*

“Lee Hong Ki, are you clear about this mission?” The voices echoed through the darkness of the cave.

I pry my eyes open with all my might, where am I? How in the world did darkness felt like light? What? Mission to be an imaginary friend? Where was I? Wasn’t I rushing off to school? Where on Earth…

“Lee Hong Ki, listen up. Once you clear your mission with Kim Eun Go you’ll be allowed to be reborn.”

Reborn? I am not dead! Dead is a word people use to describe other dead people, and the majority of them are at least thrice my age. Did that stupid voice just said something my brain couldn’t comprehend?

The words rang resoundingly in my ears. I wasn’t back on Earth anymore, was I? Images of the car crash flashed in my mind, people surrounded me and blood… Too much of them were oozing out of my ears, eyes and nose. I heard soft murmurs, people calling my name and the band’s name, a siren wailing then…Here I was, right here, in the middle of nowhere, d-e-a-d and taking on a stupid role so that I could restart everything and become a baby again?

So… The Almighty Voice is telling me I have a mission and this is where we go to when we’re dead? No such thing as viewing your entire life in slow motion on cotton candy clouds sipping iced tea, no such thing as completely evaporating from the surface of mankind.

You are automatically assigned to someone as an Imaginary Friend and pray all day that the person believes you’re real.

This is the biggest joke I have ever heard of.

Ok I’ll cue. One, two.

Laugh.

Ha-ha.

*

I held the spade up in front of me, better to be safe than sorry I reminded myself. Just earlier, I thought I heard my flower pots from the backyard making some awful noises. My ears distinctly picked up the sound of a loud crash but when I walked to the backyard to find that old stinky tabby cat balancing itself graciously on the wall and turned to find the flower pots neatly arranged at their original positions. And then at the corner of my eyes, I saw something passed by. Like a shadow at a terrible speed. No human being can possibly be that fast. Inching a little closer, I tightened the grip on my spade. Should anyone be attempting to break it, THIS would come in between his head. I kid you not, I will do it! The figure walked towards me, as I peered from the sides of the spade, observing what little I could see with my right eye. It looked like a guy, with soft hair, almost as tall as I was… But when it came closer and the sun disappeared behind your head, I saw a pair of eyes with the most painful expression I have ever seen. Clearly, this wasn’t a burglar I had expected.

“ You. Your name is Kim Eun Go,” you said. There was a strong certainty in your words, like you never meant to ask me anything at all. The spade slid from my hands onto the ground and I pushed open the ivory gates a little further to get a closer look. No boy was ever this fair, so fair it blended with the tone of my gates.

You gave a swift smile and a smirk thereafter.

“I heard you need a gardener. My name is Lee Hong Ki. I’m applying for this job.”

And with that, you entered and walked through the gates.

*

“Say,” he said with his gaze fixed on me, “If one day you find out that you had loved the wrong person, what would you do? I’m talking about the kind you are not allowed to like…”

Running my fingers along his, I tried to appreciate the silence around us without being too bothered about laying this close to him. His scent was intoxicating, but I thought hard about the question. Ever since he invaded my life one fateful day in the mini garden at my place, my life took a wide jump from ordinary to being extraordinary. And so did my garden, it was particularly amazing how much talent he had. Yet the eyes that locked mine were so strong and I could instantly see every emotion in it. At that point of time, I wondered just how much pain and passion a person could possibly bear in his glistening eyes? The more I get to know him, the more I realized how many layers he had to shed off to see the real him. All the more too dangerous to get close to and later I would realize how deadly I fell into a trap willingly.

“You mean if my dad don’t approve? Oh, what are you afraid of? He’ll be dropping by this weekend and he’s a really cool…”

“Hey, stop. Answer my question.”

“…”

“Well…I will never regret anything. Not you, at the very least.”

“Then, what if I can’t promise you eternity?”

“Don’t be silly! Why are you being so weird today?”

“Nah… just asking”

“Hmm…” I said as I twirled my hair with my other hand.

“I never liked how eternity sounds on my tongue. Being momentarily in love is good enough for me. Being right here with you, right now. I’ll ask for nothing but to let you have everything you want.”

“Same here.”

I felt something soft on my lips.

*

I placed my palms on my face. There was no logical reason I could come up with as I switched the television off and tossed it on the floor. The video cameras were initially installed before Hong Ki’s arrival for extra surveillance as the garden was hopelessly in a mess every morning. I had intended to recoat the walls with new lavender paint but removing the tapes and playing them out of my curiosity had proved to be a horror.

There I was, with a spade, talking.

There I was, on the grass patch, smiling.

There I was, in the garden, planting.

In every single clip which recorded the events that lasted for the past year, I was all alone. By myself.

There wasn’t any Lee Hong Ki to begin with.

I picked the phone and dialled the numbers.

“Dad? This is me, you got to help me. I think I got mom’s illness”.

*

I watched you for a long time hoping one day you will stop to question the uncharted territories of your mind, and for once believe in the horrifying heartbeats your heart recognizes. The road to destruction was an inevitable path you had to take on and along with it came the labels of you being the mad mistress. The thin air which surrounds my being is entirely suffocating, so I’ll wait till you come with a vengeance and account for all the loneliness that resides deeply in me. You can kill me, love. Only if you had the power to do so. In between the moments of reality and imagination, I’ll keep our promise in my pocket and in my heart. In two places till time runs out and they turn to dust, yet again. All I wanted was to return back to the world where I had a proper identity. It was never my intention to fall for you, and when it did, it was also never an intention to hide the truth. I feared the unexpected, how you’ll react when you learnt about my truest intentions.

Would you grant them, right there back then? The inner core of love is selfish. I wanted to be momentarily in love with you, restarting the timer day after day, and months after months. I recalled that night I broke your heart and so many other things.

“Eun Go”, I said slowly so fearful of the last time I can call your name with ease.

“Eun Go”, I repeated. “Let’s break up”.

You didn’t reply. You didn’t ask why. You didn’t even cry

That night I saw you unearth everything. If the garden represented our love, then figuratively speaking, I could tell you were upset.

But you didn’t show it, and behaved as though you expected it. I didn’t hear a sound coming out from your mouth. You walked away and I stood there, unable to overcome the feelings which were b in my chest.

*

I popped the pills in my mouth. Some part of me understood that I had a secret in me I ought to tell someone. But I can’t remember the exact details, it was a nice feeling. Something warm and something which smelled nice.

From afar, he stood there with tears in his eyes until he couldn’t read the sign which said Mental Institution of Health. He was the only person who knew that she was not mad to begin with, she turned mad.

For that, he’ll watch over her like this. For an eternity to make up for a moment’s love.