Bitter Dark Chocolate
Bitter Dark Chocolate
Words can hurt, but then, they can be deceiving as well.
It's hard, sometimes, to be an idol.
They were told early on by their seniors that there would have to be a barrier put up, a facade to show to the fans and everyone but their bandmates and a chosen few. It would keep them safe, because while the world could lift them up and give them their dreams, that was only as long as the masses adored them. There would come a time, when the clock would strike midnight and the spell would be broken for the night. The fans who claimed to be loyal would not hesitate to rip their identities to shreds, bashing and hating through the anonymity of sitting behind a screen.
When that time came, each one of the twelve eager and slightly fearful trainees was told to make sure that what was most precious to them, was kept safe and locked away deep down inside.
For Kai, it was his skin that formed his mask. Smooth dark chocolate that broke the cultural norms and yet still managed to make fangirls and fanboys alike go wild. He was proud of it, to the point where he could make his own standard, his own identity, from his appearance. It was that same level of pride that allowed his friends, like Taemin and Tao, to make jokes about it and laugh because all of the people around him knew that his pride came in being different, in being special and standing out.
Yet the people outside... They couldn't understand, and that was generally accepted as okay, because understanding meant that the fans could see parts of them that the other members sometimes didn't know.
Except the day came when it wasn't okay that they didn't know, anymore. Because ignorance led to assumptions which led to hatred and misunderstandings, all because of a joke that perhaps should have stayed backstage and not worked its way up to the front.
After it did, though, sparks flew and they were not found behind closed dorm doors. They came from outside, catching on more violate and unstable material until the flames rose up and ate away at their walls and the existences of the members themselves were threatened. And all of them silently hoped that the fire would go out before it was too late, because the one who the flames would ultimately burn the most was not innocently guilty Tao, but Kai.
Kai, who found comfort in being special, and yet was forced to watch as one of his friends was put under scrutiny and sent to the executioner's block, because of his differences.
What if his skin was more of an issue than an asset?
Was his confidence actually tearing others down?
Had he caused this?
Thoughts plagued him and not even comforting words from kind and caring hyungs could chase them away, because even they couldn't understand what it was like to look up and see your bandmate and friend, who had supported you and given you kindness and confidence, sitting in the corner and weeping unshed tears of guilt at the flames outside that threatened to burn them all down.
They couldn't understand, and maybe no one but himself ever could, what it meant to derive your sense of identity from your looks but your sense of worth from your use to others. It's why he worked tirelessly to perfect his moves and lose any weight that would ruin his exotic image, and the reason wasn't so much that he wanted to look good but that he had to look good, to please the fans, and to ultimately be a working, useful piece to the puzzle known as EXO. No one knew how it felt to suddenly have the sickening realization that seeking his self worth, creating confidence in something different and excitingly controversial, had broken another's.
And no one else could see or know how much Kai hated himself.
The other groups told them that it would pass, that everyone would heal and get stronger. Doubts still raged, through, not only through the minds of Kai and Tao but every single one of the member's. Who was next at the guillotine set up by the fans in the realm of the internet?
Would it be one of them commending Xiumin on his weight loss, which others could see as shallow objectification but was really acknowledging his unwavering determination and self control?
What if one of them took their teasing of Suho a bit too far, and it suddenly became ungratefulness for the time and love he poured into all of them, instead of a gentle reminder to the leader of their thanks for making the group less like business partners and more like family?
Perhaps their carefully crafted masks would eventually suffocate them.
Paranoia and conflicts slowly grew as each one of the aspiring idols realized that their very image was a ticking time bomb that would eventually explode and consume them all.
The main question on all of their minds was,
"Who is next?"
Comments