Preview

(Random lyric of Baby Don't Cry – EXO)

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Please don’t hesitate anymore

Just hold tight to my heart

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Luhan

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‘Will you trust me?’

There's a night when we laid together on the crumpled bed, shared the warmth and breathed in each other presence. It was when his eyes found mine that he said such word in murmur.

‘I will always trust you, Jongin…’ I whispered at him, didn’t have idea how he could ask me something like that, over and again. It has been years since we’re together yet I never get tired to answer it. I never get tired of him and his ridiculous fear about our relationship.

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Love is just like a dazzling light

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I cupped his face, trying to ease the pain burning under his facial skin, trying to distract him from his worry by my own scent, let him crushed me into a tight hug as my eyes stared hazily to the night sky outside the window. If only I was a better person I hope I can stop him from longing over me. If only I can turn back the time, I will be glad to disappear from his life, so he won’t feel the thirst from not having me by his side.

‘Jongin…’

It's funny how fate trapped us into this sick game called love. But also it saddened me to know that what happen between us, what secret we keep for years, it shall meeting its end.

‘Will we be okay?’

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Eyes closed upon the sharp moonlight

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Kai

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Seeing into his clear -mirror like- eyes, and looking at my own pathetic reflection just make it hard to breath. Just think, how such perfection like him fell for someone like me, who didn’t know how to be thankful and prefer to life in guilt.

How many nights I spent from dying over his presence, his warmth, his smile, and his beautiful laugh yet all I had to face was cold wall in my bedroom. How many times I tried to brave myself, tried to reach him and tied his heart to mine, but my stupid pride keep me stood still, and let him, the one I love, walked away from my sight.

Just when we’re so close, this close, it made me realize why would I need anything else,

when all I need is him?

‘Will we be okay?’

I was looking into his eyes, adoring his beauty when his words snapped me back to the reality. We’re not at the time when the story was all but sweetness and fluffiness. Every story will come to an end, and sadly, we didn’t share a happy end together.

‘You’ll be okay…’

It surprised me at how great the impact of my own words crushing both my heart and my mind.

‘But not with me.’

I saw Luhan bit his bottom lips, tried hard not to cry but the tears betrayed him and just formed under his beautiful eyes, ‘can't it be you? Can't I choose you instead?!’ He sobbed when I tucked him into my chest, so he won't see tears forming under my eyes too.

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If it’s not me but other guy

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If I remember it clearly, a few weeks before, I was in this surprise party for Luhan. I don't know what kind of surprise other members had for him cause it's not even his birthday yet. But then, after he came to the roof and everyone startled him right after the he opened the door, Sehun escorted him to the middle of our friends and ask him forever.

Sehun asked my Luhan to be lovers.

And everyone kept pushing Lu to say yes.

When I saw him, his face became as pale as corpse. His big eyes turned even bigger in surprised, before he pierced his gaze at me, fear was all in there as he was too scared to decide with so many people crowding around him. He asked me for help, he pleaded me to get him outta here yet the fool of me, all I did was staring back at him emptily.

I wish, I could go to the farthest place where no one can see me, so I don't have to see hurt in his face. So I don't have to hear any answer from his lips. But I didn't move an inch. I just watch it in regret as he finally gave up with the crowds and averting his eyes from me. For a while, he tucked his head down for a breath before he looked at Sehun, smiling shallowly as he said yes.

When they kissed, everyone cheered. But when they kissed, I can only silently cry.

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If this is a sentence in a comedy

Where I can laugh it off.

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Luhan

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I love him.

I know this is the last time. Why I am here, nestled in his arms instead staying with the other guy was because I believe we still had hope. Even though my mind kept asking why he didn’t try to catch me and didn't try to steal me back. Am I not so important in his life? Am I just like an ordinary lover who just shared body and lust and not even a single feeling? Do we not love each other enough?

I was very angry that I don’t care with myself anymore. His negligence, his ignorant, and his cold gaze towards me, just by seeing at how smug he looked like at that time make me want to rip all those beauty from his face and just keep it for myself. How could he play with my love?! How easy he let the other guy took me right in front of his face?!

‘Luhan…’

However, no matter how I tried to erase him from my life, no matter how I want to kill him for easily let me go, the time he called my name with such a gentle tone, all those hate gone and all left in me was my love for him.

Love is blind, I know it as I closed my eyes, enjoying the trace of our love at every single thing he did to me, whispering my name, ruffling my hair, rubbing my , and hold me tight…

‘This is the end of us.’

He said bitterly, and I know it very well what he means. No one loves him around me. No one expect me to love him. Our relationship was too close to imaginary that it was impossible to happen. Although his fans may think of him as perfection but in here, in this little hell of company, no one really care about his feeling. No one wants him to fall in love or be loved. The only good thing from him was only the fact that every inch of his skin makes money. Just being alive and breathing, no need to love or feel.

 This world was a place for a dirty game, and it will always be unfair, for both of us.

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I will exchange your love with a scar

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Kai

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‘So this is a goodbye.’

I can’t help a bitter smile appeared on my face when I heard such words went passed his lips. It might be too much for a good bye. No matter how he hate me now for betraying his trust, our relationship maybe ended but we still stuck together this hell hole called EXO.

So I whispered back at him, ‘this is not a good bye, Lu…’ I laughed a bit too dry, cause when I saw him staring at me with such lifeless eyes, my heart clenched in pain. In no time, I reached that cold face with my warm lips, kissed him all over with hope I can return the life back into him.

‘I love you’

I can’t return love into his life but at least I want to take all those cold wounds and give him what’s left in me.

