Bold Italics are the english lyrics of Jessica feat. Onew's One Year Later. It doesn't matter where they are located, as long as they are in bold italics, they're part of the lyrics.

 

 

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It feels like I've been dreaming for a long time...

 

 

 

I hummed softly as I felt the cool breeze of November morning brush against my little exposed skin. Fluttering my eyes open, it took me a few good seconds to have my vision finally adjust to the bright surrounding illuminated by the sun's light peering over the window panes. Albeit in my still half conscious state, I can tell it's still early in the morning; presumably around six or seven as the warmth of the sun was yet gentle and the silence engulfing the whole  space was simply calming - only the faint sounds of birds chirping in the background could be heard and I can already picture the leaves of the trees swaying gently in synchronization with the wind outside. It's a pretty cliche' sight, but that's exactly what I wake up to every morning.

 

 

 

It's like a cycle, actually. On how I would wake up even before the alarm would set off and like always, my hands would unconsciously; as if they have minds and hearts of their own, reach to the other side of the bed as if expecting to find that big lump covered by the thick sheets indicating I'm not alone. And like how it was back then, I would drowsily yet contentedly smile to myself knowing that under those layers of fabric, that specific lump was none other than him - Byun Baek Hyun, the love of my life snuggled up with his back facing me. But of course, those were mere memories of how it used to as when my fingers came in contact with the sheets on that certain spot where he usually sleeps at, all I met was coldness: skin piercing, heart wrenching coldness and that was enough to drag me back to reality and make me realize I had yet again committed the act I forbid myself to do so - think about him.

 

 

 

With a groan and my other hand massaging my temples warily, I sat up feeling a little dizzy. It should be normal for my condition, the doctor once explained and besides, it's not like I can stay rooted on my pad all day sulking when the level of pain I may be feeling right now wasn't even half of what I used to endure in the past. So saying a small prayer of thanksgiving to start off the day, I dragged myself to the bathroom.

 

 

 

It's a course thing nowadays but I couldn't help but feel frustrated with the fact that it's getting hard to move around because I had to be extra careful. I was admitted to the hospital two days ago and the specialist advised I shouldn't make unnecessary movements so the incident of me fainting while in the office wouldn't occur again. That's the reason too why I was given a one week break from work because I had been stressing out lately causing my body to weaken but with the amount of food supplements I'm taking right now, I can say I'm getting a lot better so without sweats and sluggish walking like yesterday, I reached the bathroom door in no time. The first thing I noticed though before grabbing the knob was the colorful note pinned on the table beside the shaft, on it were handwritings I know too well whom from.

 

 

 

"I cooked breakfast. I wouldn't be home 'til 9 and please, do listen to what the doctor said and take care. See you later jagi. Call me when you need anything, I love you."

 

 

 

I sighed before placing the paper back on its previous place feeling unfazed and emotionless although I should feel giddy like those others who are in-love. Wait, am I even really in-love this time? I would like to convince myself yes so shrugging the thought off so to avoid any more confusions, I proceeded inside to brush my teeth and do my usual morning routines.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A year had passed since I last saw Baek Hyun and that was during my engagement party. I couldn't forget the way he looked at me and smiled after singing what I'd like to call his 'goodbye song'. Since then, I tried to completely shut him off from my life and apparently, I was successful on that matter. To say it was easy for me would be a complete lie because even I can say I no longer love him the way I used to, a day wouldn't pass that I wouldn't think about him and questions like 'What is he up to now?', 'Is he eating on time?' and 'Is he living well?' would still cross my mind once in a while.

 

 

 

I stopped in front of the mirror and examined my face, which I hardly do these past weeks. Nothing much had changed and if you're expecting I would say things like 'I look horrible with deep bags under my eyes and chapped lips' or whatnot, that's not my case. In fact, I look... Fine. No sign of tiredness are present in any of my features and I figured that it was because I'm getting enough rest now and the burden of work was lifted from my shoulders temporarily for a week, even more if my boss would allow. But just like what they say, outside appearances could be deceiving because knowing myself too well, I know better.

 

 

 

Because past these crystal clear eyes, well groomed hair and a rather fair complexion, there lies a fragile girl who is beyond confused of what her heart truly wants. If I'll tell others, they might think I've gone crazy on how I would wake up some days feeling all happy and contented with everything I have while there are times when I feel lost and empty. Right now?  It is the latter.

