He stares at the raindrops that fall on the windowpane, those that chase one another and those that sink alone. He frowns and tries poking at them. He loves the rain.

Pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat.

--

In the middle of the winter season, days run too short while seconds too long. The sun sets even before anyone has time to accomplish anything, and this frustrates Jongin.

The high school student tries the same dance movement for the hundredth time. Arabesque, arabesque, pirouette à la seconde.

In the same moment, a sharp piercing pain shoots through Jongin’s head. He loses his balance, and falls flat on his hip. He’s used to it, he thinks. The pain slowly spreads down his left leg causing a numbing pain but he ignores. Jongin breaths heavily against the parquet flooring, so heavily that it nearly sounds like the howling of wolves on a full-moon night.

“Oppa!”

The girl with long black hair pushes open the heavy door and runs Jongin’s side. She looks at him with an evident frown, one hand on his arm and the other against her temples.

“Sohee-ah, stop looking at me like that. You’ll probably fall too deeply in love with me and then I’ll never be able to get rid of you.”

Sohee stares even harder. She knows how much Jongin’s back hurts, but she also knows how he will never stop, not until he gets himself landed in the hospital.

“Okay, okay. I’m fine. How’s my favourite girl today?”

“Your favourite girl is angry at you for pushing yourself so hard. Don’t you know when to take a break?”

“Don’t bother. He’ll never get it.” Two pairs of eyes direct themselves to the source of the voice coming from outside the studio.

“Hyung!”

“Luhan oppa!” Sohee gets up to greet her boyfriend’s best friend. Luhan, the Chinese exchange student who challenged Kim Jongin to a dance battle on the first day of school, just because he thought that Jongin’s smirk was getting on his nerves.

Luhan walks over in wide strides and smirks before pulling Jongin up by the shoulder.

“Hyung, what are you do—“

Before Jongin completes his sentence, Luhan knees his waist, the very area that he knew hurt Jongin the most.

“—, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Jongin topples back onto the ground, wincing in pain as his fingers dig into the skin on his waist, leaving deep red marks.

“Wow. I’m amazed, Kim Jongin actually feels pain. Didn’t seem like it, seeing how you’ve never listened to your girlfriend’s chidings.”

“ you, Hyung.”

Sohee giggles. “Luhan oppa is right. Maybe I should try that some time. Seems a lot more efficient that what I have been doing.”

Sohee grabs hold of Jongin’s arms and supports him out of the studio. Jongin slides an arm around the girl’s waist and grunts with each heavy step. Luhan stares at the reflection of the two in the large mirror that spans the entire length of the studio.

“Thanks, oppa!”

Luhan smiles, even though neither of them sees. He smiles so hard that he starts to question his sanity, and wondering to himself why looking at the reflection of the girl in uniform causes his breath to hitch in his throat.

Or his heart to skip a beat.

Or why in the world is that girl not his.

--

Jongin thinks that spring arrives in the most magical ways. It creeps silently behind winter’s tail and all of a sudden flowers are blooming and the snow is melting.

Jongin flips his body around and wraps his tender arms around the girl’s waist. His grins through sleepy eyes. His bed isn’t made for two, but that only made things better. Through the entire night, Jongin slept with his body pressed against the love of his life.

“Morning sunshine. It’s time to get ready for school.”

“Five more minutes, I pro—“

“No more of that young lady,” Jongin interrupts. “I’ll fall for your pleas every single time and we’ll end up being late for school. Besides, we’re meeting Kris hyung earlier today, don’t you remember?”

Sohee groans and smacks the back of Jongin’s hands and gets up without a word. He grins, and jumps of the bed himself.

“Yoon Sohee.” The syllables slide off his tongue perfectly, perhaps because the name rings in his mind every single minute. Perhaps because he loves her more than chocolate or combined. Perhaps because they are meant to be.

--

Luhan scribbles his thoughts into the little black book he keeps in his backpack like he does every morning in the hallway, leaning against his locker. He does it with such precision as if he is afraid he will one day lose all of his memories. He writes with so much focus that he doesn’t notice someone exceptionally tall standing two footsteps behind him trying hard to hide an amused smirk and the raise of his thick eyebrows.

