Chapter 12- POV- Kyungsoo (I'm sorry these Kyungsoo chapters are so far apart. If you don't remember what happened to him last, go back and read chapter... I think it's chapter 7. Sorry and thanks!)

 

 

 

The sleeping did not go very smoothly. The first time I woke up I didn't even make it to the bathroom before I puked all over the floor, again, which reminded me that I hadn't even cleaned up the disaster I'd made downstairs. Disgusting. 

 

I brushed my teeth to get the awful taste and acidic feeling out of my mouth, but it didn't help much. I was afraid to eat anything because I figured it would just come right back up, so I had a glass of water. That, at least, stayed down. I cleaned up the foul smelling mess on the floor of my bedroom, at least it was on the tile and not the carpet, and tucked myself back between my sheets, again falling asleep.

 

The second time I woke up, it was around 1:00 a.m. A full two hours since the last time. My head was pounding and it felt like someone had been hitting it with a hammer since I last fell asleep. I held my hand out in front of my face and saw it shake, sometimes the shaking would stop, but then it would start again. I finally realized that I never actually stopped shaking, but rather my vision was blinking on and off. I sat upright, curled into a ball on my bed, my arms tucked behind my head, my hands resting on the back of my neck, elbows covering my ears in an attempt to block out the noise in my bedroom.

 

Then I figured out that the noise was in my head. Just white noise. I forced my self back to sleep, but it took several hours for me to, once again, drift off.

 

The third time I woke up, I gave up the fight and decided to just stay awake. It was 2:17 am. I dragged my aching body downstairs and cleaned up the dirtied floor next to the closet. My head a pounding fiercely again, and my heart seemed to be beating a little too fast. My stomach grumbled from hunger, but I was too afraid of puking again to eat anything. Every now and again, as I would walk, my knees would give out and I'd fall straight down to the floor, my knees making a sickening cracking sound against the tiles. I stood up after I had collapsed for the seventh time, but I don't move, I just stayed. I saw the white tiles blossom a dark red color. Blood. I heard it splat on the floor, it was obviously coming from my face, so my right hand shot immediately to my nose, but it was dry. I blinked a few times, noticing my vision was becoming blurry. 

 

My eyes widened. I brought a quivering hand up to the inside corner of my eyes and it came back wet and warm and sticky.

 

My eyes were bleeding.

 

I began to panic. My breathing increased pace, my heart beat irregularly, my headache got worse, and for the first time in my life I wondered if I was going to die. Right here. Right now. My eyes were bleeding, I was definitely in serious trouble. I guess I lost enough blood, just standing there and I fainted, because that is the first thing I remember before waking up again, the light streaming in through the closest window.

 

I had ended up near the main kitchen, just outside it. My cheeks and temples were crusty with dried blood, but it seemed as thought the actual bleeding stopped eventually. I rose and trudged into the bathroom. Once I washed the blood off of my face, I decided to go to the kitchen. I had never felt so exhausted in my life. I poured myself a bowl of dry Cheerios, ate them one by one, slowly; I ended up throwing them back up twenty minutes later anyway- but this time I made it to the bathroom.

 

I guessed I wouldn't be eating for a while, meanwhile my headache raged on, it felt like someone was stabbing my brain over and over again all over my head. The pain came down into my face and my massaged my temples, hoping it would help. It didn't. I was afraid to take Advil because if simple Cheerios wouldn't stay down, then neither would medicine probably.

 

I put on some clean, but comfortable clothing and curled up on the couch miserably, not wanting to move a millimeter, but the phone rang.

 

When we left the labs, we were told to always answer our phone, or it would probably keep ringing, so I forced myself up, groaning deeply in the process, and yanked the phone from its spot on the table.

 

"Hello," I stated in monotone.

 

"Kyungsoo-ah! How good to hear your voice! It's me, Doctor Zhang!" An overly excited voice came over the phone, and then there was some mumbling and shuffling on the other end, but nothing else was said.

 

"Umm...hi? Are you calling for an important reason? Because I'm not feeling well and-"

 

"Kyungsoo-ah, we're sorry, we didn't know you were sick. Can you give the phone to Luhan or Jongin, then?" A lower voice which Kyungsoo remembered as Joonmyun's asked.

