She was left hanging in mid-sentence as the man turned his head avoiding her gaze. Her eyes were wide, thin pink lips agape. Just like that, her heart skipped a beat; she felt her chest sinking and burning up at the same time. She felt like she was about to choke for air, forgetting to breathe. The contours of his face burned her conscience, the emptiness in his eyes shattered her heart into so many pieces she was not sure she could put back again.

Her mind screamed like a broken siren.

Jiyong.

Why was he here? Why did he look so normal and low profile? Why was he walking around in the rain? Why did they ing meet again?

"I..." She struggled for the words to come out.

And why did he stare so blankly at her? As if she was just thin air, unwanted, not worth any of his attention. Did she even need to ask, after all those years she forced him to endure? But despite so, she wanted a glimmer of recognition, a spark of emotion, any kind of reaction from him.

She waited for him, staring at his soaked figure, the lackluster in his eyes, the pale glow of his skin. She waited for him to speak.

And speak, he didn't. He turned his gaze away, countenance blank as a clean sheet. He prepared himself to leave, pretending none of these took place, that the woman in front of him was unreal, that the emotions crashing inside his chest did not exist.

"Jingyo..." She finally called him, the syllables rolling off her tongue sounded foreign to her ears. The way she said his name like she used to, it felt surreal, like a rusted tone that escaped her lips. "Jingyo...oppa" She repeated with uncertainty lacing her voice. What was she doing?She didn't even know anymore. Reason was appallingly bent that all she could do was answer to her own pent up emotions.

He gazed at her neutrally, still not muttering a word. His silence was a knife carving her heart painfully slow.

Was this his way to get even? Is this karma's answer to her?

She knew she deserved every bit of it, but it hurt... it hurt too much.

"It's been a while, Chaerin."

Hearing his voice flood her senses, her own name from his lips, she felt her heart plunge sharply, a plummet that was nearly fatal for her fragile emotions.

Rain started to pour harder, droplets felt like pounding darts that drenched them frozen.

A shiver ran down her spine, her fisted hands shaking.

"Let's get back to the car."
 

Sandara Park frowned at her mobile phone, unable to contact her leader. The voice mail answered her once more. "Where is she? I told her to come early."

"She's probably cruising the town, airing off the tension from a week of stressing over our new album," Bom answered while twirling the ends of her strawberry blonde hair. "She does know the boys are coming, right?"

Dara pouted while puffing her cheeks. "I told her two days ago that they're coming home, I don't know if she remembers though." Part of her didn't want to confess that she failed to remind her leader for the reason that CL would of course be wary of this, the girl had always tried to avoid topics concerning Jiyong. Dara sighed heavily, why couldn't things return to how they used to be? When everyone was friends and family? It's been 3 years; surely they have all moved on with their lives, there was no reason to keep grudges.

It wasn't like them at all.

"And you honestly think she'd want to see Jiyong oppa, Dara unnie?" Their favourite maknae muttered while pacing the kitchen, checking on the stew Bom was boiling.

"Chaerin never comes to our company dinner every time Big Bang's back," Bom added while shaking her head, "And if she does, she locks herself up in the recording studio."

"Did she ever open up to you unnie, about what happened after she came from France?" Minji asked, she never really found out the details of their leader's transgression. "While preparing for our comeback, she was just so different, Chaerin unnie wasn't usually reckless." It was still a mystery to them what had transpired that year Lee Chaerin buried herself in a black hole no one was able to reach. They all thought her year in France gave her some time to contemplate, fix the loose ends of her life and get back the old resolve she so ardently possessed. But she came back with a dismal glint in her eyes and the unusual pallor of her face. It pained them to see her, almost an empty shell without a soul.

CL was there physically, she recorded with them, sang with them, performed with them. She was still the fierce and charismatic leader of 2ne1 who burned the stage like she was a ricocheting ball of fire.

But where was Chaerin?

No one, not even Dara herself could break down the walls she carefully built.

Dara's gaze fell heavily on the floor, "She never said anything about it and the president doesn't bring it up." The usually exuberant woman whispered cautiously, sadness reflected in her hazel eyes. "But Chaerin told me, that year she was away...she felt like dying."

Uncomfortable silence hung in the air, neither one of them knew the words to say. "It must have been something really painful, for Chaerin unnie to not even want to talk about it." Minji remembered clearly, the first and last time she saw their leader in a moment of weakness."She was crying senseless the night before she left for Paris..."

