Letting You Know
Seuta Cafe (CLOSED)Part One:
My Fatal Flaw: Your Flawlessness
dedicated to chicken_oppa
An angel. That's what you are. Those perfect eyes, the lovely hair, that stunning figure... You're too perfect for me. That's why there's no way in heaven that we'll ever be together. You're this stunning angel, while I'm a mere mortal.
The wind sweeps briskly through my thick mop of hair. My fringe is the only part that sways along with it, moving gently to the side and exposing my forehead to a blast of cool winter air. I close my eyes slowly, lazily, relaxing as I enjoy the biting cool of the wind on my bare skin. It's winter, but I'm not the type to cover myself up in an effort to get warm. Me? I actually like the cold, the shivers it gives me, the freshness of the weather. It's so different from summer, when everything is warm and my whole body becomes sticky with sweat in the humidity. Ew. I hate sweating. But I love the dry coolness of winter that most don't.
My eyes open almost of their own accord - it's as if some external force is commanding them to open - and so they do. The black lashes that frame my chocolate eyes flutter ever so slightly in the breeze as the gap between them widens. Before long, a figure fades into my view from the blackness that previously dominated. Before me, there he is.
The flawless one.
He doesn't seem to notice me as he walks so quickly across the dark green expanse. The green grass on the floor of the park is partially covered here and there by autumn's leftover fallen leaves. His boots mindlessly trample over everything, leaving crushed leaves in his wake. It could just as well be the hearts of the countless young girls which he's trampled over. He still has that same air over him: the air that tells me he doesn't care at all. It was obvious he doesn't give a damn over what exactly it is he's stepping over. Just like he doesn't give a damn about me. He probably doesn't even know I exist. Every time he strolls past me, I feel like a ghost. He doesn't show any sign at all that he's noticed me. None.
That's what he's doing right now: strolling past me without a sign to tell me that I exist. I'm sitting right there, yet he's completely oblivious to the fact that there's someone sharing the same air as him. His hands stuffed firmly in his pocket, he trudges on. As he leaves me sitting there in the cold, the first flakes of snow start to fall.
The same thing happens in school the next day. Only, this time, I'm sitting in the shadow of another tree in his midst. His eyes dance as they focus on the doorway of the school, finally finding the other long-awaited four boys that makes up his gang. I know he's happy as his feet do this quirky little two-step dance as he sways from side to side, impatient for the four to get within range. As soon as they are, the fires in his eyes flare up and he reveals the two hard snowballs he's been hiding, and he flings them at the unfortunate boys. Surprisingly, they have snowballs too, which emerge unexpectedly from their sleeves, flying straight at Onew.
"Yah!" he shouts, caught off-guard. Four snowballs hit him square on the face. I watched as the snow peeled off seemingly in slow-motion - all except for a stubborn little patch that remained glued to his red nose. His eyes crossed each other as he tried to see that little white part on his nose in order to wipe it off. One of his friends, Jonghyun, chuckles and lets loose another snowball at him, which veers off course and flies straight to my face instead. I try to duck but by that time it's too late.
Splat.
I cough and splutter, trying to get the muddy snow out of my mouth. As soon as I feel satisfied, I shake my head and use the edge of my sleeve to get the remaining snow off my face. When I tentatively open my eyes, four of the boys were rolling on the snowy ground laughing their heads off, while one of them is in front of me. He's gazing at me with eyes full to the brim of amusement, yet there's a deeper feeling underlying that layer - concern.
The flawless one.
"Are you alright?" he asks in a low voice - hesitant and unsure. "Are you hurt?"
I'm tempted to just say "no" and act like I'm in a lot of pain just to get him to shower more of his attention on me. At the same time, I feel the sudden urge to fling my arms around him and confess my undying love for him. But then, my stupid head - ignoring all signals from my frantic brain and heart - nods. He flashes a stunning smile at me, which sets my heart beating faster and faster. Before long, I'm in a state of hyperventilation as I realise exactly how... close... I am to him.
