Chapter 1
Betray Our Love
AUTHOR'S NOTE :
Click here for background music .
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Betray Our Love
People are running here and there but I kept on walking . People try to find a place to prevent themselves from the rain but I still kept walking and walking . It's already night but I kept walking to nowhere . I sat on a bench under and old big tree . I stared at the dark blue sky blankly . There's no stars to light the place .
We used to love , please don’t make me cry ,
To me , it’s only you ,
When I close my eyes , I see you - when I block my ears, I hear you ,
Please don’t leave me .
The person who became a light in my dark life, such a precious person ,
A day passes and another passes and Iong for you more, even as I sing this song .
'' He's just like a star . Without him , my life is dark . " I thought . Tears slowly fall on my cheeks . I've no one except him . Why life is unfair ? People I love leave me one by one . I closed my eyes try to recall our memories . There are too many memories that we shared together . How I wish I can control the time , but who I am to do that .
- Flashback -
'' Jimin-ah , who do you like the most , Lee Minho or oppa ? Choose one . " he asked me when we're having a picnic at Han River .
'' Lee Minho , of course ! He's charming , handsome and manly . " I said excitedly . I faced him but his happy face already change to a frown .
" What's wrong with that face , Myungsoo oppa ? Are you jealous ? " I . He look so cute when he jealous .
" I'm not . " he replied . He try to act like nothing happen but I know he want to cover his jealousy .
" But I love you the most . That's the different between like and love . " I said and kiss his right cheek . He smile again and he tickled my body .
" To be honest , I'm jealous . Just a little bit . '' he said and pinched my cheek softly .
- End of flashback -
I wiped my tears with my hand . I must stay strong , that's what Myungsoo oppa always said . Suddenly , I remember about the letter that his friend gave to me .
" Are you Jimin-ssi ? I'm Sungyeol , Myungsoo best friend . He told me to give this letter to you . He said , read this when you're ready . " he said with a smile before he bid his goodbye . I quickly wiped my tears and took out the letter from my handbag . My hand shaking when I held the letter .
" Remember what Sungyeol said , read this when you're ready . You can do it . " I said and open the envelope . I held the letter and open it slowly . I closed my eyes before I read the letter .
Dear Jimin ,
Annyeong Jimin-ah , how are you ? I hope you're doing fine . I miss you so much . I'm so bored at here . I miss you calling me oppa . I don't know why but I think I'll never hear you call me that .
I think I need to tell you about this . Did you remember when I told you I'm going to Japan for a business ? I actually lied to you . I'm not going to Japan for business matter but because of my surgery . I've cancer , in critical stage now . The doctor said that the hope I would stay alive was 50% . I want to stay alive and stay beside you . I want to create many moments together with you but I just can't . Everyday , I'll try to stay beside you because I know I don't have much time . I want to say I love you every single minute to you because I know I can't say that 3 magic words for you after this . I want to hug you and smell the scent of you because after this I can't do that . I don't want to forget our memories .
You is the only one who can open my cold heart , you is the only one who can change me . The cold L into a warm Myungsoo . How could I forget about that ? Sometime , I wonder if we are fate to be together . I scared if I lost you .
Do you remember , when we talked about Running Man ? When the betrayal club always betrayed each other ? I always promised that I'm not going to betray you but today I'm going to betray you . I can't keep my promise to you . I'm going to join them . I betrayed our love . But I need to do that , I mean I must do that . It's the only way .
To my lovely Jimin , I hope you can stay strong without me beside you . Just keep yourself healthy and start a new life . You can do better without me . Wipe your tears because I hate to see you crying . I want to say that I love you with all my heart . No one can replace in my heart . My heart is made for you . I'll stop writing until here , because my surgery will start in one hour . Hugs and kisses from me to you .
Love you always ,
Kim Myungsoo .
My eyes already watery because I held , my tears . Oppa hate to see me crying . I hate myself too because I can't stop crying .
" Yah , will you stop crying , babo ?! " I yelled at myself . Oppa already know that he's going to leave me . Why he didn't tell me earlier ? There are so many questions running in my head .
'' There's another way than betrayed our love . There is . '' I whispered .
You might come back , because you might return , again today , I wait for you ,
You don’t know, you don’t know how much I’m hurting, even as I sing this song .
If I were to chose between you and the world ,
Even if everything is taken away from me , if it’s you , I’m okay ,
Day or night , I’m thirsty for love ,
My unseemly promise to forget you makes me cry again , can you hear me ?
The only thing I want from you is you ,
Without you, I can’t do anything ,
If you hear this song , please come back , come back .
The more I love , the gaunter I get ,
To me , it’s only you ,
We use to love, please don’t make me cry ,
Please don’t leave me .
Yeah , in the end , you turn away and you keep me away ,
I threw away my pride and like a crazy person , I followed you ,
But my heart urged me on and told me ,
Not to lose you , who is the only one in the world ,
I pretended to smile , pretended to be fine ,
This is the last song I am singing to you ,
Please don’t leave me .
***
I smile at myself when I try to recall the moments when he leave me . It's already 3 years when he leave and I already start a new life . I visit his funeral this morning and clean the weeds . The weather is nice and I take the sign that he's happy with my life now . I fold the paper nicely and put it inside the box . I hide it under the bed and quickly get out of the room .
" I love you Kim Myungsoo . '' I whispered .
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