 

"They're...out," I explained in a nasal tone, pinching the bridge of my nose to try and stop the blood that had begun to pour from it.

 

"Out? Where?" It seemed to Kyungsoo that Joonmyun had already known they were out. He didn't sound very surprised; but that was impossible.

 

"I don't know... Vacation somewhere. I don't really remember. And I don't know when they are coming back, maybe three days? I... Why can't I remember that? I don't know I'm blanking, but I really feel like , so I've got to go. Sorry I couldn't help you," I rambled, then hung up the phone. I didn't have time for this.

 

I jogged upstairs, waited for the bleeding to stop and then changed my shirt, which now had fresh nose-blood all over it- disgusting. I threw that in the wash and then called a cab. I figured I shouldn't be driving in this state, but I had to figure out what was happening to me.

 

The cab took me to the local library, like I had asked, but I had never been there before. It was so foreign, with all the books and computers and everything. It was just... A sight to see. The large red-brick building looked incredibly inviting compared to what I was used to, not counting my new home with Jongin and Luhan, all I had ever known were the boring, white, labs. I jogged toward the front of the building, but ran out of breath long before reaching the door. I bent over, my hands on my knees and breathed deeply, but it seemed as though my lungs were keeping me from getting more air. 

 

"Are you alright?" A young sounding voice asked me worriedly. "Do you need help?" I glanced up and saw a youthful girl, a teenager maybe. I continued to breathe deeply, but I stood up straight and faced the girl. She was wearing black skinny jeans, with holes in the legs covered up with a flowery black lace material, so I saw the fair skin of her knees. "Can I help you at all?" 

 

Her accent was strange, it seemed a little off to me. I furrowed my brows, trying to figure it out. I looked past her skinny jeans and soft-looking blue knit jacket, and up at her face. The first thing I noticed was her eyes. They were blue. She had long light brown hair, and fair skin. She was pretty, and definitely not from Korea. 

 

"I'm sorry. My Korean isn't very good, I haven't been here for very long and I'm still learning!" She beamed up at me cutely. I felt the corners of my mouth tug up a bit.

 

"It's alright, and your Korean is fine, be a little more confident about it-" but I stopped when her eyes widened to saucers and she covered her gaping mouth with both hands. My vision became blurry. "," I muttered and dabbed at the blood trailing down my face with my jacket sleeve.

"Oh my god! Let me- let me take you to a hospital or something! You're eyes are bleeding!" She tugged on my hand, and pulled toward the parking lot.

 

"It's okay, it's okay, it happens all the time, I'm used to it," I lied.

 

"It happens all the time?! Have you seen a doctor? This is nuts! You can't possibly be used to the fact that your eyes bleed!" 

 

"Listen, I know this is really strange, and scary, but it's fine. I am fine. And I really need to get some things done. It's really important, please let go," I begged. She scrunched up her face a bit but dropped her hand.

 

"What exactly is so important?" The girl inquired curiously, one eyebrow raised.

 

"I'm not sure, but I'll figure it out. It was nice meeting you-"

 

"Maika," she replied.

 

"Maika. It was nice meeting you and now I have got to go, thanks for the help!" I my heel and walked toward the door, but she stayed next to me.

 

"I'm not leaving your side, until you get home, respectfully. Your eyes were bleeding. I'll stay with you, and the drive you home. Alright?" I was hesitant to let her stay, I had no idea what sort of trouble I'd get into. She latched onto my arm firmly, and it was clear that there was no point in trying to escape. I sighed exasperatedly and began walking toward the door, once again, Maika let go and trailed behind me. "So... What's your name?" She asked brightly, seemingly trying to break the ice.

 

"Kyungsoo. Do Kyungsoo."

 

"Kyungsoo... Kyungsoo Oppa!" She giggled and covered , the sleeves of her jacket slumping over her hands and flopping. I chuckled at at her, she looked like a little kid.

 

"Am I? How old are you?" I asked her, still stopping the dripping blood from my tear ducts with my sleeve. 

 

"Just turned nineteen, how about you, Oppa?"

 

"Twenty-six."

 

"Wow. My Oppa doesn't look that old!" She giggled again and finally caught up to me, her arms swinging by her sides and she hurried to keep up. She was short enough that she took two steps for my every one. From the corner of my eye I saw her glance up at my face again. "...still bleeding?" She wondered quietly.

