like I was. She's usually selfish. She's obnoxious most of the time. You barely know her like you know me,' is what you would constantly be saying in your mind, sometimes wishing Daehyun could hear you and answer these questions. It just wasn't fair.
While he dated her, he, of course, spent much less time with you. The texts stopped. The walks to class stopped. The hangouts stopped. All of that was like it never happened before. You prayed and prayed that he would break up with the girl, and in about three weeks, he did. You thanked God and hoped everything would go back to how it was a couple months back. You'd go home after school eagerly waiting for a text from Daehyun. Sure, a text could've been sent from you but you wanted to know that he sincerely wanted to talk to you again, so that's why you waited for him. Days had gone by without him texting you, and you were beginning to feel hopeless. The only smart thing you could think of doing was making him notice you at school more.
You dressed up a bit more nice than usual, wearing more beautiful clothes than just a jacket and jeans. You also straightened your wavy, thick hair more to look more neat. You began to frequently say hi to him again. Daehyun hadn't had a real conversation with you in weeks. He made small talk, but that lasted for less than a minute before he would walk off with his other friends. You hated it. He never acted this way before he dated that girl. It's like she changed him, or he changed for her. He wouldn't give you his cheery smiles anymore, but instead a small lip smile and a wave, even though you said hello to him joyfully. You kept praying that he would return to his old self, and most of all return to you. However, there was little, if no progress. He was the same everyday. He would pass by and say hello only because you said it first. He never approached you to talk anymore, he just would stay with his guy friends and glance at you. If you're eyes were to meet his, he'd look away quickly. You were not sure if it was from shyness or the fact that he didn't want to look at you. And you hated that you were too shy to question him on why he was acting this so mysterious.
And here you are now, lying in bed, trying to fall asleep. You can't however, as these memories of Jung Daehyun flood your mind. You grab a piece of paper that is wrinkled and soft from all of the handling. You place another tally mark on it with a pencil. 62 days. For about 62 days, you have been crying yourself to sleep. For more than 62 days, Daehyun has been acting distant. You wondered just what in the world you did that made everything like this. You knew it was not your fault, as you only treated him with respect and you always were happy around him. You wondered why a good life could go bad in only moments. As you wiped tears from your red eyes, you remembered his lovely smile and handsome face. You never expected to miss him this much or even cry over him. It wasnt healthy for you, but he was the boy who kept you entertained with his humorous texts when you were at home feeling lonely. At school, he made you feel special because he would take time out of his day just to talk to you. You missed those times so much. Never again would you meet a guy with a sense of innocent, childish humor like him. That was so rare in a guy. It was getting harder for you to breath, as your nose was becoming clogged and your breathing getting faster from all that sobbing. You wish he could see you right now to know how much he made you hurt. You cried even harder knowing that he probably wasn't thinking of you. It was nearly the end of the school year, and you longed to start your summer with him by your side. Your eyes filled up with more tears, and you frantically wild them away, but they just kept coming back. You sat up, got out of bed, and opened the window. It helped your clogged nose a bit. You stared at the heavens, acknowledging the Creator who created you, humankind, and Daehyun, and asked Him:
"Can you please bring my once good friend Daehyun back to me? Can you please make him my good friend again? I want to be happy, and I know you love me and want me to be happy again."
After praying this, you returned to your bed and hoped for the last time, that you would see Daehyun's adorable smile be for you again, and that you would know that he wanted to be with you again. Because you missed him and cried over him this much, you could not deny that you liked him as more than a friend. You loved him. But did he even like you as a friend anymore? Daehyun was not the same. Something had changed him, and it was still confusing to figure out why he changed. Sometimes you wish you never met him, because all he caused you to have was painful memories of the good times you had with him.
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