"It's an arrhythmia. Probably Bradycardia. How is he at school? Has he been complaining about fatigue? Dizziness? How active is he during the day? If he-"

minho yawns, turning his attention to the window, whinnie the pooh curtains fluttering in the slight breeze. He hears his father arguing with the doctor just outside the doors of the baby blue walls, using words too big for the eight-year-old Minho to understand. The doctor tries to say something and is cut off by a bark of outrage that makes the tall boy smile because that tone he understands perfectly. He hears something that sounds like crying but dismisses it because aduts don't cry, everyone knows that. He'll be home soon enough, and Minseok will keep teaching him how to get that kick in the goal without tripping. But isn't that why he's in here in the first place? Why his tummy siezed up and his chest hurt? But Minho's appa will talk to the doctor, and the doctor will fix Minho, because that's what doctors do, afterall, they fix people. So Minho snuggels into his covers and looks out the window and up at the sky, imagining how high he'd have to jump to brush just one of those perfect clouds. 

***

It's been twelve years and as Minho watches the nervous nurse with too much mascar swab the skin inside his elbow, he can't help but miss the Tigger sheets and bright scrubs.  instead of counting the different types of dinosaurs on the nurse's shirt, he busies himself with guessing her cup size. It's not as entertaining as the boys at school make it out to be and he sighs. She's not that big, anyway.

"hows that feel?"

"hmm?"

Minho glances up at her face distractedly, noticing the blush spreading there.

"umm, the IV. Is it uncomfortable?"

Minho glances down at the tube in his arm, waving the nurse away absently and meticulously ignoring the disappointment flashing across her features. The sooner she leaves, the sooner he can be alone, the sooner he can go to sleep, the sooner he can escape these lonely white walls that look like boredom and smell like sickness. The nurse stands, needles clutched in nervous hands, and opens as if to speak. Minho slips further under the covers, already dreaming of strong legs that can take him miles and miles away from her teary eyes. It's not that Minho doesn't like the hospital staff. Most of them have been with him since childhood. It's just that sometimes, during those longer stretches  he has to spend at the hospital, he'd rather use his time more productively. Like pretending that one day he'll be a famous soccer star, or dreaming of free falling from a plane high above the clouds. Or maybe praying for a strong heart that won't fail him when he jogs after the bus. Right. Productive. Sometimes, Minho wonders if he isn't worse off then the terminal patients. Sure, he gets to go home after just a few days, sometimes weeks if it's really bad. And sure, it's not like his daily life is seriously inhibited. He can have a perfectly normal and productive existance with a slow heart, he's just gotta be careful. His doctor is always telling him "how very lucky you are, Minho-ssi". But Minho can't help but wonder if he is. Can't help but think that maybe it'd be better to just ing die already, and abandon this halfhearted existance that consists of watching the wolrd pulse vibrantly in color around him while he's stuck sitting knee deep in a puddle of grey. Is this really a free existance? Unable to fully live out a life? Maybe it's the patients with tumors and cancer and organs rotting inside of them who are really lucky, able to see their freedom just on the horizon. But then Minho hears broken sobs of those left behind and thinks of his mothers smiling face ready to greet him at the hospital doors every. Damn. Time. And he feels kinda guilty, cuz, yeah, he really is the lucky one. 

***

It's his last day in the hospital (for now. Always 'for now') and he's dreaming. Of sweat dripping down his back and a strong heart beating in his throat as the world strecthes out before him. He can smell trees and earth and sky. Blue sky that surrounds him on all sides, squeezing in so tightly it threatens to lift his feather light body right off the ground. It's so prefect, he's so perfect, that he never wants to leave, never wants to wake up and feel that trecherous mass of red that weighs down his chest, so heavy that  his feet dig a little further into the ground with every step. That's when she comes in. Her voice is loud and sharp and Minho startles awake, his first thought that he won't be able to leave tomorrow after all, because damn if that screech didn't give him a heart attack.  She's got brown hair, curling ends brushing the top curve of her . Feline eyes watch him from under pink eyelids and electric blue nails smooth out a hot pink nurse shirt (is that even allowed?) and as she whips out an electric blue clip board from God-knows-where, Minho knows he's in danger. She's beautiful, God, if he doesn't know she's ing gorgeous. But with her shrill voice still bouncing off the walls of his head, aesthetics don't seem too important.