That night three years ago, she opened the door of their dorm and found the usually reserved leader in front of the wide-scape window, looking over Han River while tears streaming down her cheeks.

Minji wanted to talk about it, ask her if she could do anything, or say something to lift the older girl's burden, but as she watched fresh streams of tears spill from Chaerin's eyes, she couldn't find the words to speak. Instead, Minji motioned closer to her, drawing the once impenetrable baddest female in a gentle yet reassuring embrace. "Chaerin unnie..." This side of Lee Chaerin, it broke Minji's heart, made her feel helpless against the tears she couldn't stop from falling.

"Mingkki..." Chaerin's voice shattered into a whimper, it was a strangled painful sound no one would recognize to ever come from her. "I'm horrible."

Bom's gaze fell onto one of the framed pictures inside their apartment, it was a studio shot of the whole YG family, everyone was smiling brightly and goofing around for the pictorial. The colours were vibrant, their expressions were hilarious, and everything was just as fun as it was supposed to be. "I wonder...what really happened?" Somehow she couldn't help but yearn for those days again. Before the train of thought could finish itself, the doorbell rings, Bom motions towards the door.

Maybe someday, things would fall back in place.

The digital clock alarmed for 2 whole minutes. Everything was still, like the earth had just frozen from its tilted axis; neither one of them spoke or even moved. Only the downpour of rain prevented them from drowning in the silence.

The ebony car remained stationary, a few meters away from the abstract architecture that was YG Entertainment Building.

Chaerin turned to him slowly, she would force a smile if she could, pretend to be familiar if it was necessary. But they both knew it was not, and they knew well none of those pretentious actions were needed. This silence was the only thing that kept them grounded, away from the brewing turmoil within and beyond; and just for a few more moments, this silence would be enough as it lasted.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, even when apologies had long been useless. Still, she felt she needed to say those words, needed him to hear them. Even when those words only passed through his ears, never reaching his heart.

Jiyong did not answer; he knew he didn't have to. As far as he was concerned, he didn't even have a shred of moral obligation to be staying with her for this conversation-wherever it was heading. But she was a friend, she was still family and at least for that, he would listen.

"How have you been doing?" she asked, attempting to start a conversation against the suffocating silence that hung around them.

Jiyong felt a bitter sensation rise from his throat, he didn't want an argument but he couldn't stop himself from snapping back. "You would've known, if you answered even just one of my calls."

Chaerin had no words to respond. She inhaled sharply, accepting the fact that he had every reason to hate her. She deserved every bit of this.

Jiyong watched her, how she lowered her gaze and pursed her lips unsurely; how her grip on the steering wheel tightened. He could tell by just looking at her, she was vainly fighting off the turbulent emotions he too was trying to conquer. And somehow, seeing her in that kind of discomfort and uncertainty, he felt a distinct pang in his chest.

He was torn between treating her with indifference so that he would not remember his longing, his own anguish, and holding her close to whisper to her everything was going to be alright, that none of this mattered. It was painful, whatever his feelings were shouting, because the Kwon Jiyong right now was a realist, a realist pretending to have forgotten his dream.

Selflessness or selfishness...maybe it would tear him apart either way.

And yet he questioned, "Chaerin, why did you leave?" He needed to hear it. He needed to know what he had been blindly chasing around for three years.

She glanced at him only briefly, not having the strength to hold eye contact. She averted her gaze to the peltering rain. "Because I was afraid." She almost choked on her words; breath caught somewhere in , like the heartbeat she was struggling to swallow down. Was the baddest female even allowed to be afraid? She knew he didn't have to hear her out.

Realization

Fear

Regret

Longing?

All those things whirling inside her, she was a beautiful disaster. Each emotion pulling her chest in a chaotic tug of war.

"The night before we left for our world tour, outside the bar where I lost my bracelet," he started opening old wounds, remembering the agony that swept over him. "It was you who took me home, it had to be you." He remembered her silhouette, her face, her scent and her caresses.

He was answered by silence.

"Why couldn't you stay? Why didn't you wait until I woke up?" His voice was now pained. "That year without even knowing where you were, I would've searched every corner of France if I could. Do you know how desperate I was?" The recognizable hitch in his tone conveyed clearly his sentiments.

"I wanted you to hate me. Hate me so much that you'd forget how much you loved me, how much I loved you." It was the first time he heard her speak so unsurely, so conflicted and lost that it made it excruciatingly difficult for him to burst in anger. It would have been easier if he had just hated her so.

