It was a cool, sunny day. The sky was a peaceful blue with outlines of a few grey clouds here and there. I breathed out into the cool breeze and watched as a faint hint of my white breath appeared. The wind blew my hair into my face and I softly reached up to put it back. My thoughts changed to you; to all the times when your gentle fingers touched my hair, setting it back in place for me. You would carefully brush my silky dark brown hair behind my ears; your hand as warm as the sand in the summer, and then smile warmly at me, as if to say: ‘’You’re so silly. But I’ll always be here to protect you.’’

But you’re not here now. And you’ll never be here again.

I let out a heavy sigh as I sat on the wooden bench in the park. I watched all the kids; all the parents; all the happy couples. All the happy couples. We would have been one of them, but it’s too late now. You’re gone, just like how the Sun leaves the sky every night. Except unlike the Sun, you won’t return.

I watched all the people run about the grass and chat loudly; bright smiles lighting up their faces. They may have things to worry about just like me, but for the moment, they’re free. But I’m not. My freedom is trapped inside my heart; it just won’t get out no matter how many times I tell myself that I’ve already gotten over you. But deep down, even I myself know that I have not yet gotten over you, that I won’t ever get over you. I can lie to others, but I can’t lie to myself.

I knew it. I knew that you weren’t the one from the start. But I held those feelings in and still smiled around you because I loved you, and I thought that you loved me back. But I guess you didn’t.

Actually, I knew that too. I knew all along that you didn’t love me. I don’t even know why I stayed with you. I saw that day coming, that day exactly 3 months ago. And yet I couldn’t prepare for it.

I remember my pleading cries, your harsh words, my never-ending tears and your unstoppable footsteps away from me; away from everything that we’ve been through. That night I cried myself to sleep. I cried myself to sleep for the rest of the week, maybe even two. And even after that, my tears didn’t stop. Everything I saw in life triggered a memory of you; everything triggered a memory of us. The us that went to the amusement park together; the us that bought each other gifts; the us that fed each other ice cream. But memories of another us were also triggered. The us that constantly quarrelled; the us where I had no say; the us where you left so it became just me, all alone in this empty world.

I wish I didn’t cry; didn’t show you how weak I was; didn’t show you how much I needed you. I wish that I let go once you started acting differently, not that you acted like you truly loved me from the start. I wish we never became friends. I wish we never even met.

I wish, I wish, I wish. Everything is just a wish, not a reality. The reality was that we did meet; we did become friends; we did become a couple; we did break up. But I really wish that that didn’t happen. If only everything was just a dream-- a nightmare, that I can wake up and get out of as quickly as I had fallen in. But it’s not. I’m going to have to accept this, accept everything. But I don’t think I can do it. I want to give up. I can’t take this any longer. When we see each other in the hallways of school, you don’t even look at me. It’s as though I was a complete stranger-- at least that’s what you’re treating me like.

There’s nothing left of me now. You were my everything, even though I already knew that you wouldn’t be mine forever. I couldn’t stop myself from loving you, and I still can’t stop myself from loving you. Each day I fall for you more and more, with no way of pulling myself back out. There’s nothing left for me to do. Even if you don’t love me, I’ll always love you and I’ll always be guiding your every step from above. Please don’t forget me. I love you.