"My name is Gwiboon and i'm here to measure your blood pressure. If everything's good, you're free to go tomorrow morning. And i've already heard you're a little -face with the nurses, so don't even think about giving me attitude, hotshot."

His head spins just a little and he's wondering if this is how you should treat a patient but then she's snapping in his face and making an impatient gesture with the sphygmomanometer and his arm is up and out before he knows what's happening. 

"Well, looks good to me. Here's what you have to take tonight before bed, a glass of water, and some good advice."

Before Minho can ask her what the hell she's talking about, a bright blue nail is digging into the tip of his nose.

"Don't run after a moving vehicle. It annoys the hell out of everyone on the road, and is never very productive."

And then she's out of the room, leaving Minho with an open mouth and a pounding head. He hopes it's a very long time before he has to be back here. Preferably never.

****

"Weren't you here, like, just two weeks ago? You were, weren't you. Weren't chasing after buses again, were you? The report says you were at a club. Did you take your meds before you went? No, i bet you didn't. Why else would you be here? Because you didn't take your meds before clubbing. ing irresponsible. Excuse me, am I talking alone here? What, can't you talk?"

Minho doesn't know whether he should be annoyed, angry, or confused. Probably a combination of all the above, yet he finds himslef unable to feel anything but impressed by this woman's ability to monoplize a converstaion. 

"Alright, let me slow down. When was the last time you took your medicine, Choi Minho-ssi?"

"... Wednsday."

He was rewarded by the twitch of one of her feline eyes.

"Why?"

"I ran out."

".... You do know yesterday was Friday? When, exactly, were you planning to get a re-fill?"

"Umm, I wanted to call on Wednsday as soon as I ran out, but then i got into the shower and I forgot and I just didn't think of it again until..."

"Until you were writhing on the floor of a seedy night club in anguish?"

"...Sure."

Her kohl rimmed eye twitches again and her bright nail (orange this time) clicks against her green clip board. The tall man realises it's a different one and wonders what happened to the last one. Feline eyes glance at the moniter next to his bed.

"Well, you're heart rate is still a bit irregular. Have you been drinking plenty of fluids? Yes? Divine. Let me just take your blood pressure so I can get out of here and find out what that idiot broke this time."

Minho sticks his arm out obediently, wondering if he's supposed to respond or even know what this crazy woman is talking about. At that moment, a younger nurse walks in and drops a very heavy looking, very loud, vase of flowers. Gwiboon's hand spasms around her clip board and her eye twitches shut. There's a loud crack and when Gwiboon returns later to check Minho's heart rate, she's clutching a new clip board to her chest. He doesn't ask what happened to the last one.

***

It's raining when Minho figures that he rather likes Gwiboon. She's loud and violent and breaks her clip boards more often than not, but she takes one look at the soccer game Minho is watching and snatches the remote.

"Barcelona? I'm sure there's something better on."

The look of satsifaction on her face when she finds a Manchester United game playing is enough to ensure Minho that maybe this woman has a soul after all. 

***

"That Idiot" turns out to be a certain Kim Jonghyun.  He's loud. Not louder than Gwiboon, because, well, who is? But still pretty damn loud. And he's short. Not just shorter than Minho because, well, who isn't? But just in general a short guy. But what he lacks in height he makes up for in broad shoulders and thick muscles. Minho would be lieing if he said he wasn't jealous. After all, with a heart like his, working out becomes... Difficult. Giwboon introduces him as her "idiot" finacee one day, saying she brought him to work because "apparently he's a silly little child that can't be left home alone without a ing babysitter". But she says it with the utmost affection. When she leaves the room to help Taeyon carry a tray of dissinfected needles to the office ("Taeyon? Don't run with the GODAMNEEDLESNOWAITDAMMIT!!") Minho takes one look at the muscular guy playing with the rubiks cube his mother had left on her last visit and sais,

"Listen, dude, I'm so sorry."

There's instant understanding and a melencholic glance towards the door as Jonghyun sighs and responds,

"Yeah man, well, just gotta take one for the team. You'll all be safer once those church bells ring."

And the way he grips Minho's hand and looks soulfully into the younger man's eyes makes Minho think he rather likes this guy too. When Gwiboon comes back in a half hour later, it's with a new clipboard. They don't ask about the last one.

