Gone, Not Around Any Longer

 * = start/end of flashback

Italic = what Kris rememebers

A small ray of light hit my eyes as I pulled the blanket covers off from over my head. I shut my eyes tighter as I turned away from the beaming window.

*

I squinted my eyes, trying not to open them. Her fingers lightly trailed from my forehead down my nose bridge. I felt her smile and continue the trail as if she was connecting the dots. A rush of irritation forced its way into my mind. I swatted her hand away quickly as I turned the other way.

“Stop touching me. I’m trying to sleep.”

I don’t know what came over me at that moment. I knew she was hurt. I felt her slowly get out of bed and quietly sneak her way out of the room. I knew I was wrong for saying those words.

*

I quickly opened my eyes, hoping that she would still be beside me, doing the same thing she did every morning. I groaned when I saw nothing but an empty spot on the other side of the bed. I slowly got out of bed and trudged my way into the bathroom. I looked at the monster in the mirror; I was hideous. I turned the faucet on and splashed water in my face to wake me up.

*

I pushed my way into the bathroom as I saw that it was already occupied by her. She dabbed one last spot on her lips with the lipstick and smiled at me.

“Do I look better?”

I had felt bad. I told her a few days ago that if she had put more make up on, she would look more attractive. I was wrong. She was always beautiful without make up on. I gazed at her for a few seconds before snickering to myself and rolling my eyes.

“You’re okay.”

Before I slid passed her, a hint of shame was plastered all over her face. I brushed her as I walked out of the bathroom and into the living room. I knew I was wrong for making her think that she was ugly.

*

I closed the faucet as I wiped my face with the nearby face towel that was hanging. Why was I so cruel? I angrily slammed the towel onto the bathroom counter and walked back into the bedroom. I was only greeted by another memory.

*

She always put my outfits together and laid them on the bed every morning. I slowly came towards her as she was fixing the suit on the bed. She smiled up at me.

“I finished.”

I could tell she was waiting for me to tell her I was happy with what she picked out. I looked at the suit on the bed and frowned. I furrowed my browse and turned my gaze towards her.

“I don’t like it. It doesn’t match.”

She slowly looked down at her fingers in shame. I huffed angrily and turned around, walking into the closet.

“Do me a favor; don’t fix my clothes in the morning anymore.”

I said coldly without turning around. I didn’t know why I had said those words to her. I couldn’t understand the reason why I was upset. I was wrong for making her feel the way she did.

*

I rubbed my eyes, hoping to see her still on the bed fixing the suits that I wore every day. I opened my eyes only to a disappointment. She wasn’t there. I slid my fingers through my hair and sighed. I quickly got dressed and slowly made my way down the hallway. I stood by the living entrance, just staring at the large stack of work papers that were due in the afternoon.

*

It was 8 at night, a perfect time for me to be doing papers. I was already sitting there half the day. I was frustrated for not being able to keep up with the load that was piling up. She slowly crept beside my knees and laid a hand on one.

“Kris?”

She heaved lightly. Her voice was above a whisper.

“What?”

I said blankly as if I was a robot. At the corner of my eye, I saw her look down like she was trying to gather up some courage.

“Do you want to do anything tonight?”

I continued to swish papers around without looking at her.

“No I’d rather not.”

She hesitated to say anything for a small amount of time before replying back to me as I continued to look away from her.

“I-I just figured that you would since it’s our 2 year anniversary.”

She said nervously wile fiddling with the edge of her shirt. I sighed heavily.

“I can’t. I’m busy.”

Her eyes were beginning to fill up with tears. I knew she was trying to swallow it up.

“Kris, we haven’t done anything-“

Before she could finish her sentence, I slammed the papers in my hands down and angrily glared at her.

“Damn it! I can’t even concentrate without you and your selfishness! Can you just give me a damn break?! You’re worse than a dog!”

She had jumped a bit from the roar of my voice throughout the house.

“I just thought-“

I cut her off again…

“Well you thought stupidly! I have a thought for you; don’t ever trust that dumb voice in your head that I would care to take someone like you out. The next time you come up with some type of stupid , I won’t hesitate to scream at you again.”

I got up and pushed passed her. I felt her fall back a little. Her faint whimpering didn’t affect me as I grabbed my coat and keys. I angrily slammed the front door as I walked out. I didn’t know what came over me. I was wrong; so wrong.

*

My heart ached as that memory crept across my mind. I hated myself. Tears threatened to fall as I thought about how much those words must’ve hurt her. I shifted towards the kitchen, not ever wanting to go back to the living room. I slowly took out the water from the fridge and poured it into the glass cup that was waiting on the counter.

*

I walked into the kitchen grumpily staring at the coffee maker.

“You didn’t make coffee?”

I had asked her. She turned slightly as she was setting down the glass filled water onto the table.

“No. I think it’s best if you drink water for now. I made you breakfast.”

She smiled brightly. I looked at her and rolled my eyes. I made my way to the coffee maker and continued to make my usual.

“I’m not hungry.”

I said without a hint of happiness in my voice. She gracefully came up to me and gently nudged me towards the table that was filled with food.

“You have to eat. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

She said beaming.

“I’m not hungry so stop.”

I warned her. She continued to push me towards the table. I refused her 3 more times before knocking off the glass of water that was at the edge of the table onto the ground.

“I’m not hungry damn it! Why can’t you leave me alone?!”

Glass shattered all over the floor. Her eyes were terrified. That moment of happiness in her turned into hurt. I ran my hands through my hair before walking away. I didn’t want to deal with anything else that day. I was wrong for doing that.

*

The water over flowed from the cup as the memory rushed passed me. I quickly set the water aside.

“Damn..”

I grabbed the napkins on the table and wiped up the mess. I angrily threw the damp napkins into the trash before leaving the kitchen. I didn’t want the memories to come back again. It was too much for me. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t believe I did those things to her. I slowly slid my shoes on and stared at the door; the last time I saw her.

*

I looked at her in disbelief. Was she being serious? Her suitcase strolled beside her as she opened the door.

“Enough is enough, Kris.”

She looked down at the floor and sighed before looking me in my eyes. She sounded like she was defeated and tired.

“If this is love, then I don’t want it.”

I scoffed.

“How pathetic. Just leave! You were a pain to begin with!!”

I didn’t mean to say those words.. but I did. She looked at me with that glint in her eye. She felt sorry for me. Without a second glance, she closed the door and left. Why did I let her go? Why didn’t I stop her? I was so wrong.

*

I angrily threw my keys at the door as hard as I could. I heaved heavily over and over again. Tears came running down my face as I fumed. How could I do that to her? Why did I do it? She was the only one who loved me so much that she tolerated all of the pain I caused her. I didn’t mean any of the things I said to her. Why didn’t I tell her that I wanted her to stay? Why didn’t I apologize and tell her that I loved her? I was wrong. In so many ways, I was wrong. I didn’t deserve her. She was good to me and all I did was push her around. Now, I miss her; I long for her; I need her; I love her. I sit along the wall realizing that it was all my fault. I was wrong. And now she’s gone, not around any longer.

Author's Note:

Soo...the end! lol Sorry if it wasn't so great. But I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks for stopping by :)