June 2011

“Good morning, everyone.”

I can hear the muffled sounds of the teacher talking. I can now understand Korean. Those summer classes really paid off. Now it was alright for me to be enrolled in TS Academy.

The school was like the ones back in England. It was nice and big. Although, their uniform is quite uncomfortable. Was it really necessary to make their skirts short?

“You can come in now.” The teacher said as she opened the door wide for me.

From now on, you are Park Rose. No more Louise Rose Park...

I exhaled and followed the teacher inside. I cleared my throat and bowed at 90○.

“Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Park Rose. I’m half-Korean, half-British. Nice to meet you.”

I looked around and saw that everyone was bored. Totally uninterested of the new student in front of them. I don’t blame them. School isn’t a day to be expected, but what can we do?

“Park Rose-ssi, you can sit next to Yoo Youngjae. Youngjae-ssi, please raise your hand.”

A hand rose from the middle row. A guy was smiling oh-so widely in his seat. I gaped at his choice of hairstyle, blonde. How could I not notice him?

“Hello, I’m Yoo Youngjae. You can call me Youngjae.”

“Likewise.”

“Perhaps we can be friends?”

A lot of time spent with Youngjae got me closer to him in less than a month. He was my desk mate, after all. He was interesting to be with. He loved school. Is it because he wanted to learn or there were girls screaming and following him so early in the morning? I’m guessing he’s not that kind of a person. He was smart, but I was smarter.

He considered me as a friend, although he had many friends especially that group of his. I don’t only think of him as a friend. Yes, I think I’ve gotten a little crush on him. Its only him I see because he’s the only guy I’ve known here so far. I didn’t know I would end up having feelings for him. That’s because of the things he did that could make my heart waver. Even the tiniest movement could send jolts to my body. I think I’ve gotten the idea why those girls seem to be very fond of Youngjae.

That sweet smile that can light up the stars. His cute cheekbones were like sweet buns that we like to eat during tea time. He can also sing! Oh, that voice that can make hearts beat a million times per second. I’ve never felt anything like this before. I like being around him. I like being in love.

December 2011

Today is a cold month and so was him.

I have been seeing and talking to him a lot a less now. We have small talks mainly about him asking me for advice. He’s been asking me how to ask a girl out. What girls like as presents. I asked him if he was seeing anyone, he denied. He said he was just helping out a friend. Then that was it.

I’ve noticed that he’s been sleeping in almost every class. He seems to ace every test that was given, at least it didn’t effect him. During breaks, he always sprints off to somewhere. I always find myself alone in the classroom. Thinking the same thing over and over.

Maybe he’s busy..

Christmas is coming. TS is busy preparing for the annual Christmas party. I never had school Christmas parties in England before. Father always has this company Christmas party every year outside of the country. He brings me along. I tried many times to ask his permission to stay but I don’t get the chance because he’s not always home. This time I asked him beforehand and he said yes. Father is pretty easy to talk to but trying to find him to talk is hard.

Like I said, TS is having a Christmas party. The art club is in-charge of all decorations. I managed to get in last month. We are given a week to prepare everything. Those clubs who have responsibilities, don’t get to attend as many classes. The party usually starts at the end of the week. Since, it’s my break I have nothing to do. I am currently in the library busying myself. I grabbed as many books to read but none of them interest me.

When I was about to get another book, I saw Youngjae outside of the glass door. He was running. I haven’t seen him for a while due to the preparations. I really wanted to talk to him so I ran out ignoring the stares the librarians were giving me. I thought about confessing on the day of the Christmas party but now that I found him, I’m ready. I can't waste this chance.

I got curious as to why he had come up to the seniors’ floor. I do remember him having a friend there. Maybe he went there to hang out. I saw him went inside a classroom.

I thought juniors weren’t allowed to go inside.

I stood behind the door frame and watch him sit down. He was talking to someone but I couldn’t see who it was. There were a lot students. I couldn't get. I might be seen and get questioned. So I just asked the nearest person.

