[ final ]
Feeling Faint"Hyung, I'm feeling…kind of faint."
Daehyun blinked vaguely, before turning subtly to the direction of the soft voice, eyeing Youngjae's expressionless face suspiciously.
"What do you mean?" he murmured, lips twitching forcefully into a smile as his eyes flickered between the blinding flashes of the cameras and his bandmate.
"I don't know…my head hurts, and I feel dizzy and weak."
"You're just tired."
Youngjae fell quiet, and they didn't speak again until they were home.
"Hyung, I'm feeling faint."
"You said that this afternoon."
"I know. I'm still feeling faint."
Daehyun sighed and dropped his pen, pushing away his notebook to the corner of his desk and directing his line of sight to the anxious man standing next to him. He was chewing his lips, his eyes downcast, as if he was embarrassed that he was complaining again.
"Did it go away and then return again, or has it persisted since the fanmeet?" Daehyun questioned, standing up and yawning, stretching out his long ams behind him.
"What?"
"The feeling."
"Oh…well, I kind of forgot about it, and I guess it went away, but I noticed it again about ten minutes ago."
"Jae, I think you're sleep deprived. Go rest and I'll wake you up for dinner."
Youngjae sighed, squeezing his eyes shut tight.
"Dae, I really don't…I mean…it doesn't…"
Youngjae trailed off, before shaking his head and turning away.
"Don't worry about it. Wake me up in an hour."
"Hyung…I'm…feeling…faint again," Youngjae whispered, the lingering silence cracking through the darkness of the bedroom.
Daehyun's eyes forced themselves open, and he adjusted to the darkness of the room, before turning to the delicate silhouette of the man on the bed across from his.
He took a few moments to process the statement, his forehead creasing in confusion.
"But you're lying in bed. Isn't it just from exhaustion?"
Youngjae was quiet.
"Jae, just sleep. You don't feel faint, you just feel tired."
"But…hyung…it doesn't feel like I'm tired. I feel dizzy and lightheaded, and when I lie on this side--" Youngjae turned over and lay on his side, facing Daehyun, "--my head throbs a lot. It's like...my brain hurts, or something."
Daehyun sighed and grasped a few moments to try and understand the situation.
He couldn't think of anything.
"Maybe you've got a fever."
"My head isn't hot…"
"Look, Jae, usually things like this happen from hectic workdays and schedules. We have an opportunity to sleep for more than three hours tonight, and that should heal whatever's affecting you now. But if it's stopping you from sleeping, I'll bring you some medicine to calm you down, and you should be fine in the morning, okay?"
"…Okay…"
Sighing, Daehyun swung his legs off the bed and went to prepare some headache medicine. His limbs were weak from being awakened so suddenly from their rest, and his head was still taking a while to process everything. But there was one fraction of his mind that was alert and sharp, and it was beginning to pain him.
He'd studied a sufficient amount of medical work in high school, and one thing that had forever imprinted itself onto his mind were the symptoms of cancer. His uncle had passed away from lung cancer at that time, and that day he developed a strong-willed epiphany to study the illness and become a surgeon to save other patients, so they wouldn't end up like his beloved uncle.
Eventually the pain of the loss faded away, and his determination to be a surgeon did too. He completely disregarded the idea though, when he was shown graphic images of surgery during class and had to run out and retch in nearby bushes, it had made his stomach churn so much.
But he'd never forgotten what he'd leaned about the disease -- after all, he had spent months studying every type and every sign and symptom for long days and nights.
Somehow the idea of lightheadedness, feeling faint and headaches made his heart race, as it all seemed to point towards some form of brain cancer.
Pausing for a moment at the thought, Daehyun let the idea linger, before he shook his head and slapped his cheek gently.
"Don't be an idiot," Daehyun murmured to himself, before turning with the medicine and heading back to his shared room, trying his hardest to ignore the noticeable trembling of his hands.
"Dae?"
"Yes?"
"I…I'm feeling faint again," Youngjae whispered, his eyes pressed closed, his face paling slightly.