 

"... Yeah. But it's fine, really. Don't worry about it," I ensured her, even though I was beginning to feel a little light headed. I still hadn't eaten anything, I was afraid I'd just throw it up. 

 

"Alright. So you said, earlier, you didn't know exactly what you were looking for," we were standing just outside the library doors now, "what did you mean by that?" 

 

"Well I'm....researching something...and...I don't know exactly what I'll find. Which reminds me, you can't come with me from here. The research is private and you can't see it, Maika. I'm sorry," I apologized.

 

"If it's so private, why are you at a public library?" She stated smugly. I opened my mouth to say reply, but I couldn't think of a good come back for that.

 

"Alright, good point. You got me there. Then maybe you can help, we'll see", I let my hand fall from my eyes, blinking repeatedly to see if the bleeding had stopped. Thankfully, it had, but my eyes still felt thick and I couldn't see quite right when I blinked and looked around. "Come on," I waved her forward and we entered the library.

 

We weaved through endless shelves of book of all different sizes and colors and titles. Maika seemed fascinated by all of them, I saw when peeking out of the corner of my eyes. She was a weird kid, true, but for some reason... I thought maybe she could be helpful. Call it a hunch.

 

We finally reached the wall of computers, which was in the back of the 

Iibrary, and lowered ourselves onto the short, stumpy little stools. I sat there, blinking at the computer screen. Now that I was here, I realized I didn't even know what to search. I had no idea what I was looking for, so what was I supposed to do?

 

"Oppa? Aren't you going to search for something?" Maika asked me, sounding slightly concerned. 

 

"The thing is... I really don't know what I'm looking for," I was confusing myself, so it made sense that Maika's eyebrows knit together when I said this.

 

"Maybe I can help. I mean what... What did you come here for?"

 

"Information,"

 

"Okay, a little more specific than that, Kyungsoo Oppa. Please," she pulled the keyboard over in front of her and positioned herself in a position to type.

 

"Information about..." I shook my head, wondering, and Maika continued to look at me with her eyebrows raised, "me, I guess. Yes... That's as good of a place to start as any," I decided out loud.

 

"Alright...lets just search your name then!" She beamed, and began to type.

 

Do Kyungsoo

 

Dozens of hits popped up, not many were actually about me, only a few. I finally found one that seemed legitimate, and Maika clicked it when I pointed it out to her. There was much information.

 

Do Kyungsoo

 

Kyungsoo is part of the perfect match system, but according to the research facilities that created aforementioned system, he is not a vital part. He was originally important, but after much research, and much trial and error, it was determined that he was not vital for the system to succeed....

 

"Kim Jongin and Lu Han are the two that are important," a scientist from the facilities says...

 

 

Around that time, I stopped reading. This wasn't helpful, it just made me feel sick. Maika kept scanning the screen, biting her bottom lip repeatedly as she read.

 

"What's the... Perfect Match System?" She asked me, rather loudly. Others in the library turned to us, looks of surprise clear on their faces. Everyone in Korea knew about the Perfect Match System. At least everyone in this area. 

 

"It's... A system, in which two people are created...for each other. To be a couple. They're supposed to be happier than normal couples. Never fighting, and having a perfect relationship and all that."

 

"So basically it's crap," she concluded, again, rather loudly; and again the other in the library turned to us, now with a look of alarm on their faces.

 

"Would you keep your voice down?" I shot, "listen, I tend to agree with you, I have my reasons, but you can't just go around saying that, alright? People are...very opinionated here. It's dangerous to criticize the system."

 

"But wouldn't you know better than anyone? It says here you live with them. And grew up with them. And were made to be their best friend. And, in America at least, people tell their best friends everything, so wouldn't you know like...everything about them? Plus, what they're saying about altering the genetics and choosing certain parents to breed the individuals used for the system...it doesn't quite add up, you realize that right? There is no way for them to guarantee how these individuals will behave or what they'll look like, or what kind of person they will be attracted to just because of an estimation of what their genetics will be. That's... Impossible," she turned to the computer, "they'd literally have to control these individuals somehow... They'd have to alter the way the people think to fit into the mold they are supposed to fit into. It's not natural and... As far as I know... It's not possible. Not safely," she rambled. I gaped at her. She had just unraveled the "facts" and theories that had been fooling me, Jongin, Luhan, and most of the population for nineteen years in a total of about five minutes.