***

"Minho please, I am actually asking you for something. Please. It'se her very first time outside of the children's ward and adults make her nervous, and you know you can be an so don't give me that look like you're offended."

"Where are you going to be, again?"

"Busy. My wedding is in a month and Jonghyun is-"

"An idiot?" Minho smiles at Gwiboons sour look and her lip twitches good naturedly as she roles her eyes.

"Just be nice. She's here now."

And than there's an angel walking into his room with long, straight black hair, and tiny eyes, and Minho feels a wave of self loathing so deep it even shocks himslef. How could a man like him ever even think of wanting to protect someone? But, dear God, when she smiles that's all he wants. Gwiboon gives her some quick last minute instructions before breezing out with a warning look that might have made him wet the bed if he weren't so preoccupied by the perfection clad in white before him.

"Choi Minho-ssi? My name is Lee Eunsook. I'll be your nurse for a bit.. Is that okay?"

And the uncertainty in her voice wilts him just a little inside because how could it be, how could she be, anything less than perfect? She makes to sit on the corner of his bed before seemingly remembering that, no, he's not a child, and maybe that wouldn't be quite appropriate. So she's left in a half squat, caught between sitting and standing and Minho stays silent only because the way her face screws up and her body quivers with the strain of the position is almost too cute to bear. 

"Um... So I know that the cold has been really tough on you? And you've been in the hospital lately? And umm..."

And as she flips through the papers on her clip board (there are several whinnie-the-pooh and power ranger stickers on it) her face suddenly softens.

"You spent your birthday in the hospital? Oh, sweetie, i'm sorry."

When she remembers herself and blushes, Minho decides he's in love.

***

Eunsook isn't like Gwiboon. She's all soft voice and gentle hands, clean nails always cluthcing the same whinnie-the-pooh clip board. It only takes two days for Minho to convince her that it's ok to sit on the corner of the bed and she spends hourse there, knees pulled to her chest as she tells him stoires and his knee and Minho feels ten different kinds of pathetic because when she looks at him all she sees is a sick little boy and not a man. Never a man. But then again, what man has to spend half of his life in a bed every time his heart decides to abandon him?

"Noona?" He says, because it's his last day in the hospital and he doesn't know when he'll be back, or if she'll be here when he returns.

"Hey, Eunsook noona?"

"Yes, Minho?" 

"Do you want to have lunch with me tomorrow?"

He doesn't know wether to leap out the window or sink further into his sheets when she agrees without hesitation. Her squinting eyes and toothy smile tell Minho thate 'date' is the last thing on her mind.

***

It takes twelve minutes, two coffee's and six bags of brown sugar for Minho to realise this was the worst idea he's ever had and feel like he's lost any essence of manhood that he might have had. He's almost tempted to look in his pants right then and there and see if there's anything left. 

"Minho-ah, you shouldn't eat so many sweets, you have to be careful about your blood pressure. I mean, you know you're heart is weak, you should take better care of yourself. You wouldn't have to take so many trips to the hospital if you didn't- OH MY GOD! A double caramel frap?! Minho do you know how much sugar and unatural... Oh wait that's not for our table. Thank goodness, I really thought that-"

"Noona. I've lived with this four almost thirteen years. I know that my heart is weak, I know that i can't be like others. But wouldn't it be too sad if I completely gave up everything I liked for the sake of living one more day safely? That being said, I'm not going to doom myself either. When I asked you to come out with me today, it was as a friend to have fun, not a patient who needs to be taken care of. I'm sorry if that wasn't obvious. Come on I'll take you home."

The shocked look on her round face stays the whole motorcycle ride ("Minho-ah!! Should you be riding something like that in your condition??" That's how they had started the night) back to her house and as he walks her up to her front door. The last thing Minho sees before she dissapears behing red cherry wood and a withering advent wreathe is plump lips pouting out and watery eyes looking down in guilt. 

***

"You're an ."

"And hello to you too, Gwiboon. It is always a pleasure to hear your voice on my days away from the hospital, I truly appreciate the reminder of your existance."

"Don't be a prick, you're the one with my number in your phone."

"Because you put it there. You put it there and then texted yourself from my phone to get my number. All while I was in a dug induced sleep. Does Jonghyun know about this overbearing and intrusive behavior of yours?"

