Bastards.

Why are they even here? Their annoying mocking laughter that end up being a hateful melody inside of me. Fine, go on, laugh at me. One day, I'll show all of you the hatred that I've been hiding inside. You know nothing. Nothing. Oh how I wish to tear of your uniforms and scratch your eyeballs so easily, but it's too early. If I don't do it at the right time, I'll be sent back to my room in this mental hospital, with my horrible partner.

Leave.

Why do all of you linger above me? Do you want to see these good for nothing tears? Hell no, I won't be showing you anything. This harsh glare of mine, I'm sure that will be enough to satisfy all of you. This anguish feeling is killing me. I'm a poor girl who just wants peace and quiet, but soon after, the thick darkness that never left me would start to grow and cloud my heart. My personality changes from time to time so what can I do? I couldn't even stop it.

Liars. 

You say you can help me? No one can help me. Maybe your the ones who are mental and not in the right mind after all. Each one of you sound like pieces of broken records that will one day be crushed with my bare hands. Your voices sound fake, your affectatious smiles won't work on me, you guys are nothing. Wait till the right time, I'm going to kill all of you. This once pretty face will destroy all of yours like some freak. No wait, what am I thinking? I'm not a monster.

No. I'm not a monster, but they look at me like I am one. Then a voice in my head will laugh hysterically and mock me. That voice that will say, I am useless, that I am nothing, that I am just like him. But, I can't be a monster. I've lived my life to the fullest and tried to be happy as much as possible-- It didn't work... But I tried. When I was younger, I was abandoned by self-loving thieves who don't care about a young child's feelings.

In school, life was similarly as terrible as my childhood memories. I try to live, I try to smile yet right now death is oozing somewhere in my mentality and only a black smile greets me. Because of my depression, I met someone I learned to hate. This other me, this persona who told me he would help me. Yes, he was a man. Atleast this voice wasn't a woman or I would've felt like I was in a horror movie... No, I'm sorry.. I am in a horror movie.

This is horror enough to me, so what am I saying?

He told me he'll help me. But what has he become? What have I become?

I am not.

I am not a monster.

Yes, you are Shin Young.

I am not useless. I am not.

You are more than useless child.

That voice, please go away.

I'll never leave.

Save me.

No one can save you.

Because I killed him. And I'm not leaving you Shin Young.

------♦------

"Shin young, wake up." The voice was calm, it felt good to hear that kind of melody. "Shin Young, wake up." The mood was great, it made me smile. I felt the sunlight hit my face as I realized I was sleeping on my desk. I stretched, my eyes still closed when I heard a small chuckle coming from the boy-- Kim Myungsoo. This guy. I don't know how to describe him.

He was handsome, he was nice, his charming eyes and smiling lips made me think that there's a heaven in this hell I'm living in. Somehow, he was always the one who takes care of me when I'm in trouble. Always the one who stands behind me and protects me from my evil classmates who knew nothing of me.. Does he know me? I tell my self that no one can understand me, but why does this guy show that he can?

I know he knows about my situation, about me becoming crazy from time to time. Then again, I'm pretty sure everyone in the school knows. That's why they're afraid of me, and that's why I'm afraid of them. Does he always have to help me? It's ironic how I've been begging for someone's help everyime he comes back, yet I wonder why Myungsoo would help me.

"Shin young, kaja." His simple words never fail to make my heart flutter. I look up at him with a smile I barely wear on my face. I wanted to show that I'm alright, I always show that I'm fine though he begs to differ. I am different, I know that. But somehow he treats me like every human person should treat a young normal lady.

"Komawo." This must be the 100th time I said this statement. That was the only word I can say to Kim Myungsoo. I don't know why I couldn't say anything else. When he's by my side, only a nod and smile will come out of me. A thank you will come out of my mouth after his countless guidance, but that was it. There was nothing more.

"Shin young, I want to tell you something." I looked up at him curiously, I told him to go on with my eyes and expressions. A comic smile appeared on his face as he scratched his head. "Congratulations." My face changed to a questioning expression as I wondered. What the heck was he saying? He chuckled again as if a joke was going to come out soon.

"You're not in the mental today." He laughed but my expression didn't change. It was supposed to be a joke, however, I didn't find it funny. He noticed my expression and gave me a pat on the back as he slightly touched my long hair out of affection.

"Mianhe, I was hoping you'd laugh." I gave him a small smile out of gratitude as we headed out. In my mind, I was actually smiling. It wasn't a funny joke, but it was just cute. I was glad too that I haven't gone to the mental today. The last time I did was 2 days ago and that incident was as small as a mouse, it wasn't too hurting or anything like that... It was bearable.

Bearable? Just you wait, my child.

