Regardless of how I do, it's okay as long as I have you

What Could Have Been Different?

"For you, this is not your first time here is it?" Eungi asked, looking at the sea. She was at the beach with Maru, but it didn't feel like how she wanted it to; how it was suppose to.

"It's my first time. I decided to come here with someone in the past, but in the end we couldn't go" Maru answers, not looking at her either

"Who was it?"

"Someone I loved"

"Who's that person?"

"Han Jaehee" Maru says, and looks at Eungi, who was now looking at him as well. He saw no shock in her face. She knew.

"Since when did you know about Jaehee noona and I?"

"Does that...really matter?"

"Why didn't you say something?" he aks

"Because I didn't want to lose you"

Maru was quite surprised with how straightforward she was, which made it even harder to push her away, but he knew he had to do it for her own good

"You're fully aware of why I approached you right?"

"It doesn't matter. Because what you feel is not important, but what I feel is important. Regardless of how I do, it's okay as long as I have you"

How she said it with such honesty made Maru's heart beat faster. He looks at her, then looks away, afraid she might see how he really felt. Eungi asks why Maru never came clean with her.

"Because the woman I want is not Seo Eungi, but Han Jaehee" he says, trying to convince Eungi, and even himself, that this was the truth even though it wasn't. He says that if she insists on not giving him up, then he'd consider giving a woman like her, who would throw away everything away for a man like him, a shot. Eungi stands up in disbelief and Maru does the same.

"All the things you showed me all this time..." Eungi says "were the all planned and calculated?"

"Probably" Maru says, as coldly as possible. Eungi starts to feel warm liquid forming around her eyes, but she swallows them back

"Back then, when you got my doll at the cliff too?" she asks

Why are you making this harder for both of us, Seo Eungi? Maru thinks to himself "Probably" he says again

"Are you a rock head?" Eungi says, making Maru lock eyes with her "One wrong move and either of us could have died there. You go to those kinds of extremes to get a girl? You could have died and you would have never gotten Han Jaehee. Why did you lie?"

Maru looks at her and couldn't understand what he himself was doing. Why go down this path if it would only hurt Eungi and himself? Was this the right thing to do?

"The Kang Maru that I've seen and the Kang Maru that I know is different from you who is standing in front of me right now, trying so hard to act bad" Eungi continues "That's why I came to you like a crazy woman throwing everything away in the process do you know that?"

She throws her arms around him and he freezes

"Let's run away!" She says "If we can't be together here, if we can't live here, then let's run away and live in hiding. Where you'll go I'll follow"

Maru thinks of what to do. He knew he needed to protect Eungi, but he can't just leave her like this either. His mind tells him one thing while his heart tells him another. He unconsciously puts his arms around her too.

"Maru-shi, let's do that, Mm?" Eungi says again

"Truthfully...I, very much,...want to do that" he finally admits. He couldn't push her away anymore, and he didn't want to.Eungi's eyes brim with tears. This was the first time he's said what he truly felt. Maru hugs her tighter, and continues to speak "But what I've done to you-"

"It' doesn't matter" Eungi cuts him off

But Maru knew her safety was his number one priority, not his feelings. He had to tell her how he felt, but he also had to protect her

"I shouldn't have let you enter the life of a guy like me, Kang Maru" he says, and breaks away from the embrace "No matter where Han Jaehee goes, I wouldn't care. But if you stay with me, things won't get bettter"

He wipes a tear away from her cheek, just like he did last night. He swallows hard, feeling conflicted

"Don't cry because of me, don't hurt because of me, don't be sad because of me. I, too, will only be happy when I think of you, Eungi-ah" Maru says, and lets out a faint smile. Eungi can only nod. Was this a dream? she hoped not. She didn't know how somethinig can feel so surreal yet be real at the same time.

"I don't understand why we can't be together when I'm willing to leave everything behind" Eungi says

"Babo" Maru says "You can't let Han Jaehee win, you have to fight for what's yours. Only if I disappear, that's the only time you won't be affected from what should only be between me and Han Jaehee. It will only be temporary; once you win, I'll take you away at once, alasseo?"

He pulls her into his arms, reassuring her. Eungi was scared for the moment he would leave, but that one moment with him on the beach, was perfect.

 

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iLadyKim #1
<3 much love. Please update!