 

 

 

I've wandered and wandered around for a while.

 

 

 

Ever since my break-up with Baek Hyun, I can say I've gotten far at life. I used to be a mere freelance painter who's already at her luckiest point when she get two pieces of her artwork sold in three months time. But after the separation, it seemed that I get more blessed in things related to my career and with that, I guess it's true that when you loses something precious, you gain another one. It's a compensation, I would like to claim that to be. So even I wasn't always the all positive type of person, I thank God and tried to put my focus on things that wouldn't bring me down and being busy with work had always been the perfect destruction to take my mind off the pain.

 

But like they say, it's in the human nature that we can never be contented, or at least it's hard for us to be. Because even I was soaring high in the industry I mastered and basically reaching the peak of any painter and writer of my generation's success everytime a new masterpiece of mine would be released, I still wished for things that was long vanished.

 

Days, weeks and months gone by. It flies, that soon I realized it's already been years and I'd been dragging myself through life in a whirlwind. Events, circumstances and opportunities passed me by and they happened fast, too fast that most of them are but opaque memories blurrily playing in the back of my mind, making me wonder if they truly happened or were just pigments; results of my lonely imagination.

 

Sometimes, I couldn't even recognise the person staring right back at me from the mirror. She seems bolder, stronger... She matured, both physically and mentally. 

But she only seems to be.

 

She's still the same, perhaps a little wiser and her hair longer but even just a tinge, I can still see the old her lingering, hiding at the back of the mask she put up to make herself a little more different. To perhaps tell the world and convince herself she had moved on, that the new her was what she honestly wanted.

And oh, how I badly want to scoff.

That's a lie.

 

 

Because where she is right now, is not the reality she wanted.

 

 

As if we made a promise...

 

 

I heaved a deep sigh for the first time this morning, and for today in general.

 

Here I go again, being sentimental and letting myself sink down to the empty void of loneliness that seems to be inviting at times like this when I feel so fragile. 

 

 

I splashed cold water on my face to wake my senses up.

I really should stop reminiscing the past, not because they were horrible that I wouldn't want make them happen again or even remember. No, it's the opposite, actually. 

They were beautiful. 

Too beautiful that thinking about them makes me want to jump right back to the past and experience them all over again or at least do something so I could have them up 'til now. And that's what kills me... Knowing that I couldn't replay what has happened nor I could rewind back time. 

 

 

 

It sounds ridiculous but I'm stuck in the present.

 

 

 

Standing here in front of each other like that day from four seasons ago...

 

 

I need something to clear my thoughts. A nice walk in the park and grocery shopping would be nice, I figured. It wouldn't hurt...

 

Or so I thought.

 

Because the moment I saw him, Byun Baek Hyun, outside the mini mart with an

ice cream cone at hand and his thoughts immersed in texting, I realized how I was terribly wrong.

 

I should ran away, dash to my car and drive home; lock myself up in my room, cry for a minute or two and forget about seeing him today. I could have done that, if only he didn't look up and met eyes with mine.

 

 

Those beautiful stories that we wrote down together

Those eternal promises that we prayed for at that time

They're all coming back to me now and I don't think my heart can take it

I've even restrained myself at the thought of you.

 

 

"H-hi." I smiled and did a small wave, mentally slapping myself in the process for being obviously jittery.

 

"Hey." He greeted somewhat idly before hesitantly walking towards me. In a blink of an eye, we were standing face to face. It was the closest proximity we've had since two years ago.

 

"It's a surprise seeing you here," He put his phone away and looked me in the eyes. Once again, the upper corner of his lips curled upwards in a warm way that could effortlessly make me melt into a pile of goo. But composing myself, I just curtly nodded and mumbled an almost inaudible 'you too'.

 

"It's been a while. How are you?" I was quite stunned with how he was striking up a conversation so normally when I was shaking inside. He was being cordial, which kind of hurts because the last time we talked peacefully, he was calling me names of endearment and well, he was still mine. Maybe it was the effect of not being able to talk after the closure. But still, I can't lose my cool demeanor so with a shrug, I answered. "I'm fine, you?"

 

"Pretty much the same."

 

Again, I nodded mindlessly and as a cold wind brushed past us, an uncomfortable silence settled around us two. Not knowing what to say anymore, I looked away but in my side vision, I could see his gaze trailing from my face downwards. It's not a question where his stare is going and as long as his eyes landed on what I expected he'd look at, I thought I saw his shining eyes falter for a moment.

