“It’s amusing, isn’t it? How God can come up with so many ideas of people’s life stories. Even our fingerprints are different each of it.”

There were times when Daehyun had wanted to rip Jiyoung’s head apart to see what was actually inside it. She was complicated, much for a girl around her age. Her thinking was eccentric―if not odd, he wanted to have a little mercy―and she often asked questions and stated the strangest of all things.

Or the unnecessary, he once said.

“You’re on it again.”

She let out a small sigh―he knew she avoided to make it sound too dramatic by holding it inside because she didn’t want it to be counted as complaining.

“I don’t know. I’m just weird. Sometimes, I hate myself for being like this but then I also can’t picture myself the other way.”

One of the thing Daehyun hated about Jiyoung was the way she made him felt so useless. Like this time. With that small fake smile on her face, it was a sign for him that she would sink in to her own world soon. She had told him before, she was harmless there in her little sanctuary and no one can reach her.

And Daehyun loathed that much. Because since the day he put his heart on her, he had hoped to be her comfort and happiness.

But she shooed him away, spitting bitter words to his confession.

“No, Daehyun. Don’t say anything like you like me for who I am because you haven’t even seen me in my bare soul. No one would ever spell the words ‘like’ had they know my real self.”

What left for him after that day was his persistence that led them to where they were at the time, hanging in between lines.

Daehyun was the one who sighed silently this time.

“That’s okay, Jjing. As long as you are happy.”

Why couldn’t he help her?

No.

Why she didn’t want to be helped that much?

He wanted to save her, to pull her out of that sinister world she was living. No, he didn’t say that she was bad. In fact, she tried not to hurt people if she could. Just her anxiety thwarted her from being as ‘normal’ as other people were.

She thought too much at times, it made her developed more and more assumptions.

“And I’m not just the one who should be happy. You should be happy too, Daehyun. Leave and go find someone else.”

I only want you, why can’t you understand? You are the one who will make me happy.

Daehyun wished he could shout it loudly right into her face, but he knew the better. Once he said something like, he was sure she would retreat away and closed all the doors he got into her life. She was scared of something like that, of the expectation people had in her.

No, it was not like she was blind and couldn’t see his lingering feelings. She recognized it every time he would chose to spend his time with her, while all that she did was ignoring him as she off to her trail of thoughts. She saw it at the way he stared at her with painful eyes. She felt it at the way he behaved every time and through their joint hands or even lips and his arms enveloping her at both sides.

Because the truth was, she too had those feelings for him. But she was afraid of commitments and labels. It gave her hopes while she was afraid if it wouldn’t last long, both of them would probably shatter apart.

“Don’t waste your time worrying about me. I’m all fine.”

In the end he could only said that, leaning over to give her a small peck on her lips. Their hands were now joining, dangling in between the space of two single couches.

She inhaled much amount of breath this time. Muttering ‘I’m sorry’ inside.

There were times when she wanted to break free. To loosen up a bit from her rigid traits. So, she could make him truly happy. So, she could give him what he had silently been wishing for, a steady and clear relationship.

But she was a coward. She hadn’t had the guts to be out of her safe zone, to resist all of her anxieties.

Because she believed, once they stated themselves as ‘thing’ it would lead to expectations. And expectations often hurt.

“Daehyun, I just thought of something,”

It came to her so fast, the realization.

Expectations often hurt.

Hurt.

How much he had been hurt by her all this time? And there he was, alive, staying there.

Maybe, it was fine after all.

Daehyun was looking at her questioningly while she gripped his hand hard.

“That sometimes it’s okay to be hurt. It’s even necessary, isn’t it?”

One second.

Two second.

Two and half-

Daehyun’s eyes gleamed for the first time in a while now that he understood what she was referring to. A genuine smile spread on his face.

“Yes, it is.” He whispered.

Because we’ll survive it, Jjing. You’ll survive it. Even more, I will do anything to make us survive the possible pain.

*************************************************************************

Author's Noter:

@sweet_skies asked me to write a story of Jiyoung and Daehyun, and I came up with this one. It's a little bit random and dark, I think. I'm all available for critiques and suggestions :)