When did things get this bad?

How did I allow it to go this bad?

I was on my knees, staring in a daze. I looked down at my bloody hands that I couldn't keep still. The knife was on the ground beside me. I didn't want to touch it as if it would burn my hands if I did. I was scared. What should I do?

I killed someone. I’m a murderer.

Is everything I worked for go to waste? Why couldn't I just leave it alone? Why couldn't I leave him alone? Why did I have to follow him there where I committed the crime?

I stared at the unmoved figure in front of me. Slumped down on the dirty ground in a dark alley was my boyfriend of two years. Why couldn't I have trusted him? None of this would have happened. It never would have gone out of hand like this.

Dear God! How could I attone such a huge sin?

“I’m sorry, Ryo-kun,” my voice came out as a whisperer. “I’m really sorry.”

Tears started to blur my vision. I held out my hand and began feeling the ground for the knife. When I felt the cold steel and picked it up and glanced up at him.

“I’m sorry,” I apologised again, my voice coming out desperately. “This is my entire fault. I love you so much that I was afraid to lose you! I should have trusted you. Please forgive me.”

With my shaky hands I raised the knife up, pointing at him. I took a deep breath and let it go haggardly. Feeling the immerse pain of guilt, regret and loss coming at me at once, I couldn't handle it.

“I’ll be coming to you now...”

I gasped when the knife hit me on my stomach. It was painful but not as painful as my emotions.

Suddenly, I was seeing flashbacks from the time I met him. This must be it, I thought. People see flashbacks before they die. I wonder if Ryo saw it as well.