Daehyun's toes curled into the carpet, and he froze, midway through taking off his pyjama shirt.
Feeling faint again.
Immediately the thought of chronic illnesses rushed back into his head, and his heart started hammering again.
"B-but…but you slept well, and I gave you medicine…"
Trying to distract himself from the terrifying thoughts choking his mind, he pulled off his shirt and rummaged through his wardrobe, attempting to make his uneven breaths go unnoticed.
"I…I don't know…it feels w-worse than yesterday…"
Daehyun gulped.
"You didn't eat a lot yesterday, maybe you're just…malnourished?"
He pulled a shirt from the rack, praying Youngjae would agree.
"I…I don't feel…very well though…I don't want to eat."
Daehyun was quiet, his fingers holding tightly onto the soft material.
Cancer. Cancer. Cancer.
"Jae, I think you might be s-sick…"
"N-no…don't…don't…I…"
Daehyun's face heated up and his eyes snapped wide in panic, and he turned around, dropping the shirt. Youngjae was sitting up on the edge of his bed, his mouth open slightly, his face pale, but with dangerous patches of red around his cheeks.
"Jae?!"
Youngjae made an inward groaning sound, before gasping and vomiting all over the floor.
"Should we cancel our schedules?" Himchan offered softly, eyeing the other four tense members, who were picking and poking their breakfast, but not eating it.
"No, we can't just do that. The staff will understand Youngjae needs a day off. We can practice without him," Yongguk said flatly, scooping up a mound of rice, and letting it slip back through his chopsticks for the umpteenth time that morning.
"We should call a doctor."
"Jongup--"
"He's right," Junhong spoke up, making all heads turn to face him. He was the only one that hadn't said a word after Daehyun told them Youngjae had fallen ill, and everyone had just assumed he was panicked because of his young and tender heart. Junhong scooped up a mass of vegetables dully and let it drop back into his bowl with a quiet slop, and he sighed.
"Jongup-hyung is right. Lightheadedness, nausea and crabby moods might mean he's pregnant," the maknae continued, his cheek in his palm.
Everyone froze at the absurd comment.
"P-pregnant?"
Suddenly, the tense silence was broken as the table erupted into fits of laughter, hands reaching over to playfully slap the youngest's back.
"Somebody tell that to Youngjae!" Jongup wheezed, doubled over from laughing so hard.
Daehyun stared at the hysterical four, somehow the only one that didn't find the joke funny.
"Guys, I feel a lot better, I promise. Just a little bit faint," Youngjae persisted, his delicate features creasing up as he begged and pleaded.
"We're not risking anything. Not when it's battling your health."
"Please, Yongguk!"
"No."
"Maybe we should let him come," Himchan said gently, "and if he feels sick we can just let him rest."
Yongguk bit his lip, clearly uncertain about the idea.
"Please, Yongguk, I promise I'll tell you if I feel unwell again," Youngjae implored, his eyes swimming with hope.
The eldest sighed, running his fingers through his hair.
"Fine. But if you don't inform me when you feel ill again, I'll slit your throat," he grumbled.
Youngjae beamed.
Daehyun wrung his hands.
Daehyun couldn't tear his eyes from Youngjae.
He was panting and sweating profusely, and he kept stumbling and losing his footing. His words jumbled up as he weakly pressed the microphone to his lips, and by the end of one song he had to claw himself onto Junhong to keep himself stable.
"Youngjae, I told you to tell me if you felt sick!" Yongguk barked, his face crossed with fear and anger.
"I-I'm fine," he gasped, "I'm just t-tired…a little bit faint…"
"Youngjae, do you need to rest?" their manager asked, looking worried himself.
"He does," Yongguk said sharply, tugging him away from Junhong and leading him out of the practice room. Himchan stepped forward to follow, but Daehyun pulled him back.
"Let me."
The elder hesitated, before reluctantly nodding and letting him trail the leader's steps slowly, so he would go unnoticed.
When he entered the room, however, Youngjae was passed out on the couch, with Yongguk frantically holding bundles of tissues under his nose.
