Jinki didn’t have much.

There was no wad of cash resting deep in his pocket, hidden in his mattress, or in the bank. He didn’t have things to give away. Everything he had, he needed and was much too shabby to give as a gift, anyway.

Jinki didn’t have much, but when he looked at Kibum, he couldn’t help but wish he did.

Kibum was always doing something for him. Whether it was taking care of him when he was too sick to do anything but whine, giving him a ride when his car (a poor excuse for even a beater) stopped functioning completely, tidying his house when he worked too many hours to care, bringing him a homemade lunch when he knew the older’s food supply was dwindling, or simply keeping him company when the creaking of the floors were no longer enough—Kibum was always there, always doing something.

Jinki felt like he could never catch up, could never possibly do enough to make up for all the time Kibum had taken for him. He felt like some kind of charity case, a failed project that Kibum was wasting his time on because it was never going to work right, he was never going to work right. He was dysfunctional and couldn’t give back what Kibum put in, let alone add to the expected profit. Jinki felt useless and like he was being pampered when he was far from deserving it.

Kibum never said anything, though. He never once hinted that he didn’t like what was going on—not with his voice or even with his eyes. He was genuinely happy to help, and that fact made Jinki feel even worse.

Such a selfless person and he had nothing but an inadequate Jinki to show for it. It was like a prince wearing secondhand clothing and it didn’t settle well with him, but there was nothing he could do.

His hands were tied. He worked long, long days just so he could make rent on time. He literally had no money to spare, if he wanted to pay off his long list of bills and piled up debts, that is. He was at a place in his life when paper towel and cable had become a luxury he could not afford. He was almost ashamed to have Kibum see him this way. Princes shouldn’t stoop so low as to dip their pen in peasant ink. Kibum deserved more than that—so much more.

Oh, the things he would do for Kibum, if only he had the money.

Jinki would shower the boy with anything and everything he so much as looked at twice, surprise him with things he didn’t even know he wanted. Jinki would take him to places he’d never heard of and they’d spend long nights filled with leisurely things and overflowing with Jinki’s affection for his brown-eyed prince. Even if all those lavish things were never possible, Jinki would be equally okay with simply having the boy wrapped in his arms. That wasn’t necessarily unattainable as they stood, but Jinki wanted to be able to feel okay with him being there, not ashamed and not drowning in the guilt he’d been forcing his own head under, maybe if he was lucky, he’d even find that sense of pride he’d lost so long ago because of the boy’s smile, his warmth, his love.

Jinki felt all of this and, yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to ask Kibum to be his. Jinki didn’t have the means to give his beautiful, deserving Kibum any of those things, things he had dreamed of for so long. Pride and luck never had been relevant factors in his life.

It seemed that it would always stand true that Jinki needed everything he had, and that it included his heart, too. It was much too shabby to give as a gift, anyway, he figured. He’d be better off alone, squeezing it like a stress ball, because he’d never get his life together.

Jinki couldn’t afford a lot of things, but most of all, Jinki really couldn’t afford to drag Kibum down with him. Precious gems are wasted at the bottom of a sea of guilt-laced inadequacy.

Author’s Note: This might not even have been worth your time and I apologize OTL. I have pent up angst, guise. It always comes out in the form of the more unpopular pairings, too… Why does no one like Onkey? Q__Q