‘Take me away.’ Finally, he took a breath again from mine. Kissing me back just as needy as I did to him, ‘take me before the other man devour all of me…’ hearing his hopeless whine just built a fire in me, but I’m an idiot cause I do nothing even though I know he was in danger,

‘please, Jongin,’ Luhan hissed, ‘don’t let him own my body too…’

It was a moment when I should say yes and promise him to protect him no matter what happen. It was the moment when I had to claim him again as mine. It was the moment when I faced the world and just tell everyone we’re in love and we belong together.

But I can’t.

And then he left, after I gathered the pieces of his broken heart and smashed it once more.  

‘Then it's a good bye, Kim Jongin.’

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Baby don’t cry, tonight

When the dark night lit up

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Luhan

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Jongin, Jongin I'm scared. Tonight he laid me on his bed, tonight he mapped my body, kissed me with all his might and whispering nice words to make me comfortable. I was okay at first, I don’t care with anything anymore. If it’s not you, I don’t think I can enjoy it. If it’s not you, then he will only own my body not my heart. But, Jongin I'm still so scared what if I called your name instead his? What if I can't stop thinking it's you who touch me, and not him?

Jongin help me, he wants all of me while all I have for him is nothing.

“It's okay…”

My body tensed when he wiped away my tears,

“Lu, I promise it will be okay…’

No!

Jongin I can’t do this. I want him to stop being this gentle to me, I don't want to feel any love from him, not want learning to love him because this privilege going only to you, Jongin.

‘It’s hurt…!’

But I can’t stop the pain seeped through my skin, just like I can’t stop falling in love  with you again.

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Baby don’t cry, tonight

Just treat it as if nothing happened

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Kai

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‘You shouldn't be here.’

That’s what I said to him, who appeared in front of practice room door where I planned to stay over for tonight.

‘Where else I should be?’ He whispered lowly, smiling at me yet his eyes was empty and swollen from too much crying. His hair was damp from sweat and his clothes crumpled in every wrong place.

‘Don’t be ridiculous!”

Seeing him being this miserable just make me hate myself even more. Why he was here? He’s already left. There’s no love for me cause I don’t deserve any from him. Yet he came all the way here, after what I heard from everyone that Sehun brought him home tonight.

And every time I imagine what will happen to him, how Sehun will do him, how will he screamed Sehun’s name instead of mine, it burns every fiber in me, to just run to where he was. I really want to be bold and tell Sehun the truth. But I’m still a coward. I’m too scared to get angry cause I know I will turned everything into mess. I will not only cause problem to myself, but also the entire EXO members.

“Why are you here?” I asked flatly, eyes still full with jealousy at seeing Sehun’s jacket outside his shirt. So he went here right from Sehun’s place? For what? Did he want to brag about himself being able to change heart and left me alone? Did he want to punish me this way?

‘I can’t.’

I was thinking the worst, when I heard his hoarse murmur. In no time, the anger disappeared from my heart, and left me stung as he began sobbing in front of me.

‘I can’t…. Jongin….’ His shoulder shaking badly, as the sob turned into a loud cry, ‘the other man…’ he stuttered when he speak up to me, making me unintentionally closing our gap and gathering him into my chest, ‘I wish, I wish I can be strong and fight the urge. It was easy to make my body obey but my feeling…’ he sniffled, ‘I’m sorry…’

He looked up, seeing me with his glassy eyes and speak in between his gritted teeth, ‘Jongin I know the thing in between us was over, I said good bye, but…’ he grabbed my shirt tightly, ‘whatever he did to me, no matter how precious his love to me, all I can feel is nothing…’

‘I don’t want Sehun…’ he shook his head, wailing like a small boy when he held onto me even tighter, ‘I only want you, Jongin.’

‘All I need is you.’

At this moment, I don’t know what to say anymore. I want to thank God for having someone who loved me with all his might yet in the same time I want to strangle my own stupid self who let this beauty get caught into other man's arms.

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You will never be like foam

Don’t you know that

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Luhan

*

Love can't be erased, how many times I said goodbye. That's why I'm here, cause I know there's still place in his heart calling my name, even though for now he’s only someone in my past.

‘I didn’t sleep with him.’ I told Jongin when I lay my on the floor, make him stopped abruptly from moving our hips in a most sacred slow dance. It sent a ticklish feeling into my stomach, at seeing how priceless his shocked face right now, and so I became eager to say more, ‘I tried to, but I can’t.’

I can’t help but smile in joy when I saw the life slowly returned in his eyes.

‘Why?’ although his expression can’t hide his excitement, his voice sounded like a loud bang crashing my eardrums, ‘you’re an adult, hyung.’ he hissed every word as growl but I know it’s all to hide a happy smile, ‘you should not be scared of it. We did it like, all the times…’

Why I had a feeling, he was bragging about that?

‘But I love you.’

Again he became a beautiful statue, probably stunned cause I might be the most stubborn person in the earth who can’t stop loving him no matter he tried to ditch me, ‘Even though I'm stuck with him forever, I will wait, no matter how long it takes, I believe…’ I shifted up and kissed his lips chastely,

 ‘Someday you will snatch me away from him.’

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So baby don’t cry, cry

My love will protect you and never let go

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Author Note:

So, how was it? I’m sorry if it was confusing, but I hope you like it ^^

Although this story was a dropped project, it contains so many prompts for my other stories such as ‘When You’re Away’ ‘Let Out the Beast’ and ‘Tonight is The Night’ that’s why I treasure it so much ^^