Nosebleed.
"Hyung," Youngjae whimpered feebly, his cold hand slipping into the elder's and clutching onto it tightly.
Click. The door unlocked and Jongup pulled out the key.
"What? What's wrong?"
Daehyun was panicking. Nosebleeds, nosebleeds crossed out many of the minor illnesses that Youngjae could have potentially had. Nosebleeds pointed to brain tumours.
Speech slurring. Clumsy movements. Nosebleeds.
Feeling--
"F-faint. I feel…f-faint."
Youngjae was halfway through the door when he paused, and a long, hollow gasp rattled from his lungs.
"D-Dae…Daehyun…"
"Youngjae--!"
He wasn't fast enough to catch him.
Youngjae collapsed to the floor.
Youngjae's forehead was cold.
His hands were cold.
Only his breath was hot, unusually hot, and coming out in long, quaking strings of exhaled air.
Daehyun's warm fingertips brushed over the still flesh of Youngjae's, his eyes filling up with tears as the ambulance sped through the night.
Everyone was silent. Only Junhong was making sounds -- quiet, whimpering sobs that were masked by the whining of the ambulance siren.
Daehyun was scared
Everyone was scared.
"You'll be okay," Daehyun whispered, his other hand caressing the younger's cheek as he lay unconscious on the stretcher, "you'll be okay…"
Three hours.
It had been three hours since Youngjae was rushed into the emergency room.
It had been three hours that five members of B.A.P had spent wringing their hands and biting their lips, scavenging for any sounds coming from the room they were seated outside from.
The doors were soundproof.
Ten more minutes passed of heart-wrenching silence, and Yongguk ended up with his face in his hands, leaning on his elbows. Jongup had stood up, restless, and began pacing back and forth, shaking his head and looking at the ceiling in an attempt to hold back his tears. Junhong, exhausted from crying himself out, had fallen into fitful slumber on Himchan's shoulder. The second eldest his hair blankly, his face emotionless and stony.
Daehyun had given up on staying strong, and he let the tears blur his vision and drip from his lashes and onto his jeans.
Three hours. Three hours, and not one nurse had come out to tell them anything. But with every second that passed, Daehyun's worries grew and grew.
If it was nothing fatal, the nurses would have come out and informed them Youngjae would be okay, that he wasn't badly ill. That he would survive.
Daehyun didn't even know if Youngjae was still alive.
His hands clenched and unclenched around the cushioned chair, and he suppressed a sob just thinking about it.
Was it his fault?
Youngjae hadn't complained to the other members. Youngjae had placed his trust in him, and told him that he was unwell, and Daehyun didn't take him to a doctor.
"Why…why am I such an idiot?" he whispered to himself, squeezing his eyes shut.
His gut feeling told him it was cancer.
He'd studied too hard. He could almost sense it.
Cancer. Cancer. Brain cancer. And he didn't even act to try and save Youngjae.
What if it was too late?
A loud crack snapped through the quiet, and Daehyun, Jongup and Himchan's heads shot up to face Youngjae's surgery room.
Three hours, three hours since any sign of human life had exited the door.
Finally.
A nurse.
Himchan stood abruptly, breathing heavily.
"Is Youngjae okay?" he demanded.
The nurse looked taken aback at the sudden outburst, and cleared quietly.
"May I ask for the manag--"
"He's not here. Can I see Youngjae?"
"I'm…afraid not. May we speak to the eldest member here?"
Himchan growled quietly, before sitting back down and re-adjusting Junhong's head, so it was resting comfortably on his chair.
Daehyun and Jongup turned to Yongguk, whose face was still covered by his white-knuckled hands. He didn't show any sign of wanting to move from his fixed position.
"Can I come in instead?"
The nurse took a deep breath. "Surgeon's orders. I'm afraid we'll need someone older to handle this."
"Handle what?"
She was quiet.
"Tell me what's happened to Youngjae."
