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You are too sweet.

Minseok lies in bed, taking in the remaining scent left by Jongdae from the previous night. He inhales deeply, burrowing his nose into the pillow where his head laid the night before. It smelt too sweet.

Minseok rolls over, his eyes fluttering open, the sheets wrapped around his bare skin loosely.The cool air blowing from the vent touches his chest as the morning sun that peers through the window blinds shines upon his honey brown hair.

Minseok stares at the ceiling, white in color and silent. There is no noise, other than his own breathing, inhaling, exhaling, wishing that it wasn’t just him lying in that bed this morning.

Even though he knows Jongdae will be back, an unexplainable hurt squeezes tightly in his chest. It was like a worry that what if he doesn’t come back? What if he finds somebody new and won’t think of him anymore? It terrified Minseok. Because for him, it was only Jongdae he needed. Nobody else would be of use, since Jongdae was the reason he would be able to sleep at night. His soft, humble voice spoke words into his slumber, his breath brushing ever so lightly against his ear as his fingers gently ran through Minseok’s locks.

Why doesn’t Jongdae stay till the morning? Why can’t Jongdae hold hands with him, or hug him in public? Nobody can ever know that Jongdae comes over during the nighttime and kisses him in the privacy of Minseok’s cold, lonely bedroom. Nobody can know that Jongdae tells him he loves him, loves for crying out loud, but only in a low whisper into Minseok’s ear so nobody else could hear him confess.

Why does everything have to be a secret for the both of them?

Minseok mumbles, grabbing his phone off the bedside table beside him, laying on his flat stomach. He scrolled through his messages, one was from Jongdae.

” I hope you think of me in the morning. I love you Minseok, you are too sweet. “

Minseok feels like crying, because Jongdae wants him to think of him in the morning. Jongdae doesn’t know that he doesn't have to hope for that to happen, since Minseok doesn’t just think of him in morning, but only that the thought of his secret lover crawls into his mind every second of every day. But that’s why it hurts so much.

Jongdae will never know that it hurts Minseok like this, how he wakes up in the morning and is reminded that they can never really be lovers, but rather lovers in secret that have to hide from the rest of the world.

And now as he lays it bed, he sort of thinks to himself: why did he get involved with somebody like Kim Jongdae? He knew what he was getting into, yet he did not dare to prevent it. Every now and then, Minseok believes he’s just getting stupid, that he took such a risk. But he doesn’t dare to tell Jongdae, because Jongdae would tell him that he wasn’t, that he’s perfect, and that he’s just worrying too much. Minseok thinks Jongdae cares too much that he wants Minseok to know that nothing should worry him. Minseok hates it when he says that because none of it is true.

Jongdae is always too kind. His voice is soft-spoken and gentle, and only says nice things. Minseok asks why Jongdae never says anything bad to him; Jongdae says it’s because he doesn’t have a reason to say anything bad to Minseok. Whenever he says that, Minseok just wants to run away and hide forever, afraid he might corrupt Jongdae, or anything else that might harm him, as if he hasn’t already.

Jongdae isn’t supposed to be seeing Minseok. Minseok knows that. Jongdae knows that. Yet he still comes anyways, telling Minseok he loves him out of all the people in the world, even more than the man he sees in the daytime. Minseok knows it’s bad to be his nighttime lover, but that’s all he can be. Minseok tells himself that it’s only for now that things like this will happen. Eventually, he can also be Jongdae’s daytime lover, and Jongdae can tell him that he loves him out in public, and hold his hand, and kiss him out in the sun rather than under the moonlight. But for now, Minseok is okay with Jongdae coming by every night, kissing him three times on the forehead, nose and lips, as he sings sweetly to him and tells him he loves him.

Well if he’s already happy with Jongdae, what does he want? Minseok definitely knows the answer to that question. He just wants Jongdae to stay all day. The fact that Jongdae leaves before the sun rises always leaves an empty feeling in his heart, which is filled up again when Jongdae rings the doorbell at 8pm at night.

Minseok mutters as he sits up in bed, rubbing his tired eyes, wishing nighttime would come a little faster.

Why is it, that it always hurts, right when the sun rises?

Author's Note: Hm........ Well Xiuchen is my otp of all time :o I don't know what this is okay don't get mad~~