 

"How- how did you-"

 

"Well. Just because I'm nineteen, doesn't mean I haven't been through college, Kyungsoo Oppa. Back home my friends like to call me a 'genious'. In other words," she rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically, "I'm a brilliant nerd." She grinned at me.

 

"Wow. I'm impressed. I never even went to high school," I admitted. She stared at me with narrowed eyes for a few seconds.

 

"You what."

 

"I never went to high school. Not a regular one anyway."

 

"You never- so... What?" Her eyes were wide and I could tell she was immensely confused. Shocked, really.

 

"Well I grew up there," I pointed to a picture of the labs on the computer screen, "I never left until a few weeks ago."

 

"You never left? Ever?!"

 

"Nope. Not once. Not that I know of, but who knows what I- never mind."

 

"Well...is there anything else you need to find? We might as well keep going... I guess..." She turned back to the computer, once again ready to type.

 

"Why don't you just search the perfect match system? Like... Why it was even invented. It seems pretty random to me." Her fingers pressed down on the keys systematically and, strangely enough, only five search results popped up, three of which were blocked on the public library computers.

 

 Maika clicked on the fourth one down the list, nothing of importance seemed to be there. She scanned the information, squinting at certain things, but then shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

 

"This is all really general information. It's helping me understand, but you and everyone else here already knows what this system is, this doesn't give any information you wouldn't already know..." She trailed off, clicking on the fifth one and shaking her head again. "Same thing here...if they want people to know about and learn to love this system... Why are they hiding things?" She turned to me with a conflicted look on her face. I shrugged. Growing up in the labs, I knew that they were fairly secretive about certain a things, it had never really bothered me before.

 

Maika scrunched up her nose and went back to the first link in the list. 

 

This link has been blocked by the Public Library. Please ask the librarian for assistance.

 

I saw a sly smirk slide onto her face and she giggled to herself, studying the screen carefully.

 

"What are you-"

 

"Shhhhhh! I'm thinking, Kyungsoo Oppa!" She whispered. She typed slowly, hitting what seemed like random keys to me, but then she started typing faster and faster, her fingers flying over the keys, and finally she stopped, looked over at me dramatically with a proud look in her face, and pressed the 'enter' button. A text box popped up and she's groaned, stomping her feet irritatedly, -but thank god- quietly, on the carpeted library floor. She held up a finger, signaling for me to wait and so I did. I decided there was probably no stopping her anyway.

 

Finally, after what seemed like hours, but was really only six text boxes, a password box popped up. Maika's jaw dropped and she threw her hands silently in the air, and tugged down on her long brown hair.

 

"That's it!" She exclaimed dramatically, "we're finished!" She plopped back down on the stool, and let her head fall into the table. I stared at her with big eyes and raised brows.

 

"What- what- what even-?" I didn't even know what to ask.

 

"I was... Hacking. I've been doing it for a while now it's...fun? I guess? I took a computer class over the summer, and I taught myself to hack. I gave myself a better grade after hacking into the teachers grade system," she grinned to herself, "good times."

 

"You were hacking? Hacking into what?!" 

 

"The lab's database. I thought I could do it, honestly I did. It didn't look that hard and to be honest I would have done it if it weren't for that damn password box. I don't know how to search their systems for the password, I could never figure out how to do that. So we'd have to guess and guess and guess and it would take forever. So I GIVE UP!" She concluded.

 

This girl really talked a lot.

 

"Can't we try? There's only so many things it could be..." I persuaded.

 

"Well unless you have some ideas..."

 

"To be honest, it shouldn't be all that hard to figure out. Let me try something-" I pulled the keyboard in front of me and began guessing.

 

LuhanJongin

 

JonginLuhan

 

JonginLuhanKyungsoo

 

JonginLuhanJonginKyungsoo

 

I tried all different combinations of our names and they were all rejected. Maika was standing next to me, arms crossed, and eyebrows raised and I began to get frustrated.

 

"Numbers, try numbers. It's usually numbers, I have found. A code, a year, an important day, a birthday-"

 

"A birthday?"

