So this is it. The last stage of our last concert, the end of Super Junior, the end of our fame… the end of us.

Maybe we made the wrong choice that day; when you said you loved me, when I said I’d never let you go.

I still remember it like it was yesterday. That bleak and rainy day, huddling, together under one umbrella, braving the cold of the spring breeze. It must’ve been late afternoon, and it was raining harder than ever as we stood there at the bus stop. There was nobody else present that day; just the two of us to keep each other company… but then again, I could never feel lonely with you by my side.

No matter rain, snow, hail or sleet; no matter the time, day, or place, you always put on that beautiful smile, regardless of how bad your day had been. That smile that had me falling at your feet every time; the smile that brightened my every day, with every look at your face.

That same day when you confessed to me; the hope and longing clear in both of our eyes; and the very first time our lips met… soft, gentle, passionate.

Even a fairy tale has to have its ending. I fell in love since the moment I lay eyes on you, and believe me, you’re still on my mind every second; you are still my whole world and more. Always have been, always will. But when fate steps in and says that this story must conclude for another to begin, sometimes we have to obey and realize that perhaps this will be the end.

I just wanted you to know that I will be here, loving you forever. Maybe I can no longer be there for you whenever you need me, but I hope that… if you ever find someone new, someone who can protect you, that you won’t forget me either.

For now, this might be goodbye. But I think someday… we’ll meet again.

Lee Hyukjae, I love you.

As he writes the last line, Donghae feels a large teardrop trickle past his eyelashes and splash onto the page in front of him. Sighing, he drops his pen on the single sheet of lined paper sitting on the table. He was sitting in the dressing room in front of his mirror, getting himself ready for his next solo stage. Closing his eyes, Donghae leans his head back on the headrest of his chair, willing the tears away as to not smudge the fresh makeup.

His heart ached at every word he scrawled on that paper, clenching at the thought that this may be the last time he’d see the only man he’s ever loved. Everything Donghae said was true, but he knew that some things just cannot be controlled, so if they were destined to be apart, then saying goodbye would be best for them both. He could never bear to see Hyukjae suffer because of him.

Leeteuk pokes his head in the room then, telling him to stand by for his performance. Donghae nods his acknowledgement, reaching for his wallet before pulling out a single dog-eared, glossy photo. Leeteuk knowingly closes the door behind him, giving the younger just a few more moments to compose himself. the beaming face on the picture, Donghae smiles wistfully as he takes in that defined jawline, broad shoulders, and twinkling eyes staring right back at him.

And, with a final glance in the mirror, he stands up, plastering on a smile before walking out to greet the screaming fans outside.

///

“Thank you, thank you all so much,” Donghae calls as the lights dim, and he heads backstage as the noise subsides, brushing a hand through his now sweaty hair. A staff member tosses him a face towel just as he enters the dressing room, and Donghae accepts it gratefully as he slumps into a chair, spent with exhaustion.

He stands, ready to change into the next set of performance clothes, and immediately comes face to face with Hyukjae himself. In his hand is a slightly wrinkled piece of lined paper, with none other than Donghae’s handwriting, and Donghae regrets leaving it open on the table just a little while ago.

He turns his face away, trying his best to avoid eye contact with Hyukjae. How was he going to explain himself now?

“Donghae.”

His voice was calm, collected; not like what Donghae had imagined Hyukjae’s reaction to be.

“What is this? Were you never going to tell me about this?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Donghae mutters, averting his gaze to the floor instead.

“I’m not stupid, Hae. You’re not fooling anybody tonight with that half-hearted smile of yours. Now tell me… what is the meaning of this?”

“I- I… don’t know.” He sighs. “I assume you’ve read the letter, there’s nothing left for me to say. Just- I love you Hyukjae, God I love you, but… this, this is the end. Who knows where our lives will take us after tonight. No one knows what will happen. No one’s even going to remember Super Junior two years, three years down the road. Maybe there was never an ‘us’ in the first place. Maybe we were never supposed to be together, that we were never meant to be. Just let this be the end, Hyukjae, and maybe in the future, we’d forget. Let this goodbye be as painless as possible; so we can both move on and lead our lives as two very different people again."

Donghae moves to turn away, but Hyukjae is a second faster and grabs his arm, spinning him around so that they were eye to eye. He crushes his lips to Donghae’s, a sense of need in his touch, but it is neither oppressive nor demanding. Donghae is hesitant at first; oh how he’s missed Hyukjae’s presence like this, but his mind is warning him of what he’ll regret later on.

But Hyukjae is insistent – he knows how much Donghae wants this too – and Donghae soon finds himself responding, melting at every feel of Hyukjae’s fingers on his neck and in his hair. The kiss is not rough; no tongue and no teeth; just a gentle reminder of each other’s existence. He wraps his arms around Hyukjae’s neck, deepening the embrace with no sense of force. Soon enough, they part reluctantly, both panting slightly as they lean their foreheads on the other’s, faces close and breaths mingling.

Finally, Hyukjae speaks, just low enough for Donghae to hear, even though there was no one else in the room.

“No, Donghae… this is not the end. Our life as an idol may be over, but there will never, ever be an end between us.”

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