"…I'm afraid…this information is currently classified. But we have conducted some emergency tests and procedures…a-and…it's not looking…promising…"
"Is he going to survive?!" Daehyun cried, standing up, his fists clenched.
"Daehyun, don't," Jongup hissed.
The nurse gulped. "I-If we could ask to bring the eldest member in for questioning?"
The sound of Yongguk sighing slipped through his fingers, and slowly he lifted his head to stare at the young staff member with red, inflamed eyes.
Everyone was silent.
Slowly, Yongguk got to his feet, and he strode over to the ajar door, facing the nurse.
"Tell my members what's happening. Or I won't come in."
She sighed.
"We're awaiting a few more test results, but most likely we'll have to perform a complicated surgery procedure…it may not save him though."
"Save him from what?" Himchan cried.
Yongguk's eyes flashed with fear, and he shook his head inconspicuously at the nurse, motioning for her to keep quiet.
"Don't tell them."
With that, Yongguk gently nudged the nurse back into the room, and the door slammed behind them.
Fifteen minutes.
It had been fifteen minutes.
Daehyun watched the fine plastic of the clock hand jerk from number to number, and his mind clicked every time it passed the 12.
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Fifteen minutes.
Sixteen minutes.
Seventeen minutes--
The door creaked open once more.
Daehyun was the only one that looked up.
Himchan had dozed off on the maknae's shoulder a few minutes earlier, and Jongup had left the hospital to clear his mind.
Yongguk walked out, and quietly shut the door behind him.
Something was wrong.
His eyes were blank and empty, his face had paled dramatically, his hands were shaking.
His hands were shaking, terribly.
"Hyung?"
Yongguk didn't respond.
The eldest walked stiffly to the chair beside Daehyun, sitting down slowly, his breaths sharp and hollow.
"G-Guk, what happened? What did they tell you?"
"Nothing. They told me nothing."
"Is Youngjae--"
"No. No. Nothing's w-wrong with Youngjae. H-He's fine. He's fine."
Daehyun didn't tear his eyes from the elder.
It wasn't good enough.
"Guk--"
"Nothing happened, Daehyun!" he yelled, his eyes squeezed shut. He threw his fist behind him and pounded the wall, his teeth clenched.
"Nothing happened! Nothing! Youngjae's fine! T-They're all wrong! They're wrong! They're doing a surgery for nothing! He's…he cant…he's…"
Yongguk broke down into tears.
Daehyun felt his own welling up too.
Daehyun quietly seated himself next to Yongguk once more, with two cardboard cups of takeaway coffee in his hand.
"Drink it, it'll help."
Daehyun knew it was useless though -- the elder had sealed his mouth shut. He was silent. As if he was dead.
Yongguk's eyes flickered to the cup, and he reluctantly reached his hands out to take it. Daehyun watched his fingers wrap around the warmth of the liquid's container, shivering slightly as it warmed his cold hands.
Daehyun shyly rested his hands on top of the leader's, but he didn't gain a reaction.
He noticed how cold his hands were though.
Cold. Too cold.
Everything was too cold.
One hour had passed, and midnight had struck. Jongup returned shivering, and the hospital staff had paid them a visit.
"I'm afraid visiting hours have long passed, and we must request for you to return home."
Himchan and Junhong had awakened, and the maknae had begun crying again.
"No. No, I'm not leaving without knowing what's happening in there," Daehyun growled, "I'm not leaving until I know what's happened to Youngjae."
"Sir, I'm afraid--"
"No. No, I won't go."
"Daehyun, please don't cause any more trouble," Himchan said, exasperated, "please, just trust the staff. They'll help Youngjae, whatever's happened to him."
"I'm not leaving."
Jongup grabbed the elder's shoulder, squeezing it tightly, in an uncomfortably forceful manner.
"Hyung, it's no use. All we can do is wait and hope."
"No!" Daehyun screamed, slapping Jongup's hand away. "No! NO! I WON'T LEAVE! I WANT TO SEE YOUNGJAE! I WAN--"
Yongguk slammed a hand over Daehyun's mouth, muttering an apology to the hospital staff, before dragging the thrashing, muted member down to the lobby and out the door, the other three following.
