►HYUKJAE

              Hyukjae has always love Donghae. The way the brunette could cause his heart to beat erratically, the way his every simple touch could make his whole body to shiver and the way his beautiful brown orbs could bring to another world.

              Hyukjae know he loves Donghae and Donghae knows Hyukjae loves him. He didn’t push him away nor accept, he’s fine with it and that’s it. Even though Hyukjae is really hurt, he couldn’t be more thankful that Donghae didn’t end their friendship.

             Both of them are each other’s best friends, from kinder up until now. Growing up with each other on their side, Hyukjae and Donghae are just inseparable. That’s why he can do anything just not lose Donghae, even if it’ll hurt himself.

--
 

            Hyukjae runs after his friend and crush, Donghae as the other guy walk fast to school. He holds his shoulers, stopping the latter from walking. Before talking, he catches his breath then look up to the brunette.

         “Slow down will you?”
 

           Donghae pries his hand away and started on walking again while Hyukjae just walks beside him. The brunette just keeps silent while Hyukjae keep on whining about how he hates studying and everything. When Hyukjae takes a closer look of his friend, his heart couldn’t help but to froze.

          The Donghae he loves with those cheerful eyes that would twinkle every time he smiles now lifeless and dull. The thin pink lips that gives the most heartlifting smile he ever seen now pale and cut. Hyukjae just can’t take what he is seeing right now. Days before, Donghae isn’t like this but why?

          “Donghae are you all right?”

           The once in daze Donghae look up to him, Hyukjae then meeting those eyes, his once frozen heart now cracks and every second, it keeps on crushing. Hyukjae bit his lips, wanting to hug the guy in front of him, to comfort him, to care of him but he stop himself, instead he just asks him again.

        “You look tired—“

       “Ah, so you’ve noticed. I’m just thinking of things lately.”

       “What things? I can help you if you—“

       “Hyukkie, I’m okay.”

        Hyukjae just nods, protruding a worried smile on his face. Donghae whine on the other’s fake look, pinching both of his cheeks so Hyukjae’s gums would show. After a few teasing, both of them start to laugh as they walk to their school.

          They’re bidding their goodbyes since both of them have to walk on different paths when a few students whisper behind them. It is like before, Hyukjae would hear people teasing him for being gay, giving him disgusted look here and there. He just holds it in though but then his best friend step in front for him.

          “What are you talking about my best friend?”

          “D-donghae…”
 

           Hyukjae tries to stop him but Donghae wouldn’t budge; His eyes are dark and his jaw keeps on clenching. No one dare to speak not until some guys started on laughing, making the brunette to flinch.

          “Why are you protecting that ?”

          “Don’t call him that!”

          “Why? It’s true right? Your best friend is gay yet you keep on sticking with him! Don’t tell me you’re also a trash like him?”

          “He isn’t a trash! And he isn’t gay! Yah! Hyukkie, tell them! Tell them you’re not like that!”

            Hyukjae then look down, feeling embarrass for himself. He couldn’t look up and deny it because yes, he is gay, he is gay for his best friend, and he is indeed a trash. He then felt a hand gripping his, then he find himself being drag by Donghae.

            His best friend throws him onto the wall making him to grown. Then there’s him again, meeting the latter’s eyes, it did change again, it’s now scary and dark. Hyukjae felt afraid once again, and he then felt himself as a disgusting creature.

          “Didn’t we already talk about this Hyukjae?”

          “But Donghae I…”

          “You said you like me yet I didn’t push you away because I know Hyukkie, you’re just confused. You don’t really like me because you’re not gay okay? You’re not—“

         “I’m gay Donghae! I’m gay! I love you and I can’t help it!”

           Hyukjae just want to let it out. Everything, he just wants to tell it, that he loves Donghae and he doesn’t regret a thing. For a moment he thought it’ll be okay just like how he confess before but when he sees the tears pricking on his best friend’s face, his heart cracks once more.

           Donghae looks at him in disbelief. Hyukjae then sees it and it hurts him like hell. He wants Donghae to understand, he wants Donghae to know, and he wants Donghae to accept on what he is but Donghae won’t let him.

           Because will never love someone like him.

           Because Donghae isn’t gay.

          “Say that once more, and you’ll never see me again.”

--

            Hyukjae started to break apart after that. Just the fact that his best friend will never love him makes him feel of dying, what now when Donghae won’t accept him.

           He, of all the people in this world wants to stop himself. He want the days when he only look at Donghae as his childhood friend, when he wouldn’t feel his heart aching.

          He just wants to bring those days, the happy days together with Donghae.

          Hyukjae spent days curling inside his room while crying his heart all out. He thought that if he releases everything, somehow the tears he shed will help him to wash all the pain away. Yet it didn’t, it just make him to feel worse.

          He feels weak.

          He feels lifeless.

          He’s just a nothing without Donghae.
 

          For a moment, memories with him flash by. The toothless smile he’ll always give when he’s shy, those hands that would hit him when he laugh too much, and those eyes that can take his breath a way in an instant. He just miss it, everything.  He just misses Donghae.
 

         When Hyukjae is about to sleep again, a knock on his door stops him. The way it sounds is just too familiar that it makes his heart to feel faster. This is the feeling, when the brunette would visit him, the beat of his knock, the russle of his shoes, and how his heart would follow it.

          Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump.

          With shaking hands, slowly he opened the door. Then, there’s really Donghae, right in front of him. For a moment he doesn’t know what to think, what to do or even what to feel. But then, he later finds the other, sitting in his bed while looking at him.

         He gulps and slowly sits on the other end, keeping his distance from him. There’s a long painful silent until Hyukjae decided to talk, his voice still trembling.

           “I-I am really sorry about—“

          “No Hyukkie, its okay, I understand.”

          “But aren’t you angry? You can hurt me if you want.”

          “I won’t do that, I’ll never will but instead I’ll help you.”

           Hyukjae stare at him, only seeing Donghae’s arms stretching to him, giving him a piece of paper. He just looks at if for a moment yet he hesitantly accepted it. Then there he sees an unfamiliar phone number, scribbled by some stranger. He once again gazes at Donghae, meeting the other’s eyes once again.
 

          “That’s Hyohyeon’s number, and I arranged a date for you.”

           Hyukjae just gapes at him while he tries to tell him to court Hyohyeon. Donghae keeps on giving encouraging words towards him yet it only bury Hyukjae more. Every word he says, just like arrows, pierces his heart again and again.

           He wants Donghae to stop and he did.

          “Hae, I can’t”

          “Just try Hyukkie. It’s the best for you.”

          He couldn’t help but to laugh at his words. For his best? What part of pushing himself to love a stranger is for him? If he could only do, if he could only control his heart then he wouldn’t end up like this, he wouldn’t have loved his only best friend.

          Hyukjae just can’t take it anymore.

          Just no more

A/N:


I'll be posting the last part tomorrow.
thanKYU for reading^^
And please do drop some comments!

--heechan27

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