 

"Yeah, a birthday. It's easy for people to remember so they use them often so they won't have to write their password down,but they won't forget it," she explained, "why? do you think it's a birthday?"

 

"I think it's their birthday..." I typed in the numbers:  

 

04/14/1994

 

*You cannot use "/" in your password. Please try again.*

 

"Give it-" Maika grabbed the keyboard and retyped it in a different way.

 

04.14.1994

 

*thank you. You will be redirected to the database momentarily.*

 

Maika tossed the keyboard in my lap, jumped up, and began dancing around like a maniac.

 

"We did it, we did it, we did it," she sang, "we got the pa~ssword! We got the pa~ssword! Oh yeah!" She continued to dance around until I grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

 

"Um...we just hacked into a very secret database, I don't know that we should be singing 'we got the password' out loud, loudly in a public library..." I trailed off and she grasped and clapped her hands over .

 

"Sorry! Sorrysorrysorrysorry!" She whispered, "okay, okay, I'm ready now, I'm good."

 

"Great," I chuckled and let out a breath of relief. I noticed the subtle pounding of my head, as if my brain was beginning to swell up before it would pop. I took a shaky breath and proceeded, wondering if this was my body's way of telling me that continuing was a bad idea; but now that I was in, I couldn't very well walk away. I had come too far.

 

But I still didn't know what I was looking for. Just information? Things about myself? About Luhan? About Jongin? 

 

I scrolled through the folders, marveling at how many there were, at how many things the labs must keep hidden- and then a name made me stop.

 

Minseok

 

My mouse hovered over the word, I felt dizzy and the inside of my head had this warm, melty feeling. My saliva felt thick in my mouth and I struggled to swallow every few seconds. I cracked my knuckles and clicked on his name. The folder opened and I saw a few small little documents and another folder labeled- Pictures. Finally I saw something that sounded familiar. 

 

Memories

 

Those must have been the memories that Minseok would have if had if he had lived. I thought. I decided to look at the folder labeled pictures first. It popped open easily, no password necessary, and I selected the first picture. It was pixelated at first, I couldn't really see anything, but then it loaded all the way and I had to blink back heavy, sad tears.

 

 It was a baby. A tiny, blue baby, cradled in his mother's arms in the picture. I could see only the arms of its mother, and part of the chin of who I assumed to be the father, and the rest of then picture was taken up with his small being. And the baby was him. I knew it was impossible for me to remember it, but I remembered the face of my match as a toddler, and it was, undoubtedly, the same person. My face twisted into a pained shape, and when I looked at Maika, her eyes were wide and she had covered her small pink lips with one hand, shaking her head. I clicked out of the folder. I didn't want to see any more.

 

Now it felt like there was liquid sloshing around in my head, I swear I could feel it when I moved my head around, but I decided it must have been my imagination. I opened one of the unlabeled documents, nothing interesting seemed to be there, I glanced at Maika, to see if she got any information that I didn't, but she shook her head 'no'. I had been putting it off for as long as I possibly could, but I knew that I needed to see what was in the last folder. If I didn't, I'd always wonder.

 

I clicked open the folder titled 'memories', but it wasn't really a folder at all. It was a PowerPoint- like presentation. With videos that refused to play, I thought maybe there was a password that I needed so I glanced sideways at Maika again, but she just looked horrified, staring at the screen. It was moving, the videos were playing. 

 

I was in them. Just Minseok and me. I watched as they played like silent movies, and I began to remember. I remembered everything that the computer said had happened, just as it was. 

 

Minseok and I, as six year olds, running around on a playground and climbing on the jungle-gym; he fell from the top and even though I reached for him, he landed with a cry on the hard pebbles below, his arm folded unnaturally underneath his body. I saw myself scream his name, but couldn't hear my six year old voice. I jumped down from the halfway point in the jungle gym to help him- and then the memory switched. 

 

A few years later, I couldn't quite recall how old we were- maybe ten?- walking down a pathway next to a river, it was flowing calmly, and we were holding hands swinging our arms back and forth between us. He must have told me to close my eyes, because I nodded excitedly and squeezed them shut. 