--

“Hyung!”

“What’s up.” Kris nods at Jongin and smiles at Sohee briskly. He doesn’t seem to have the time or will to present any alternatives.

“Where’re the rest of the guys?”

“Yixing’s probably still at home, Chen and Xiumin—still sleeping—and probably not going to even show up. Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Sehun and Luhan? My best guess is probably busy enjoying a morning foursome. Suho’s already in class.”

“What about Kyungsoo?”

“Don’t know. He’s been pretty out of it lately, hasn’t he.”

Jongin finds himself thinking about his bug-eyed friend and something stirs in him, but not enough.

He picks up his ice latte, one that Kris—as always—buys for him before hand and takes a sip, before passing it on to his girlfriend.

“No thanks.” Sohee snaps, a beat too quickly. Jongin falls quiet at her strange reaction, but doesn’t question it. He knows better than to poke into places he isn’t supposed to venture in.

But what Jongin does notice, is Kris’ even weirder behaviour. His eyes seem faraway, out of his reach. If he didn’t know better, he’d think that Kris was waging a war with himself in his mind. Jongin bites down on his lower lip.

“Hyung... Are you angry?”

“I’m not angry. I just think there’s something that you should know.”

“What?”

“Here’s not a good place.”

“Why not?”

“Listen, just trust me. You’ll want to know.”

--

The night washes waves of motorcycle roars into Luhan’s ears. Dusk has passed hours ago. Luhan feels his eyes burn with fatigue as he leaned against the basketball court’s fence.

The court near his place has always been his space to pass time, vent anger or simply shoot some hoops when he can’t sleep, and that seems to be the case for this night, so here he is, sitting lifelessly on the court floors gnawing on his lips and scrolling through his text messages.

He sees a certain name, and his eyes twinkle for a moment.

But his happy thoughts dissipate into thin air as fast as they form when he hears the footsteps of at least half a dozen men approaching him. Someone grabs him from the back of his shirt and pulls him up.

“What the have you been writing in that ing journal of yours?” Jongin spits. It catches Luhan off guard.

“What are you talking about?” Luhan speaks through gritted teeth. He digs his nails into his own palms. There’s no way that Jongin knows.

“You know what I’m talking about. You—of all people—have been having thoughts about my girl. I don’t even want to start on what kind of thoughts. Why?”

Luhan keeps quiet. He doesn’t have an answer for that, he thinks.

Jongin grabs Luhan’s collars and shoves him against the fence. He feels tears threatening to spill, but holds them in. They are tears of rage, but more than that, they are tears of sadness. Disappointment. Betrayal.

“I’m asking you, Luhan. Why.”

He doesn’t answer again.

“Who told you?”

Jongin grinds his teeth and holds his breath. He grows angrier, “You don’t even have the right to ask. You wake up each morning writing that ing journal about someone else’s lover and all the things you want to do with her, and you expect me to be okay with that?”

“I’m sorr—“

“No. You aren’t sorry. In fact, you’re ing delirious.” Jongin hisses besides Luhan’s ears. “Two nights ago, I was about to bring Sohee over to your place to stay for a night, since her parents still aren’t back and I can’t be home to take care of her. I almost did. Just imagine the things you would have done to her.”

“I—“

“Too bad I didn’t, isn’t it? You would have been ing happy. .” Jongin screams so loud, he doesn’t even recognize his own voice, and punches the fence just inches from Luhan’s face.

“No...”

Jongin doesn’t listen. He doesn’t want to listen to his words. In fact, there is no ‘him’ anymore. There is only the empty space that once was his best friend.

Someone behind pulls Jongin backwards and mutters something about not being worth it. Jongin closes his eyes—just for a moment—reopens them and in a breath, walks away.

Luhan isn’t sure what scares him the most now, the awful silence that fills the court or the horrible empty feeling that burns more than cigarette on skin. Luhan breaks. He thinks he deserves it, this time.