The distant 'yes' and muffled thud and grunt following it tell Minho he's on speaker.

"you know what? I'm sorry that I tried to bring color into your life and actually tried to be your friend, because you obviously can't make any yourself, you ."

"Listen, i'm in school right now, and my next class is coming up so unless this is going to progress into something more meaningful that uneccessary insults, I-"

"Uneccessary?! You little- Would you like to tell me why Unni called me in the middle of dinner in tears because-"

"Wait a minute, she cried? What the hell, i'm the one who should have been crying, she-"

"How dare you when you're the one who-"

"That's right, I-"

"YOU-"

"Ohmygod, will you two please just like, take turns? My god, I don't think i've ever actaully heard you guys have a real conversation, you're giving me a hernia."

"Do you even know what a hernia is?"

Th absence of an answer tells Minho that, no, Jonghyun does not in fact know what a hernia is. And neither does Minho, really, but Gwiboon doesn't need to know that. There's a rustle and a sigh, sounding much clearer than before and Minho knows he's off speaker when Gwiboon's voice fills his ear.

"I just got off the phone with Sookie unnie, and she's freaking out. She says that you hate her and that you must think she's a and that she totally missed her chance. She says you guys had lunch and she went total mom and you got pissed off."

"Well, yeah, that's pretty much what happened. I asked her out on Tuesday before checking out. I wanted a chance to show her that i'm a guy too, and not just some sick little patient she has to take care of, but... Like you said, she went total mom. I've never felt like such a loser, she wasn't taking me seriously at all."

"Minho," and it's a groan and Minho can just see her bright purple nails raking through her hair in frustration as one feline eye twitches. "Minho, she was nervous. Sook has a total crush on you. She thinks your funny and sweet and-"

"She thinks i'm sweet?"

"Yeah, I mean, I guess playing so much candy land with the kids down in the children's ward just does things to a person. But all jokes aside, can you please call her, and I mean right now, not tom-"

So Minho hangs up and diels the only number in his phone with three hearts next to it and hopes to God se hasn't fallen asleep yet.

"hello?"

Minho's already broken heart sinks further in his chest at the sound of the watery voice.

"Noona? Noona, it's Minho. Listen, I'm sorry about today. I was  total Jerk to you."

"No, Minho, no. Please don't say that! It was my fault, sometimes I just get so bossy and annoying. It's just because i'm nervous, and all I know how to do is take care of people and i just fall back on that, and people always tell me that it's like i'm looking down on them but i'm not Minho, i'm not. Please give me another chance, let's go out again. I'll even pay and-"

"Noona."

"-be good this time, I swear, I was just worried because I want you to-"

"Noona."

"-So please just like me, I-"

"NOONA!!"

There's a snuffle and a sigh and a shaky little yes that makes Minho place a hand over his chest just to make sure his heart hasn't given out on him yet.

"I have classes until six tomorrow, but can I take you out to dinner?"

"... Yes. Yes, i'd really, really like that."

***

He still can't run as fast as he'd like to, or jump high enought to brush the bottom of a cloud. His heart is still a trecherous little fiend, taking refuge in his chest and waiting for the right moments to betray him. But with a narrow back pressed against his chest as they watch T.V, Minho feels a little bit like he just scored the winning goal of the world cup. And when he runs his fingers through long black hair, it feels like gripping the bottom of a cloud and pulling it down to surround him. And when plump lips press to his, it smells like the sky and feels like a heart beat, quick and strong and perfect. With Eunsook'd warm brown eyes looking into his, and her soft hands cradling his face, Minho knows that he really is the lucky one, and he could never have a life more colorful than this one.

a/n: I would like to give you all a piece of advice. When you have an idea for a story, when you are feeling inspired, when it strikes you and you have to write... WRITE. WRITE THE STORY DOWN. it diesn't matter if you are in the middle of graduation practic or you are prom shopping or you are in class WRITE IT DOWN!! find a napkin, or some paper, or write on ur ing arm. Because if you tell urself you can just write a little and then finish it later.... later might turn out to be a whole month later and the idea and inspiration are gone and this wonderful story that you had in ur head, in ur HEART is just gone. I am sorry for keeping you alll waiting and i apologize if anyone else is as dissapointed in this as i am. as always, Thank you for reading despite my incompetance.