"Why do you go through such lengths?" His voice became more urgent, confusion spiraling within him. Why was she always speaking in riddles? He didn't know which emotion he should surrender to...

Anxiety.

Pain.

Passion.

Despair?

Which of them weighed the most?

"Tell me, Chaerin."

Again, she did not speak. Chaerin bit back the words her heart was screaming to announce. Her eyes welling with hot tears from the weakness she was disgusted in herself.

Jiyong's eyebrows furrowed at her extended silence. "You can't even tell me why the hell you left? What went wrong with us? With me?" By now he had harshly grabbed her by the wrist, hastily turned her around so she was forced to face him.

As if she had lost her voice, she only lowered her gaze; not wanting to meet his fiery amber orbs, afraid that if she did, she would drown in them and break beyond repair.

The guilt was tearing her to pieces, gnawing on her heart and mind. His voice, his gaze, his hold on her, she just wanted everything to disappear, to melt with the rain, and her dysfunctional emotions all washed away. This was the reason she refused to see him, she couldn't prevent herself from crashing down, to the point of no return.

His patience grew thinner than a frail thread. "Why the hell am I wasting my time?" He grunted. "Let's just forget this whole conversation happened." His words were dripping venom, he was growing tired of this guessing game they had going on for years now. " and moan all you want with those men you enjoy playing with so much, I don't need to be involved." He didn't hold back the severity of his remark. He clicked his door lock open, ready to take his leave when a searing sensation made contact with his cheek.

Before his mind could even register the sudden events, Chaerin's door slammed close. She had darted outside the car before him, walking into the pouring rain.

Jiyong hissed a curse before hoping out of the car to go after her. Despite the frustration welling up inside him, he knew he had to follow her."Chaerin! Chae!" he shouted. He could laugh at himself right now for the turn of events. Here he was, chasing after her again. He couldn't even care less about all the complicacy of their situation; he just had to keep up with her pace.

"Lee Chaerin!" He finally caught up to her, holding her by the arm firmly, restraining her movement. "You're insane! I don't get you at all!" he exclaimed. Drops of water trailed down his chin, his white shirt already transparent it could fuse with his skin.

"Is that how low you see me now?" Her voice was clipped and uneven, his previous remark haunting her. "Is that all I'm worth?" He could clearly feel in his grasp how her body shook from the cold, the wind and the rain. She had never been this thin, this fragile in front of him. He wouldn't allow her to be as brittle as glass if he had stayed beside her. He wanted to draw her into an embrace that very moment; provide her with the little warmth he had to stop her from shaking. He felt awful; he wanted to take back his own callous words. It broke his heart to see her in such weakness, but something at the back of his mind reminded him of the 3 years he spent in anguish, the 3 years she abandoned him. The pain he had been holding on to remind him that he was alive, that somewhere lost in time, "they" existed; would he be able to let go of this pain? Could he forgive her?

His inner self debated chaotically.

Maybe it was time to let go after all.

He met her searching gaze, her hazel orbs glassy. "We're not getting anywhere with this." The voice of reason spoke to him. "We can't afford to dismantle ourselves the second time." He shook his head, slowly releasing her arm. "Let's stop this, Chae." He stepped back, willing himself to leave when her fragile body collided with his own.

Kwon Jiyong was taken aback. His body seemed to move on its own as he was tempted to wrap his arms around her. Still, he restrained himself, his arms hanging in mid-motion; half wanting to hold onto her and half wanting to let go.

She gripped on his Galliano shirt firmly, her head buried in his damp chest. "You were perfect, so perfect that I couldn't ask for anything more. But I felt lonely; you were distant even when your hand held mine." She began in between sharp breaths, her words muffled against him. "I couldn't reach you. "She was trying to level her emotions, restrain herself from breaking down completely against the sheer height of her feelings.

"I felt flawed, I wasn't good enough...I destroyed you." Despite the weight of her words, the discord slashing through her senses, her voice was subdued. She was not frantic with despair. This was the Chaerin he knew and loved. Struggling to be in control even when it broke her to pull on the reins of her own heart.

"I was selfish, Jiyong. I wasn't strong enough to stay by your side." She made the wrong decisions, she wasn't wise enough, she was naive to run away, she was selfish. She accepted each and every realization, the incisive slaps of guilt and regret. As if all the unsaid words, all the bottled up emotions were finally released to flow with the rain.