And just like that, he's gone. He's whisked himself away to rejoin his little group of friends, leaving me in his shadow once again. And again, it's like I've never existed to him. I knew I should have told him that I wasn't alright! Really, I should have just pretended to faint in his arms and forced him to carry me to the nurse's office ! Why had I been so stupid? Now he was gone, and he'd never notice me again, much less give me a chance to confess.
After two hours more of school, it's finally time to close the books and hit the road home. I sigh in contentment, bid my best friends goodbye, and walk out the gate. Today's Thursday, and I (fortunately?) am the only one who doesn't have anything extra to do after school. So I get to walk home utterly alone today! Yippee! (should I be celebrating?)
"Yah, Ms. Snow-nose!" someone calls out from behind me.
I ignore the person, assuming that they're referring to someone else. However, as I take a few more steps, I feel an insistent poke on my shoulder and turn to find a grinning boy looking straight into my eyes. His own are filled with the same amusement from some time earlier, and a brief flashback tells me why he's calling me "Ms. Snow-nose". Onew's friend Jonghyun did throw a snowball that hit my face after all. Yup, you guessed it, Onew's in front of me right now... Wait a minute...
Why is he here in front of me? my slow brain finally reacts.
Do I still have snow on my nose?
He remembers me!
Aww, how sweet... he's got a nickname for me!
Why does he have such a ridiculous nickname for me?
Yah, Rinrin, pay attention to him! His lips are moving.
I can't focus on what he's saying. He's too perfect.
Ottokae?
"Lee Jinki?" I mouth as I stare at him.
He grins and bows down in front of me. "Ms. Snow-nose, it's an honour to finally hear you speak. May I inform you that your voice is like music to my ears?"
I can't resist giggling in front of him as the blood rushes to my cheeks. Never would I have guessed that someone so completely flawless would ever have a sense of humour. (of course, that just proves how perfect he truly is.) I bite my lip in an effort to try and stop my laughter.
"Um, kamsahamnida?" I manage, staring at him with awe.
To my surprise, he laughs. "I knew you looked like the type with a good sense of humour!" he grins, "and you're cute!"
"I'm what?" I ask, staring straight at him as I keep walking.
"Or should I say, extremely adorable? You should be in nursery, that's how cute you are."
"Mianhe, I don't really understand you..."
"I get that all the time," he laughs it off. "Don't be so clueless and tense. Relax a little!"
I just stared at him.
"Do I have something on my face?"
"No, it's just that -"
Wham.
Of course, I just had to choose a time like this to walk smack into a lampost, didn't I? My stupid brain really did have a lot of tact.
Way to go, brain.
"Are you alright?" Onew's worried voice rings in my head.
"Neh," I croak from my spot on the floor.
He slowly reaches a warm hand under the crook of my elbow while his other arm slides around my waist. I feel his strength as he drags me upright and sets me down gently. His eyes roam around my body, checking for signs of injury. Suddenly, he surprises me as his eyes flick up to mine. My face heats up, and I look away. Grinning, he his head to the side and snaps a few fingers in front of my face, making me blink.
"Mweo?"
"Nothing," he shakes his head, "I just wanted to see if you're really alright, because you're not answering me."
"Oh! Arasseo, I'm perfectly alright, Onew-sunbae."
He chuckles and links arms with me, straightening his posture in the process. "Mademoiselle, shall we?"
"Mweo?"
"Aigoo, you really are clueless, aren't you, Ms. Snow-nose?" he mutters, poking my forehead. My eyes widen. "I'm asking you if we should continue walking."
"Oh."
Onew studies me for a few moments, then smacks his own forehead. "Aisht, are you going to answer me or not?"
"Oh yes! I forgot, mianhe!" I said, bowing to him.
"So?"
"Aigoo I forgot to answer you again! What is wrong with me?"
"Ms. Snow-nose!" Onew shouts, getting frustrated already - yet his eyes still tell me that he's amused. "Do you want to keep walking?"
"Neh!"
"Thank you!" he laughs, and we walk off straight ahead.
And that's the beginning of our friendship.