 

"So, I can see... How many months?"

 

I inhaled deeply before facing him with a tiny smile, my right hand reaching to my now slightly round tummy that could be seen through the thin fabric of the white shirt I'm wearing beneath my coat. "Four, almost five."

 

I watched as Baek Hyun opened his mouth seemingly wanting to say something but closed it afterward, his gaze never leaving the small bump on my stomach. After a few seconds of simply staring, he finally muttered something and smiled.

 

"R-really? That's great! I mean, you've always wanted to start a family before reaching 28 and I'm glad it's happening." From his grin, his expression softened more, if that's possible. "You must be happy."

 

It was the longing tone evident in his words that made me baffled, but shaking away that thought as I couldn't see any reason why he'll be any upset or sad, I decided to respond quickly. "I

am."

 

Again, silence.

 

 

"How about you, when is the wedding?" Noticing he was always the one to start up the conversation, I decided to do it this time. Besides, I also want to know the answer to that question. When I said I tried to shut him off from my life, it's true I was successful that I wasn't able to meet him up 'til now but it doesn't mean I could miss out on what's happening to him. Because aside from the elegant white gold ring wrapped around his finger and that Chen told me last week, I knew that Baek Hyun got engaged earlier this year.

 

"Oh, that? Well, we haven't decided on the date yet although she wants it to be around Spring next year."

 

I pursed my lips into a thin line and beamed at him. "Congratulations. I hope you the best."

 

"Thanks. I-" His supposedly reply was cut off when his phone rang. Excusing his self to attend to the incoming call, he turned around and answered.

 

"Yes? Yeah, I'll be there soon. What? No, I won't take an hour, don't worry. Yes, yes. See you. Okay, later."

 

He sighed and whipped his head to my side and looked at me with a sheepish and apologetic smile. "It's nice seeing you again, Hee Gi. But uhm, I got to go."

 

"Same here." I smiled understandingly. "Go, she must be waiting for you."

 

 

"Yeah." He mumbled and bit his lip.

"Good bye, Hee Gi."

 

 

 

For the second time that day, we locked gazes and somehow, although no more words were exchanged after that, it was enough to make us realize that both of us were completely different persons now. We may had our closure before but it never dawned to us that time that the moment I walked out his door and he didn't run after me, we already chose to go on in life without the other and that that decision would already be permanent.

 

 

 

Byun Baek Hyun.

 

 

He had many of my firsts.

 

My first love, first dance, first kiss and my first heartbreak. He was among the few persons who stood by me and together, we took the rollercoaster ride of life. Through many series of ups and downs, I was holding his hand and he held mine. More than being my lover, he was my bestfriend, the brother I never had, my prince... He was my knight in shining armor and I was his damsel in distress.

 

I was her princess.

 

I was his.

 

 

But good things come to an end. And so did we.

 

 

I really wish we can go back to our first days.

To the beautiful, happy and loving days we once had.

 

 

Those heart-breaking stories and vain arguments

Just bury all of that now,

And promise that we won't take them out again.

 

He loved me once.

And I loved him.

 

 

 

And I realized with a bitter yet honest smile, that was enough.

 

 

 

 

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Hey luvies ~ It's been a long time, right? Sorry for not being able to update, been really busy with school and applying for a part-time job. I mean, I'm not getting any younger so I need that. -.-

 

By the way, this fic is not one shot. I repeat, THIS IS NOT ONE SHOT. This one I uploaded is just the first out of the approximately 3 or 5 chapters for this sequel. So hold your feels because this is not the end yet. I'll give justice to their love soon. Hoho. And oh, this chapter is not thoroughly checked and edited. It's almost 3 in the morning here and I'm just using my iTouch so it's pretty hard to edit. I'll deal with it some other time.

 

One more thing too, if you're watching CNN and basically other global news, you'd be aware that some parts of my country, The Philippines are not in a good state. We were hit by a signal # 4 typhoon recently and the affected areas are really in a bad condition.

People needed help and some are famished. If you are a co-filipino like me, then let us do our parts to help by giving donation if possible. And for others, I'm asking to include them to your prayers. That's the simplest yet greatest thing you (we too) can do for them.

God bless us.

 

-chinnieferbette03