 

The next part of the memory was not exactly what I remembered, but I guessed it was because my eyes were closed. In my memory, I remember feeling his hands taking both of mine and wading me somewhere unknown to me until we got there; but on the screen, I could see the nervousness on his face when he took my hands and began to walk backwards, checking behind him every few seconds so that he wouldn't trip over anything. He led me to a small, bright green patch of grass, right along the river, with a picnic laid out on it. Then my memory went from black to the same scene as I was seeing on the screen, but from a slightly different perspective. I could see my own reaction from the memory on the computer, and Minseok's from the memory in my own head. 

 

I saw my cheeks wrinkle up and spread into a smile as Minseok's eyes gazed at me. I bobbed up and down on my feet a few times and then ran forward launching myself into his arms. He laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist- Then the memory changed again.

 

We were at least twelve in this one, if not thirteen or fourteen, again I couldn't recall our exact ages. Unlike the other memories, it was snowing outside, and a thick layer of the white fluff already covered the ground that we padded across in our matching snow boots. I let go of Minseok's hand for a bit to bend down and scoop up some snow, he looked down at me from above, smiling lightly. I rose back up to his height, we were roughly the same at this point, with the snow in my hand. His eyes narrowed, and flicked between my handful of snow and my face. I grinned evilly and tossed the freezing powder on his face.

 

His mouth opened in a gasp, and his eyes snapped shut, and the snow dripped off of his skin sluggishly, some of it sticking in his black hair and creating a strangely beautiful contrast. He opened his eyes slowly, an irritated but playful expression glinted in them. He his lips and nodded as if I had defeated him; all of a sudden he bent down and I before I knew it I saw the snow land on my face. I remembered how cold the icy fluff was on my previously warm skin, and then saw myself laugh. We laughed and threw more snow at each other and finally, after a long snow fight, fell back on a pile of the stuff, exhausted. 

 

Then the memories stopped. I looked down at the mouse and saw that I had paused the   videos on the screen with a click of a button. I hadn't realized before now that I had begun to cry.

 

"Oh- Kyungsoo Oppa," Maika laid a hand on my shoulder, "are you okay?" She asked, concerned. I swallowed hard and nodded.

 

"Yeah," my voice was raspy and it cracked, "I'm fine. I just, um, I used to know him that's all," I explained.

 

"You used to know him? Did he... Did he die?" 

 

It struck me as odd, the way she phrased it. 'Did he die'. Most people would try to cushion the blow, 'did he pass away' or 'did he go to a better place'? But Maika just said it directly. It was painful, but somehow I thought it would feel worse if she had phrased it any other way. It would make us seem farther apart. Minseok up in heaven while I was stuck down here without him. But 'dead' seems just like a state of being. Like maybe he could still be here with me.

 

"Yes," I said with finality, "he's dead."

 

____

 

A/N:

 

YES. I PUT AN AMERICAN GIRL IN MY STORY. YES SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE ME. YES SHE HACKS COMPUTERS. NO I DO NOT HACK COMPUTERS IN REAL LIFE. NO I AM NOT BADASS LIKE SHE IS OKAY.

 

yeah. The levels of testosterone in my own story were overwhelming me and I needed some new character because it felt like it was getting boring so...OC. Yeah.

 

i really really really hope you liked this chapter, I'm very happy with it!!! No I haven't been writing it this WHOLE TIME, otherwise it would be edited...sorry that it isn't...trying to get in touch with my editor... (TaoRisBaekYeol on AFF, and a personal friend of mine. But she ISN'T REPLYING TO MY EMAILS.)

 

anyway. As I said before, hopefully I'll get a lot of writing done over the Thanksgiving break. I know hats far away, but I really don't have time to write otherwise.

 

 

also.

does anyone here like VIXX? BECAUAE I LIKE VIXX AND I AM GOING TO THEIR CONCERT IN TEXAS IN LIKE 2 WEEKS AND I AM S FREAKING EXCITED I CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF O.M.F.G. PEOPLE. PEOPLE. OMFG. 

 

Okay. I thinks that's all for now.

btw let me know if you liked Maika. Just. Wondering. Yessss....

 

please leave your comments below, constructive criticism is WELCOME, I always want to write better for you guys! Also I DO like compliments. Very much so. Hehehe.

UPVOTES are appreciated.... ...

 

Trying to change my username so you can donate me karma points if you feel the need... Yeah

ADIOS FRIENDS!

UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!

-Luhandsome123