I know that maybe I might have been disillusioned at the time when we got acquainted (there's me using big words again...) but now everything's clear. You're meant to go, to leave me. You may have given me a small measure of hope that day - which makes everything all that much harder. But trust me when I say this: I would never have given up those perfect three months we shared for anything. I may have to let you go now, but it's not going to be without saying what I've been trying to - but couldn't - for the whole semester.
"Onew?" I plead, snapping him out of yet another of his reveries.
"Yes, Ms. Snow-nose?"
"Aigoo, when will you stop with that nickname?"
"When... I don't know when," he replies, sticking his tongue out at me. With that, he sinks back into his daydreams. (yeah, he's the only guy I know who does that.)
"Onew, I have something important to tell you," I mention, which immediately gets him to give me his full attention.
"Neh?"
"Um," I stall, seeing the bunch of popular girls (who really don't like me much) come by this way. "Meet you after school? I'll tell you then."
Onew's about to protest - I can tell. But he also spys the popular group walking by and understands the situation immediately. He winks at me, his form of saying "yes". We split and go to our separate classes to attend lessons.
What is it I want to tell him? Well, we've been friends for about two months now - two months that are way more than enough for me to fully understand just how much I seem to have fallen for the guy who's now my best friend. Before our friendship goes too far for us to change the intensity of our relationship, however, I want to confess my feelings to him. He can't not know.
Of course, if he were less dense, he'd know already. Idiot. Sometimes I wanted to bash his head in, just because he refused to understand that I was head-over-heels in love with him.
Oh no, all you want to do is eat your beloved chicken. Onew's chicken-obession totally dazed and confused me. I mean, how can one guy be so in love with something that he's just going to eat? And digest, and then... nevermind.
And there goes the bell for class.
After school, I jog to our usual meeting spot and await the crush-turned-best friend-turned-love. It's not surprising to me when I see him emerge from the school with a chicken drumstick clutched in his hand. He digs in with more relish than appropriate (I turn away), and spots me in the corner of the yard. Oh sure, I really want to tell him about my feelings for him while he has that thing in his hand. I'm sure that his attention is going to be more on that bone of chicken that on me, or whatever I'm saying. Perfect. Just perfect.
Lazily, he stretches an arm up to wave - an action which swiftly changes to one of stretching as someone pops up from behind him. He sends me a brief look of apology as Minho (another one of his friends) drags him off in the complete opposite direction. I clearly hear Minho's insistent shout to finish of their overdue project.
Oh well, there's one of my chances gone. Maybe I'm just not meant to tell him? Aigoo, why does this have to be so hard?
Just then, my phone vibrates in my hand.
"Mianhe :(," I read out - a message from Onew.
"No problem :D," I quickly reply.
"^^," I receive in return.
Onew oppa, are we really meant to be?
A few days later, as I'm chilling out with him at the park (the same park from before), I try again to tell him the important news. Thank goodness, he's not eating chicken this time. Just as I open my mouth to tell him -
"Are you free later?"
"Neh..." I drag out, trying to figure out why Onew could possibly be asking me this question.
He's going to ask you out!
No way, that's not ever going to happen.
Then what's the point of even confessing, you stupid girl?
Hey, it's not like that, okay?
Wait. I'm talking to myself again. I should focus on Onew.
Not a hard task, actually...
"I need your help."
Oh? That's new. "What with?"
He bites his lip, looking extremely awkward all of a sudden. "It's Taemin. He's crazy about going to Japan and becoming 'independent' and stuff like that. He wants all of us to go."
"Us" being Onew, Jonghyun, Minho, Kibum, and Taemin himself.
"So?" I prompt.
He frowns and continues, "I'm trying to convince him not to do that. You never know, because Japan can be so dangerous! You know, there are just so many earthquakes there (remember the recent one?) and I'm afraid if he goes there, he'll get so panicked that he might just die during one of the earthquakes! You know Taemin: he gets so scared over the littlest things that I'm just so worried for him and -"
"Yah, Lee Jinki!" I interrupt.
"Neh?"
"Shut up. Listen, I think you're the one overreacting here. You haven't told me what help you need yet!"