“Excuse me, are you a senior?”

“Yes.”

I sighed, relieved.

“Do you know who is he talking to?”

I pointed out to Youngjae.

“Youngjae? Oh, he’s talking to Kang Ahreum.”

“May I ask who this Kang Ahreum is?”

“From what I’ve heard, those two are childhood friends. There were rumors that they’re dating.”

What?

My heart sank. That’s why he’s been sprinting off so quickly during breaks and always asking nonsense about dating. He lied to me, those advices were for him. The student says it’s a rumour. You know how students can be with gossips. So I still have a chance?

“Hey, you’re that half-British kid. I didn’t know you were this pretty.”

I need air...

The Christmas party is tomorrow. My very first school Christmas party. I spent my evening buying some things for tomorrow. I brought a dress and flats to match it. I was getting a bit hungry so I planned to stop by that fast-food outlet near the apartment. Suddenly my phone rang.

“Yes?”

“Rose. It’s me, Youngjae.”

There goes those jolts again.

“Oh, what’s up?”

“Is it okay if we meet up today?”

“Sure. There’s this fast-food place near my apartment. You know where it is.”

“Yeah. I’ll come in an hour.”

I pressed end and didn’t waste anytime.

I sat by the corner and waited for him. A minute later, I see him walking towards me with his hands in his pocket. He grabbed a seat across me.

“I already ordered for us. If you don’t mind.”

“Not all. Thank you.”

I fiddled with my fingers on my lap.

“You wanted to see me?”

He almost forgot and quickly took something out of his pocket.

“You dropped it.”

It was my bracelet. I felt my wrist and I only realized that it wasn’t there. I must’ve dropped it on the seniors’ floor.

“Why was this with you?”

“Jihye sunbae said you dropped this.”

“Who?”

“The senior you talked to at school. She said you were looking for me.”

I mentally faced palm myself. How could I be so untactful? He came all this way to return it. The least I could do is confess.

“Youngjae, are you perhaps seeing anyone?”

.

“Yes.”

Awful. My heart doesn’t feel good. I lowered my head and continued to play with my fingers.

“But...she’s not my girlfriend yet.”

“Oh, I wish you all the best then. I-I’m sorry, I have to go. Thank you, for returning my bracelet. Take the food. I already paid for it.”

I got up and went out. I couldn’t believe what I just did. I was too dismayed to hear that he already had those feelings for someone else. I’m not jealous, I’m upset. I thought coming here to Korea would change my dull life in England. Apparently, rejection was God’s way of saying “wrong direction.”

Today is TS Academy’s annual Christmas party. Some of the art club members were also the welcoming committee, which includes me. The students were all formal tonight. They seem so dashing under the moonlights.

I was standing by gates together with the others when I saw a familiar couple hand in hand coming towards the school. I tried to block the incoming tears. I will not cry yet.

It was been an hour since the party started. I was completely dazed out sitting in the tables. The others were eating and happily chatting with their friends. I wish I had friends. Youngjae was my only friend. I’ve always thought one friend was enough. I should’ve made back up friends. No, that would only make me feel horrible.

I didn’t expect my first Christmas party to be like this. I didn’t expect myself to be like this. What did they call this? Heartbreak? How can that be when I feel that whole body is broken, too? The one whom I cared for the first time changed my life, was also the one who crashed it.

“Hello?”

“Rose.”

“Father. Don’t worry; I was just about to leave.”

I pressed end. I was about to stand when I saw Youngjae in front of me.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yes. Back to England, actually.”

“Why?”

“Well, I want to.”

“What? You’re coming back, right?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll be really lonely.”

That really made me chuckle and made my heart hurt again.

“Don’t be daft. You have your girlfriend. Goodbye, Yoo Youngjae."

Do you know what the greatest feeling in the world is? To be in love. I felt it and it hurt.