Daehyun cried himself to sleep during the long car ride back, and he could only fumble and clutch at the material of his seat as he slept restlessly, searching, scavenging for the warmth of Youngjae again.
7:34am.
Daehyun had snuck out of the dorm and taken a taxi to the hospital, leaving a short note on his bed so the others wouldn't panic.
He was waiting outside of the surgery room weakly, his head in his hand, his mind swimming.
What kind of mild illness could need a nine-hour surgery?
What kind of mild illness would need a surgery at all?
The only thing Daehyun could think of that all the symptoms pointed to what a cancerous brain tumour.
But that was crazy, wasn't it?
If he had a brain tumour, how could he have thought properly?
Why wasn't he not thinking straight?
Nothing added up. Nothing made sense.
And when something involved Youngjae didn't make sense -- and was being hidden from him -- something was clearly very wrong.
Yet the thought that, if he had acted upon the younger's actions sooner he may have prevented this, was still panging at hi mind and eating at his conscience.
It was killing him.
He was killing Youngjae, and he knew it.
Unless he wasn't killing Youngjae.
Maybe he'd already killed him.
"I'm sorry, sir, but just because the surgery has concluded does not mean the patient is in a stable condition to have visitors."
"At least tell me what's happened to him, tell me if he's going to live, tell me anything, anything, please…"
"The information you've been given previously is all that is available right now. The rest is confidential un--"
"But I haven't been given any information! I've been told he's had tests done, and some useless surgery!"
Daehyun had been arguing with the nurse for at least three minutes, and he was already burning up in anger. The staff member just wouldn't give in.
"I believe an acquaintance of mine informed you of his tumour, though?" the nurse snapped.
Daehyun froze up.
What?
"What?"
"His brain tumour, sir."
"…b….brain tumour?"
"His cancerous brain tumour, exactly eight centimetres in diameter, located--"
"No….no, no, you're wrong."
She was wrong.
But she was right...
Daehyun couldn't believe it.
"Excuse me? But I believe I am the professional here?"
"You're wrong, no, he can't…."
She was wrong, she was wrong, she was wrong.
The voice in Daehyun's head chanted it over and over, trying to will his heart to believe it.
But he knew she was right.
She was right.
But she's wrong….
"You're…you're…no…"
"Have you not taken notice of his symptoms?"
"They're cold symptoms! They're not severe, they can't…they can't!"
"Sir, I've been told he was acting clumsy, his vision was blurry, and his words were slurred?"
"B-But...but..."
"He felt tired, the side of his head was heavy? Major nosebleeds?"
"N-no…"
"Felt, somewhat….faint?"
Daehyun crumpled.
There was nobody to mend his shattered pieces now.
Daehyun held his breath as he quietly shut the door of Youngjae's hospital room, unable to tear his eyes from the blonde-headed lump under the heavy blankets.
He was still. His breath echoed and rattled through his mask.
It wasn't the sound of Youngjae that he was used to.
Quietly, he tiptoed towards the body that lay still on its back, eyes shut softly.
"Jae?" he whispered, gently resting his fingers on the edge of the hospital bed, standing over the younger.
His voice echoed. It was too silent in the room.
Daehyun bit his lips and waited for the younger's eyes to open, but nothing happened.
For a split second Daehyun thought it was too late, but the slightly unstable beep of his heart monitor said otherwise.
The elder touched the pale boy's face with the pads of his fingers, brushing away long locks of smooth blonde hair.
"Jae? Are you awake?"
Daehyun froze up when Youngjae let out a muffled groan, and he slowly moved his head to face the other way.
"J-Jae…Youngjae, it's me…"
"Daehyun?"
The elder could almost feel his heart pounding out of his chest, and he curled his fists around the bedsheets so his knees wouldn't collapse.
"Jae…"
Daehyun was quiet, listening to the raspy breaths amplified through the medical tubes hooked up to all parts of the younger's body.