She was flawed, she was human.

But despite everything else, she loved him.

Loved him then...loved him still.

"I ran away, believing that the emptiness in my chest would disappear," she continued, letting go of her inhibitions, breaking down every wall she had enclosed herself in. "Thinking that it wasn't your name I whispered in my sleep." She genuinely felt the frozen caresses of the rain, the faint warmth from his body, the sinking of her chest; felt it all wash over her in a torrent of an instant. She no longer has the leisure to think, all she could afford was to breathe him in.

"I lied to myself, pretending someone better could take your place..."

But there was no one better. No one else could fill the void she thought existed because he was not the right man for her heart; and she was severely wrong in assuming. That gaping hole in her chest was there, because Kwon Jiyong was the missing fragment to complete her. Why was life such a cruel mentor? A painful lesson? We would only realize the true importance of something that had always been in front of us once we lose it.

Perhaps life makes it so,

So that once we run after it, seize it in our hands once more, we would never let it go.

But what if we never have the chance to grab onto it again?

What if pain dulled our hearts?

"I was afraid to face you, I was ashamed to face you... if I did, I knew I would hate myself." She only spoke of the truth. She did not deserve him, not his love...not even his forgiveness. "So I wanted you to hate me instead...for you to move forward. You didn't need me." Her voice broke off just as she finished her sentence. The profound sadness reflected in her eyes, the anguish in her voice, she was utterly vulnerable.

Jiyong took a deep labored breath; he felt his insides churn in twisted confusion. Nostalgic memories, colliding emotions, bent reasoning, every single one of them raced in his mind.

Pulsing. Crushing. Mangling.

Her distraught figure struck a knife on his heart. No matter how much he willed himself to not feel anything, to not hear her explanations, to not give in; he couldn't turn away. All those nights he spent alone wasting away, all the tears and the self-pity for a reality he was not ready to face; it was still fresh in his veins. But there was one small part in his whole existence that begged and needed her still; it was the part beating in his chest, the part screaming her name. He was also human, he could not choose when to love, how to love or whom to love. He just did.

He felt his defenses crack and collapse, his mind going blank as if there was no more use for inner debates. As he closed his eyes and reopened them again, he could see the tears trailing down her porcelain face, her broken sobs echoed with the rain, her shaking body made her look more fragile than she had ever been. He felt warmth at the pit of his chest, travelling upwards until it was finally spoken from his lips.

"You were always more than enough, Chaerin." He mouthed against the top of her head, his chin slightly grazing her blonde crown. He finally found the strength to wrap his arms around her, draw her into an embrace. "I wouldn't have you any other way. Why couldn't you see that?"

She was flawed, she was human.

And despite everything else, he loved her.

Loved her then...loved her still.

"I'm sorry," Chaerin muttered, struggling to speak despite her breathlessness; guilt still gnawing on her weakness. "I don't deserve you, Jiyong." She sealed her eyes shut, unable to stop the tears from falling. Each droplet cascaded down her chin like crystals and Jiyong found himself helpless against it. He found everything he had harbored against her; fear, disappointment, frustration, anger, anguish, every single one vanish. He could only see her face, remember how every fiber of his being yearned for her. There was no use holding back; he swallowed it whole and accepted it all. Kwon Jiyong willingly accepted defeat.

You can never fight the moonlight.

Maybe love was really a panacea, a paradox he could not win against with feigned indifference.

It was just the way it is.

Jiyong took her shaky hands in his as he looked deeply into her eyes. In her eyes, he saw a man, a man who harbored immense love for the woman who stood in front of him. He saw a man whose heart had been stolen and devoured over and over again by the same woman for the past three years. He saw a man who had no more anger, a man who had forgiven his woman. Or perhaps, there was nothing to forgive in the first place.

They say that the eye is the door to the soul.

It was then when he dwelt deeper into the abyss of her dark, gentle orbs, that he saw her soul.

Her soul spoke of Love, and Forever.

He found himself suspended by the beauty of what he saw, of what she was trying to tell him even without speaking the words. He saw that light in her eyes. That warm, bright light that relieved him from all uncertainty, the kind of light that felt like it only shone on him and no other.

