School. Monday morning again and I was back out to school. I had an exam today.

I dreaded going to school this morning. Not because of the exam, no, that I was utterly prepared for. I would have to face her; there would be no choice in the matter for me. I would have to see Amber, say hello and act as though I was absolutely fine when inside I was dying slowly.

The one upside, my best friends would be there to hold me if I needed to cry or vent away these feelings.

I wondered as I ate my cereal if my death certificate would put ‘died from faking happiness’ as my cause of death.

I sighed heavily.

“Alright Hwang,” I told myself in the mirror as I brushed my hair to one side, “You are a strong minded, determined woman with a pride that won’t allow you to show weakness. So, it up, smile, and look pretty. Make her regret that she dropped you in the first place.” I braided my hair loosely to the side and added my rhinestone earring to my ears. Satisfied with my appearance, I shouldered my bag and waited for my bus.

As I rode the bus to school, I reflected on how very different last week Monday had turned out. I had actually been looking forward to seeing her face, feeling the tender brush of her lips against mine and her arms around me.

“Stop it,” I muttered under my breath, “Stop thinking of her.”

Maybe it was time to employ my rubber band trick again. I glance down at my wrist thinking of the red welts that would rise if I began that again. No, that would not do, that would be considered as showing weakness and that it bothered me. I had to be better than this; I would have to stop thinking about her through the sheer force of my will.

I hopped off the bus, pasting the fake smile on my face. I could feel the effort I had to put into it to make it seem real. It would get easier right? Practice makes perfect.

I walked to our auditorium, and laid my bag down in a corner. I could do some final cramming for the exam this evening but I decided against it. I would do a bit of studying before the actual exam.

“Miyoungie!” I heard my named called with a happy note in the voice. A familiar, comforting voice.

Sunny!

The smile I had been faking became a little more real. I turned around in time for the arms to enclose me, squeezing me tightly. It felt warm, safe but it was not the arms I wanted around me. I hugged her back equally as tight then pulled back to survey her face. She was smiling happily at me, her slanted eyes shining.

“I haven’t seen you in so long!” she exclaimed chirpily. I winced inwardly. I had forgotten how enthusiastic Sunny could be.

“I missed you,” she continued without waiting for a response, “How have you been?”

She paused, allowing me a chance to respond.

“I’m good,” I said, smiling at her. Her brow furrowed as she looked at me.

“You’re lying,” she announced, grabbing my hand and squeezing it gently, “Tell me.” It was not a request but a command.

Just as I opened my mouth to deny it, the hairs stood up on the back of my neck. I turned around. She had arrived. The day had officially begun.

Amber walked up to me, “Good morning.” Then enveloped me in a close hug. I patted her back then pulled away, the wheels turning in my mind. What the hell was that all about?

“Uh… Good morning,” I said, feeling a bit at odds. Why was she behaving as though nothing had changed?

“Are you staying here till our exam starts?” she asked.

I nodded, my grip tightening on Sunny’s hand, “I’m going for a walk.” I waved at Amber with my free hand and dragged Sunny away.

Confession time with my best friend.

“What was that all about?” Sunny asked when we were out of earshot.

I sighed. Where to begin when I had barely processed it myself?

“Amber and I… for lack of a better word…or phrase… we broke things off. She broke things off,” I said, there was a trace of pure, ringing sadness in my voice.

Sunny looked genuinely shocked.

“When did this happen?” she asked softly, taking my free hand in hers.

“Last week Friday,” I replied, averting my eyes from hers. Instead, I looked at the bird flying from the grass to the tree and back.

“Are you okay?” Sunny murmured, her face mirroring my sadness.

“Of course I am,” I said, pulling a grin from the depths of my façade. I would show NO ONE how much it was bothering me or hurting.

“I’m here if you need to talk okay?” she said. I could see that she did not believe my statement.

“When is Gyuri coming?” I asked to change the topic.

“She’s supposed to be here half day,” Sunny replied, “Let’s go do some revision.”

I nodded absently. Gyuri was the one I needed to talk to the most. I would just have to wait a couple hours before I c