Hope

These are the thoughts he originally wanted to avoid this time. Marcus has the opportunity to do anything he wants to, go anywhere he wants to. No parents that stop him and no need to worry about money. He has so much to live for, so much he still hasn't experienced. All the normal people that he knows that haven't done anything to him, that he likes, he can keep himself to them. People that don't make him feel lots of things, just normal people he has normal relations with.

He has as a goal to convince himself that he is indeed strong, he doesn't want to give up now. All this will be over and he will be proud of himself, he hopes. Never lose hope, is what he tells others. If he does this, it will be like lying to others. 

He turns around, still sitting, just moving his legs to the inside of the bridge instead, and jumps off the fence. More thinking is unnecessary for him, he knows where this ends. This is just another one of his countless egoistic actions, and he will be remembered as the coward that never appreciated anything. Plus, his parents might be disappointed if he jumps and survives, what a failure. He wrapped his arms around himself to warm himself up a little, calm the goosebumps, and starting his way home again, without looking back. The last thing he wants is to be remembered as something is bad like a disappointment, or a coward. Giving himself a small smirk, he quietly speaks, "I will not lose hope."