He rested his forehead against her own, carefully wiping her tears along with the raindrops, caressing her cheek. "I can only love one woman," he whispered lightly to her ear, burying his face into her neck, inhaling her scent that was still a mixture of strawberries and vanilla, the way he had always liked it. He gave her jaw a feathery kiss, his breath sending a tingle up her spine. "I can't fight it, Chae." His words were blunt and unpretentious, he only spoke his heart.

"I love you, Chaerin."

As it rang to her consciousness, she felt her knees grow weak, her heart plunge the deepest it could, and her mind blank out that his hold on her was the only thing that kept her standing. She stared into his amber eyes for a moment and found the contentment reflected in them, the glimmer of bliss. She turns back up at the heavens pouring rain that had always been their witness. "I love you too. I still do," she responded, embracing him with the same unbridled passion. All those years she couldn't find her heart, it had always been with him. "So much more than I could ever say..." She could no longer find words more fitting as she starts to tear up again.

For the first time in a long while, she didn't hate the rain for pouring.

This happiness, this bliss, this perfect moment, was something she had abandoned for years, but found again today. With her heart in her hands, she looked gently into his eyes, silently hoping that he could see how strong she had always felt for him.

They were a mere breath away from one another; she could smell his light, musky scent as it wafted into her senses. Closing her eyes slowly, she could feel his body and soul envelop her, as if to say that he was hers to keep. She felt him reach for her chin, his slender fingers holding her securely. With each fleeting second, she felt the hot breath from his lips as he descended closer and closer towards her own.

It was then when Time stood still.

Their lips brushed, a whispered hint of a touch, like a butterfly's fluttering caress. The gentle kiss spoke of longing, and of the love that was lost along the taxing years of separation. She watched Jiyong dip forward and capture her lips once more, this time with overwhelming passion. With her heart racing wildly in her chest, Chaerin returned the kiss with equal intensity as she placed her hand on the back of his neck, holding onto him firmly. Feeling dazed and numb on the tips of her fingers, she closed her eyes and released her inhibitions. She had forgotten how soft and warm his lips were, how endearing his kiss was, how complete she felt in his arms. A glistening tear rolled down her cheek, a tender chill ran down her spine as she smiled and slowly fell into his embrace.

The ashen sky hovered above them, its chaotic dance was now a symphonic ballet of wind and rain; no longer the sad and distraught panorama of regret. Jiyong held her closer and deepened their kiss, setting aflame the embers burning gently within their souls feared to have died with the years. Feelings of affection and rapture swirled and enveloped in the passionate sphere of their kiss. With every breath, they felt their love for each other heighten; they were in the utter throes of sublime bliss. The kiss breathed new life into their souls, just one soulful kiss to experience the lost thoughts, the unsaid words and the undying yearning they had for one another through time forgotten.

In this kiss, they finally understood the once cruel struggle of each other's heart.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the kiss softened, their breathing came in deep huffs as they gently pulled away and looked into each other's eyes. Together, they shared a small breathless laugh. A laugh so melodic, it would've been surreal. Jiyong confidently reached for her hand, rummaging through his pockets with his other one. He took out two thin bands of black and red; held it up her vision, urging her to have a long good look at it. "Don't ever take this off again." He hooked the black Chrome Hearts bracelet around her wrist and after doing so wore his own. And just like this she was bound to him forever as he was bound to her.

The feeling of familiarity ghost around her wrist; she stared at the simple jewelry. She never expected him to keep them. Chaerin turned to meet his gaze, a genuine smile dancing on his lips; a smile she knew was hers alone.

"I don't need to forgive you," he mumbled subtly, perfectly lacing his fingers in between her own and tugging her to advance. This time he didn't glance at her, instead, he gazed ahead, walking side by side towards the prestigious building they have known for years. "I just need you to hold onto me like this," His grip on her gentles into a near-caress as his thumb rubs at the vulnerable underside of her sensitive skin,

"And don't let go."

They were humans who were self-serving and sometimes cruel; the perfect epitome of imperfection crushed beneath the gears of destiny. But they were also humans who loved, trapped within the endless cycle of joy and despair. And despite so they continue to hope, that this time things would fall in place. No more pretense and lies, no more what if's and maybe's.

Just Kwon Jiyong and Lee Chaerin.

Their laced fingers tighten as she nods her head; the concluding moment of her blind search was finally here. She drew a smile of her own, the brightest smile that crossed her countenance since. And right here, right now, she felt all the missing pieces of her heart finally fall in place, complete. The only step she would be taking was not to run away, but to return.

"Jingyo, Let's go home."