I walk outside of the house for the first time, in a long. I wonder how longs I've been cooped up in there, hiding from the world. The wind breezes against my skin, the cold air sending chills down my spine. I take a deep breath, the air, smells of asphalt. The smell wasn't horrible but it wasn't that great either.

 

I stare up at the sky, smiling as the dark clouds slowly start to fade away. The rain was finally gone. I think it's been here since you went away. Or was it me that went away? Either way, I think it's a sign, a sign that today will be the day that you come home. Back where you belong. 

 

You always did like moments like this, if you were here, you'd drag me around, in search of a rainbow and maybe a pot of gold as well, claiming that a leprechaun would be around, hiding somewhere. 

 

Chuckling, I skip down the stairs, two steps at a time, carefully though, making sure not to slip. I've been quite paranoid ever since that time, when you pushed me down you brat. I could have broken my neck. You were a horrible monster yet I still put up with you for some reason. Why? I don't know.

 

All I did that day was wake you up so you could have breakfast with me, you whined the whole time as you got dressed, frowning and complaining about how I should have let you sleep in later. Nothing about that shouted 'Jonghun deserves to be pushed down the stairs', yet you did. Honestly, the abuse I take to make you happy.

 

Ne, Hongki, do you remember? 

 

I can't help but sigh, do you sleep in all day since I'm not there to wake you up? Are you being lazy and bratty with me not around, bossing others to do your bidding for you? Are you driving everyone else crazy? Probably since I'm the only one that would put up with you.

 

Hopping down the final 3 steps, the water splashed beneath my shoes. I can't help but frown as specs of watermarks appears on my jean. These were my favorite, because you bought them for me. I don't care how faded they have become, or how worn out looking they are. I'll still wear these, because it's from you. 

 

I silently reprimand myself, to be more careful in these jeans. These have to last until you buy me a new pair, then I'll have a new favorite. But until then, these will have to do. 

 

I walk along the same streets, ones that we use to walk on together. Ah, the memories are slowly reeling in my head again. Every thing reminds me of you, it's like I'm watching a movie. 

 

We are holding hands, talking about everything. I use to be nervous about holding your hand, especially when we were in public. But you, you would boldly take mines anyways, no matter how many times I tried to pull away. 

 

You'd always proclaim loudly, in that obnoxious whiny voice of yours, "I have nothing to be ashamed of. I want to hold your hand so I'm going to. " You never did care about your status as a rich kid, nor did you care about mine. Actually, if anyone were to guess, they would have probably gotten our roles reversed. 

 

You were embarrassing, do you know that? And you always made things so awkward, but I still held onto your hand, after several failed attempts to pull away. If you were with me right now, I would bravely reach for your hand. I'm no longer embarrassed or scared. You do know that right? 

 

I think your personality is the main reason why we lasted as long as we did. You would fight for us when I couldn't, wouldn't. You were so bold, taking whatever it is that you wanted. You made that selfish nature of yours into something positive. You made me love you when I didn't want to.

 

We were so different yet so similar.

 

I think we were like the cliche couple in those romantic movies that you liked to watch. You'd complain about how girly they were, pointing out all the faults, but you absolutely love those crappy movies. Ones that promises happily ever afters for the main couples. Is that what you expected us to be like?

 

You once said that real life isn't like a movie, but deep down you wish it was. I wish I had the courage to tell you that I did as well. And maybe we could have been like the couples in those movies, the ones who face the whole world together, tackling every challenge thrown at them, standing as the victor in the end. Together as they prove everyone wrong. That could have been us Hongki…

 

I can't help but smile sadly. It could have been us, but it's not. 

 

I finally arrive at my destination, sitting patiently on the bench as I wait. Though I haven't been out of the house, I still kept tabs on you. And just as I predicted, a little girl, a mini replica of you comes running. She's beautiful, just like you. My body can't help but tense as I hear your laughter come closer to me, "Be careful!" You shouted. Your voice was no longer the same obnoxious whiny voice it once was. It's more mature now.

 

You glance over and looks past me. But I swear for that quick second, our eyes met. Within that time, I search for any signs of recognition. But you turn your head, before I could confirm anything. You take a seat next to me. From then on, your eyes focuses on the little girl, your little girl, as mines focuses on you. 

 

I don't know how long we sat there for, in silence but it was long enough that your daughter came to us, tired of all the fun she was having with the other children there. 

 

She frowns at you. Slowly, she tilts her head, eyes filled with curiosity, "Ne, appa.. why are you crying?"

 

Forcing a smile out, you shake your head as you wipe away the tears. "It's nothing baby. Now let's go home before umma gets mad." You get up and pick up the little girl and slowly start to walk away.

 

"Hongki" I call out softly. I watch as you turn around with hope filled eyes. Searching. Your eyes glance over to me but it keeps going, you don't see me. "Come home with me." You don't hear the last part, I watch as your eyes fill with disappointment as you see an empty bench. 

 

"Appa?" 

 

Shaking your head, you turn back around and start walking, "It's nothing, I just thought I heard someone call my name."

 

I sadly watch you walk away. You can't see me, but I will always be able to see you.

 

Hongki, do you remember? You use to love me.

 

 

 

(ps:  i don't know if this was too confusing or not… but Jonghun is a ghost now......)