I stopped momentarily as the voiced kicked back in my system. No. Please don't. Myungsoo must have sensed something when I stared in space as his eyes wandered towards me. "Gwenchanna?" He asked gently. Somehow he was able to calm me when I'm about to lose my senses, thank God. I nodded meekly and kept going. Where are we supposed to go?

I heard a chuckle from the guy as he held my hand. "Do you even know where we're going?" He asked though it sounded like a rhetorical question. I believe it was. He laughed when I shook my head, my blank expression making him smile. I looked outside the school's window to see it was getting dark. That was weird, it was bright just awhile ago when Myungsoo woke me up.

Wait a minute.

No, not now. No please.

Too late.

I turned to see a different Myungsoo. His beautiful smile was replaced by something insidious and evil. It was still him but only different. It's him. I looked at my arm being gripped by the now darker colored Myungsoo. His nails digging on my arm made me wince in pain. The dirt on his nails were disgusting as I tried to pry them away from my arm.

"Let go of me." A hoarse chuckle came out from that once beautiful lips as his expression changed. His eyes darkened as it slowly turned black, I turned away because I was scared. I was damn scared.

No child. I told you I'll be doing something unbearable.

Laughter haunted the whole air as it was getting darker and darker. Soon a menacing chuckle arose before I out. No. No, not again.

'Myungsoo, please save me.'

------♦------

I opened my eyes to see darkness, disgusting darkness that I knew would be the end of me. The end of Shin Young, a girl who people knew was pitiful, a girl who people were scared of when she would turn into something... Monstrous. That girl, this girl, me, I, I am just a monster. No one's going to save me, so I give up, no wait, I've given up years ago so what am I even saying?

A menacing chuckle disrupted my thoughts and I heard screams and cries of help-- He's doing it again. "Shin Young!! YOU MONSTER!" I am not a monster, this guy within me is the monster. "SOMEONE SAVE HIM! HE'S DYING!", who is dying? I don't get to see who this monster kills anyway, next thing I know it will be a good friend of mine and then... Wait. No. 

"MYUNGSOO!" I heard someone call out. Wait. Myungsoo.. Myungsoo..

STOP! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

No.

I SAID GET OUT

No child.

That was it. I looked around for anything that can help me, but I realized then how stupid the thought was. I was stuck in my own spirit, there could be no object if everything was dark. Stupid. How do I black out? I need to black out. For a second there, my lips curved into a smile as I thought of something. This should work.

I started to remember all of the memories of Kim Myungsoo. Only the happiness that happened in my life so far. How he would save me in whatever predicament I end up in, or when I cry or when I'm sad. He was always near, I liked him for that. He was a good classmate, I was sure of that. Though I couldn't see him as a friend because I don't believe in friends. Maybe there's something good in my life after all.

Stop.

Something good will always come whenever I'm with him.

Stop it.

Maybe I do have a good life, I just don't see it. He was making me happy after all.

Stop it now.

I'm happy.

No you're not.

------♦------

I woke up to see myself in a different place. When I saw I wasn't at home, I smiled, looks like I'm back at this mental institute of freedom. My smile immediately faded when my head started to hurt. My hand automatically touched my forehead as I groaned, flashes of blood and a student appeared in my head. Was it Myungsoo? Was it Myungsoo who I killed?

And as if on cue, a guy called out to me with gentleness. "Shin Young." I turned to see the said guy. I smiled... That was a first. "Are you alright?" He asked though he knew the answer, ofcourse not. "Hey Shin Young, you look really pretty when you sleep." My eyes widened and I laughed, a real laugh.

"Are you serious Myungsoo-ssi?" That was funny.

"I'm serious." He nodded. "It makes me wonder how come you can still look so beautiful in your state now."

"In my state now..." I repeated. Now that I think about it, where is he?

I'm just here, Shin Young.
 

When he finally spoke, my headache came back, my vision blurred and a worried Myungsoo was spouting nonsense. And then a memory clouded my mind. It was a teacher, it was he whom I killed. My senses came back after awhile when I felt someone embracing me. I shivered as I looked at my hands, it had scratches everywhere which probably came from a knife.

"I didn't do it." It was him, it was that guy who did it.

"It's alright, Shin Young." Myungsoo tried to comfort me, I was honestly happy.

"I didn't do it." It can't possibly be me. It was him, it was a man's voice.

"I know you didn't." Myungsoo said assuringly.

But then, I remembered everything.

I wasn't abandoned by self-loving thieves who cared nothing about me... I killed them because I hated their guts.

I've been living in this hospital for more than 5 years now, I never got out.

This voice, it's not a man's voice it was mine.

I was imagining everything, nothing's real.

The nice guy, Kim Myungsoo...

He doesn't exist.

I didn't do it.

I laughed to myself.

I didn't do it.

No one wasn't even in the room.

I did it. I killed him.

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