--

It takes him two seconds to think of who it may have been that ratted him out. In between the dimness of his encounter ealier, Luhan notices two missing beings that should have been there. He knows for sure that Kyungsoo isn’t the one. That guy is too busy messing up his own life to get himself in other people’s business.

It takes him another two seconds to grab the photo of the two of them from his bedside table and fling it with all the strength that he has left against the wall.

20 minutes later, Luhan falls asleep with the broken pieces of a photo frame lying on the ground, and the photo contained forgotten.

--

He stares at the raindrops that fall on the windowpane, those that chase one another and those that sink alone. He frowns and tries poking at them. He loves the rain.

Pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat.

The familiar smell of anaesthetics stings Jongin’s nose. Slowly, he thinks he’s getting used it. He has stopped dancing completely, he simply doesn’t have the time anymore. It is his senior year, and while the other seniors are out partying, Jongin sits in the same chair, watching the same person. 3 months has passed, and nothing changes.

“Jongin-ssi, how are you today?” Nurse Kim smiles, creases forming on her forehead. She is someone that Jongin has grown familiar with. After all, she’s in charge of taking care of the very person Jongin tries to care for.

“I’m fine. How is he today?”

“He’s been fine. I think he’s happy to see you. You may not be able to tell, but I think somewhere in there he’s still the same person.”

Jongin tries hard to believe her words. He mustn’t lose faith.

--

“Doctor, how has his treatment been?”

“We’ve been giving him antipsychotic medication, which primarily suppresses his dopamine receptor activity. But this alone is not enough. Psychotherapy and vocational and social rehabilitation are also important in treatment. While the hospital will do the best we can, he needs you the most.”

“You see, he believes he is part of the make believe world he has created in his mind. He believes in the hallucinations he hears. It breaks down his thought process. He isn’t able to tell reality from fantasy. Therefore you mustn’t give up on him, he needs family and friends around him for treatment to work optimally.”

Jongin nods and smiles. “I won’t.”

--

The ward is exceptionally quiet today, because the patient who stays in it is asleep. He rarely falls asleep. Jongin sits himself besides the bed and traces a finger over the patient’s cheekbones, and caresses his lower lip. He feels almost happy, seeing him at peace for the first time in a really long time.

Jongin knows that he may suffer a lost of long-term memory. He won’t be able to remember where they hid his golden box back 11 years back. He won’t be able to remember the words that Jongin used when he promised to marry him 10 years ago. That is why Jongin never left his side. He doesn’t plan to give up any time soon. Jongin doesn’t want him to forget.

 “I'm sorry I worsened your condition. I'm sorry I didn't tell you how much I loved you often enough. Sleep well, hyung.” Jongin lowers his head and places his lips softly against the hollow of his right cheek.

Nurse Jung walks in and smiles at Jongin. It seems that Nurse Kim has ended her shift.

“Nice day today.”

“Yeah, nice day.”

She checks the patient’s temperature and pulse rate, scribbles something nearly impossible to read in her file, and walks away.

If only the seconds could last long enough.

Name: Do Kyungsoo

Age: 18 years old

Suffers from Schizophrenia. Symtoms include auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking.

To check his pulse rate every two hours.

Mr Kim Jongin permitted to visit twenty-four hours a day.

--

Jongin thinks that spring arrives in the most magical ways. It creeps silently behind winter’s tail and all of a sudden flowers are blooming and the snow is melting.

Jongin flips his body around and wraps his tender arms around the guy’s waist. His grins through sleepy eyes. His bed isn’t made for two, but that only made things better. Through the entire night, Jongin slept with his body pressed against the love of his life.

“Morning hyung. It’s time to get ready for school.”

a/n: im sorry this really is HAHAHA i attempted at writing in present tense for the first time on aff and i realized i really . i meant for this to be only 500 words wtf... im sorry if reading this hurts your eyes LOL. this story is technically very vaguely based on the mv teaser just without that gangsta i just can't write that HAHAHA if you don't get the story and are interested, i may post an explanation. but i hope this tweet that i tweeted 9 hours ago will help you understand better!

@aegyokris: plot twist

there is no drama mv

the scenes were all part of kyungsoo's schizophrenic imagination

he was afraid that kai loved someone else