To think that those tubes might be Youngjae's only source of life…
"Hyung…hyung, let me…s-see you…"
Daehyun obediently moved to the other side of the bed, his head swimming at the thought of his bandmate being too weak to even turn around.
The elder crouched beside the bed, his face merely feet from the younger's.
It broke his heart.
Youngjae's eyelids were drooping softly, his face almost as white as the bedsheets, pale hands clutching weakly at the blankets.
"Daehyun…" Youngjae breathed.
The elder felt tears building up beneath his eyes, and he reached out to touch Youngjae's face tenderly, biting his lips as the younger flinched.
"Jae…I'm so sorry…"
"It's not your fault," hie rasped, cracking out a breath of short, sharp laughter, before gasping and coughing.
"Youngjae!"
"R-Relax, Dae, I'm fine…"
"Youngjae…Jae, I'm so sorry I didn't take you to a doctor earlier, I'm sorry…I'm sorry I didn't care…more…"
"It's…f-fine…I wouldn't have been able to survive anyway, it's too late…"
Daehyun felt his heart clunk at his feet.
"What?"
Youngjae kept his gaze firm, but his eyes sank.
"Don't you know?"
"Know what?"
Youngjae breathed out heavily, closing his eyes for a few seconds, before forcing them open again.
"Did they tell you how long I've got left?"
Daehyun didn't feel the tears drop.
He tore his hand from the younger's face as if it was burning hot, his breath catching in his throat.
"No…no, Jae, they said you'd live, they…they…"
"It's spread through my brain, Daehyun," the latter whispered, smiling bitterly, "they can't save me any more."
"No…"
"Dae…Dae," Youngjae gasped suddenly, his eyes widening, his fists balling into the blankets. His breath turned shallow and he whimpered in agony.
"Youngjae!" Daehyun cried.
"I…I'm ok-kay…w…where are the other members?"
"I left them at the dorm…"
"Dae, tell them I said bye, okay?"
Daehyun didn't suppress the sob.
"Y-You're not leaving, Jae, I won't let you…y-you're gonna be okay…you can't go…"
"Daehyun…"
"You're my best friend, Youngjae!" Daehyun cried, "you can't go!"
The elder seized the cold hands now lying limply in front of the owner, leaning over the bed and shortening the gap between them, his hot breath brushing over the cold sweat on the younger's forehead.
"Youngjae, please…please don't go," Daehyun gasped, tears now falling from his eyes rapidly, dropping onto the cheap bedsheets.
"Dae…I…I can't…I can't see," Youngjae whimpered suddenly, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Dae…Dae, I c-can't…Daehyun…"
"Youngjae?!"
The younger took in a few rattling breaths, making the tubes attached to him shake gently, before he opened his eyes for the last time.
"I'm f-fine, Dae, I'm f-fine…I just feel…a little…f-faint…"
Daehyun cried out, heart hammering, and he scrambled to his feet, panicking.
"I-I'll get a doctor--"
"W-wait…"
Youngjae weakly reached his arm out, but couldn't muster the strength to touch the bandmate for the last time.
"D-Daehyun…please…I-I really like you, Daehyun…"
Youngjae breathed in slowly, shakily, trying his hardest to keep his gaze on the man before him, before he released his last breath and his head lolled to the side, eyes fluttering shut.
Time froze for Daehyun.
Everything passed in a blur.
The heart monitor started beeping rapidly and a siren began blaring through the room, but everything was silent.
Nurses screamed out, doctors rushed into the room and pushed Daehyun out, but he couldn't feel anything.
Only when the doors shut and he heard a "We lost him!" over the buzz of his ears did reality crash down on him. His knees gave in, and he collapsed to the floor.
And all of a sudden, he felt horribly, horribly faint.
Two years had passed.
Daehyun approached the small marble gravestone alone, kneeling beside it, his face solemn.
"Youngjae…"
He lay down the flowers on the grass, frowning and picking out the weeds sprouting along his grave.