"That's because I've got your disease. I can't focus on one topic at all lately. Anyway, I want you to help me convince him, in every way possible, not to go there!"
"That's a genius plan..."
Catching onto my sarcasm, he responds, "I know, right? I'm just amazing that way."
I roll my eyes and exaggerate a nod, which makes him laugh. Onew shakes his head, casually slides his arm around my shoulders, and leans his head on mine, falling asleep. The movement sends shocks through my body. Every one of my skin cells that are in contact with his feel electrified, and I fight the urge to gasp from the feeling. Instead, I tense up and try not to think about our proximity - which doesn't work very well.
So, I decide to find another way to distract myself.
"Onew, remember that I wanted to tell you something?" I ask, noticing how loud my voice seems in the sudden silence that enveloped us.
He makes a noise that's in-between a snore and a grunt. I glance up at him and notice that he's not listening anymore. He's fallen asleep. Perfect timing! I groan and pinch myself, chiding myself for not speaking up sooner. Next time, I wouldn't make the same mistake. I'd grab at any chance I could.
Onew, Lee Jinki, you've made me go crazy.
Remember that I said I'd never let any chance slip by? Well, I didn't keep my promise.
Over the next month, I tried countless times to get him alone with me so that I could confess. Mostly, he was busy trying to convince Taemin not to go to Japan (did I mention that our wonderful plan failed?) and at others, he seemed to down in the dumps for me to spring such crazy news at him anyway. On the rare occasions that I did get the courage to confess, something intervened just as I was about to. I am not kidding.
First, that fateful first day I just told you about. Next, the day he told me about Taemin's intentions.
Third, was the day I walked home alone with him after dark fell. We had a project in school, and we were partners for it. (Not so) surprisingly, we ended up in the library doing research. Somehow, we lost track of time and before we knew it, the clock had struck eight. We hurriedly packed up and made our way home, Onew walking me as he knew how dangerous it was for young girls to be alone after nightfall. It was reasonably romantic to me, and I decided that it was the perfect atmosphere to tell him about my feelings. Just as I was about to, Onew received a call. Yeah, a call. Apparently Jonghyun tried out alcohol for the first time that night, and he got drunk. Onew had to run me home and then get to his friend to help out. And I was too busy running to talk to him about my feelings. Basically, Jonghyun ruined my chances with Onew. Thanks a lot, Jonghyun!
Fourth, one day Onew took me to buy some ice cream while he had chicken. We were celebrating the end of exams. Similarly, I was just going to tell him, when his beloved chicken fell on the floor. He wailed like a kid in intense pain, and there was no gap in-between his wails for me to tell him. I even said it, "I really like you," but it got lost underneath his wailing. It was entirely Onew's fault!
After that there wasn't much opportunity to get close enough to him to tell him. And then, two days before graduation, I get a call from him. He tells me that the whole gang is going to Japan with Taemin to go to university there. Before that, they'll be touring around Japan, enjoying the scenery and such. It's meant to be some kind of getaway holiday or something. I figure it out immediately: there'll be no chance to tell him once he goes.
But how do I tell him?
I really can't fight this anymore. You have to know. Ever since I first saw you, long before you even began to notice me, I figured that I had feelings for you. You're an angel to me, and that - to me - meant that you were out of bounds. But did that stop my heart from going for you? No. In all honesty, I fell for you without even knowing I did so, so quickly that I couldn't stop myself. But you're an angel, how would you notice me? I'm too insignificant. So when you offered me the hand of friendship, I accepted, knowing that this would be the closest I could ever get to you. Then, after a while, I wanted very badly to tell you about my feelings. I couldn't keep up the charade when everything you did made my heart thump fast. But how?
I decided to give you this. That's all I want you to know, and you can forget about me now, because I know you wouldn't want to continue being friends with this weird girl who's fallen for you. I will always love you.
Goodbye, Onew.
A/n: This is going to be a twoshot, because you requested that. I hope you like it so far! :D BTW, sorry for how long this took. We were both struggling with exams and other stuff... But it's almost done now. ^^
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