"Jae, I'm sorry I haven't seen you for a few months…I've been thinking about you a lot…"
The singer reached out and began tracing the words on the stone.
Rest In Peace
Yoo Youngjae, son of Yoo Jangsuk and Kim Hyegeul.
Vocalist of boy band B.A.P.
Passed away from brain cancer on the 21st May.
1994 - 2013
His memories will be forever cherished in our hearts.
His fingers brushed over the small glass photograph pressed into the stone, heart clenching at the sight of the face he missed so much.
"I miss you a lot, you know…"
Sighing, Daehyun looked up at the sky, hoping, praying for a sign of Youngjae, as he did every time.
There was nothing.
He was left gazing at the clear blue sky and the soft clouds.
"I know you're watching over us, Jae…i-it's been really hard without you…"
His hope shot up as he saw something blurry glimmer in the sky, but then fell as he realised it was just his tears glistening and reflecting over his eyes.
"I…I'm sorry I couldn't help you…I'm sorry it's been so long, and I still cry…"
He kept his head tilted back, in a useless attempt to hold back the tears.
"I-I'm sorry I can't forget you. Nothing is the same without you. I'm sorry our time together was so short. I'm sorry your life was so short…I'm s-sorry…"
Daehyun let a shaky sob slip from his lips, and he looked back down, letting the tears fall. He touched the picture of Youngjae again, and cried harder.
"I'm sorry, Youngjae, I'm sorry I didn't realise earlier…I'm sorry…"
He couldn't hold himself up any longer. He pushed his hands into the ground, leaning forward on his hands and knees and sobbing uncontrollably.
"Jae…I'm sorry…that I only underst-stand n-now…"
Daehyun could hear the sound of twittering birds and wind rustling the autumn leaves, but each cry of pain and sorrow masked it.
"Jae…I-I like you to…I really, really like you…Youngjae, I love you, so, s-so much, and it's so wrong…"
He let his guard down, and wept onto the grave, grief suffocating him.
He was suffocating. He was dying. Guilt, grief, longing, was killing him from the inside.
He stayed there for hours. Darkness inked the sky, night fell upon him. He gave up counting how many times the other members had called his phone.
There was no sign.
"I'm sorry, Youngjae," he breathed, lying next to the gravestone, heart clenching, head spinning.
"I'm sorry for everything…"
The cold air burned his throat, his guilt stabbed at his heart.
His tears dried up. His limbs fell weak.
He let the feeling of faintness wash over him, and he drifted into unconsciousness...right next to Youngjae.
Rest In Peace
Jung Daehyun, son of Jung Minjun and Lee Jiboon.
Vocalist of boy band B.A.P.
Passed away from hypothermia on the 16th June.
1993 - 2015
Forever beside his truest friend, Youngjae.
{a/n} I'm sorry that this is so incredibly unnecessarily long, and I congratulate you if you didn't get bored of it halfway through. Thank you for reading to the end :)
A few things I'd like to address shortly:
-The parents names used are fictional.
-This is not intended to mock illness and cancer in any way. My prayers go out to all suffering and I wish them all a safe recovery.
-This is purely fictional and based on untrue events.
-I did my research on brain tumours and such, but again this is fictional, so apologies in advance for any errors about my perspective of this disease.
-Characters do not belong to me, credits to the owner of the picture & background.
-I know it won't happen but please don't plagiarise this.
Apart from that, I'd like to thank all my subscribers, commenters etc for reading this and supporting me, your feedback and support is just...everything to me. You really have no idea. Thank you, so much.
Please, guys, you don't need to upvote, but if you read this and enjoyed it, it would truly mean the world to me if you subscribed. It's free, it makes me amazingly happy and it'll show me that you enjoy my work. I would appreciate it, so, so much :)
Well, that's it. I hope you guys enjoyed this, please do leave your feedback in the comments, and feel free to correct any spelling/grammar mistakes at all in this, no matter how minor.
If you'd like some more, I have a recent chaptered fic you can check out :)
Thanks guys, I love you to Pluto and back<3
Love, Ellie xoxoxoox <3
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